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RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/2/2012 9:46:40 AM   
xLaChienne


Posts: 259
Joined: 11/12/2011
Status: offline 		I think most people have been in a relationship that when it ended they look back and try to figure out what the fuck they were thinking.

You stated many times in the previous thread that you didn't care if there were others, that you just wanted to know.

I don't think he was the only one being dishonest with you. Did you honestly think it didn't matter? If it didn't matter then you wouldn't have wanted to know so badly. I bet he knew it mattered to you and what your reaction would be thus the avoidance of answering.

It's easier to be mad at someone else. This allows us to avoid the hard stuff like introspection and self actualization.

My advice is to own all of those negative feelings and look inward to find what it is that allowed you to be in a relationship for so long that was not satisfying to you. To work on being honest with yourself in what you seek, what you need, what you desire, and what you truly want in a relationship so that in turn you are able to be honest to those you engage in a relationship with because it really does matter.

I'm not saying he is blameless. I am saying that neither are you.

Have a good cry, beat up a pillow, bitch to your girlfriends, eat too much ice cream and then take control of your life and your feelings and put all of that energy into being a better you (introspection, hit the gym, etc.). That really is the sweetest revenge.


(in reply to SongofSirens)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/2/2012 11:50:31 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ANy words of wisdom


Cardio.
Yoga.

Next time, listen to those red flags and don't settle. Your gut told you there were others. Pay attention.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to SongofSirens)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/2/2012 11:51:15 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		What LittleWonder said. That is probably the most important thing said here, then worry about the mental part after. I will say though, a punching bag is never a bad investment. I have one here and aside from getting Me is shape, it works wonders for those not so happy moments.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to xLaChienne)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/2/2012 12:04:55 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SongofSirens

Hi. I posted here about 2 weeks ago about my ex master not giving answers to questions. I asked him one last time, he failed to answer and I just disappeared. I went out on two dates just for a distraction, it was fun and all but no romantic connection. But during this time master texted me "There were others, but they were nobodies, it was different with you"  I did not respond then. ( in my first post I told you all I told him the answer didnt matter, but damn did it!)
Since that text I am mad as hell, enraged even. Although I didnt text him back immediately, I am enraged, and messaged him some vile things. I find myself wanting revenge for him keeping me in the dark so long. I think I am mad at myself for the most part, the truth be known.
I got so little satisfaction out of the relationship,it wasnt just that unanswered question there were many through time. I am so totally pissed 2 weeks later!!!
ANy words of wisdom for a raging bitch? :)


Of course you are totally pissed. I'm sure he was telling you to trust him, while doing nothing to earn your trust. Yeah, you knew in your head that he was wrong, but you trusted your heart, there are worse things to do. Anger does not have to be a negative emotion, use it ! There are some great ideas for how above me.

If my memory serves, this was your first M/s relationship, correct? So you fucked up. Stop beating yourself up for being wrong. You are human and imperfect, you get to be wrong sometimes.

See the time you spent as time taken to learn some valuable lessons. Then drum them into your head and your heart so you LEARN THEM.

Stop responding to him, you should have him blocked, and the day you can do that, you will know some serious healing has begun. PLEASE stop calling him Master in your head. And I have to say this, if you are using him as a mastubatory device (not that uncommon), stop that too.

Allow time to grieve over the loss of a relationship, regardless of how unsatisfactory it may have been. Everyone grieves in their own way, but put a time limit on it, if you can.

Best, CP








< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 8/2/2012 12:07:19 PM >

_____________________________



(in reply to SongofSirens)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/2/2012 1:37:00 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SongofSirens

Hi. I posted here about 2 weeks ago about my ex master not giving answers to questions. I asked him one last time, he failed to answer and I just disappeared. I went out on two dates just for a distraction, it was fun and all but no romantic connection. But during this time master texted me "There were others, but they were nobodies, it was different with you"  I did not respond then. ( in my first post I told you all I told him the answer didnt matter, but damn did it!)
Since that text I am mad as hell, enraged even. Although I didnt text him back immediately, I am enraged, and messaged him some vile things. I find myself wanting revenge for him keeping me in the dark so long. I think I am mad at myself for the most part, the truth be known.
I got so little satisfaction out of the relationship,it wasnt just that unanswered question there were many through time. I am so totally pissed 2 weeks later!!!
ANy words of wisdom for a raging bitch? :)


You heard great advice. Here is more:

Be happy you only wasted 8 months instead of 8 years, then you would really hate yourself.

