RE: Has this ever occurred to you?

RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 2:59:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder THIS...sooooooo this!! As for not being alone...you can still be with someone and feel alone. And I was single for years upon years before meeting Master. I wasn't even expecting to meet a single soul, especially on here...I was a young mom with a teenage daughter and not much to show for my life and allll kinds of problems that I didn't think anyone would want to bother with. I know I wouldn't have with someone like me...not in a million years! It just happened out of sheer and complete insomnia and sheer boredom that I met Master. I never even expected him to continue every night writing to my stupid one line responses to him. He was lucky if he got more than that from me most times hehe. I'm religious and I'm not sure if you are but for me, I feel that when God wants you to be with someone he will make it happen in his own good time. If he doesn't then he has other plans, bigger plans in store for you. And I go back and forth from this............ to, it's just a crap shoot. Some people get it, and some people never do. I don't actually believe in the happily ever after, madly passionately romance novel type in love. Others do and claim they've got it. I am a cynical bitch and think they are probably fooling themselves. Who knows who is right.

littlewonder -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 3:00:43 PM)
Fairytale romance? Nah, don't believe in that either lol. Is mine that? Not even close haha. It's too much work to call it that. heh

JstAnotherSub -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 3:19:24 PM)
This just showed up on my Facebook page, and I realized that it pretty much sums me up. [image]local://upfiles/633062/6356C6F8EB9641ED9AC20709F25554DA.jpg[/image]

tj444 -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 3:29:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub This just showed up on my Facebook page, and I realized that it pretty much sums me up. I see it differently.. loners dont blend.. they follow their own path.. not cuz people disappoint them but rather cuz people simply dont "get them".. Why blend when there is no compatibility? Its like watching a chess game when you have no interest at all in chess.. JMO

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 3:55:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus quote: ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus It's absolutely possible to be happy. You just have to learn to do it alone. Something I need to learn. It's great until threads like this make your head explode, honest. Did I mention I have a parrot. SOME people have capybaras. I was on a boat once, lost my luggage, asked the Porter to find it for me, had a Tequila Sunrise and suddenly found myself in a Moroccan jail without my luggage. That'll teach me not to use Kayak.com ever again (they don't even have pictures of the rooms).

JeffBC -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 3:58:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Fairytale romance? Nah, don't believe in that either lol. Is mine that? Not even close haha. It's too much work to call it that. heh I dunno. Even in the fairy tales there was usually some bit of adversity to be overcome... evil witch, wicked stepmother, virgin eating dragon, etc. I'm pretty good with calling Carol's and my romance "fairy tale". We work hard to make it that way.

catize -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 4:15:48 PM)
quote: virgin eating dragon ...phew, one less thing for me to worry about!!

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 4:22:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus quote: ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus It's absolutely possible to be happy. You just have to learn to do it alone. Something I need to learn. It's great until threads like this make your head explode, honest. Did I mention I have a parrot. SOME people have capybaras. I was on a boat once, lost my luggage, asked the Porter to find it for me, had a Tequila Sunrise and suddenly found myself in a Moroccan jail without my luggage. That'll teach me not to use Kayak.com ever again (they don't even have pictures of the rooms). Tequila, hon. That was your real mistake. Single malt, or gtfo.

catize -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 4:25:16 PM)
I think when you say 'be yourself' I would say 'be comfortable in your own skin.' I often feel I don't fit in very many “packs”. And what I want is someone to like me with all my quirks, all my issues, who can still see the 'good' me while acknowledging that I am not perfect.

