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RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 8:23:21 AM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		FR

OP, I don't think you're wrong. I always ask for a picture ahead of time. (I can't remember ever having a problem with that.)

And yes...I'm checking to see if I think he's fuckable. So sue me.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 8:23:43 AM   
wildernessbitch


Posts: 67
Joined: 5/19/2012
Status: offline 		Haha it hd to happen eventually

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 8:25:53 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Always does.



_____________________________

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Profile   Post #: 63
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 8:28:32 AM   
tj444


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Joined: 3/7/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ReMakeYou

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

A lot of surveys reveal truer attitudes if you dont actually call it rape and also how the questions are phrased.. So it seems some men dont like to think of themselves as rapists/potential rapists even tho they do the same things..
http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/11/12/rapists-who-dont-think-theyre-rapists/
http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/meet-the-predators/


From those links, one in seventeen men will have gotten handsier with a girl than they should have at some point in the past. One in twenty-five sees the behavior as acceptable and will probably do so again. You claimed one in six. I still want to see a source, not a dodge.

no, I did not claim one in six raped someone.. I said a survey done (not one of the links I just posted but there were previous links on other threads here if you care to look) where the men answered of their own volition that if they knew they could get away with rape they would.. that just indicates their attitude and state of mind, that doesnt mean that if they do find an unconcious girl on their sofa that they would actually follow thru, some might, some might think better of it.. It means since a rapist doesnt usually have a sign saying he is a rapist, women need to be careful with all men.. But if a guy takes a girl on a date and then drives way out to the desert and tells her "Fuck or walk", then what would you call that? imo its rape/sexual assault if she was put in the position of being forced (into any sexual act including unwanted touching, kissing etc) by some means like that or being too drunk or by physical force..


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RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 8:49:37 AM   
tj444


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Brutalessons

Yes TJ,
We Men are all Neanderthals, just barely capable of controlling our sick and twisted urges by the threat of Legal repercussion. The only reason that men such as ourselves would spend time with a woman drinking, dancing, laughing and having fun is to expose their vulnerabilities and Savage them over and over....

Historically speaking (and know I am not talking victorian gowns or Roman legions) the Profile for a serial Rapist is white, male, mid 40's often Blended into a community through Marriage, work or affiliations that detract and conceal.

I do not say that there is no risk to woman in allowing themselves to take chances.... but the alternative of living a life in fear of the bogeyman seems such a waste.

Statistics can prove anything, even that statistics are false. There are studies that "Prove" that 90% of woman have Rape fantasies while others prove that less than a quarter do. Just as your quoted study  that 60% of men would rapea woman if they could get away with it I can almost guarantee that another study would show at least 75% of men would happily blow away a Rapist if they were assured they would not be prosecuted.

My Own opinion is that 99% of all woman Want me, and the other 1% is busy getting drunk and stoned, and will when they sober up.

Any of the surveys i have read about (other than the teen survey) are done on men that are college age, not in their 40s.. that is not to say there arent rapists that age (40+) that have finally been caught after decades of getting away with it.. It also depends on what kind of a rapist you are referring to.. I am not talking about stranger rape, since that is quite rare..

I am not saying women need to live in fear, just that they need to be aware and careful, such as not getting too drunk, watching their drinks for roofies, not doing drugs, someone knowing who they are with and where, being strong and not getting pressured into doing things they normally wouldnt do..

And to be honest, many men that I have met for the first time from online dating sites have actually been more cautious than me..

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Profile   Post #: 65
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 9:13:38 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		If I'm meeting the person for anything personal (kink, sex, date, etc) then yes I need to see a picture first and I'd want that for testing attraction, not necessarily for safety issues. If I'm getting together for a new friend, no, I do not need a picture.

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 9:41:03 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Rape or violence or anything else brutal has never even crossed my mind when I was meeting men. I mean, I was meeting at a coffeeshop with tons of people around. Why would I be worried about rape in a crowd of people? LOL What was he going to do? Force me to have sex in front of about 30 other witnesses? LOL



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Profile   Post #: 67
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 9:43:18 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Rape or violence or anything else brutal has never even crossed my mind when I was meeting men. I mean, I was meeting at a coffeeshop with tons of people around. Why would I be worried about rape in a crowd of people? LOL What was he going to do? Force me to have sex in front of about 30 other witnesses? LOL





This.

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Profile   Post #: 68
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 9:46:14 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm just curious. How did this become a rape discussion? Are we talking role play rape, real rape, or rape in a consent/non consent situation?



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 9:46:25 AM   
littlewonder


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Status: offline
quote:

cuz they try to get her drunk or high so they can get away with it..


I've never understood this everytime I hear it. Force you to get drunk or high? What? You can't say no??? You can't control yourself to say I am not drinking or getting high while on a date with some dude? If you can't say no then you have deeper problems than I even want to go into here.


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Profile   Post #: 70
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 9:52:08 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm just curious. How did this become a rape discussion? Are we talking role play rape, real rape, or rape in a consent/non consent situation?




Apparently tj444 made the claim that the reason women are hesitant of handing out pics online is due to 1 in 6 men rape women. I still have no idea where she got that number or how someone is gonna rape you in a coffee shop. lol

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Profile   Post #: 71
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 10:14:30 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I've never understood this everytime I hear it. Force you to get drunk or high? What? You can't say no??? You can't control yourself to say I am not drinking or getting high while on a date with some dude? If you can't say no then you have deeper problems than I even want to go into here.


