Learning to love pain?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Learning to love pain?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Learning to love pain?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Learning to love pain? - 7/14/2012 9:07:47 AM

puella

Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

So, I should preface this post by saying that I am in no way, shape or form a pain slut.

What I am wondering is, if you think there is a way to cultivate the desire for, the desire found in and a sexual hunger for pain?

I understand that it is stimulation, and that some have a way of ..hmm... perhaps converting or sublimating? pain into a very intense pleasure. I have never found a way to do that.

I wish I could. I love everything about a spanking but the pain of it, and I find that my partners are incredibly put off by my lack of positive response to what is in every other way and incredibly hot moment. It really bothers me that I cannot seem to get there.

Is there training that can be done? Is it silly to even think you can learn something like that?

Thanks!

_____________________________

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta

Post #: 1

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/14/2012 9:40:56 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I am not a masochist. When I bottomed, I sought out *intense* experiences, and in terms of what some term the "ordeal path", I still do. I have no endorphin reaction, and what others call subspace, I look at in confusion.

Try to reframe the pain in your mind as something else, heat, pressure, vibration, some other thing. Instead of "this hurts", think "this feels like____".

Many many people who engage in pain play are not masochists. They just *accept*. Endurance does come with practice, but you might only like it when it stops. That's okay, too.

Hope this helps.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to puella)

Post #: 2

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/14/2012 10:01:31 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella
I wish I could. I love everything about a spanking but the pain of it, and I find that my partners are incredibly put off by my lack of positive response to what is in every other way and incredibly hot moment. It really bothers me that I cannot seem to get there.

Some people like the word "wired". By implication they are suggesting that humans are static systems that are hardwired in certain ways. I personally think that is rubbish... or... if there IS a hard wiring it is way the heck more complicated than the simplistic things I read here.

I had to learn [a little] the flip side... sadism. Turns out Carol likes a little masochism from time to time and me not wanting to be a cheesy partner rummaged around inside myself until I found the "connection points" and made some new wiring. Both Carol and I do such things regularly. Whether or not you can do it or are willing to do it is an entirely separate question.

in the end, "pain" is not what you think it is. It's a series of electrochemical signals being routed to your brain.. nothing more. How you interpret those signals is up to you. That's the drill for all the senses.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to puella)

Post #: 3

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/14/2012 10:12:38 AM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am not a masochist. When I bottomed, I sought out *intense* experiences, and in terms of what some term the "ordeal path", I still do. I have no endorphin reaction, and what others call subspace, I look at in confusion.

Same goes for me. Dont dig a lot of pain. Some is okay - a lot and when its too intense, just makes my fight or flight instinct click on. And it triggers my negative emotions. Not a good place for me to be.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 4

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/14/2012 10:16:40 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Puella, there can be conditioning. A little pain, some sensation play, and a lot of sexual touching. Then repeat, with a little more pain each time. Finally, change to just sex.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 5

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/14/2012 10:21:33 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Puella, there can be conditioning. A little pain, some sensation play, and a lot of sexual touching. Then repeat, with a little more pain each time. Finally, change to just sex.

This^^^

An orgasm combined with pain can kind of tie the two together. I think that may make it pleasurable, but I don't think it will make you "love pain".

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 6

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/14/2012 11:29:28 AM

kitkat105

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline

I agree with the others.

Something that might be worthwhile looking into is a combination of what Hibbie & DarkSteven said.. maybe combining something like breathing/meditation to help increase your endurance levels of what pain you can handle.. then with a sexual reward for positive reinforcement.

I think for some you either have it or you don't. I'm a masochist, pain only hurts for a few seconds and then becomes a mixture of endorphin's and sexual arousal.

_____________________________

"WARNING! This girl exceeds the MAXIMUM SAFE standards established by the FDA for BRATTINESS!"