littlewonder -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 5:20:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Fairytale romance? Nah, don't believe in that either lol. Is mine that? Not even close haha. It's too much work to call it that. heh I dunno. Even in the fairy tales there was usually some bit of adversity to be overcome... evil witch, wicked stepmother, virgin eating dragon, etc. I'm pretty good with calling Carol's and my romance "fairy tale". We work hard to make it that way. yes but once that adversity is overcome, then they run off into the sunset with nary a problem ever again between them. They never have to work hard another day after that and I think a lot of people expect it to be that way when they get into a relationship or even a group...there will never be disagreements, they will look lovingly and adoringly into each other's eyes all day long....who cares about work or the baby crying? LOL. We'll just stand here and whisper sweet nothings into each other's ears all day long. And well, it's just not that way in reality. They think Prince Charming will solve all their problems because you know, the fairy godmother gave him the magic to do all that, whether it was something he could fix or not. lol. They will let the house burn down while Mr. Charming is trying to grab the hose outside hoping it will stop the fire. lol

MissImmortalPain -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 6:32:21 PM)
hands Lp some vanilla ice cream and some fuzzy socks I think people label themselves in the hopes of belonging. I think they are afraid that if they don't find a place to belong within a group that it means they don't belong anywhere. Personally I have never really cared for the labels that go along with this "lifestyle" or any other. The only thing I have ever wanted to be is myself and I don't see why others don't want to be themselves as well. I will just continue to believe people do almost everything out of fear of something that most likely isn't real to begin with.

sexyred1 -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 6:44:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize I think when you say 'be yourself' I would say 'be comfortable in your own skin.' I often feel I don't fit in very many “packs”. And what I want is someone to like me with all my quirks, all my issues, who can still see the 'good' me while acknowledging that I am not perfect. Ah, but isn't that what everyone wants? Someone who "gets" them? Someone said you can be more alone in a relationship that being single and that is the truth. That is why there is so much dysfunction; people are afraid to be alone, or, like my last relationship, I kept refusing to see that the guy I fell in love with was no longer that same guy. So I kept trying to "fix" him and kept falling back on the "but, but, but.... its still so HOT" bullshit and that never works. I used to feel like I was walking on eggshells with him because he had such anger issues any time other than play/sex time and now I say to myself, WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH YOU GIRL!! So now, being alone is far more content and best of all, I know I will never make such a wrong choice again.

Kaliko -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 6:46:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tj444 I see it differently.. loners dont blend.. they follow their own path.. not cuz people disappoint them but rather cuz people simply dont "get them".. Why blend when there is no compatibility? Its like watching a chess game when you have no interest at all in chess.. JMO I used to feel similarly. I had an opportunity to change my perspective a few years ago, though, and quite honestly...it has changed my life - how I relate to people. The issue is not one of compatibility. It's one of compassion. When I started to (try to) become more empathetic to all people, not just those I felt I was up front compatible with, my entire life vision shifted. The chess game is interesting because it's not something I have interest in.

KnightofMists -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 6:54:45 PM)
yup... be my self... but first don't you think you have answer who am before you can be yourself? seems to me that is one many struggle with... and do this while the try to develop a positive relationship with the community and social circles they run in. Sometimes the social circle inhibits a person to be themselves! IE... many a gay person denied this aspect themself because of their families etc. I think sometimes finding a appropriate social circle for oneself is as important as one trying to answer who one is. All this to just BE THY SELF! So much easier said than done!

stellauk -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 7:14:10 PM)
I'm myself basically because I cannot really be anyone else.. and I have never really fitted in anywhere in life, and when I did I didn't enjoy it. I guess this all really comes down to personal responsibility, making choices and dealing with the consequences of those choices. When you try to fit in with any group there's expectations formed on both sides, and and through trying to meet expectations you can present yourself a certain way, and this is where people can get lost and start to lose a sense of who they are deep inside. This comes up, time after time after time after time here, in every 'submissive vs. slave' thread, and in so many other threads. I'm sceptical about whether the motivation behind these types of threads really is about submission or enslavement (internal enslavement to borrow the term used by people like Tanos) because to me it seems that people are only interested in labelling themselves through either definition or presentation. It really all comes down to expectations and the potential for disappointment should those expectations not be fulfilled. You could say don't create expectations and you won't be disappointed but we all create them. I think being more realistic would be to say don't become too attached to your expectations if you do make them (you see, there are always alternatives, aren't there?). But it also takes courage to go it alone and be yourself, especially in today's society when so much is based on superficial things as appearance, clothing, profession, and so on. It's important to remember that not everybody has that courage or confidence, it might have been destroyed in childhood or through a long term relationship and life for these people is a struggle to once again establish themselves and regain that confidence. Not everybody knows that no matter who you are or how you define yourself you will always find some degree of acceptance from others. I know from experience of being at the top and the bottom of society that this is generally true. Sometimes it's best to free yourself of the shackles of expectations in order to get to the real whips and chains.

