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RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/2/2012 2:27:07 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
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OP has already been answered better than I could
but I wanted to add, in my opinion, saying you never
sacrifice or submit under any circumstances period,
reeks of immaturity and ego, sometimes you have to
sacrifice your ego to make the more sensible choice.

-ARIES

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Post #: 21

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/2/2012 2:37:55 PM

Whenready

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quote: a dominant person does NOT sacrifice and submit to another dominant person, PERIOD. well, assuming you're not a switch.

Maybe I'm missing the point here. If I am, this post won't make any sense, and might even set off a flame or two. But, if you never try....

I regard myself as dominant. I do not submit to another dominant person. If I'm reading previous posters correctly, most of them seem willing to accommodate and/or make sacrifices for their sub / slave, but the quote doesn't say that. (Again, please note my opening caveat). Equally, I do not sacrifice to or for another dominant person. I'm not in LadyPact's position: I can see that some negotiation and give and take would be necessary in a D/D (and/or polyamorous - MY definition) situation. I wonder, however, whether this sacrifice is a bdsm issue or a relationship issue. It's tough when a loved one has to go away, whether for work or deployment, but it seems to me that that's more to do with "life" than "bdsm": the sacrifice is the same (in my opinion) for a vanilla relationship.

As usual, I reserve the right to be wrong, and, in this case, perhaps to have missed the point. Be well one and all.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 22

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/2/2012 2:39:34 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
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From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

OP has already been answered better than I could
but I wanted to add, in my opinion, saying you never
sacrifice or submit under any circumstances period,
reeks of immaturity and ego, sometimes you have to
sacrifice your ego to make the more sensible choice.

-ARIES

When I responded, I was pretty sure that we were talking about within the context of an intimate relationship.

I never meant to suggest that I never compromise or even submit at times. Certainly, I submit to my supervisor's will. I submit to the state trooper who pulls me over. I submit to the laws that I feel are in my best interest to obey.

At the risk of invoking more insulting adjectives I will reiterate: in the context of intimate D/s relationships I will not sacrifice (which has been defined as: "Forfeiture of something highly valued for the sake of one considered to have a greater value or claim." for the purposes of this discussion) ever again.

I have always explained to my friends that do not understand D/s that to me, it means little else than two (or more) people agreeing that when they just can't seem to come to agreement on a particular issue, they have already agreed - from the outset - that one of them will be the ultimate decision maker. In my relationships, that's me.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

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Post #: 23

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/2/2012 4:40:41 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
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FR-

the quote you refer to is mine. i'm glad you used it to spur another good thread. but since it was from me, i think i need to express it more clearly. i wasn't talking about sacrifice, but was talking about submission. and i recognized it's not black and white for everyone, esp switches.

re this: "Don't most successful relationships have this as a part of them, regardless of who has what label? "

yes, or course, wholeheartedly agree.

re what i've sacrificed as a dominant. i think i'm beginning to understand you and others more and this dynamic of you seeing things and putting things through the prism of a "dominant" or a "sub". and why it's so hard to relate to people who ask me "how much experience i have". it's because i don't put things through that prism. i.e., me being dominant is irrelevant to me, say sacrificing a few hours and being subjected to both gang bangers and local police questioning about why i was rooting around on a dark street, looking for some important papers my significant other lost and really needed.

again, that i'm dominant is totally irrelevant to sacrificing that for my sweetheart and love.

so, questions like this...

"Do you believe that a Dominant may have to sacrifice at times for the good of the dynamic?"

don't really resonate with me. because unless you have a true slave, then as a human being in a decent relationship, you're going to be sacrificing for the other, and again, it's totally irrelevant whether you're a D or S.

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Post #: 24

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/2/2012 5:14:35 PM

Salinedion

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Everything's hers and everything is mine. She puts herself at my feet. I do the equal of that, but not ever anything like that.

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Post #: 25

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/2/2012 5:22:02 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
That's pretty much his view, but he does it because I want him to eat healthier.

I don't doubt it at all. If a female partner is bossing her man around, it's because whatever she wants him to do is for his own good. It was ever thus;-)

He could say no, but he sacrifices white rice and french fries for me......

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Post #: 26

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/2/2012 5:49:15 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

He could say no, but he sacrifices white rice and french fries for me......

Fair enough. But if he ever starts saying 'Yes dear', and most especially 'Don't fuss, dear' - worry.

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Post #: 27

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/2/2012 6:09:20 PM

NuevaVida

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~ Fast Reply ~

People sacrifice for people.

I'm pretty sure I haven't met someone in a long term healthy relationship who hasn't made sacrifices for the better good of it, along the way.

We're hoping to (finally) move in together next year, after the kid graduates high school. He may move up to my area so I can remain closer to my elderly mother and my sister who needs a lot of help. This would mean transferring or changing jobs. His job is highly valued. Yes, it's a sacrifice.

Sacrifices worth making don't really feel like sacrifices, though.

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Post #: 28

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/2/2012 6:32:31 PM

RemoteUser

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I tell my girl, "Anything for you." when she asks for something.

I say it because I mean it. She does many things for me that are not second nature. Should I do any less? Nope. If she can devote herself to us and make me happier, the dynamic stronger, I'd be nothing short of a fat horse's ass to do any less by her.

She's my girl, my partner, and partners sacrifice without really losing anything in a negative sense - they're just being true to themselves and each other.

