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RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/9/2012 5:06:05 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14

Thanks. I have been looking up sub frenzy. I think it is a big part of it.

Its not so much that I TOLD him things I didn't want to reveal so early. Its that he accessed a part of me that has never been accessed before and the intensity of it was more than I was ready to share with another person. No one in a vanilla relationship has ever accessed it, so its a new situation..... =)


I don't think he accessed a place any different then a vanilla guy, same place as with any attraction. I think it felt different because you were able to disclose some intermost desires which felt good and that place was accessed deeper then it ever had been.
It was exciting, and enlghening to share it. It felt magical. You accessed that place, he didnt, he was just the open reciever because for the first time you talked openly about it. Keep that place open for yourself its obviously what you want.
Sharing the core of who you actually are is a good thing, take a chance, next serious attraction after finding out he might be worthy do it again and if that doesnt work do it again and again. Nourish that place in you, its the only way it will grow.
Just my two cents.

(in reply to littleone14)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/9/2012 7:26:46 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder


I think you seem to think there's something wrong with being submissive or that others will not want to be with you because of it which just isn't true. Men won't want to be with you because you're insecure and not confident with yourself.


I actually really kind of understand where she's coming from. I come from a very conservative background. Hell, I was a Deb. I fought my feelings of what I needed for a long time because I was raised to believe that they were dirty, taboo and psychologically flawed. Add to that, pretty much every mainstream portrayal of D/s BDSM was psychotic.

When I found that first person who was just a normal guy that was a Dominant, I could tell him what I wanted......and he went "That's awesome", it was an amazing feeling. Even then it took almost a year to just be comfortable in my own skin again. To just accept that this was okay. I was very lucky to be with an amazing guy who went slow....even when the frenzy was in place and I wanted to go fast.

I tossed my environmental red tapes at 26 and that was pretty hard tossing out some of the things I was raised with. She's 43, tossing those environmental red tapes at that age will be even harder. The only upside is that D/s BDSM is portrayed in a more positive light now.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 7/9/2012 7:28:33 AM >

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(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/9/2012 9:09:03 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		Oside, I adore you.

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yep

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/9/2012 9:59:32 AM   
Salinedion


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline 		Just skipping to the end after your purple print addition:

In BDSM, we have ask for what we want to get it.

Do you know how rare that is? Most people stagger through half-lives and never ask for anything they really want. I think that's terrible.

This time around, you got burned in the asking. Shit happens. But your strength and courage in being true to yourself and putting your desire out there is irrevocable. Forget this guy; you're stronger and clearer today then you were yesterday.

Don't be telling yourself a story that you're fragile. The facts suggest otherwise.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Okeanos)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/9/2012 10:43:32 AM   
wildernessbitch


Posts: 67
Joined: 5/19/2012
Status: offline
quote:

You came from a first time meeting with expectations that exceeded what he was prepared to invest, and while it stinks, it's really not something to feel badly about. Go forward bright eye'd and hopeful as ever, meeting people is fun, and should never be approached with apprehension, just don't set your expectations of them right away, then you won't be let down when things don't go exactly as you want them to.


This. OP slow down. If you had a couple of conversations and met for coffee and feel this devastated then you open yourself far too quickly. You had unrealistic expectations for the situation. From now on go into a coffee meeting like you would with a friend. Don't have expectations that it is more until there really is more.

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/9/2012 10:28:32 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14

@Lockit - It was more the fact that this is the first time I've ever opened up to anyone in my life about this that makes me feel violated. I totally understand what you are saying that I violated myself, and that's why I'm here asking the question how not to let that happen.......


The answer is pretty simple. Take it slower. Just because you are meeting someone on a BDSM site doesn't mean you need to bare every aspect of your soul. Just act like you would on a vanilla date. Find out if you other things in common than the sexual/kinky stuff. And don't make more out of a coffee date than it is. It's just a conversation between two people getting to know one another.

(in reply to littleone14)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/10/2012 7:15:08 AM   
littleone14


Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline 		To everyone reading this - please understand that I wrote my first post right after this happened, while my feelings were still raw. If I had waited even an hour or two more, I would have been much more centered and grounded about the whole thing. I wouldn't have focused on the situation that led up to my question, but on the question itself.

I didn't even know I could be accessed as I was. Its not that I talked too much about my feelings and desires with him, or had high expectations from our encounter. Its that I didn't know anyone could bring out the submissive feelings so quickly and easily, and to such depth. I've never felt them like that before. I'm not blaming him for accessing them. I do understand that I allowed it and put myself into the position that it happened. But how do you, personally, keep from going into a space where you feel completely submissive to someone before its appropriate, especially when they have the attributes that are exactly what puts you into that space?

I used the term "horrible" in my title, which I shouldn't have. It was misleading. What happened wasn't horrible. It was a horrible feeling to not know how to control something that was coming out for the first time......


(in reply to seekingreality)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/10/2012 7:19:42 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		It was horrible to you. Just like you (hopefully) will never let so much of you go that quickly, don't let what a bunch of strangers on a forum make you feel bad for what you felt. Ignore the negativity. Except what I am typing now, because it is sheer fucking genius

And you learned something.

