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Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 4:17:18 PM   
BrattyBottomRN


Posts: 73
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline 		God... I was walking on air for two weeks thinking I'd found the One.  Turned out he couldn't handle it.  For those of you who had been following my story, you know what I was talking about when I say " our common-ground situation", and he decided he couldn't lie to his wife.  I respect this.  I just wish he had've figured it out before I really dove in and submitted to him.

Submission is a GIFT.  This is what I told him too.  Our few sessions were incredible, our conversations many, long and deep.  He said he loved having me as a slave, but couldn't bear to decieve his wife, it was a moral issue.  Didn't seem to be a moral issue two weeks ago.

I understand about being faithful to a spouse, lord knows I can relate, and I really do respect this.  But what the hell did he think he was getting into exactly???  People toss around collars too easily sometimes.  Or maybe I got what I deserved.  Or maybe I trusted too easily.  I will NOT be so quick to give myself next time.

In any event, it just hurts.  I'm sitting on the bruises on my ass today feeling the breaking of my heart... <sigh>

flame away...

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RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 4:30:21 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry for your loss BBRN.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


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RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 4:33:00 PM   
eroticangel


Posts: 272
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline 		Oh BrattyBottomRN...i am so sory for your pain..and yes under the circumstances he should have figured it all out before you gave yourself to Him...but, He didn't and you have to go on. as trite as it may seem, time does heal all wounds....i swear it does!

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RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 4:41:39 PM   
tade


Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline 		Nothing we could say will change anything.  It does get better eventually. Sorry for your loss.

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RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 4:44:27 PM   
MistressTheaZ


Posts: 155
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline 		So sorry to hear this, no flames here.
 
Though little comfort, it is better IMO to have found this, albeit briefly. To be touched with the realization of finding someone special is a wonderful feeling, giving hope and stoking thought, feeling and growth. Although I am very sorry for your loss, it is far better to hear that this burned bright before burning out so suddenly; take those memories - that feeling He gave you - and keep it in your heart while you continue to learn, grow and search for the right one for you. I know it hurts terribly, but indeed it is better that He ended this quickly before it could intensify and hurt much more deeply. 
 
Take the feeling this gave you - hope, purpose, completion - and couple it with a rational view of capabilities while you continue your search. As a sub, it is still your right to search for a Master who can give you the same time, attention and dedication you are offering Him. When anything appears out of balance, or when a Master defines His limitations in such a way as to put you further down the list from the jump, perhaps this is an undeserving and unequal exchange considering how much you have to give?
 
I just feel you need to see your worth in it, and comfort yourself with this as you go on, BrattyBottom, and things will become easier and much more clear with the next interaction. Foundations are hardly built with haste; a solid, mutually respectful and loving relationship takes much time to develop and build, and both partners should be able to (and worthy of) make the journey together over time instead of just focusing on a destination, (collaring, ownership, what have you.)
 
All the luck to you, and I'll see you at TES!

~Thea 

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RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 4:46:32 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		Hon,

You don't need a 'flame', but you -do- need some really down-to-earth advice. It sounds like you're looking for the person you'd eventually like to -marry-, or at least be in a permanent long-term relationship with. If you're looking at that kind of a relationship here, you need to set standards that are at least as high as the one's you'd set for a vanilla relationship. That means not getting involved with people who can't commit to the agreed-upon relationship, for one reason or another. It also means taking your time -- and I'm not talking about weeks of chatting, I'm talking about months of sitting and reaching common ground and really getting to know each other, and meeting the family... all of the things that assure that this is a person who is committed to the relationship -first-.

If you're looking at a lifetime with someone, many things will happen, and many things will change. Aspects of your D/s are going to have to be malleable to fit around the other changes in your life. This is why, if you're in this for a relationship, the relationship has to be the first priority. You wouldn't marry someone you'd only chatted with online for a couple of weeks on a vanilla site (or at least, I hope you wouldn't), so why would someone offer that relationship PLUS control over all of the details of his or her life to someone that you haven't met and spent a considerable time getting to know -- especially someone who is already involved in a relationship that he or she is not being honest about. Dishonesty is a deal-breaker for relationships. If someone is lying to their current mate, chances are good that eventually, that person will be lying to you. It may seem like all the right words are there, and of course, you're the exception to the rule -- except that for people who can't master honesty, there -are- no rules, and there aren't exceptions.

Treat yourself with respect. You deserve that. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt, and expect the person that you are investing your life in to know what to do with that investment. You owe that to yourself.

Da'Avatar ZWD

www.klashaan.org

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"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

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RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 4:47:03 PM   
MsStick


Posts: 80
Joined: 5/4/2006
From: Ireland
Status: offline 		I am sorry for your loss

Perhaps better to find out now, even late as it was for him to figure it out... ?

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RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 4:47:09 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Firstly i am so sorry this has happened to you.
I too went through the same thing recently except he was leaving his wife for me but at the last minute couldnt do it.
Yes it hurts like hell and yes i thought i'd never get over it. ?But as the others have said time is a great healer and you will if not get over, learn to live with it.
respectfully
misst xx

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RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 4:51:23 PM   
BrattyBottomRN


Posts: 73
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks guys... all great sound advice.

Thanks especially Mistress TheaZ... You definately have a good point there.  I did learn a bit.

Bladewing, I'm not looking for someone to eventually marry.  I'm looking for a long term D/s relationship, but I am <gasp> already married to a vanilla.  Lol.  Hence why I said flame on.... We both had an agreement on our situations. 