Odeen's spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down

Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags

Secretary - ProSubs"R"Us

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/14/2012 11:45:31 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I do *not* like pain, my Dominant likes to cause me pain however. I've grown to accept it and kind of crave it as I can see that it does something for him, which is the biggest catalyst I need to get into something. It's backfired on us a few times as I can't control my reactions perfectly and have punched him, said some er provocative things, grabbed things away from him, and gotten up and physically left the room - all in all though it works for us overall although it's not something I find fulfilling on my own. What I find interesting about all of this is that he never changes, we don't switch BDSM on and off or have vanilla nights. If we have sex we have pain, period. I have physically learned that they equate each other.

DS was right in that combining the pain in with the other positive things works well- that's what we do. Therefore it's hard for me to reject the pain when he's already moved past it and is caressing me gently instead. It's like little moments of pain interspersed into lots of nice things, I get worked up in a good way, then he moves onto larger/longer painful things, still stopping for the murmurs and gentle strokes. It's a gradual building up.

If you asked me today if I'd like to be spanked I'd probably say hell no, but if I had the chance to be intimate with my guy I'm there in a heartbeat and I know that it will mean pain, but I'm anticipating the whole experience, not just the butt slap. I associate the pain with the whole thing and that whole enchilada gets me going in a positive way. I think you can learn to look forward to pain to some degree, perhaps for you it involves the right partner and/or the right mixture of pain and pleasure. I don't know.

(in reply to puella)

Post #: 8

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/14/2012 12:17:30 PM

bandg5

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/2/2012
Status: offline

Hi,

I really believe that you can be conditioned to endure and eroticize pain. All my life I was known amongst family and friends as the wimp when it comes to pain. But I've discovered that my brain and body has "learned" to enjoy pain by either by combining the sexual high with the pain or by focusing on the submissive acceptance aspect of being receiving pain. I'm sure genetics is a factor but when I first started exploring BDSM I thought of almost all pain-related activities as hard limits!

In fact, to this day Master pokes fun at me because once I took a brutal beating for hours with no problem, then afterwards I fell as I was walking down the street, scraping my knee. I whined and whimpered about the scrape, and Master laughed saying "you take all those blows from me and THIS is what makes you cry???"

It's definitely mental for me.

-k

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 9

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/14/2012 1:41:19 PM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline

As a masochist I love the act of being in pain, it's not a matter of enjoying it, I like that fact that it fucking sucks!

I agree with a lot of what LadyHibiscus said regarding focusing on the sensations rather than the pain itself. I also think it helps to reduce body tension and fear when in pain, if you can relax into it, it is much easier to get the endorphin response. There are also many different kinds of pain, I can deal with some better than others, this is true for most people. Start with what you have the easiest tolerance for.

Also I have found regularly engaging in pain play makes it easier on my brain and body. We're just coming back from a long break due to me having some medical stuff, and OMG shit that never used to hurt hurts like hell. We're going slow so I don't condition myself to flinch a lot and hate it.

For me I mainly love the marks, and the experience of endurance, and I get a huge kick out of the stupid space my brain enters afterwards.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to bandg5)

Post #: 10

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/14/2012 1:58:20 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

So, I should preface this post by saying that I am in no way, shape or form a pain slut.

What I am wondering is, if you think there is a way to cultivate the desire for, the desire found in and a sexual hunger for pain?

I understand that it is stimulation, and that some have a way of ..hmm... perhaps converting or sublimating? pain into a very intense pleasure. I have never found a way to do that.

I wish I could. I love everything about a spanking but the pain of it, and I find that my partners are incredibly put off by my lack of positive response to what is in every other way and incredibly hot moment. It really bothers me that I cannot seem to get there.

Is there training that can be done? Is it silly to even think you can learn something like that?

Thanks!

I am not a masochist at all even though Master is a sadist. I do however give in to the pain because it makes him happy. He likes to see my tears and hear my screams. I like to know it pleases him so I take what he wants me to take as much as I can.

He does want me to be able to build up a pain tolerance though so almost every night he gives me some kind of pain so that eventually it will work up to being able to tolerate more. I'm not sure if it's working or not but it's something he continues to do in the hopes that one day it will work.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to puella)

Post #: 11

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/14/2012 1:59:35 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella
. . . Is there training that can be done? Is it silly to even think you can learn something like that?

