RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 8:12:11 AM)

So many good posts on this thread I wanted to quote nearly all of them.

I am not a skinny woman and very likely will never be. Skinny to me, being the whole, I can see the ribs in your chest when you wear a v-neck shirt, or on your torso when you are not wearing a shirt. I eat very healthy most of the time and work out........but I ain't NEVER gonna be skinny....unless I have some sort of wasting disease and am near death. And then my weight will likely not be a priority anyway.

I don't want ANYONE attracted to me, or not, simply based upon a single physical feature that may not, or knowing me, may change. Some times I look totally fucking hot, other times, when I've been hitting the ice cream hard and the gym less so for a week or two.....less hot, to me. The jiggle in my ass, or lack thereof, is not the totality of what makes me sexy, dominant, whatthefuckever we are measuring.

Similarly what I find sexy, hot, attractive, submissive........in a woman. It will always be the totality of HER that does it. Every fucking time a fat thread comes up, or a thread asking about what we find hot, sexy, attractive, in another person.......I laugh. When I look back and picture the people I've found sexy, hot, attractive, etc........there is such a broad variety that there is absolutely NO WAY I could lump those qualities together to create one perfect person. It just wouldn't work.

We all need to just focus on being the best us we can be and allow the people that find us sexy to well, find us. And, go after the people we find sexy. At some point, the two will find a mutual agreement.

There is NO DAMN WAY, I would allow any s-type to lay the responsibility for their own failings in my lap. The OP is wanting to do that. In essence, saying "Well, I cannot fucking do it so I am going to find a guy to force me to do it, then when I fail again, I can blame him. If he is a real, twuuuuuuuuuuue dominant, he can make me be the woman I want to be."

OP, grow the fuck up and take responsibility for yourself. If you are fat and don't like being fat, change it. Be responsible for yourself.



GreedyTop -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 8:13:19 AM)

Brilliant posts from so many posters!!



JeffBC -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 8:42:52 AM)

I think the answer to your question is, "in theory yes, in reality no." What I mean by that is that if I fell in love with you then the rest follows from there. But depending on your shape, I wouldn't be seeing you as a potential mate which means I never would have fallen in love which means...

Women who, for one reason or another, don't work for me visually just get seen as people, not as females.

I would not take on a "slave" as a health/weight loss project. For me it's an intimate, loving relationship.



Missokyst -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 9:03:35 AM)

I keep thinking of a friend of my sister when I see these lose weight for a guy threads. She was a pretty woman, blonde, blue eyes, with larger boobs and a nice ass for a larger woman. People said "you have such a pretty face" and it was true. And then she met someone and lost a considerable amount of weight. The pretty face became saggy and wrinkled. The boobs shrunk as did the ass, unfortunately they both hung low. I am sure if she had the money to pay for it she would have gone for surgery to reduce the excess skin, but as it was it just left folds.
Her guy left her about 50 lbs into weight loss for a woman who was about that same size she had been. I don't know whether it was because he liked larger women or whether he enjoyed the imbalance that happens when one is normal sized and the other not.
It has now been 10 yrs since she dropped the weight, she looks older than I am and I believe she is still in her 40's. Skin apparently is not all that resilient.
If you are going to lose weight do it for you. Changing for another rarely works because they chose you as is and all you can think of is some ideal of how you want to be for another.



Ishtarr -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 9:19:54 AM)

First of all OP, if you want to attract a man who can see the potential size you want to be at in you, instead of the size you already are, loose that ridiculous BBW label. Being big/fat/overweight does not make you beautiful, and it's ridiculous, if not borderline insulting that overweight women have claimed it otherwise.
Now some people are beautiful despite being fat, just like some people are beautiful despite being too skinny, but all in all beauty have very little to do with weight, and truly beautiful people have a very wide weight range in which they'll stay beautiful.
The problem for you is that the BBW has come to mean: "I'm fat and proud of it; I'm not interested in loosing weight; Accept me as I am or fuck off!" and that's the opposite message than the one you want to put out there.

Now, I'm currently on a weight loss program/getting fit program and have got the man in my life helping me whip in shape and encourage me, basically in all the same ways that you are looking for a Dom to do.

Does it help me? Yes.
Is it because of him that I'm capable of doing this? HELL NO!

He encourages me, and told me what the goals are he'd like to see me reach (more flexible, better range of motion, rock hard muscles) but that's it. Because of what he wants my training program is different than it would have been without him (2 x 15 min stretching & 30 min bellydance/hulladancer workout daily; 30 min powerlifting 4 times a week instead of the endurance and cardio I would have been doing without his input). But the motivation to go through with it is still coming from me... not from him.