Thanks all.  I'll be okay. Hell, TES fest is coming up!

_____________________________

Nurses can stick it to ya' and make ya' like it.

Don't piss off the woman who is about to jab the 14 g needle into your arm.

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RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 5:01:30 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		No need for anyone to flame BBRN, you are strait forward with your situation.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to BrattyBottomRN)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 5:03:33 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		I apologize for not having had the time to read your profile before I wrote, and hope that what I said didn't come across as insensitive. In any long-term relationship, including a long-term D/s relationship, we merge into the partnership, being ourselves, but also taking on characteristics built of the relationship. It becomes part of our lives (even moreso if you're already in one committed relationship. Even if the two parties only interact with you, the things going on in -your- life will affect both sides of the relationship.) You deserve honesty and someone who isn't wishy-washy about what he or she wants -- it makes sense to have those qualities in someone you're about to give control of yourself to.

You're a smart woman. You wouldn't have made it as a nurse if you weren't. If you can talk to your spouse about this (not about the particulars, but about how you're feeling), that may give you the opportunity to let go of some of the pain with someone you can trust. I don't know if this is how your relationship works, but maybe you could even ask your mate to help you evaluate potential dominant individuals. Obviously, this is someone who loves you enough to understand that you need this, and I'm betting he'll want the person you finally choose to be someone who is beneficial in your life.

I wish you all the best. This is a hard road, and sometimes I think the ease of contact through the Internet makes things even harder.

Da'Avatar ZWD

www.klashaan.org

_____________________________


"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

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RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 5:07:35 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		Married to vanilla also and that may be part of the learning process.  Not all vanilla and not A/all here are honest.  What a news flash!  It is easier to talk about doing than to actually do so while i have empathy for you i also understand where he is coming from too.  Hope he leaves the lifestyle and commits to his marriage cause if He feels that guilty He can never really be a good Dom (my opinion only) and needs to concentrate on His marriage instead. 

My next comment is about being treated as a cheater.  My husband knows my interests, he chooses to remain vanilla.  I am not vanilla, have tried it for years and consider myself a twist now since i don't plan to end my marriage or quit being a sub.  Not collared now for a personal reason but am considering a monogomous relationship without the collar.  In short please don't condemn me because i am married and i won't condemn anyone for their choices as long as they are SSC. 

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RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 5:14:25 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

People toss around collars too easily sometimes.


You received a collar after 2 weeks?  That's a bit of a rush.


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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 5:33:23 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		fast reply.

I know it is hard to find someone that you have chemistry with that will also understand your situation. It may take awhile to replace this dominant, but I am sure with enough time you will do just that. It sounds as though your life is full and happy, so that will make it all the easier. I have read many of your posts and your humor and grace will serve you well while you search for another dominant. Be glad that it was called off before it got any further in, less familiarity and less investment make for less heart ache (if I am being crass here I apologize, just from my personal experience the longer something drags on, the more painful it becomes to terminate it).

Good luck to you.

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 5:51:46 PM   
Wolf1020


Posts: 447
Joined: 11/7/2005
From: Anderson, SC
Status: offline 		I'm sorry to hear but let me give you a word of advice.

If you are getting involved with a married man, esspecialy one lieing to his wife, you are simply setting yourself up for heartbreak and the relationship to fail. 

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"Fish and visitors smell in three days"~Benjamin Franklin

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RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 5:59:20 PM   
SumterDom


Posts: 60
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline 		To me 2 weeks is a very short time.
One thing I've seen a few times lately is checking out the new users in the left margin and when you click to view them they say they have already met their master, or their "one"!?
Not even been a member long enough to drop off the new users list and collared?!

"Needy subs" sure comes to mind

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 6:00:15 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		First question to next potential:

Are you married or separated?

If the response is yes, your response is... " Ok seeya round...next please..."


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Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 6:03:48 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Are you married or separated?
If the response is yes, your response is... " Ok seeya round...next please..."


Actually she's married, so it would be a bit odd for her to discount a prospective because he's married too. 

All you can do is learn from this and go a bit slower the next time.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 7:06:06 PM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		While I don't agree with having sex outside of marriage if you've gone ahead and made the marriage commitment, that wasn't what stuck out most to me here.  Am I dreaming, or did she post at one point that her husband didn't know about her Master?  And her Master's wife didn't know about her?  I could be confusing her with someone else, I suppose.  Marriage bonds aside, you DON'T go behind the back of someone you love OR abuse someone else's spouse by fucking their mate behind their back.  Sorry, that is wrong. 
 
I can say that I'm sorry you've been disappointed.  That much is true.  It would have been better if he'd either been open with his wife, or kept it in his pants if he couldn't face her.  Instead he went further than he should've and felt the full weight of the guilt.  Which means now that he'll either have to live with it eating him alive, or he'll have to go through whatever mess comes up when he admits what he did to her.  No cakewalk, I'm sure.  So I think you've probably come off easiest of the two of you.
 
As mentioned by someone else, two weeks is pretty quick to dive into a relationship.  I'd honestly recommend going more slowly and choosing more cautiously next time.
 
Good luck.
 
zuma

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Heartbreak... got released already. - 6/8/2006 7:08:02 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Hey, he made a mistake.  He thought he could do it, but he can't.  How lucky you are he had the balls to tell you.  All in all, you have more blessings than not.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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