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RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 1:14:07 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OneKinkyArtist


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact


quote:

ORIGINAL: OneKinkyArtist
Yes, you're wrong. Really, what the fuck is wrong with you? Can you only meet people from the site if they are fuck material?

I don't send anybody pics of Me. I don't cam. I don't talk on the phone. Yet, I am one of the most successful (at least in the top ten) people who have met other folks from this site.

To date, as far as I know, nobody has been disappointed in meeting Me.

[/color]




what the fuck is wrong with me?...what the fuck is wrong with you?....I never said the person had to be fuck material I wanted to see who I was talking to. if thats a problem with you then get over it. Im reading most of the posts and its sickening that after all you people say about safety concern and what the other person may or may not look like, youre getting past the issue that I wanted to see who I was talking to. Im not superficial but Im sure none of you want to fuck fucking Shrek. Spare me with all the extra shit and getting over the point. It seems as if all of you have the biggest stick up your ass and cant see past the leaves on the end of it to understand the main point. Instead of looking to find the negativity in what I said why not look at the main point and the main point is I wanted to see who the fuck I was talking to.




As several people have pointed out:

quote:

Why ask? It's apparent that have a preference to "see" who you are meeting. Does it really matter what anyone else thinks?

To be clear, the other person wasn't unable to show you. They chose not to. That is their preference.

You aren't wrong. They aren't wrong.




Re: the bolded bit.... well, never mind, I think it kinda speaks for itself.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 1:17:44 AM   
MrBlue76


Posts: 82
Status: offline 		OP, I think your request was perfectly reasonable. And it's quite a manipulation to understand from that that you only want to get fuck material.

_____________________________

I'm not a native english speaker. So, if I'm writing very stupid things, the reason behind it can be:
1.- That I'm having problems with the language, and translation
2.- That, simply, I'm writing very stupid things
Give me the benefit of doubt!

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 1:21:54 AM   
xLaChienne


Posts: 259
Joined: 11/12/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
Hey, hey-don't be getting all reasonable now. This is the interwebz-we have rules against such behavior!


I like My rules better.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 1:34:25 AM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassIsInSession

quote:

For us, 1 in 6 guys we meet is a rapist. Think about that, and why her level of security has to be so much higher than yours.


Where are you getting those statistics from? If that were true, why isn't just shy of 20% of the male population in prison?

Geez, no wonder women are so completely out there now. Just 10 years ago I would meet women from the internet all the time. Now the glares are unbelievable just for glancing over at a stop light.

I'm sorry, but I find it very hard to believe 1 in 6 men are rapists. And for the record, I'd have no qualms or hesitation whatsoever about putting a guy out of his misery for raping anyone.

cuz guys that do that pick women that they think they can get away doing that to.. cuz they try to get her drunk or high so they can get away with it.. cuz they do that to women that they dont think will press charges.. cuz women dont want anyone knowing it happened to them.. cuz some rapists are respected members of the community that no one would question.. cuz too many women blame themselves and would rather try to forget than be chewed up again by the court system.. And that doesnt mean a guy that rapes one woman will attempt to rape all women.. There was a survey of men done and an amazingly high number (something like 60%) said they would rape a woman if they thought they could get away with it.. Its almost enough to turn a girl like me into a lesbian... and yes, the thought of that has crossed my mind, more than once.. too many men are just sleazy (or worse)..


_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 1:52:20 AM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBlue76
OP, I think your request was perfectly reasonable.


His request was as reasonable as her refusal. That said, I would've had no problem sending the picture myself, and I still would have sent it whether it was to meet a potential friend or lover.

quote:

And it's quite a manipulation to understand from that that you only want to get fuck material.


I understood the OP to be about safety. But I have to play devil's advocate here and ask: what on earth is wrong with screening someone as potential fuck material on a site that's primarily used as a kinky dating site?

Pam




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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 1:56:17 AM   
ClassIsInSession


Posts: 305
Joined: 7/26/2010
Status: offline
quote:

There was a survey of men done and an amazingly high number (something like 60%) said they would rape a woman if they thought they could get away with it..


And where was this survey and who were the men? I'm not saying the survey wasn't done, or that the men questioned didn't say that, but I find it very difficult to believe that many men in general would do so. I think quite a few women have followed the path you suggested you'd considered. There certainly seems to be quite a lot of women turning to women. I'd hate to think that was the reason any sizable percentage of them did so.

I guess I'm getting out of touch...back in my day, the girls would bring the booze or weed just as often...

Everyone seems too tightly wrapped anymore. And to think here of all places too..

(in reply to tj444)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 2:47:58 AM   
MrBlue76


Posts: 82
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBlue76
OP, I think your request was perfectly reasonable.


His request was as reasonable as her refusal. That said, I would've had no problem sending the picture myself, and I still would have sent it whether it was to meet a potential friend or lover.