In fact, if it wasn't ME that was self-motivated enough to do this, it wouldn't matter what he did, he wouldn't be able to make me do this. That's because weightloss requires mental effort as much as it requires physical effort; if I wasn't self-motivated, that mental effort will be lacking and I would get nowhere.
Every time I'm at the gym, I see women there who are overweight, and decided to try the gym to fix it. They come, stand on an elliptical trainer for 20 minutes, move a little on it and play with their iPhone the entire time without even breaking a sweat. They're far too busy texting to put any effort into their workout at all; they get nowhere, and after a few weeks, quite the gym again. That's what happens when you try to loose weight with primarily external motivations (the opinions of others) driving you. If you're only going working out or denying yourself food because of what somebody else thinks of it, you'll give up the first time the pain of the burn hits you in the gym, or the first time a serious craving for your favorite fast-food hits you. Weightloss is not something you can do by just going through the motions. You need to have the internal drive to dot the Is and cross the Ts.

If you're serious about this, YOU need to do this on your own; any man you may get in your life in the meantime who supports you might be a nice extra, but he's not going to be able to make you do this for him, or for yourself... if you can't do it for yourself already.



DesFIP -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 9:28:23 AM)

If he doesn't like you as you are now, then you'll never get the support you need to maybe lose the weight. And if something happens and you can't, do you really want him to say 'out you go'?



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 9:47:50 AM)

I cringed at Jeff saying that some didn't read as 'people'...but I admit that big fat guys don't hit my radar, either. And I am not interested in being anyone's personal trainer insofar as recreating them.

Amusing to contrast this to all those people that claim they want to 'break and remake', isn't it?



JstAnotherSub -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 9:51:14 AM)

I cringed too, but he did say didn't register as females, just as people.

The thing that registers with me is the eyes. If your eyes can look in to mine and make me feel, I am putty in your hands!



kalikshama -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 10:12:29 AM)

quote:

...I'm sorry, folks, but if this OP was male, this thread would get the standard "you don't match the other person's preference so move on" that darn near every male gets when he brings a question to the boards about email or contacting people. If we can't treat the genders the same on an issue, we really should be asking why.



The bolded does summarize what I read the posters above you as saying.



JeffBC -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 10:24:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub
I cringed too, but he did say didn't register as females, just as people.

*nods* EVERYONE is people to me. It takes a specific set of conditions to register another person as a female... a potential mate. One of those things is body shape. But that's just one of many. Collectively, the other person must be both physically and emotionally attractive to me. I also need to be single. Right now, no person really gets out of the "person" category in my eyes... not even the 21 year old swedish swimsuit models with a business degree.



TNDommeK -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 10:27:47 AM)

That's what I agree with as well.There are too many people who do fall under the category as liking BBWs, so I would shoot for that crowd, were I you.

Also I agree with Greedy, there have been some very good posts here. A lot of great advice.



kalikshama -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 10:28:04 AM)

quote:

If you met a lady that had everything you wanted in her attitude, disposition and willingness to submit would you be willing to help her transform her physical body into what you would find pleasing? I am talking about a safe weight loss program involving diet and exercise. Plus your control/Dominance over her as your property, not to mention her deep desire to please you, as a motivating factor.

The danger here is that once he's done transforming you he'll dump you for his next project.

I reject guys for myriads of reasons and respect their right to reject me for theirs.

quote:

Now of course me personally, I WANT to lose the weight already first for health reasons and second because I am not happy with my body. I am absolutely NOT talking about forcing someone to do this because it would please you. A person absolutely has to WANT to change and have the desire within them to be successful.

I want to acknowledge that I see the above, which a lot of posters seem to have overlooked in your post. I'm not sure how much you believe this though, given the paragraph that proceeded it.

I normally lose weight via exercise, but have been having knee issues that complicate this. When I saw my sister at Easter, she suggested myfitnesspal.com, which is free. Since then I've lost 19 pounds. In addition to faithfully filling out my food journal and making smarter food choices, I gradually ramped up exercising and have worked up to swimming a mile.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 10:37:01 AM)

Sorry for misreading your actual words, Jeff, though I did understand what you meant! [:)]



Salinedion -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 11:11:02 AM)

Under no circumstance would I get involved in my partners weight loss efforts -beyond broad support. It's too much like therapy. Kink is not therapy. Kink dressed up as self-help usually ends badly.