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Post #: 29

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/2/2012 7:00:46 PM

Darkfeather

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I think your trouble here, is you are mixing definitions: dominance and sacrifice (or submission as you put it). They are apples and hand-grenades, and cannot be compared with the same paintbrush. I can choose to compromise, to be in a dark street at 3 am searching for my sub's lost work papers, but I can no more change being a dominant than I can change my skin color or the color of my eyes. I AM a dominant, always was always will be. It is the ability to balance who I am and what I am, that makes successful relationships (whether social or personal)

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 30

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/2/2012 7:02:20 PM

RaspberryLemon

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Joined: 7/18/2011
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My Master has sacrificed many things for the sake of our relationship or for my well-being. Because he loves me, and he loves being with me. And he's in charge, so it's his JOB to lead and manage our relationship for the best, which sometimes means sacrificing something he wants because it is better for US.

Without this ability to prioritize and make sacrifices where necessary, one would make a terrible leader. A terrible relationship partner in general, really.

He has sacrificed his time, energy, money, and compromised on his desires when he felt it necessary for the good of the relationship. Because he'd rather take care of me and of us than anything else, and because he takes responsibility to lead based on what SHOULD happen and what NEEDS to happen, not just what he WANTS to happen.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 31

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/2/2012 7:41:49 PM

KnightofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

Do you believe that a Dominant may have to sacrifice at times for the good of the dynamic

I Think it's a matter of perspective. I don't scarifice.... I invest. Instead of looking at scarifice my time doing something else. I invest that time on my relationship. It's a glass half full or half empty exercise. I prefer to see it as half full.

I don't scarifice for my dynamic and neither do my girls.. We invest

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 32

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/2/2012 7:49:02 PM

Marini

Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
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quote:

I Think it's a matter of perspective. I don't scarifice.... I invest. Instead of looking at scarifice my time doing something else. I invest that time on my relationship. It's a glass half full or half empty exercise. I prefer to see it as half full.

I don't scarifice for my dynamic and neither do my girls.. We invest

I agree as usual.
You make posting easy for me, I always agree with you.
I also think of relationships as an investment.
Both sides need to invest, for me to be content.

< Message edited by Marini -- 8/2/2012 7:55:25 PM >

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Post #: 33

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/2/2012 8:16:25 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I am taking this quote from another thread to start a discussion topic with a different slant. Here is the quote:

quote:

a dominant person does NOT sacrifice and submit to another dominant person, PERIOD. well, assuming you're not a switch.

Being as I am one half of a D/D couple, or even just a Dominant, I'm not especially sure that I agree with this. Maybe not so much things that I would term as "submitting" but the sacrifice bit? Pfffft. I can assure you that is certainly *not* true. I know it isn't in My case and isn't the case of many of the long term D/s dynamics that I see out there.

Personally, I don't get hung up on labels. In my life, I have been a sub, a dom and a switch. And I have had relationships with dommes where I would sometimes sub for them and sometimes dom them. I am more interested in the personal dynamics I have with an individual, and what works for us. How someone outside the relationship wants to categorize it means nothing to me.

I find on collarme there is often a very rigid way of thinking about how things "should be" and what the "rules" are supposed to. The reality, for me, is there are no rules. If it works for you, it works. Screw everyone else.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 34

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/3/2012 1:37:00 AM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
I Think it's a matter of perspective. I don't scarifice.... I invest. Instead of looking at scarifice my time doing something else. I invest that time on my relationship. It's a glass half full or half empty exercise. I prefer to see it as half full.

I don't scarifice for my dynamic and neither do my girls.. We invest

I feel that really it just comes down to semantics, but I do think that "invest" certainly sounds (and feels) more accurate.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 35

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/3/2012 6:54:33 AM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
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Well, *I* certainly submit to my role in our dynamic.

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Post #: 36

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/3/2012 7:16:20 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14442
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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

He could say no, but he sacrifices white rice and french fries for me......

Fair enough. But if he ever starts saying 'Yes dear', and most especially 'Don't fuss, dear' - worry.

He'll tell me that me wants me across his lap to spank.

I'll whine, bitch and complain that I'm not submissive and don't want a spanking as I lay across his lap......

And he'll say..."Yes, dear" and then start spanking.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Post #: 37

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/3/2012 8:01:37 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
I Think it's a matter of perspective. I don't scarifice.... I invest. Instead of looking at scarifice my time doing something else. I invest that time on my relationship. It's a glass half full or half empty exercise. I prefer to see it as half full.

I don't scarifice for my dynamic and neither do my girls.. We invest
I feel that really it just comes down to semantics, but I do think that "invest" certainly sounds (and feels) more accurate.

You might be right that it is a question of semantics to some degree. But to me the the term scarifice or invest put a person in a different mindset and even emotional state. Hense, like you feels more appropriate to use the term invest when I consider all the things I do or don't do for the well being of my relationships.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 38

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/3/2012 8:08:48 AM

Kana

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I don't make sacrifices. I make investments...in people.

Ain't it amazing how changing the word can entirely change the perspective?

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Post #: 39

RE: The Dominant sacrifice - 8/3/2012 9:07:35 AM

crazyml

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

I don't make sacrifices. I make investments...in people.

Ain't it amazing how changing the word can entirely change the perspective?

Ker-fucking-ching!

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Post #: 40

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