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Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 3:47:56 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		This thread is not for everybody. I'm putting this disclaimer here because if you, the reader, squick easily, this is not the thread for you.

The scenario that I want to discuss here has been widely publicized on Fet. Long story short, somebody got it in their head that it would be a good idea to do a needle scene, insert birthday candles into the hubs, and light them up. Oh, yeah. It looked really pretty on the pictures that were taken. I'm sure that lasted for five seconds or so.

The pictures that follow of the damage done are horrifying. Second degree burns all along this woman's back. I can only imagine the scars that this will leave.

When I was told this story at first, I kept asking, "Are you really sure?" This was some kind of mind fuck, right? They really traded out these unsafe candles for some kind of paraffin. There had to be something.... Anything.

Nope. This damage was really done. No urban legend. The harm really happened and there will be scars for life. I've seen the pictures. If they faked that.... Well...... It just wasn't right.

I am starting this thread for someone to explain this to Me. Why does this shit still happen? Why do people allow themselves to be uneducated and do this kind of thing?

It's probably more of a rant, rather than a question. I just can't see why things like this have to happen.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 4:19:05 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Two quotes immediately came to mind.

Stupid is as stupid does.

and

You can't fix stupid.

The reality........you will NEVER keep stupid people from doing stupid shit. Otherwise, they wouldn't have anything to argue about down in the P&R section.

_____________________________

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 5:54:48 AM   
SpaceSpank


Posts: 244
Joined: 10/3/2010
Status: offline 		The problem is that most are too lazy to think about it logically... let alone do research.

To most people a candle is a candle is a candle. They don't really "get" that some burn hotter or retain heat more. Many also don't seem to get that the distance you hold it above a person actually matters too. Pouring it directly from the candle to the skin like you're pouring a glass of water is going to be a hell of a lot worse than holding it a few feet up and letting a few drops drip at a time.

This isn't the only thing it happens with, it goes on all the time. I'm sure popular fiction that uses candle wax in that way doesn't help. I've never seen any mainstream fiction even mention anything about them aside from saying it's a candle and here comes the wax.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 5:57:57 AM   
Magnus32169


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/11/2011
Status: offline 		I clicked on the link and signed in, but all I saw were pictures of the Aurora Borealis. Pics or no pics, I think reporting on things like that will ultimately help prevent some future stupidity, even if only one incident. You never know who or how many people you may have saved from some horrible experience, LadyPact; nice one!

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 6:10:01 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		People don't think about consequences - or don't give them the respect they deserve. "Nothing is going to happen." And USUALLY nothing does. We get arrogant. That's about it. It's not exciting or clever...

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RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 6:27:00 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		There is no explaining the stupidity and ignorance of some people. Evidently, they are too stupid and ignorant to know that they are stupid and ignorant.

NBMG

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RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 6:29:07 AM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		Why are there the ubiquitous "Don't try this at home" warnings on tv? Because people see things or get an idea into their head, and it appeals to them, they're excited about doing it and they don't take the time to think things through. It's nothing new. How many people on here will post a hypothetical BDSM scenario and then get pissy because the responders point out the dangers involved, and that isn't what the OP wanted to hear? He/she just wanted to hear about the cool stuff. There will always be the people dropping into those threads saying "Well I do that all the time and there's no danger!" Not because there isn't any danger involved, but because for some reason they've had phenomenal luck in avoiding it.

Also I think BDSM is a world of possible danger, that's why it appeals. But people approach it like the dangers are more of the usual variety that they are used to, which is to say that they don't give proper respect to the stiffer consequences as they're in a hurry to get their rocks off. People don't tend to be deep thinkers at times. They see or hear about people using candles and they figure they're all the same, no need to get technical and learn about the subject at hand...after all isn't a candle a candle? Foresight and thinking take time. People don't spend time on things, they're very concerned about proceeding with whatever it is that they want as soon as possible and getting to the result quickly. Delaying gratification is too serious and boring.