Don't assume you will just automatically be able to turn off thinking about him.

You will be incredibly angry one day and HATE him, and the next week, you will miss whatever it was you liked about him and then you might start having selective memories.

Just be aware of the ups and downs you will have over this and it will not just stop. Grieving the end of something is not cut and dried, there is no time limit for relief and you just have to make sure you know (and you do know) that you own your own part in this.

When I used to rant and rave about how horrible my ex was, my friends and family started hating him of course.

But then I started telling them, don't hate him, be mad at me for using such poor judgement and staying with someone who didn't deserve me.

Being honest about this is the only way to get any sense of relief. Oh as for fantasies of revenge? I have had them many times. But you know what? Nothing you can do would do any good, and not allowing him to see you ever again is the best revenge.

That is what I finally did.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 8/2/2012 1:39:08 PM >

(in reply to SongofSirens)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/2/2012 3:31:16 PM   
SongofSirens


Posts: 43
Joined: 7/20/2012
Status: offline 		I want to thank each and every one of you for taking the time to give me some excellent advice. I can take something from each post they are so damn good. I'm feeling a little better right now and the revenge part is leaving me. I dont feel quite as enraged.
I really wasn't honest either, I found myself agreeing to things that were not me early on to plz him I was so damn LOVE STRUCK. The text through me off and angered me , because I kept thinking. I AM A NOBODY TOO I AM A NOBODY TOO.
I felt alot of positive energy from all the posts and I really needed it. Hopefully I can take this negative and make it a positive soon. THanks again for staying positive, kind, and real.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/2/2012 3:48:56 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		I have one thing to add about grieving, SOS.

Don't confuse the loss of HIM with the loss of your hopes and dreams. You still have them, and someone worthy will be along to fulfill those when the time is right. Him, I got nothing but 'good riddance' for. YOU, stop being so hard on yourself...we live, we hopefully learn. We continue to make mistakes, and as long as they're not making the same ones over and over, they are part of the learning process. The day we stop learning we might as well die.

In your other thread I told you you are smart and will be fine. You will. Live well, it's the best revenge. Enjoy that he's a douche and didn't win. Feck 'im!

(in reply to SongofSirens)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/2/2012 4:00:14 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SongofSirens

I want to thank each and every one of you for taking the time to give me some excellent advice. I can take something from each post they are so damn good. I'm feeling a little better right now and the revenge part is leaving me. I dont feel quite as enraged.
I really wasn't honest either, I found myself agreeing to things that were not me early on to plz him I was so damn LOVE STRUCK. The text through me off and angered me , because I kept thinking. I AM A NOBODY TOO I AM A NOBODY TOO.
I felt alot of positive energy from all the posts and I really needed it. Hopefully I can take this negative and make it a positive soon. THanks again for staying positive, kind, and real.


Thank you for being so gracious. So often here, people mistake good advice for criticism and we all have been where you are, believe me. I only hope you feel better soon!

(in reply to SongofSirens)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/2/2012 4:33:51 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		I love the people on here. No holds barred but full of compassion. Good stuff here.

May I add something? Decency. Make sure that your behavior is filled with decency. It can be horribly hard when one is in the grips of rage, but in the end there is an amazing feeling of success when one walks away, decency intact. Many years ago I had an ugly break up that broke my heart. I was crazy angry - at myself, my lover. I made this commitment. Never would I do something that I couldn't look back and say "I'm proud of the way I handled it." Except for one 5 second (seriously - 5 seconds) lapse when we ran into each other at an event that was one of MY events (you know what I mean... MY hobby, not yours. You're here just to irritate me), I handled everything with decency. Even those 5 seconds... I hissed like a cat. Then I walked away. Left the event and went the heck home. Today, many years later, I am able to say, "I'm proud of the way I handled it." I wish this for you. That has been one of my proudest experiences. Devastation + decency.