So, all in all, a good thing.

Good luck!


< Message edited by JstAnotherSub -- 7/10/2012 7:20:23 AM >

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yep

(in reply to littleone14)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/10/2012 7:22:06 AM   
littleone14


Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks! I guess its just a little overwhelming to be having my post viewd 1200+ times...... =)

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/10/2012 8:22:29 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14

To everyone reading this - please understand that I wrote my first post right after this happened, while my feelings were still raw. If I had waited even an hour or two more, I would have been much more centered and grounded about the whole thing. I wouldn't have focused on the situation that led up to my question, but on the question itself.

I didn't even know I could be accessed as I was. Its not that I talked too much about my feelings and desires with him, or had high expectations from our encounter. Its that I didn't know anyone could bring out the submissive feelings so quickly and easily, and to such depth. I've never felt them like that before. I'm not blaming him for accessing them. I do understand that I allowed it and put myself into the position that it happened. But how do you, personally, keep from going into a space where you feel completely submissive to someone before its appropriate, especially when they have the attributes that are exactly what puts you into that space?




Read and re-read the links others and I put up on this thread about sub-frenzy... and then realise that those attributes that you are ascribing to the other person were more than likely just a reflection of your deep need to have this part of yourself understood and accepted.

In other words on his end, for the most part it was all smoke and mirrors.

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(in reply to littleone14)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/10/2012 8:25:48 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

To everyone reading this - please understand that I wrote my first post right after this happened, while my feelings were still raw. If I had waited even an hour or two more, I would have been much more centered and grounded about the whole thing. I wouldn't have focused on the situation that led up to my question, but on the question itself.


Chortles
See, you're already learning and growing

When in doubt, exercise restraint of tongue and pen:-)

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(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/10/2012 8:27:55 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14

Thanks! I guess its just a little overwhelming to be having my post viewd 1200+ times...... =)


Had you been a lesbian with your tongue cut out it would be in the 12000+ times....

Peachy Tolliver Carnahan

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to littleone14)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/10/2012 9:30:41 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Word of advice, just from lil old silly me.

I feel You are lucky. That first time in my opinion is life changing, and who ever is there when that door is opened has great power over you. With sub frenzy, you may react in ways you cant imagine, do things you thought you would never do, say things you never say, and that person if not of the highest caliber or really doesnt have your best interest at heart, can ruin your life or start you on a path of ruin. And truth is longer your in the situation , harder it is to break free. ITs like feeding an addiction at its peak. Keep this in mind to help you stay strong, and not let someone who shouldnt assess this part of you.

People might squabble about twue and weal Masters, but I dont think they will argue that if you meet a real Master whether good or bad, they truly are powerful people and can have great control over you.
Im not trying to scare you, just trying to help you guard yourself. You were lucky cause this guy was  honest with you and didnt play you, cause he could have. Most likely like a fiddle.

It can take you to great heights, but it can also bring harm to you so please be careful in your choices.

< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 7/10/2012 9:38:10 AM >

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/10/2012 10:35:19 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		it pains me to say this, but I mostly agree with chatter.

no, really... it pains me to say it. I need some migraine meds now.

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(in reply to chatterbox24)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/10/2012 11:42:12 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

it pains me to say this, but I mostly agree with chatter.

no, really... it pains me to say it. I need some migraine meds now.


Oh hushhhh and take this whole bottle of pills, NOW OPEN UP GREEDY..........ALL BETTER NOW...Shhhhhhh CLOSE YOUR EYES.

hahahahahha

Love the serial moistened bint, Chatter

< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 7/10/2012 12:05:06 PM >

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/10/2012 12:49:19 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

it pains me to say this, but I mostly agree with chatter.

no, really... it pains me to say it. I need some migraine meds now.


Well, yeah...she chose a crappy situation against everyone's advice....then told everyone that gave her advice to fuck off, emotionally blackmailed her husband and went with the guy anyway...and since then has alternated between raging about how happy she is to vilifying him on a weekly basis. It's the one area that I'll concede that she can speak from experience.

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24


Love the serial moistened bint, Chatter
You clearly have no idea what "moistened bint" refers to.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 7/10/2012 12:50:49 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/10/2012 3:22:04 PM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

it pains me to say this, but I mostly agree with chatter.

no, really... it pains me to say it. I need some migraine meds now.


Well, yeah...she chose a crappy situation against everyone's advice....then told everyone that gave her advice to fuck off, emotionally blackmailed her husband and went with the guy anyway...and since then has alternated between raging about how happy she is to vilifying him on a weekly basis. It's the one area that I'll concede that she can speak from experience.

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24


Love the serial moistened bint, Chatter
You clearly have no idea what "moistened bint" refers to.


I do know what it means , and you doll clearly dont have a sense of humor. MUAH MUAH MUAH.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/10/2012 3:38:49 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Here we go again,lol.

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Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to chatterbox24)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/10/2012 4:07:14 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Planning on sharing that popcorn?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/10/2012 5:47:10 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		It were bleedin' orrid, that, it were.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 100
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