RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience...

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RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/10/2012 5:50:26 PM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
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OH I dont feel like fighting , maybe later though. I was getting a kick out of that TAP TAP TAP thread, craziest thing ever.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/10/2012 6:33:52 PM

Firebirdseeking

Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline

OP: you need to put that little girl AWAY when she is out for a coffee date with an adult man. You need to act and think like an adult woman, not like a 10 year old girl who seeks approval. I do not mean this to sound condescending, I was once similar to you. I had to learn to put that part of me somewhere else when I was chatting on line with a man, or on the phone, or out for a coffee date; otherwise, you are way too vulnerable and you are not making good, adult decisions. You told this guy too much, and the little girl in you had expectations that he would be there for you, and that your relating would continue. He was out on a coffee date, straying a bit from a relationship that was about to become exclusive. You had different expectations. Just because you open your self to someone, dont expect he will love and cherish you, or even want to see you again. Like I said, put that little girl in a safe place and send your adult woman self out on the date.

(in reply to chatterbox24)

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RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/10/2012 7:07:51 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14
Thanks! I guess its just a little overwhelming to be having my post viewd 1200+ times...... =)

*chuckles* Yeah, I'm sure.

Glad you found some stability and all's good.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to littleone14)

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RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/11/2012 6:15:43 AM

MissKittyDeVine

Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
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FR

It´s not unusual to invest too much in a first meeting. In that respect, there´s no difference between a vanilla date and D/s. I haven´t read all the posts, but I noticed that sub frenzy has been mentioned, and since you are new to this side of yourself it´s not surprising that you expected more from this guy than he was able to deliver. Don´t beat yourself up, but keep a hold on your emotions. Rome wasn´t built in a day etc.

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Sanity is overrated. Live la vida loca

(in reply to JeffBC)

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RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... - 7/14/2012 1:32:03 PM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline

*stretches and yawns* Not sure yet why this post is getting me posting again.

If you want to be actively involved in BDSM, yes you need a thicker skin. Talking about being submissive is not even on the tip of the iceberg. You had a meetup and got let down without getting fucked or beaten. Pretty good I'd say, it's harder to get over this sort of thing when bruises he left are still healing.

Also, open relationships have a pretty heavy overlap with BDSM, you may want to avoid them. I've been on the giving and receiving end of the whole "going monogamous" bit. My partner and I have been so much happier after going monogamous and cutting out all the new blood. It happens. Chances are he got home after the meetup expressed interest in you to his primary partner which led to some soul searching on their end. This sort of thing happens A LOT.

I gotta agree too, don't blame this on "sub frenzy", BDSM relationships are just regular relationships with a few twists. Whether or not it's a vanilla or kinky dating site usually the first meet is just to ensure I'm dealing with a real person and to explore all interests. I'll admit when I was looking to play that aspect would come up quickly.

I'd suggest a couple of things:
1. Get comfortable with the kinky aspect of you, recognize it is not taboo, it is not wrong, and it is only some super deep part of your soul if you want it to be.
2. Figure out what you want. Do you want a few play dates to get your feet wet? If so what are your limits? What are your safety protocols? Are you prepared to not get emotionally attached? If you want a relationship, what kind? what sort of dominant do you think will meet your needs? Are you prepared to be involved in an open relationship? Are you interested in a long term monogamy?
3. Figure out what kind of people you are looking for and where. Learn to listen to your gut when somebody is not sincere, learn to do a lot of research to be safe.
4. Outreach to your local community.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to MissKittyDeVine)

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Post #: 105