That one is not entirely fair, lw. Even I've had something slipped in My drink once upon a time. (Yes, just My diet pepsi with no kicker.) It's kind of a scary experience.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 10:45:44 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassIsInSession


Where are you getting those statistics from? If that were true, why isn't just shy of 20% of the male population in prison?




Because stranger rape is the easiest to prosecute and the least likely form of rape. Date rape and spousal rape are not prosecuted.

That's of the approximately half of rape victims who will go to the police. The trauma of this is so great that most don't have the strength to be violated again by the police.

Gavin Becker's "Gift of Fear" is the seminal book on how women see risks in meeting men.


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Profile   Post #: 73
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 10:47:03 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Well, Reader's Digest Condensed version.......and I've not been paying 100% attention so I may be missing something......but.

OP whined that he couldn't get a photo out of a chick that he wanted to meet. He made it obvious that he wanted the photo to see if she was hot. The problem was that he didn't want to admit he just wanted to see if she was hot and played the safety card to try and wiggle out of the more shallow, if she's fuckable in my eyes, card. Doubtful he would have gotten the same shit from the same posters, if he had simply owned up to, "I might wanna fuck her but I want to see if she's worth my time in meeting before I agree to meet her." Instead he was obvious and threw out the safety card. Which then turned into the old standby, almost all guys are potential rapists, card. Which has fuckall to do with the OP (as far as I know) since I've gotten the feeling that the OP is a dude and the person he wanted to see whether or not they were fuckably hot was a woman (which is also rather moot since it's been my experience that if a guy knows a woman will fuck him, the hotness issue tends to be less important).

So, from what I can tell........da OP is a wussy afraid of some sort of stalkerish, raperish, maybe a guy pretending to be a woman, wanting to fuck him up the ass.......just wanting to be sure she is really the hot chick he can fuck up the ass, rather shallow, but totally unwilling to own up to his hope that potential meeter is a hot, fuckable up the ass, female that will ultimately want to let him fuck her, wanting a short cut on meet, see if we are compatible, hope I can get laid without much work...kinda guy.

Basically, new take on same old shit, kinda whine.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 10:54:39 AM   
wildernessbitch


Posts: 67
Joined: 5/19/2012
Status: offline 		Ha! That was a beautifully accurate summary imo.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 10:55:02 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Have I mentioned that I adore you,LaT? Spot on, IMO.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 10:57:55 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

cuz they try to get her drunk or high so they can get away with it..


I've never understood this everytime I hear it. Force you to get drunk or high? What? You can't say no??? You can't control yourself to say I am not drinking or getting high while on a date with some dude? If you can't say no then you have deeper problems than I even want to go into here.



Ever hear of a roofie? Horse tranquilizers that are put into a girl's drink so that she's unable to resist after only half a drink.

This is why I stressed to my daughter to never walk away from a drink. Get up to dance? Then buy a new drink.

Despite this being well known to her and her friends, she went to a party and found a friend who had been drugged being raped. She pulled him off of the girl and beat the crap out of him until the cops arrived.

Another friend was not so lucky. She asked for a friend to walk her home, and a boy who was on the school's public safety patrol offered to do so. He should have been the safe choice. Instead he raped her.


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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 77
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 11:04:45 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Rape or violence or anything else brutal has never even crossed my mind when I was meeting men. I mean, I was meeting at a coffeeshop with tons of people around. Why would I be worried about rape in a crowd of people? LOL What was he going to do? Force me to have sex in front of about 30 other witnesses? LOL




Actually, a guy in LA met women at a Starbucks at night. He would tell them that he had a puppy in his car, would they like to see it? He then pushed them into his car and raped them. So, it does happen. But, that's the only one I've heard about in the BDSM D/s community. I never went out to a meeting being suspicious, but I also took care not to go with them to their car or my car.


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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 11:28:48 AM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm just curious. How did this become a rape discussion? Are we talking role play rape, real rape, or rape in a consent/non consent situation?




Apparently tj444 made the claim that the reason women are hesitant of handing out pics online is due to 1 in 6 men rape women. I still have no idea where she got that number or how someone is gonna rape you in a coffee shop. lol

NO I did not say that 1 in 6 men rape women.. show me where I supposedly said that..

of course I doubt anything is going to happen to you in a coffee shop (& I never said anything would), its what happens if you see each other again, once you have gotten to know each other a bit.. and you feel safe enough & trust him to go some place private or away from people.. and certainly not all guys are rapists.. but as i said, they dont wear a sign saying thats what they are..

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Profile   Post #: 79
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 11:37:51 AM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		fr

i have to say that when i was looking for someone to play with i was completely shallow about it. i was already in a relationship with the emotional side met, so if i was just going to be fucking someone i had to fancy him. in that respect i asked for a photo if they didn't have one. at that time though we didn't have photos in our profile and most men didn't care about this. i did eventually get my photo's sorted though and let them be seen to a very select few.

i guess i would like to think that the person i am seeing finds me attractive at the very least. not just that i'm a hole to fuck when the mood takes. if that is shallow then so be it, but i'm not going to waste my time, or that of the other person, by meeting them if there is no attraction there. my playmate and i spent load of time talking before meeting, and i saw loads of his photo's as well as seeing him on cam.

if you are looking for a relationship then personality can be alot bigger part of attraction than mear looks alone. my ex is a prime example of that, i didn't think he was good looking at all, but there was something else about him that i loved. i'm not the type of person who can just give myself, in any context, to absolutley anyone, but i'm sure it works that way very well for others. however, i do think it's wrong to judge someone as being a bad person for being interested in what a potential playmate looks like.

on the flip side, i don't think the lady in question was wrong to give out her photo either. each to their own and all that.

needles

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