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RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 12:39:34 PM

Delilya

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I've had "go-betweens". Does that count as settling?

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RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 12:45:02 PM

Missokyst

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I still don't understand the concept of settling. Does it mean that you are with someone who isn't your ideal? Or is it that you are with someone you don't want, but its good to have a warm body available when you want one? Or is it being with someone who is not the more right than wrong match?

On the first one, I guess I have never been with someone for a good chunk of time that I didn't enjoy, or I wouldn't have stayed.
The second, warm body part probably fits my marriage though I can't say that was why I stayed with him, that was more of an internal committment. I have met and dated plenty who were not the right match but I had fun with them.
I have been with men who had points I loved and points I wasn't so happy with, but they were good guys and worth the time.

I don't see any relationship I have been in, no matter how it ended as a waste of my time. I mean, what else do we have but ourselves to account for? I liked or loved the men I was with and when it was done it ended whether or not I chose it. Still.. it was good for me.

So settling? What is it?

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RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 12:51:43 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I think settling is saying "well, it's better than being alone". When it isn't.

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RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 12:54:39 PM

JanahX

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I completely concur with LaT - I dont settle either. Either that person is gonna shine like no sun ever did, or Im not touching it.

As for chatters comment about burying it for so long - whatever, thats why you have as many problems as you do as anyone can read from your previous posts.

Id rather be alone for the rest of my life than settle for someone that I know at some point Im gonna end up despising. Or even better yet - If I ever did settle on someone that I knew wasnt for me, knowing fully who I am - I know I would always subconsciously be looking for someone else - someone who will set the new bar.

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

IM always curious about the way people think about relationships what they settle for, what they dont, what their deal breakers are.

In a relationship if you had it all but one major thing was missing, what would that one major thing be that would end it all?

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

THats the thing about settling, it rears its ugly head at some point, you can only bury it so long.

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RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 12:56:05 PM

dublinemma

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^^I agree with this, the word settle just automatically made me think, well isn't that a depressing thought. I'd imagine you would be hard pushed to find a successful relationship where either say they have settled.

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Post #: 25

RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 12:57:53 PM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
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Shit, I guess I have always settled, because I have yet to land Sam Elliot.

I honestly think we all settle in some way or another. Personally I know of no one who has ever met the person they call their prefect match.

I just want someone who makes my life better than it is alone. Until I find that, alone is just fine.

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RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 1:14:44 PM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
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I'm not looking for perfect, but I refuse to settle just to be in a relationship. I much prefer being single until such time as I may find a man who's right for me. I learned my lessons very well on settling. Never again. I'm happy being single these days and if I meet someone, I meet someone. I'm not looking.

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RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 1:17:21 PM

JstAnotherSub

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I agree Sassy. I am amazed at the hostile reactions I have gotten in emails and in person from men who can not believe that a fat old broad like me would not be interested in them-lol.

I will take alone over with the wrong person any day. I just really have no set rules about what I am looking for, I just hope to know it when it finds me.

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RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 1:28:01 PM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
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~grin~ So familiar sounding. It's like they think because you're not model perfect, you should be grateful that they show any interest in you. Yeah, how about no. Us fat old broads have standards too and they're not omg a guy wants me for use, my prince has come either lol. I'd like to be happy and feel valued and loved thank you. I don't have to settle and I won't. If I never get involved in a relationship again in my life, I'm still happy and fulfilled with my status quo. I have a family, great friends, as much of a social life as I choose and plenty of opportunities to play if I want or need it. I have ways that keep my submissive needs met enough that I don't need a relationship as well that have nothing to do with play.

< Message edited by SassySarijane -- 7/11/2012 1:29:00 PM >

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RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 1:30:18 PM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I still don't understand the concept of settling. Does it mean that you are with someone who isn't your ideal? Or is it that you are with someone you don't want, but its good to have a warm body available when you want one? Or is it being with someone who is not the more right than wrong match?

On the first one, I guess I have never been with someone for a good chunk of time that I didn't enjoy, or I wouldn't have stayed.
The second, warm body part probably fits my marriage though I can't say that was why I stayed with him, that was more of an internal committment. I have met and dated plenty who were not the right match but I had fun with them.
I have been with men who had points I loved and points I wasn't so happy with, but they were good guys and worth the time.

I don't see any relationship I have been in, no matter how it ended as a waste of my time. I mean, what else do we have but ourselves to account for? I liked or loved the men I was with and when it was done it ended whether or not I chose it. Still.. it was good for me.