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 6:37:34 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		In addition to what everyone else has said, I think there is also the "really cool pic for FetLife" factor.

It's become so popular to have really cool pics for FetLife, that now, *that's* the motivator -- not safety.

And regrettably, I can see some dimwitted dom thinking, it's a tiny candle, how much damage can it do?



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RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 6:44:09 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		A lot of subs and/or bottoms don't feel it's their job to know how to do stuff safely. They assume the top knows what he's doing. And you know what they say about the word assume.

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RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 6:50:14 AM   
Alltiedup57


Posts: 27
Joined: 7/29/2012
Status: offline 		Yeah well I'm paying the price , met Sat with a Master an still can't walk!
Been to doctor an if I got anything from this person I will release the name .
At least it hopefully won't happen to anyone else!!!!!

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 7:04:01 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alltiedup57

Yeah well I'm paying the price , met Sat with a Master an still can't walk!
Been to doctor an if I got anything from this person I will release the name .
At least it hopefully won't happen to anyone else!!!!!



I'm sorry you were harmed, but really, who's fault is it? Don't you bear some of the blame for that?

BTW: Releasing someone's name is against the TOS of the site. In any case, what possible good would that do you?

I suggest you spend some time thinking about why you submitted to someone you did not know.


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RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 7:06:29 AM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alltiedup57

Yeah well I'm paying the price , met Sat with a Master an still can't walk!
Been to doctor an if I got anything from this person I will release the name .
At least it hopefully won't happen to anyone else!!!!!



You can't publish the name according to the TOS of this site. There is no way for the site moderators to know who to believe in a he said/she said case. You could have fallen on the stairs after meeting the guy and hurt yourself that way, no one knows what he did and if it was unsafe or not, as no one else was there. Surely you can see that is why blacklisting is not allowed.

Did you safeguard yourself in any way? Do any research on safety parameters, or did you trust that the man knew what he was doing? Did you try to verify if he had much experience in what he said he wanted to do with you? I'm a big believer in personal responsibility when it comes to bottoms/subs/slaves. Then again, you can do all kinds of preliminary research on the guy, and on techniques, and you're still putting yourself at risk by letting someone do risky things to you.

*Was typing the same time as Chatte, sorry for the repetition and then figured I'd allow it to stand as is as it could bear repeating.

< Message edited by Killerangel -- 8/8/2012 7:07:38 AM >

(in reply to Alltiedup57)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 7:07:31 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alltiedup57

Yeah well I'm paying the price , met Sat with a Master an still can't walk!
Been to doctor an if I got anything from this person I will release the name .
At least it hopefully won't happen to anyone else!!!!!



Oh, was this the guy you were posting about on multiple threads who was ignoring you and not replying back to you who you were concerned about standing you up on your first meet

I guess it all worked out.

(in reply to Alltiedup57)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 7:13:52 AM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

A lot of subs and/or bottoms don't feel it's their job to know how to do stuff safely. They assume the top knows what he's doing. And you know what they say about the word assume.


PSA:

Repeated for posterity as it seems that people need to reread this multiple times.

People, it's your life, and your responsibility to take care of yourself. SSC, RACK. This can be risky shit, why not take a few minutes of time to become informed? Sometime around the late teens we are supposed to start figuring out that life has consequences. Everyone needs to man up and look out for themselves, stop passing the buck.

If you're in a position where you are doing dangerous things to someone, find out how to do it so you can both do it again. Jesus, it's not that hard.

< Message edited by Killerangel -- 8/8/2012 7:14:22 AM >

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 7:19:08 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt


quote:

ORIGINAL: Alltiedup57

Yeah well I'm paying the price , met Sat with a Master an still can't walk!
Been to doctor an if I got anything from this person I will release the name .
At least it hopefully won't happen to anyone else!!!!!



