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RE: Can you live without it? - 7/29/2012 12:10:31 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Primalfan
Do you think that you could leave whatever fetish you have behind? Can you wash it from your mind and set yourself free? Or are you a slave (pun intended) to the desires that are tattooed onto your psyche?

That depends on what you mean. In the sense you're talking about, I think Carol is my fetish. Everything else could be left behind without much thought or disruption. It is Carol herself who is "tattooed onto my psyche".

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
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officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Primalfan)

Post #: 21

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/29/2012 12:56:07 PM

Kaiel

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

I could live without the toys, but I really wouldn't want to. I am dominant by nature~ always have been so that would not and could not change.

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Post #: 22

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/29/2012 1:53:56 PM

sunsfire

Posts: 18
Joined: 7/25/2012
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Noted LaTigresse and thank you for the input.

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Service is the rent we pay to be living. It is the very purpose of life and not something you do in your spare time. - Marian Wright Edelman

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Post #: 23

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/29/2012 1:57:21 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

I can live without everything but oxygen, food and water pretty much. I was once an addict and a junkie and have been clean for 10 whole years now. I thought I couldn't live without that but indeed I have. I realize now that other than the things I just mentioned, there's nothing I can't live without. I may not WISH to live without other things, but I definitely can..........luci

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(in reply to Primalfan)

Post #: 24

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/29/2012 1:58:41 PM

needlesandpins

Posts: 3901
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probably. however, i have spent alot of years hiding myself, or rather not trusting enough to hand myself over. now with my playmate i can give all of myself to him, and we are enjoying the both of us being able to explore that. we have given ourselves over to each other in a way that neither of us have been able to before. i'm really loving that, and the possibilities that come with it. so while i could go back to how i was, i'd really miss what i have now.

being in love with someone doesn't mean you trust them with your entire self. i find it very strange, but exceptionally thrilling that i trust my playmate as much as i do to be able to give him so much. i never thought i'd be able to have this without having to be in a relationship. it would be a huge shame to have to give that up.

needles

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Post #: 25

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/29/2012 4:32:36 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
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fr-

no, i cannot be free from my fetishes and proclivities anymore than i can be free from my very soul.

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Post #: 26

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/30/2012 12:51:03 AM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

My Master (and my belonging to him) is my fetish, so no. I could not give it up, leave it behind, or be content without it.

(in reply to Primalfan)

Post #: 27

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/30/2012 7:09:11 AM

MasterGreg43

Posts: 79
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Fla, Ga, NY, NJ, MD, VA, now PA
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well not sure about other but what draw ed Me to the lifestyle is because of what is in the DNA of a Master lol, no I could not leave lifestyle, it has been within Me for long before I acknowledged what it really was, I felt I was just picky to what I want and how many I needed to keep and maintain highest level of pleasure

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(in reply to Winterapple)

Post #: 28

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/30/2012 7:56:09 AM

Byste

Posts: 21
Joined: 6/1/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Live without kink? I've taken long breaks from playing. I don't need to have kink as part of my relationship, if I have another outlet.

I am a bossy broad, kink or no kink, and that doesn't change.

Same here.

Byste

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 29

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/30/2012 9:15:11 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
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FR

Depends on how you define "kink". I'm a submissive, not a masochist. As long as Master leads, I will follow. If he said "no more spankings or nipple clamps" it wouldn't be the end of the world as long as I could still satisfy his needs.

(in reply to Byste)

Post #: 30

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/30/2012 10:06:05 AM

81song

Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
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In some way I hear what you are saying but can I live without it?
I’ve learned that this is who I am and I should accept as to who I am. So no matter what, one can deny the way I am. I have learned over time to accept this. It is not a negative thing but for me a positive thing for me to grow.
If I was never to be with a Domme for the rest of my life I would still have this fire in me. It is who I am.

(in reply to searching4mysir)

Post #: 31

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/30/2012 11:27:42 AM

SlipSlidingAway

Posts: 223
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunsfire

For my very first post on Collar Me forums: i believe i can speak to this subject with confidence.

i was in this lifestyle for many years. For many reasons, left unsaid, i chose to leave the lifestyle and go vanilla 10 years ago. Every moment i spent in those 10 years was far more miserable than the time i spent in it. As with any life lesson, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

i was in a monogomous vanilla relationship for 8 years. Though easy, my life was completely unfullfilled. In short, i was miserable. i need to serve. Serving is my core being. With that said, without the Ying to my Yang, serving isn't the same when not in this world. i can attest to that first hand. i had the mindset that i could serve irregardless of the lifestyle. MAN WAS I WRONG!

i've spent the last 2 years celibate and soul searching before deciding to face my fears and re-enter this lifestyle without reservation. i chose to be celibate because vanilla sex isn't fulfilling in any way to me. Masturbation is just as good at that point to be honest. i might even say masturbation is better because at least i know myself well.

PLEASE i beg Y/you. If Y/you believe that Y/you can hop between the two worlds, PLEASE think again. i believe Y/you are doing an injustice to Y/your true being.

This. So much this. I am currently in a 'nilla marriage. I was trying to find a way to explain how I could answer the OP when I read this post.