Be kind to yourself. Have fun when you can. Sleep, eat healthy when you can. And movies. Movies are a great way to express yourself. :)

best wishes,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/2/2012 4:34:43 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SongofSirens
I am mad as hell, enraged even. Although I didnt text him back immediately, I am enraged, and messaged him some vile things. I find myself wanting revenge for him keeping me in the dark so long. I think I am mad at myself for the most part, the truth be known.
I got so little satisfaction out of the relationship,it wasnt just that unanswered question there were many through time. I am so totally pissed 2 weeks later!!!

Of course you're pissed. I would be too! But, the longer you stay pissed and let him inside your head, he's winning. Don't let him win...don't give him space inside your head. Like someone once said, living well is the best revenge.

Treat yourself like you would your best friend. The advice you'd give her were she in this situation, take it to heart for yourself. He was a mistake and a learning experience. Now you need to move on to better things. Be good to yourself and leave his B.S. behind. Oh, and by all means, get a comprehensive STD screen to make sure he didn't give you the gift that keeps on giving.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to SongofSirens)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/2/2012 4:37:10 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Meh....One question, was it pretty good fucking and sucking while it lasted?

Great.  He is kicked to  the curb.   Move on.



_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/2/2012 4:37:22 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		/thread hijack

That living well thing. I saw a movie once in which the heroine declared: Living well isn't revenge. You should live well anyway.

/end hijack.


_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/2/2012 4:37:38 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I love the people on here. No holds barred but full of compassion. Good stuff here.

May I add something? Decency. Make sure that your behavior is filled with decency. It can be horribly hard when one is in the grips of rage, but in the end there is an amazing feeling of success when one walks away, decency intact. Many years ago I had an ugly break up that broke my heart. I was crazy angry - at myself, my lover. I made this commitment. Never would I do something that I couldn't look back and say "I'm proud of the way I handled it." Except for one 5 second (seriously - 5 seconds) lapse when we ran into each other at an event that was one of MY events (you know what I mean... MY hobby, not yours. You're here just to irritate me), I handled everything with decency. Even those 5 seconds... I hissed like a cat. Then I walked away. Left the event and went the heck home. Today, many years later, I am able to say, "I'm proud of the way I handled it." I wish this for you. That has been one of my proudest experiences. Devastation + decency.

Be kind to yourself. Have fun when you can. Sleep, eat healthy when you can. And movies. Movies are a great way to express yourself. :)

best wishes,
sunshine


Always lovely sunny....

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/2/2012 4:41:58 PM   
joeleyre


Posts: 69
Joined: 10/17/2010
From: Kansas
Status: offline 		There has been a lot af very valuable information in this thread, and it seems to have calmed you down, a bit. Hope you keep getting almer, and more in tuen with what you are really hoping to find.............

quote:

ORIGINAL: painslutboy

Not sure your location, but I become a nice soft and voluminous punching bag when suspended on tippy-toes... :-)

(Sorry not trying to lower the tone of this excellent thread with trollific drivel, just wanted to make u smile..)

psb


I am also with this guy. "Laughter is the best medicine". So.....Hopefully...Another post that can make you smile.

This.........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3G3fILPQAU

.......From what I hear, that is the ultimate "feel good" movie for women. Maybe watching the actual movie, as oppossed to just the trailer I posted could do something for you? You already seem to be lightening up a little, and being a little less pissed off. And like a lot of posters already said, you do need a way to get your mind off of the asshole completely, and get your mind on your own goals. Not a fan of T.V, really but I am a fan of good movies. Maybe my suggestion will help you out?

*edited side note* Yes, I do think that movie is actually a good movie.

< Message edited by joeleyre -- 8/2/2012 4:43:45 PM >

_____________________________

"Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member."
-Groucho Marx

(in reply to painslutboy)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/2/2012 6:00:46 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

ANy words of wisdom


Cardio.
Yoga.