I'm sorry you were harmed, but really, who's fault is it? Don't you bear some of the blame for that?

BTW: Releasing someone's name is against the TOS of the site. In any case, what possible good would that do you?

I suggest you spend some time thinking about why you submitted to someone you did not know.



^^^^ This


LP, I'm convinced that it's the instant gratification thing. People don't bother to actually read up on things, they just do it with no thoughts towards actually causing harm.


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RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 7:19:36 AM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline 		Thats why I am not into S&M, too many risks (besides the fact that I dont like pain anyway).. and why guys that come across all demanding make me cringe.. guys lie and will say they have all this experience and know what they are doing, and how dare you question them on that!.. just do what you are told... blah, blah, blah.. I dont want to be the one they experiment on..

but she had part of the responsibility also, she could have said no..

hmmm.. are lawsuits pending?

I wonder.. does the whole 50 shades of grey thing encourage people to get into stuff where they are in over their head???

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 7:20:06 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		And if you're going to allow someone to do something dangerous to you, make sure he/she knows what they're doing so you can do it again. It's your life, your responsibility.

And if you don't, well then here's your sign.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Killerangel)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 7:26:56 AM   
SpaceSpank


Posts: 244
Joined: 10/3/2010
Status: offline 		If I'm doing something with a sub/slave/play partner they have no experience in I always take the time to talk to them about it before hand. If there are any risks, I inform them of it, if they have any questions, they can ask them.

Being in a situation with someone who put their trust in you and then letting them down really sucks. Shit can happen. Even the most experienced people can fuck up something unexpectedly, so I always feel it is my duty to let those under me know any risks or things to make note.
And any sub/slave/bottom has the obligation to ask about such things if they are unfamiliar and the other person isn't offering up that information.

(in reply to Killerangel)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 7:32:26 AM   
SpaceSpank


Posts: 244
Joined: 10/3/2010
Status: offline 		You don't need to be into S&M to have dangerous things happen.

Just look at anal sex. It's relatively "vanilla" but if you go in all gung ho with someone and tell them there's no problems you can end up putting them in grave risk, or at the very least extreme discomfort.

Even plain bondage, with no painful overtones, if done incorrectly can cause permanent issues, even death.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

Thats why I am not into S&M, too many risks (besides the fact that I dont like pain anyway).. and why guys that come across all demanding make me cringe.. guys lie and will say they have all this experience and know what they are doing, and how dare you question them on that!.. just do what you are told... blah, blah, blah.. I dont want to be the one they experiment on..

but she had part of the responsibility also, she could have said no..

hmmm.. are lawsuits pending?

I wonder.. does the whole 50 shades of grey thing encourage people to get into stuff where they are in over their head???


(in reply to tj444)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why does this happen? - 8/8/2012 7:44:02 AM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline 		well,.. duh, of course not.. I never said all other activities were risk free, did I???.. but if you are into risky or riskier activities you increase the chances of something happening due to the higher risk.. I dont sky dive or do extreme sports for the same reasons.. and I look both ways before crossing the street too..
quote:

ORIGINAL: SpaceSpank

You don't need to be into S&M to have dangerous things happen.

Just look at anal sex. It's relatively "vanilla" but if you go in all gung ho with someone and tell them there's no problems you can end up putting them in grave risk, or at the very least extreme discomfort.

Even plain bondage, with no painful overtones, if done incorrectly can cause permanent issues, even death.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

Thats why I am not into S&M, too many risks (besides the fact that I dont like pain anyway).. and why guys that come across all demanding make me cringe.. guys lie and will say they have all this experience and know what they are doing, and how dare you question them on that!.. just do what you are told... blah, blah, blah.. I dont want to be the one they experiment on..

but she had part of the responsibility also, she could have said no..

hmmm.. are lawsuits pending?

I wonder.. does the whole 50 shades of grey thing encourage people to get into stuff where they are in over their head???





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Profile   Post #: 20
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