Yes, of course, everyone has reasons for sharing or not doing it.
About the pic thing, for me it's much better if it "naturally" emerges. With some people it doesn't, with some people does. But I don't think I would go to meet somebody without having seen her or his face. Being that for friendship, for.. bdsm-related stuff, for vainilla, for... talking about guitars with a truck driver... Well, it's quite logical, I think. You are going to meet somebody in a place, you want to know which person is the one.

quote:


quote:

And it's quite a manipulation to understand from that that you only want to get fuck material.


I understood the OP to be about safety. But I have to play devil's advocate here and ask: what on earth is wrong with screening someone as potential fuck material on a site that's primarily used as a kinky dating site?

Pam


That's another good point.

In general, about pics, it amazes me a bit the amount of people who has full face pics in their profiles. More amazed if they are women. Even more if they give details. Even more if it turns out that they live in small towns. And there are quite a few of them. Ok, some will be fakes, others won't. Not everybody that registers here is a friendly pervert into safe, sane or consensual BDSM. Though I don't believe that 60% of potential rapists, it's a fact that there are rapists out there. And it's very likely that they surf sites like this, for what they'll imagine... affinity to their "interests". Take the guy that does this in a town with 10.000 population and finds out that the nice waitress that served a coffee yesterday morning has rape fantasies... I'm not at all into safety paranoia, but...

_____________________________

I'm not a native english speaker. So, if I'm writing very stupid things, the reason behind it can be:
1.- That I'm having problems with the language, and translation
2.- That, simply, I'm writing very stupid things
Give me the benefit of doubt!

(in reply to gungadin09)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 2:54:13 AM   
Snow26


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/5/2012
Status: offline 		Could you provide a link to this study or at least let us know the source?

Either that or stop peddling blatant horse manure.

(in reply to tj444)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 5:58:04 AM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassIsInSession

quote:

There was a survey of men done and an amazingly high number (something like 60%) said they would rape a woman if they thought they could get away with it..


And where was this survey and who were the men? I'm not saying the survey wasn't done, or that the men questioned didn't say that, but I find it very difficult to believe that many men in general would do so. I think quite a few women have followed the path you suggested you'd considered. There certainly seems to be quite a lot of women turning to women. I'd hate to think that was the reason any sizable percentage of them did so.

I guess I'm getting out of touch...back in my day, the girls would bring the booze or weed just as often...

Everyone seems too tightly wrapped anymore. And to think here of all places too..

Yeah, you are outta touch..

That particular survey was done a while ago (1980s?) and I (or others) posted links to a couple of surveys on the slut walk thread & other rape threads.. The surveys are frequently of younger men, college age (but one fairly recent survey was of teen attitudes and imo quite shocking, that one shows that nothing has changed and imo actually gotten worse for that generation of females)..

As men get older, umm er.. like to your age, they tend to become less violent and commit less crime than college age or younger men do.. (there are studies on that too, men become more law abiding as they age) so in that respect you are "getting out of touch".. that plus you are a guy and not a female that (imo) has to look at any man as a potential rapist as most rape is acquaintance rape, not the bogeyman-jumping-from-bushes rape..

When I was younger (17 to mid-20s) I didnt drink or do drugs at all, it was a decision I made when I was 16 and I look back now and it makes me shudder when I think of certain men that would have loved to have gotten me drunk or stoned to force sex on me.. Imo, men will mentally assess if they can get a girl drunk and take advantage of her and still get away with it, and how much she will fight, etc.. Just cuz women in your day brought booze and drugs doesnt mean that they wanted to be raped or that some men didnt get them drunker, etc.. If people eliminate the booze/drugs, the studies indicate you can reduce rape quite a bit.. just eliminate that opportunity for men..

A lot of surveys reveal truer attitudes if you dont actually call it rape and also how the questions are phrased.. So it seems some men dont like to think of themselves as rapists/potential rapists even tho they do the same things..
http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/11/12/rapists-who-dont-think-theyre-rapists/
http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/meet-the-predators/

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to ClassIsInSession)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 7:13:20 AM   
Brutalessons


Posts: 21
Joined: 7/3/2012
Status: offline 		Yes TJ,
We Men are all Neanderthals, just barely capable of controlling our sick and twisted urges by the threat of Legal repercussion. The only reason that men such as ourselves would spend time with a woman drinking, dancing, laughing and having fun is to expose their vulnerabilities and Savage them over and over....

Historically speaking (and know I am not talking victorian gowns or Roman legions) the Profile for a serial Rapist is white, male, mid 40's often Blended into a community through Marriage, work or affiliations that detract and conceal.

I do not say that there is no risk to woman in allowing themselves to take chances.... but the alternative of living a life in fear of the bogeyman seems such a waste.