So settling? What is it?

It can be many things, loving someone when they dont love you back quite the same way, they dont make the money you would want a partner to make, they are more negative then you would like, their beliefs were different, you liked them as a person but didnt find them attractive enough are a few examples.
I think it depends how big the person feels the flaw is whether they feel they are settling. IT can be as simple as you are quick to make up your mind, and they are slow.

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Post #: 30

RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 2:04:54 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I never settled....period.

If you didn't have the qualities I was searching for I simply didn't get involved. Thankfully I didn't. I have to say Master has all the qualities I wanted in a man and more.

I can't imagine ever settling. I have always felt I deserved the best life has to offer. Why bother with anything less?

There's a reason I stayed single for over 8 years before I met Master. I didn't want to be with someone who didn't want me as much as I wanted him and we both fulfiilled each other in every single way we could imagine.

So very very glad I waited.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 7/11/2012 2:07:58 PM >

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RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 2:07:49 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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I settled a couple of times, but not realizing until I had,

Not doing THAT again.

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RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 2:14:01 PM

LaTigresse

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Sometimes we can be pretty fucking good at lying to ourselves.

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Post #: 33

RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 2:14:56 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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TRUTH.

*sigh*

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Post #: 34

RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 2:39:00 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser
For consideration: knowing the nature of these boards, would anyone who does settle, say so...?

First of all, no one is perfect. I don't think one has to wait for perfection. I look at settling as saying "Well he's better than nothing" and knowing he's all wrong for me. That being said, yes, I know that when I was young I settled many times and I paid for it dearly. Now that I'm older, I refuse to "settle" and be with someone who I know is wrong for me. So yes, I've settled in the past, but I won't anymore.

NBMG

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Post #: 35

RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 2:49:12 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

Hmm.. This question is close to home. I've often
thought if I just stopped breaking up with people
I could find away to care for them eventualy... But
how long do you string a girl along that you have
no feelings for?

I went through a time when I thought my biologic
clock was ticking and seeing all my friends getting
married and having kids just added to it, at that time
I picked a girl that was tiny with massive boobs and
was as submissive as they come and just set about
making her fall in love with me, I thought I could
make the feelings grow in me if I tried.
Turns out no. I lied and acted all out of selfish hope for
my own feelings. Im ashamed and I felt like a monster
telling her in the end. Maybe I am a bit of a monster...

I've been in love before, I just don't know why it's so
hard now. Settleing isn't something I can do...
And Im so tired of causing pain, that's why Im on
a break from relationships. Hopfully I get myself sorted
out.

Most subs/slaves want to be loved by their Doms dont
they? would any of you want to stay knowing when your
partner looked at you, he felt nothing besides sorry that
there was nothing...

-ARIES

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Post #: 36

RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 2:51:55 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

Most subs/slaves want to be loved by their Doms dont
they? would any of you want to stay knowing when your
partner looked at you, he felt nothing besides sorry that
there was nothing...

this is brilliant, IMO.\

it goes both ways.

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
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Post #: 37

RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 2:58:25 PM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

Most subs/slaves want to be loved by their Doms dont
they? would any of you want to stay knowing when your
partner looked at you, he felt nothing besides sorry that
there was nothing...

-ARIES

Greedy's right, it goes both ways and I definitely don't. Been there, done that, learned my lesson. It's way worse than being single in my experience. Really fucks up your self worth and self esteem being on the receiving end.

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Post #: 38

RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 2:59:33 PM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

Most subs/slaves want to be loved by their Doms dont
they? would any of you want to stay knowing when your
partner looked at you, he felt nothing besides sorry that
there was nothing...

-ARIES

Greedy's right, it goes both ways and I definitely don't. Been there, done that, learned my lesson. It's way worse than being single in my experience. Really fucks up your self worth and self esteem being on the receiving end. I want to be loved as I love that person and valued.

Grrr....hit quote instead of edit post...sigh.

< Message edited by SassySarijane -- 7/11/2012 3:00:40 PM >

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Post #: 39

RE: When do you settle? - 7/11/2012 4:10:00 PM

Delilya

Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline

I don't really consider it settling. I have different men in my life and they each serve a different purpose. Is it settling because instead of opting to find them all rolled into one and have a relationship, I use them and keep my freedom?

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“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

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Post #: 40

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