How to tell my grandma about D/s?

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How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 2:37:36 AM

bashfulbyte

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I believe she needs this type of relationship. She is actively looking for "taken in hand". I worry about her because she falls for those nigerian scammers and gets too invested in men who don't deserve her. The last one IMO was a bum, user and abuser. She stuck with him for so long because he was dominant, controlling and criticized her, but it was the wrong kind because he could not even control himself and the wrong motives were behind it.

The type of man she wants and needs, I believe is a Master. She wants to be subservient to a man that cherishes her, and can get into her head in a good way. I don't think she has ever heard of D/s or is aware there is a whole subculture centered around it. I would like some resources or literature I could show her and keep the kink part out of it. I think if I started with some actual terminology and she went and googled it and saw some of the physical stuff that ties in, she would be completely closed off to the mental ideas thereafter even though they are the same as her own.

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 2:39:45 AM

littlewonder

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eerr....you're talking about your grandma???

Ok, this is just too creepy for me and I am trying to really be nice but BOY you are making it rough!

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 2:46:08 AM

GreedyTop

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http://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-You-Love-Kinky/dp/1890159239

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 2:47:44 AM

bashfulbyte

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In reference to the mental aspects and the synergy of D/s M/s. I don't know about her kink and I don't want to know. I have watched her repeately try to have this kind of dynamic with the wrong kind of men. It has always been dysfunctional as well as a detriment to herself.

< Message edited by bashfulbyte -- 7/3/2012 3:01:49 AM >

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 2:55:04 AM

GreedyTop

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just give her the book, and tell her something like "I love you, but it just seems wrong to me to know details. good luck"

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 3:19:34 AM

DarkSteven

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Sorry, but even the HoH/Taken in Hand stuff relies upon regular spankings.

Look, the problem is that she falls for the wrong men. Your proposed solution, of telling her about D/s in some expurgated way, strikes me as impractical. Could you offer to screen men for her and simply kick out the dickwads, without bringing the lifestyle into it at all?

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 3:22:49 AM

let34

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"How to tell my grandma about D/s? "

You don't.

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 3:41:32 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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Sorry, Granny doesn't need to be told about BDSM and D/s relationships, she needs to go to a therapist to determine why she thinks so little of herself she throws herself away on useless men.

Seriously.

Once she can be let out w/o a keeper, THEN she might be up to some sort of conversation. Realize if she is much older than me (58) and has been like this her whole life, unless she really, really, wants to change, most likely, she won't.

Best, CP

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 3:45:31 AM

bashfulbyte

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I know she is not a prude but she describes herself as a "christian woman" and says "I like sex, I like men" and also, "I don't have affairs, I get married". I don't think she knows she is a submissive and how tell the difference between a good dominant and an abuser because she doesn't know exactly what shes been looking for. I have given her articles like this one: http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/emotional_abuse.shtml which has helped a lot. I am her granddaughter so she doesn't respect my opinions, I have to give her literature. I have attepmted to approach her once after she was crying about the last loser and told her "I think I know the kind of man you need, and that guy made you unhappy because he wasn't it" she then proceeded to insult my intelligence because I am so much younger than her so I dropped it.

I had thought I could help her in this way because before I knew what I was I took up with abusers too; I lost interest in the ones who were good guys but didn't offer the dynamic.. I see her having the same problems and being frustrated for the same reasons as I was before I realized there wasn't anything "wrong" with me, I was just doing it all wrong.

< Message edited by bashfulbyte -- 7/3/2012 4:04:13 AM >

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 3:47:30 AM

Stephgirl77

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Sorry i have to agree a D/s relationship is not for someone is scared as your grandma is let her heal a bit then let her decide if the lifestyle is for her

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 4:03:34 AM

kitkat105

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I agree with ChatteParfaitt. Your grandma doesn't need kink or BDSM, she needs therapy and a man who will treat her with respect. It sounds like she is stuck in a cycle of abuse.

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 4:13:32 AM

ReMakeYou

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bashfulbyte

I have attepmted to approach her once after she was crying about the last loser and told her "I think I know the kind of man you need, and that guy made you unhappy because he wasn't it" she then proceeded to insult my intelligence because I am so much younger than her so I dropped it.

See, I'm of the opinion that you can mention that hey, there's a group of people who like this sort of thing out there. You can say this without implying that you're part of it yourself. Everybody has/had that one wacky friend.

But if you've tried giving advice before, and she insulted you over it, full stop. What you're really asking is how to make her open to advice. At some point, there are no magic words that will open someone's mind.

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 5:12:10 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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She's a big girl, and you can't decide for her. If she's accessing the internet she will stumble across something like this herself sooner or later. She makes bad choices but she's an adult and honestly I can see why she doesn't want relationship advice from her granddaughter - especially since you seem to have no experience with what she says she wants (a marriage).

She's already made it clear she doesn't want to hear about what kind of man you think she needs. We all want to protect our families but adults have their own lives to lead and mistakes to make. As ChatteParfaitt pointed out, if she's old enough to have a grown grandchild she's not likely to change based on your suggestion. Also, no offense but based on your recent thread you're not making the best choices yourself in terms of relationships - which is ok, but doesn't qualify you to fix other people's.

Now if you want to educate her about something you genuinely do know more about (like how to spot scams online), have at it.

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 5:26:55 AM

bashfulbyte

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ReMakeYou

See, I'm of the opinion that you can mention that hey, there's a group of people who like this sort of thing out there. You can say this without implying that you're part of it yourself. Everybody has/had that one wacky friend.

That is perfect, thank you.

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 5:43:24 AM

ProlificNeeds

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She's a big girl, tell her to stop picking lousy men. If a person is prone to cutting themselves, do you hand them a bigger knife? BDSM opens her up to a world of jerks just like vanilla dating, except in the BDSM world it's even easier to find some abuser masking his assholishness with 'hey it's BDSM!'.

I'd think you'd want to protect your grandma not throw her into a situation where her proven bad judgement could get her into even deeper shit.

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 6:17:05 AM

borndomdiedom

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It could be that your Grandmother is seeking a 50's style relationship, which, though covered currently as a 'fetish', in the since the woman is 100% subserviant to the male, to her generation, is normal. (I could get going on the fact that current kink as far as dom/sub, master/slave is concerned is much more normal than people think when viewed in history's eyes. but that is another topic)

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 6:30:23 AM

LadyPact

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Using fast reply.

Honey, get your nose out of your Granny's life and accept the fact that she's probably smarter than you give her credit for. According to another thread that I was just reading, D/s hasn't been the end all, be all for you, either.

There are a few of us Grandmas here. Don't discount us because we happen to have grandchildren.

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 6:41:46 AM

JstAnotherSub

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quote:

"I think I know the kind of man you need, and that guy made you unhappy because he wasn't it" she then proceeded to insult my intelligence because I am so much younger than her so I dropped it.

Obviously, you didn't drop it because here you are.

Drop it, grannys love life or lack there of aint your concern.

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 7:30:36 AM

LaTigresse

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I can only echo what Chatte and LadyP have said.

Mind your own business.

My mother, age 71, sucks at relationships. My father, age 72, sucks at relationships. I stay out of their personal business just as I expect them to stay out of mine.

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RE: How to tell my grandma about D/s? - 7/3/2012 7:43:25 AM

DesFIP

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If she's falling for scammers and being taken for her money, then she does need some kind of help. If you have proof she's been taken, then I would go to the police. Perhaps they can send an older officer out to explain to her about modern con men.

This won't solve her love life, but it will stop the drain on her finances.

Why isn't she going to church or to those Christian dating sites which would be more likely to find her a traditional relationship?

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