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UllrsIshtar -> RE: Analyzing D/s relationships bit by bit. (8/4/2012 2:05:16 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Karnikula
So I'd rather like to know if you consider yourself generally submissive ?
Nope, not at all. I have fairly dominant personality in both my vanilla social life as well as my kink relationships. However, I wouldn't qualify myself as an alpha type, considering that I don't enjoy being in control or having the lead. I do much better being lead by a strong alpha type than I do being in charge of a group of less dominant people than myself.
That being said, I am absolutely not a people pleaser, I don't submit easily at all; and if somebody tries to dominate me (either socially or in private relationships) whom I don't perceive as actually having a more dominate personality than I do, I end up just scuffing at them instead of obey.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Karnikula
What is it that gets you off in such a scenario usually ?
Being controlled and lead by a man who has a more dominant personality than myself is sexually erotic to me, because it reminds me very sharply of his "otherness" than me. It provides a sharp contrast between my own softness, vulnerability, and felinity (something that usually doesn't come out easily due to the dominant personality I have) and his masculinity, decisiveness and fortitude. The sharper the contrast, the more it turns me on, which is also why I have a fairly narrow "playbook" of things that will attract me in dominant men; all which have to do with extreme masculine features like deep voice, strength, body hair, beards, conciseness in speech and so on. The more abruptly decisive and in control a man is, the more he'll register to me as masculine, and the more I'll physically be attracted to him. This is very much a physiological reaction I have that's separate from whether I even like the dude or not, considering that I've found myself in situations before where I'll be physically attracted and get wet from a man I absolutely cannot stand character and interaction wise.
It's a good thing that it's my head and not my body who decided whom I sleep with. [:D]
As far as getting turned on by menial chores, or punishment goes, it's all got to do with exactly how I'm set to do it. In order for it to be a sexual turn on, I need to actively feel controlled while doing it.
Scrubbing the floor as an employee, whose told to do so by their boss, does not turn me on.
Scrubbing the floor as a vanilla wife, who cleans the floor just because it's part of her half of the housework, does not turn me on.
Scrubbing the floor in a D/s relationship, because it's part of my chores, without involvement of the D-type, does not turn me on.
Scrubbing the floor because, at some point I was told to scrub the floor to a specific standard, and I know that it randomly will be checked if that standard is met, and I punished if it hasn't been, will get me turn on.
However, to achieve that last mental state, I need:
- the expectation that the floor be scrubbed come from the D-type
- the standard by which the task is completed to come from the D-type
- the knowledge that my work may or may not be inspected at random intervals
- the knowledge that I will be punished in a way that is unpleasant to me, and I would choose to avoid, if I fail to meet the standard at any time
All those things combined, make that scrubbing the floor becomes an instance where I'm continuously reminded of his control, and therefore his "otherness", his masculinity; which in turn makes me feel acutely vulnerable and feminine, which then results in me being turned on.
The task itself doesn't matter for this cycle at all. It can be replaced with just about anything and generally have the same effect. However, some things will provide a sharper contrast than others (being told to scrub the floor from my knees has a stronger effect than being told to use a mop) and will thus result in being more or less erotic, respectively.
If I'm managed a certain way, I really do get into a headspace where my entire existence is "being turned on" all day long, for days, if not weeks at a time. However, considering how much input this requires from the D-type, it's a hard goal to reach and maintain over any length of time, and absolutely impossible to do unless he happens to have kinks that are so in line with mine that he gets turned on by doing exactly that which I need for me to attain that headspace.
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