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how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 1:17:54 PM   
lordlokahi


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/30/2012
Status: offline 		My sub and I are quite new to this.I am very demanding in the bedroom and am trying to get her insecurities gone.As we have begun to take this a step farther I am curious to see how far it could go.I welcome any feedback male or female as I am still learning to be a better dom
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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 1:23:33 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		This is such a broad question and we don't know either of you, that no one will be able to do anything but make guesses.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 1:25:31 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you push too far and too fast, she'll be gone. Is this what you want?

Moreover, you are not a therapist. It's not your job to 'fix' her. It's her job to decide which issues she should work on, your job is to support her in making those changes.

As far as what is too far? What you may consider to be from insecurities may be values and ethics for her. Just because you're into gangbangs (for example) doesn't mean that anyone who doesn't do that is insecure.

Talk to her about what her hard limits are. And work not on pushing her sexually, but on earning her trust. There are things I will let him do because of how much trust I have in him. But if I were with anyone else, I wouldn't do them at all.

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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 1:35:03 PM   
lordlokahi


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/30/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks for the input,we've been dating for about a year and this was an idea that came up over dinner.I don't want to share her with anybody.I've read stuff online and decided to join this site for some advise.It is important to me to make her happy in this experience because of her past.Ad for the therapist part I get it.This is a new lifestyle to learn and getting real feedback is helping.I've started with only basic instructions for now as to mlnot overwhelm her.

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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 1:51:05 PM   
lordlokahi


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/30/2012
Status: offline 		I guess what I'm saying is I don't want this to destroy what we built together.We both have had our fair share of "winners" and we really want to make it work.With that said I don't want her to completely lose herself as that might ruin things.

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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 1:53:24 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		To the moon, Alice.  To the moon.


Ralph Kramden

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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 1:53:37 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		You can push her as far as you wish, until something stops you. That could be a safeword, a flashback, a sense from you that she's being taken too far, etc.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 1:58:23 PM   
lordlokahi


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/30/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks,yes the safeword is always a redlight thankfully we haven't used it yet.As for the moon trust me I've thought about it lol

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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 2:01:14 PM   
lordlokahi


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/30/2012
Status: offline 		If this experience goes well could this make our relationship better???I live in an area so small everyone knows everyone if you get me.So that is why I'm asking

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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 2:08:54 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		BDSM is not a substitute for communication skills and relationship skills. Nor does being submissive mean you have no mind left of your own. The best comparison I can make is to a surgeon in the operating room. He's in charge and if things go wrong the responsibility is his. But he is dependent on having good support; a competent anesthesiologist, an OR nurse who will count sponges and make sure he doesn't lose one, etc. The nurse doesn't become a nonentity because she isn't the surgeon and doesn't decide exactly how much tissue to excise. She is equal in value to the success of the operation. While at the same time not being equal in authority.

Just keep talking to her and see how she feels. That's the only way for you to know.

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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 2:11:18 PM   
lordlokahi


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/30/2012
Status: offline 		I get that,thank you for the feedback it will be useful

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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 2:14:28 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Why do you have "lord" in your user name?

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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 2:16:33 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Probably because he's new and assumed he had to pick a name that would state he was dominant. Don't scare him off, he seems to be a good guy if not that clear in his initial post.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 2:17:32 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		okay - but Im always curious to know these things. I WANNA KNOW.

AND -

second question: Push her with/to what?

< Message edited by JanahX -- 7/2/2012 2:24:13 PM >

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The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 2:30:08 PM   
lordlokahi


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/30/2012
Status: offline 		If you must know,I am new to this site,however I can trace my geneilogy back to ancient royalty in my ancestors land.I wear a symbol of lordship dating back to the 1800s.So I figured the name would have a meaning.More of importance is my quest for being a good don for my sub.I can only ask for help in this matter.In my professional life I cannot risk people finding out about this.

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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 2:45:18 PM   
lordlokahi


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/30/2012
Status: offline 		As for the second part of your question it's a bit harder to explain.I have wanted to try this for at least 15 years but I couldn't find anyone willing.She is eager to try new things but has also been shut down in her past.Since I've only read about this I am trying my best to to "F"it up for her.

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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 2:47:13 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Im just not going to say anything.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 3:08:40 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		Welcome to the message board, lokahi. I hope you learn alot while participating here.
Before you can figure out how far you can go with her, you both need to discuss limits.
One thing that may be very useful to both you and your sub is to go over a BDSM checklist.
This will give you a good idea of safe zones, things she hasn't tried but is curious about,
and what areas she currently sees as ohmygoshIhopehehasnointerestinthis off limits.
http://www.cepemo.com/checklist.html

There are also an awful lot of How To books that you both might find an interest in.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm
Best of luck to you both!

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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 3:20:14 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		My first answer, "Schenectady".

Kinder answer...you are going somewhere *together* are you not? Talk to each other. Progress is not necessarily linear.

As to people 'finding out', don't do anything on the front lawn. I have been a professional businesswoman for, any years, and have yet to have a client find out what happens in my bedrooml

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RE: how far can I make my sub go?? - 7/2/2012 4:07:40 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You can push her as far as you wish, until something stops you. That could be a safeword, a flashback, a sense from you that she's being taken too far, etc.


I'd add... The sound of a police helicopter, the words "Step away from the body and lay the chainsaw down on the floor" heard from a loud hailer, the sound of a swat team breaking down your door.

(just for completeness).


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Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

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