Next time, listen to those red flags and don't settle. Your gut told you there were others. Pay attention.


Please note that kalikshama suggests cardio and yoga. I suggest chocolate. Is there ay question which advice is better?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/2/2012 6:20:40 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SongofSirens

Hi. I posted here about 2 weeks ago about my ex master not giving answers to questions. I asked him one last time, he failed to answer and I just disappeared. I went out on two dates just for a distraction, it was fun and all but no romantic connection. But during this time master texted me "There were others, but they were nobodies, it was different with you"  I did not respond then. ( in my first post I told you all I told him the answer didnt matter, but damn did it!)
Since that text I am mad as hell, enraged even. Although I didnt text him back immediately, I am enraged, and messaged him some vile things. I find myself wanting revenge for him keeping me in the dark so long. I think I am mad at myself for the most part, the truth be known.
I got so little satisfaction out of the relationship,it wasnt just that unanswered question there were many through time. I am so totally pissed 2 weeks later!!!
ANy words of wisdom for a raging bitch? :)


A) "Ex Master"...ergo...prior to your having deduced that it was time to seek elsewhere...he was your (assumed/current) Master.

2) "Master" texted you....ergo...he was Master.

3) You stepped out.

4)....You're asking what...and why?

(I sometimes actually wonder where this giant brain of mine comes from).

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 8/2/2012 6:39:48 PM >

(in reply to SongofSirens)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/2/2012 9:26:09 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		I know why pain is equated with vengeance. As time goes on, though, I see less and less point to it.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.


(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/3/2012 12:51:19 AM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline
quote:

SweetRevenge
I AM A NOBODY TOO I AM A NOBODY TOO.


Clearly, you understand the actual value of the gentleman. Focus briefly on the business concept of "sunk costs". When you have made an investment you are inclined to invest more rather than walk away. Even when you KNOW it's a bad deal.

Realize and admit that you have lost what you put into this guy. And that investing more will only increase the losses. That will make it easier to see things as they are.

The way things are is, there is a good guy and a bad guy and it is pretty clear who is who.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to SongofSirens)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/3/2012 10:10:01 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SongofSirens
( in my first post I told you all I told him the answer didnt matter, but damn did it!)
Since that text I am mad as hell, enraged even. Although I didnt text him back immediately, I am enraged, and messaged him some vile things. I find myself wanting revenge for him keeping me in the dark so long. I think I am mad at myself for the most part, the truth be known.
I got so little satisfaction out of the relationship,it wasnt just that unanswered question there were many through time. I am so totally pissed 2 weeks later!!!
ANy words of wisdom for a raging bitch? :)

Remember what I told you about that highlighted part?

Anger and grief are going to be a part of this situation. Don't ignore them. That's a normal part of processing and dealing with those in a healthy way is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Just don't allow those healthy emotions to turn into resentment. That's where a lot of people allow bad past experiences to infringe on their future endeavors in a negative way.

Oh, yeah. Pillows make good targets if you're pissed.

Good luck.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SongofSirens)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Sweet Revenge - 8/3/2012 10:45:35 AM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		It happens to all of us. We get bruised. We get broken. We get used. We get left. And, Yes, we get angry. Being angry seems a lot safer than giving into what stands behind anger because behind anger are sorrow and blame and when we are alone we can only aim those things at ourself. Take it from someone that has heard all the stories, all the lies, all the blame coming from someone else.....if you listen, if you hold onto it, it is only going to do harm to you. You knew who you were as a person before you started this realationship (I hope) and you tried to change to makes someone else happy (I did too) but the truth is the only person you can make happy is yourself. And this may seem like an odd way of trying to cheer someone up but I have to do it...

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us -don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

There is nothing wrong with being nobody as long as you are still yourself. And though I don't know you I am going to do this too. *extends hand* Hi. I'm nobody. I see you're nobody too. If you ever need someone to talk to about how to get through another day when you think you can't come talk to me.



< Message edited by MissImmortalPain -- 8/3/2012 10:46:24 AM >

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to SongofSirens)
Profile   Post #: 40
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