catize -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 7:23:17 PM)
~nods~ When some 'body' is present, there is a level of ........expectation. I long ago discovered that coming home to an empty house was much less lonely than having someone there who is mentally/emotionally distant.

tj444 -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 9:15:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kaliko quote: ORIGINAL: tj444 I see it differently.. loners dont blend.. they follow their own path.. not cuz people disappoint them but rather cuz people simply dont "get them".. Why blend when there is no compatibility? Its like watching a chess game when you have no interest at all in chess.. JMO I used to feel similarly. I had an opportunity to change my perspective a few years ago, though, and quite honestly...it has changed my life - how I relate to people. The issue is not one of compatibility. It's one of compassion. When I started to (try to) become more empathetic to all people, not just those I felt I was up front compatible with, my entire life vision shifted. The chess game is interesting because it's not something I have interest in. I think they are two different things,.. you can have compassion but still no compatibility.. it depends on what your definition of those words are too tho.. Life is fluid, moving, every changing.. People come and go out of one's life, you cant really hold on to them, even if you want to.. Other people have their different interests, their family, established friends, etc and chances are that life will take them in a different direction (at least from me).. The only one I will try to hold onto is the future guy that will love me and live with me.. but there still needs to be a meeting of the minds in the most important areas with him..

RemoteUser -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 9:24:24 PM)
When I first got into the scene I was told I was a "natural Dom". I guess that fits by the definition of the person who said it. I laughed at the time and said, "Ok, whatever works. It's just a word, if that helps you identify with me, cool." I still hold the same opinion. Labels are inevitable, some fit, some don't. If it does, go with it, it doesn't cause any harm. I have a picture in my own head of who I want to be, and how I want to be that way. Dom suits. Sub, umm, no, that never would, not by any definition I've seen dragged up on one of the countless threads written about subs and slaves peers over the horizon Anyone who gets to know me and get a feel for my personality can (and will) make their own judgements. I'm ok with that, because it doesn't change who I am.

JeffBC -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 9:45:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder yes but once that adversity is overcome, then they run off into the sunset with nary a problem ever again between them. They never have to work hard another day after that and I think a lot of people expect it to be that way when they get into a relationship or even a group...there will never be disagreements, they will look lovingly and adoringly into each other's eyes all day long....who cares about work or the baby crying? LOL. We'll just stand here and whisper sweet nothings into each other's ears all day long. nods There's a lot of truth there. That's why I often feel like the two most pernicious memes in the relationship landscape are unconditional love and they should love me for myself. Both are essentially lazy and narcissistic viewpoints. so I'll modify my statement. Carol and I live a fairy tale romance, but we needed to build our very own castle one freakin brick at a time and then we need to maintain the damned thing against the privations of rain, wind, and the occasional disappointed virgin eating dragon.

littlewonder -> RE: Has this ever occurred to you? (7/19/2012 9:49:53 PM)
quote: I still hold the same opinion. Labels are inevitable, some fit, some don't. If it does, go with it, it doesn't cause any harm. It can though when two people into a relationship can't come to a clear agreement on the definitions. One usually builds up a fantasy in their head of a sub/slave/dom/etc...even though the other continues to say "that's not me and my definition". Then the person comes back and says "you're not a dom/sub/slave!!!" And then the relationship ends because the fantasy ends. Unfortunately this happens more often than not from my experience.

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