I have never met a women, masochistic or not, that did not enjoy what Hibby called "intense experiences". Allow me to explain. There is a point when you are hot and passionate where you cross a personal threshold of pain and pleasure so that sensations become stimulation. I you walk up to someone in the mall and bite their nipple, it will cause pain. If you lover is on the verge of orgasm and you bite their nipple, it becomes something other than pain and it is sexually stimulating. So in that sense, yes, with training and education you can learn to like stimulation that would otherwise be painful in a nonsexual setting.

However, it takes sincere masochistic tendencies to get a huge painful whack and when the fire explodes and crawls across your skin it turns into sexual stimulation. I have brought out the masochistic pain slut in people that were not previous disposed to believing they were masochists. But I do not feel I created or taught them something new, only that I uncovered something that already existed they were unaware of . . . their inner masochist.

From my experience, I would tell you that you that anyone could lend themselves to Hibby's path of seeking "intense experiences" and find them sexy although they would normally be painful,. I can also tell you that emotionally and passionately connecting with a good sadist can bring out your inner masochist if you have one.

Good luck and I hope you enjoy your explorations.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to puella)

Post #: 12

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/14/2012 3:34:03 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Will I mess up Kalon's calculations when I say that none of my experiences were sexual in nature, or even erotic?

Though sexual pain = bonus for me, I never sought physical challenges to get my rocks off. If I was doing pain play with someone and they went after the lady parts? That person would come away bleeding.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 13

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/15/2012 9:27:46 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Will I mess up Kalon's calculations when I say that none of my experiences were sexual in nature, or even erotic?

Though sexual pain = bonus for me, I never sought physical challenges to get my rocks off. If I was doing pain play with someone and they went after the lady parts? That person would come away bleeding.

Yup - that blows the whole eros override aspect I was referring too while using you as the example. Perhaps it was your erotic nature and my imagination that read more into it than you posted.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 14

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/15/2012 9:31:29 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Sowwy!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 15

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/15/2012 9:41:20 AM

Soyokaze

Posts: 390
Joined: 4/1/2007
Status: offline

When I first started trying to modify how I felt pain, I focused on relaxing and not reacting to the pain just feeling what it was like to have it pass through me. As I got into BDSM, I changed to add more reaction into it because I figured just relaxing made me a boring bottom. I don't know how to describe it now, but I kind of bounce the feeling of pain around inside me. I don't know if I was predisposed to these things or not, but at least the way I've enjoyed pain over time has changed.

_____________________________

"When I was a little kid, I wish the first word I ever said was 'quote' so right before I died I could say 'end quote'" -Steven Wright

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 16

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/15/2012 9:51:19 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

While my ass may not particularly enjoy the physical sensation of a spanking or caning, other parts of me very much enjoy the arousal and endorphins. Or I might take pleasure in submitting to something for HIS pleasure.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to puella)

Post #: 17

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/15/2012 9:52:47 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

All y'all and your endorphins. Hmph.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 18

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/15/2012 9:54:50 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 19

RE: Learning to love pain? - 7/15/2012 10:21:14 AM

PrincessJessieJ

Posts: 159
Joined: 7/3/2012
Status: offline

..Personally- and this is just my opinion- If you really want to see if there's any way you can enjoy pain.. Get a tattoo.
I'm not a sub, but when I get a tattoo I just do my breathing for the first half to a full minute or so that the artist is working on me- in through the nose, out through the mouth, good in, bad out- and by that point.. I'm already getting a small.. well, rush. If I've been aggravated up to that point, it helps settle me down. The pain of the needle going in stops being pain, really, becomes something else, part of something else to where I don't even realize it's there anymore. That may be because of how I think of it to, though- it's a positive thing, for me.
As far as pain, how it's processed, how you react to it- I think a lot of it really is in your head. When you associate it with positive things, certain types of pain can themselves become positive things because you know something good is coming of it.

tl;dr-- pretty much what some of the other posters here have said.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Learning to love pain?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109