My partner gave up smoking -without my help. Well, I did spank her more during that first week, but that was just stress relief mercy rather than an anti-smoking aid.

I say lose your weight (or not) on your own terms and find a good man who loves your big ass.



kalikshama -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 11:15:33 AM)

This thread made me think of the unhealthy food dynamic I was in with my ex D. Under his control, I'd lost about 25 pounds and was a size 10, which is a very good size for my frame. At that time, we had a financial dynamic and he did the food shopping, so I mostly had no choice about what I ate. (I remember finding a $20 in the swimming pool and buying cheeseburgers and ice cream with it. When other windfalls came my way I spent them on food as well.)

After less than a year, I ended our financial dynamic and also officially ended our BDSM dynamic, but due to our temperaments, traces remained for the rest of the four years that I lived with him. I tried to move out many times, but he always talked me into staying. I expressed my unhappiness by gaining back the 25#, and a whole bunch more on top of that. I lost 40# of my Fuck You fat in about a year after finally leaving him.

So in my case, having a D control my food turned out to be quite unhealthy for me.



sexyred1 -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 2:12:39 PM)

I have some more comments to make here.

1. To those who think that the term BBW is made up by fat women wanting to lie to themselves or others, that is pure bullshit. It was coined in the 70's in the fashion world. I was a plus size model and the manufacturer's need a more palatable marketing term than the Plus size departments, so marketing created BBW. To those who say you have issues if you call yourself one, step back and consider that it is also empowering for a woman to call herself whatever the hell she wants to, including BBW, whether or not YOU think she is beautiful has no bearing on whether SHE thinks she is.

2. To those who keep telling the OP to lose weight first. ONLY YOU can do that, no one else. A supportive partner can help you but I guarantee you and have seen first hand with friends of mine, if a guy goes with you trying to change your weight, it will never work, even if you want to. No one can help you do anything, but yourself. Sorry folks.

3. You should never even have started a thread like this because it is pathetic to worry about something not in your control. You cannot control other's preferences, only your own and your response to them.

4. As I said earlier in the thread, have confidence walk around like you are the bomb, and there will be those who think so too and those who don't. Fuck them.



AngelinChainz -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 2:18:32 PM)

Ok, first off I am not involved with anyone at the moment. As I said in my OP it was just something that I had wondered about. I guess I should expect people to get highly emotional over the subject of weight, I just thought I had explained my reason for the question well enough. This not something that is being demanded of me I just want to lose the weight on my own because of health issues. It just came to mind at some point though that what an awesome motivator it would be. I am just speaking for myself on that. The question was simply if any Dominants have thought of this or tried it, or would even be willing to do it. NOT for ME specifically for anyone period.



JstAnotherSub -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 2:32:35 PM)

I don't mind others calling themselves BBW or whatever they want to. If that empowers them, more power to them. It empowers me to not be afraid of the word fat.

I have no idea what Carol Shaw had in mind when she coined the term, other than a way of marketing a magazine aimed towards plus or queen sized women, without being offensive. I understand the not being offensive thing, I just think that we worry too much about offending nowadays.

Call me fat, call me BBW, just don't call me late for supper!

Yanno the fat broad had to go there!

[;)]



GotSteel -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 3:15:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelinChainz
I have a serious question for Doms/Masters that will not accept BBW sub/slaves. If you met a lady that had everything you wanted in her attitude, disposition and willingness to submit would you be willing to help her transform her physical body into what you would find pleasing?


When I've looked for a significant other "everything I wanted in her attitude" has included self control. A lot of what I enjoy and am interested in requires one to be able to pull their own weight (both figuratively and literally).





ARIES83 -> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs (7/27/2012 3:23:28 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelinChainz

Ok, first off I am not involved with anyone at the moment. As I said in my OP it was just something that I had wondered about. I guess I should expect people to get highly emotional over the subject of weight, I just thought I had explained my reason for the question well enough. This not something that is being demanded of me I just want to lose the weight on my own because of health issues. It just came to mind at some point though that what an awesome motivator it would be. I am just speaking for myself on that. The question was simply if any Dominants have thought of this or tried it, or would even be willing to do it. NOT for ME specifically for anyone period.


I still think you got your answer angel,
I personaly am impressed by the amount of
people willing to take the time to compose all
these big empathetic posts. Yes theres a lot
of "Tuf Luv" in there aswell but thats good in
my opinion.

This thread gets my thumbs up!
And jstanothersub.. I am very close to putting
"JstAnotherSub fan club member", as my new
sig! Great work.

-ARIES



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