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Duskypearls -> RE: Initial email approach (8/1/2012 6:40:39 PM)
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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
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ORIGINAL: Duskypearls
Not sure if you're being facetious, but if not, okie dokie, give 'er a whirl. Personally, words well woven and supported by good heart and intent does wonders for me, but I cannot speak for others. The power of words and the energy behind them never ceases to amaze me.
I used the worst 'seriously', DP, so you may take me as talking at my least facetious. ;-)
Again, seriously: I don't think I could do 'romantic' in that John-Keats-and-flowers way unless I were some way into a relationship with her - certainly, well beyond the first contact email. I suspect, also, that if I were to try it, it'd come off as downright jarring to the woman concerned. Absolutely the main problem, I think, with first contacts between the sexes, is premature heaviness, in way or another. People just do seem to think that they're talking to a god, goddess, king, queen, prince or princess . . . any character from some fairytale rather than another ordinary human, in fact.
OK, serious guy, thank you for clarifying. Everyone must do what right for themselves, and what comes naturally, but sometimes it does a body good to stretch themselves. I would not at all suggest romance from the git go, but a good vocabulary and heart can do wonders to open doors. What opens my door is when I'm approached with kindness, integrity, generosity of spirit, and honest interest and inquiry. Oh, and humor and a little wit goes a loooooong way with me.
Can one aquire those traits in writing and person having not previously had them? Certainly, though not without effort. I, previously, did not have them when it came to writing, as I lacked skills in that department. One day, about 3 yrs. ago, while making inquiry into someone's online dating profile, it occurred to me the best way to catch bees is with honey. I began an earnest effort to compliment, generously, the positives in their profiles and express how much those aspects meant to me. I carefully, specifically pointed out things that pleased me or matched me, and spoke to it. I also worked at developing humor and wit, and used it at every opportunity. It goes without saying, of course, I stayed far away from the red flag types, and would never on paper court anyone not at or above my level. A mismatch is not my idea of fun.
I began receiving the most delightful and grateful responses from men, endlessly telling me what a wonderful breath of fresh air I was, how different I was from ALL the other women they'd encountered, etc., etc. It did my heart good, and inspired me to improve upon those skills.
I make it a point to never blame, argue, or pursue conflict. I politely state my case for myself, make no apologies for it, and allow others to be who they are, and believe what they wish. I am as gentle and generous as I can be. I find it costs me nothing to be so.
I do not propose what works for me would work for all, as we are all unique with different paths and goals. I still have much to learn and far to go. But, a kind word, well-turned phrase, and a bit of romance does wonders, will catch my eye and heart, and for me win the race, hands down, everytime.
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