Statistics can prove anything, even that statistics are false. There are studies that "Prove" that 90% of woman have Rape fantasies while others prove that less than a quarter do. Just as your quoted study  that 60% of men would rapea woman if they could get away with it I can almost guarantee that another study would show at least 75% of men would happily blow away a Rapist if they were assured they would not be prosecuted.

My Own opinion is that 99% of all woman Want me, and the other 1% is busy getting drunk and stoned, and will when they sober up.

(in reply to tj444)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 7:35:50 AM   
LanaDeVille


Posts: 209
Status: offline 		My first meeting from CM was before I decided to show my face to anyone online. Not only was the man I met pleasantly surprised, but I kept it simple. I told him what I'd be wearing. I was pretty easy to spot at the restaurant. Why do people always have to make excuses for their preferences?

I want to see a picture for safety reasons! (You'll be in a public place, full of people...so I don't see how seeing a picture of a woman makes you safer)

But how will I be able to find them? (See what I said, way above)

I just want to know who I'm talking too! (Fakes and scammers are more likely to send you a picture)

Geez. Just own up already. You just want to make sure that the woman is attractive. You already admitted it. Some people may call that shallow, others may not think it is. Personally, I think it is shallow to not meet with someone because they won't send a picture. I talk to people for weeks before I give a first meeting. So if I am giving that first meeting, I know it's someone that I feel like I really get on well with. And considering how hard it is for anyone vanilla, kinky, or otherwise to find what they're looking for, I wouldn't pass up that opportunity for the world.

I do hope I never see you complain on these boards about how you can't find someone, because you're the one putting up unnecessary barriers under the pretense of "safety" and other nonsense. Many women in this thread have made it clear that they don't give out pictures. So you're limiting your own options.

< Message edited by LanaDeVille -- 7/7/2012 7:36:25 AM >

(in reply to Brutalessons)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 7:50:18 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		fast reply

Holy fucking shit I can not believe where this thread has gone! More than half of men would rape women? People who have pics up on here saying they do not send pics and calling the OP names for wanting to see one?

If you have to see a pic before meeting someone, then require it. If you refuse to send a pic before meeting someone, then don't.

It is ok.

But seriously, to throw out all these judgements based on the need to see or the unwillingness to send a picture?

Get the fuck over your selves.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to LanaDeVille)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 7:53:21 AM   
HisPet21


Posts: 395
Status: offline
quote:

I have to play devil's advocate here and ask: what on earth is wrong with screening someone as potential fuck material on a site that's primarily used as a kinky dating site?


Thank You! I mean, jeez!

I would never give out a pic prior to meeting someone, nor would I demand a pic from the man involved. But I really don't see anything wrong with those who do make such demands to ensure that they are sexually attracted to their potential partner. Is it shallow to bring looks into the equation? I don't think so. Sexually compatibility is essential for a healthy, functioning relationship. Who wants to be trapped in a relationship with someone they are not attracted to, and who wants to be with someone not attracted to them? In my opinion, it is dishonest and wrong to date someone you don't feel physically attracted to. I'd be pissed if, after forming a long term relationship with someone, they admitted that they thought I was ugly and would much rather be dating someone more suitable to their preferences.

We don't consider it shallow to turn away a potential partner because of other incompatibility issues. Why not incompatible attraction issues?

(in reply to LanaDeVille)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 7:59:55 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OneKinkyArtist
what the fuck is wrong with me?...what the fuck is wrong with you?....I never said the person had to be fuck material I wanted to see who I was talking to. if thats a problem with you then get over it. Im reading most of the posts and its sickening that after all you people say about safety concern and what the other person may or may not look like, youre getting past the issue that I wanted to see who I was talking to. Im not superficial but Im sure none of you want to fuck fucking Shrek. Spare me with all the extra shit and getting over the point. It seems as if all of you have the biggest stick up your ass and cant see past the leaves on the end of it to understand the main point. Instead of looking to find the negativity in what I said why not look at the main point and the main point is I wanted to see who the fuck I was talking to.


Well, there's plenty wrong with Me, but that's another thread.

And who said anything about fucking? Please tell Me that you're not led by your dick that much.

Safety doesn't have jack shit to do with physical appearance. If you think it does, you're a fool. Doesn't My face look all sweet and innocent?

You know, if you want to cheat yourself out of meeting wonderful people, be My guest.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 8:01:55 AM   
ReMakeYou


Posts: 147
Joined: 1/20/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

A lot of surveys reveal truer attitudes if you dont actually call it rape and also how the questions are phrased.. So it seems some men dont like to think of themselves as rapists/potential rapists even tho they do the same things..
http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/11/12/rapists-who-dont-think-theyre-rapists/
http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/meet-the-predators/


From those links, one in seventeen men will have gotten handsier with a girl than they should have at some point in the past. One in twenty-five sees the behavior as acceptable and will probably do so again. You claimed one in six. I still want to see a source, not a dodge.