I have survived without it. I am surviving without it. At the same time, part of me is very much not alive and well. So, I can survive, but not thrive. I have tried, I continue to try, but much like Sisyphus, my best efforts can NEVER get me to where I need to be. Thinking that I could be submissive without dominance, that I could reach into my soul and pull it off, has made me understand the punishment Sisyphus was handed. It's a lesson in futility and frustration.

(in reply to sunsfire)

Post #: 32

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/30/2012 11:34:50 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

One of the things I've noticed from these answers is that it's mainly the females who say they can live without the kinks and fetishes but not their personalities while the men say they can't live without their kinks and fetishes because it's a part of them....hhhhmmm....just something I find interesting.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Post #: 33

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/30/2012 6:55:11 PM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
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I know what I like is considered kink, but I don't see it that way.

If you're asking whether I would enjoy life being something I'm not, well, uh, no. No I wouldn't.

I just do what feels right. I can be a Dom and still give My girl a good massage. Maybe I am providing a service to her, but for all she does for me - why wouldn't I? Especially if it makes her happy, and that is also one of my drives.

Would I arbitrarily be something else? With the right motivation, I'm sure I would. Wouldn't you? (Note the key words there.)

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Post #: 34

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/30/2012 7:13:53 PM

Marini

Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline

Cute topic Primalfan.

I believe that many people have an inherently submissive or Dominant personality.

I am a womb to the tomb Dominant woman, it's in my spirit.

All my long term and what I consider successful relationships, where with men that were "naturally submissive", and had nothing to do with this lifestyle.

We were being who we both were in the relationship!
I was in a vanilla marriage, and knew nothing of this lifestyle, and I was almost always in control, he gave me his pay check, I paid the bills and made many/most of the important decisions.
I found us a new apartment once, and he saw it when we moved in!

It had to do with basic personalities, and people being allowed to be themselves in a relationship.

I always chuckle at the D/s dynamic within so many vanilla relationships.

I lived before I "discovered" the lifestyle 10 years ago, and I could live without it.

I am wondering why I would even have to leave the lifestyle to have kink?
Many vanilla's play around with kink, and this lifestyle if only in the bedroom.
50 shades of grey anyone?

I personally believe this "lifestyle" is becoming more mainstream than many care to admit.

So I don't have to live without "it", because wherever I go there I am.

Peace

< Message edited by Marini -- 7/30/2012 7:27:50 PM >

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As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
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Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to Primalfan)

Post #: 35

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/30/2012 7:29:30 PM

Marini

Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaiel

I could live without the toys, but I really wouldn't want to. I am dominant by nature~ always have been so that would not and could not change.

That's how I feel Kaiel!

From the womb to the tomb, sister.
What is there to change?

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to Kaiel)

Post #: 36

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/30/2012 10:49:57 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I could live without the kink if I had to, all of you could, if you were forced to.

Of course everyone says they would never want to, that is obvious from all of us being here.

I know what I want and what I need and if I never find it, I will still be content. I would forgo the intense kink that I love in favor of a healthy, loving relationship and that is the key.

I spent an inordinate amount of time on a relationship because I told myself I could not live without the kink. And guess what? i just felt empty.

So, yeah, I could live without it, I am living without it now and I am living my life for myself, not for my kink.

(in reply to Marini)

Post #: 37

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/30/2012 10:52:57 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

What I do isn't a fetish, its a part of who I am. Id no more walk away from who I am, than id willingly cut off my arm.

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Post #: 38

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/31/2012 6:00:31 AM

SadisticDom731

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/6/2011
Status: offline

This is the age old question; nature vs nurture . I subscribe to the nature side of the fence while may have leads things like to increase the pleasure of any act ( this one being spanking ) I was born a dominant and I now I believe a sadist. Living without "it" would leave me a nasty frustrated sadist, which would just be an unhappy place to be.

Like others I've tried to go back to vanilla, is never been successful and always leaves me unsatisfied

(in reply to Winterapple)

Post #: 39

RE: Can you live without it? - 7/31/2012 7:08:43 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

As Lady Hib is a bossy broad, I'm not. In the absence of a leader, I will lead. I don't want to, and I don't thrive when I'm a leader, but I do it. It is a way to serve - use my skills to help others. Same is true for anything in my life. I've given up so many things I never thought I would live without - and things it didn't occur to me that I'd need to live without. I miss those things, but I'm fine without them. I can't walk into a big bookstore and browse for hours - my favorite reward for a job well done. I live without it. I can't attend my favorite dance class / yoga class / exercise class - which fill my soul and make my body sing. I live without them. I can't hold and hug the people I love on a regular basis. I live without that. But ... BUT... I do browse books online, I take different classes and do yoga alone in my apartment and have taken up jogging. I have learned the sensual pleasures of soft clothes, cold drinks, steamy saunas, and the wind in my hair.

It is the ESSENCE of the thing that is important to me rather than the thing itself. I still have intellectual stimulation, physical stimulation, work and play that are fulfilling. And I have a new appreciation for touch. That's quite lovely. If I get lost in the exact thing - whatever it is - I have no flexibility and will break. I don't want to break. I can't stop being who I am, but I'm not so set in my ways that the details are more important than the underlying truth.

best wishes,
sunshine

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to SadisticDom731)

Post #: 40

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