(in reply to tj444)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 8:05:16 AM   
LanaDeVille


Posts: 209
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisPet21

quote:

I have to play devil's advocate here and ask: what on earth is wrong with screening someone as potential fuck material on a site that's primarily used as a kinky dating site?


Thank You! I mean, jeez!

I would never give out a pic prior to meeting someone, nor would I demand a pic from the man involved. But I really don't see anything wrong with those who do make such demands to ensure that they are sexually attracted to their potential partner. Is it shallow to bring looks into the equation? I don't think so. Sexually compatibility is essential for a healthy, functioning relationship. Who wants to be trapped in a relationship with someone they are not attracted to, and who wants to be with someone not attracted to them? In my opinion, it is dishonest and wrong to date someone you don't feel physically attracted to. I'd be pissed if, after forming a long term relationship with someone, they admitted that they thought I was ugly and would much rather be dating someone more suitable to their preferences.

We don't consider it shallow to turn away a potential partner because of other incompatibility issues. Why not incompatible attraction issues?


As a for the record, I don't think it's shallow to turn down someone because they're not one's type, physical or otherwise. It's more the fact that someone would flat out refuse to meet someone who was willing to meet, but didn't want to show a picture to a stranger. Pictures can be sent, emailed, transferred, attached...in real life there's safeguards.

But anyway, it's basically throwing out whatever compatibility has already been established. It's not like the person at the first meeting is going to be wearing a bag over their head. Plenty of time to figure out if there's sexual chemistry. Not to mention that being part of the "Facebook" generation has taught me a lot about appearances. Posing and angles are everything. I've seen people who many would rank as average or below average become gorgeous due to a combination of Instagram, Photoshop, and a whole tube of mascara.

< Message edited by LanaDeVille -- 7/7/2012 8:14:03 AM >

(in reply to HisPet21)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 8:08:39 AM   
ReMakeYou


Posts: 147
Joined: 1/20/2012
Status: offline 		See, I'm torn. On the one hand, I like putting a face to a name. On the other, Jason Fortuny.

Still, if someone decides not to follow up because they'd rather not be put on the spot, that's totally understandable.

(in reply to LanaDeVille)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 8:08:50 AM   
Snow26


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/5/2012
Status: offline 		Lies, damned lies and statistics...

Of course, some men rape.

Of course, females (and everyone else!) need to be careful out there.

But to make a sweeping generalization and claim 60% of men are potential rapists is grossly unfair and absurd. If I was to produce dubious statistics and 'surveys' claiming 60% of women were potential abusive mothers and 60% of Blacks were potential criminals I would (quite rightly) be crucified.

Those who compile these statistics generally come up with answers to suit their own agenda and are dug up by those looking for 'facts' to back up their own prejudiced nonsense. Instead of relying on their own common sense and life experience some latch onto this drivel so that they can continue to wallow in the sense of righteous victimhood they have come to enjoy.

Men are people too. Fathers, brothers, sons, boyfriends, partners, friends. Not a separate, feral species.

(in reply to LanaDeVille)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 8:10:48 AM   
wildernessbitch


Posts: 67
Joined: 5/19/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OneKinkyArtist

I'm as fun loving and adventurous as the next man, yet I'm not a dumbass. I state that because I was approach by a member on the other side of the site. The conversations seemed pleasant enough to warrant a meeting in real-time. This particular profile doesn't have a picture as most don't for the sake of discretion. When approached for said meeting in real time I explained to this person that I would need to see a picture so that I knew who or what I was meeting and this person told me that them sending a picture is a deal-breaker. I was floored at that simply because Im sure everyone isnt a monster, but how do you expect someone to just believe that everyone isnt a monster. Am I wrong for discontinuing communication with said person for not being able to show who they are?


I emphasized the above because this is the statement that stands out for me. How can you tell by a picture (which may or may no be the person you were speaking with) if someone is a monster? Now if you are talking ugly and you wouldn't even want to be seen out for coffee with the person then you are shallow. You don't have to fuck someone because you went out for coffee. If they are plain in photo they maybe dynamic in person. I would say you missed out.

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 8:15:13 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wildernessbitch

I emphasized the above because this is the statement that stands out for me. How can you tell by a picture (which may or may no be the person you were speaking with) if someone is a monster? Now if you are talking ugly and you wouldn't even want to be seen out for coffee with the person then you are shallow. You don't have to fuck someone because you went out for coffee. If they are plain in photo they maybe dynamic in person. I would say you missed out.

I just knew that you and I would agree on something eventually.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to wildernessbitch)
Profile   Post #: 60
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