sheisreeds
Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline
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ORIGINAL: Kana
Now I dunno bout you LP, but if that same gal came to me (And this is as a solo dom, not even as family head where I've assumed responsibility for those underneath) and made me aware of her condition, I would utterly refuse to teach her a thing and strongly, as in vehemently, suggest that she throw away her dream of domming and find a more appropriate less potentially lethal hobby, like gardening.
Would you have taught her how to top?
The domme (until now!) has had no connection w/ the family, just for clarification. Though I agree the community needs to turn her away from topping before she hurts someone else. The gross lack of judgment was abhorrent.
I don't know if the "domme" had disclosed her condition prior to this incident, if there had been any suspicion or knowledge of it prior to these events it was grossly negligent of this venue to allow her to DM at the party.
While still stupid of those in attendance I'm sure it contributed to the lack of stepping in, people probably (dumbly) assumed she was a DM thus knew what she was doing.
The submissive and the domme probably both blew a lot of smoke up each others asses "I am from famous family X" from the submissive and the whole "I was on HBO" nonsense probably led to a lot of overconfidence. Overconfidence is the last thing I want in play, and forbidden with anyone new.
I'm less concerned about the submissive being allowed to attend the party w/ friends, and more concerned that there weren't check-ins w/ the mentor throughout the event. I don't know whether or not there was an expectation the mentor would be contacted prior to play , however, there should have been a protocol for this. We live in the information age, while phones often aren't allowed in play spaces, it's not hard to step outside and make a call.
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From what I understand the mentor was not at the party at all, however the mentor arranged for friend's of the submissive to be present. When the friend's left the submissive decided she was staying, and sometime after that this happened. The mentor had no idea this scene was intended, and was not asked or consulted before the scene was planned.
To quote ol Harry S-the buck stops here. You want the glamour and joy of heading a family, you also get the responsibility that goes with that. My boss gets days off. And sometimes shit goes wrong when he's not there, and guess who gets the blame from on high, takes the rap anyway?
You know it.
Why?
Because he's the man in charge. It happened on his watch...whether he was present or not he is still responsible for the actions taken in his bailiwick...and all those actions taken by a subordinate.
I agree the family's reputation is at stake, as well it should be. Based on the sound of it I would never have taught this girl, I would not want my name attached to her in anyway (and I'm talking about the submissive), she was quite negligent in her own way, and as I said I am concerned about the quite possible lack of protocol for her going out.
I also don't like to see a family point out to the sub all her responsibility for the situation, without clear training protocols being in place. It's like kicking the dog each time they pee in the house, when you never spent time teaching them how to go outside.
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They taught a brain damaged person that it was OK and safe to top...and it's quite clearly not.
As I said I don't know if the domme's condition was known beforehand, if so whoever did know is criminally negligent in my book.
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On the mentor calling an ambulance when the submissive refused, this can be tough. Unfortunately the submissive has the right to refuse medical care. However, I would have done it.
There would have been no option. I would have taken them to the hospital or called an ambulance-those would have been the options. And only those...
Anything else and I'm never talking to them again, they are completely cut out of my life forever.
(And trust me here, when I walk, I walk. I don't look back. I don't give redo's. There are no do-overs here. I'm gone and never coming back).
And I'm still calling the ambulance. Let the medics deal with the blithering moron.
Honestly? I agree. At work I've called 911 for less, without consent, and I am a health provider (HiPAA can kiss my ass when safety's an issue (FYI HIPAA don't give a shit when safety's an issue)). If it was a family member I'd make 'em go.
Also, I take back what I initially said, because I was thinking the mentor may not have seen the burns prior to the ER question. However, looking back on the thread the ER had not been involved until AFTER those pictures were posted. No way I'm wasting time putting pictures on Fl when someone is in medical crisis.
I'm in disbelief that those photos came before the emergency room, probably why my brain ignored it the first time, the whole bit just didn't compute.
[quote[As I also hold those above her in the hierarchy equally responsible.
I hold the venue responsible for allowing her to DM, anyone in a monitoring position should have a slew of references, and a full background check. Even without the worry of a DM being a safety hazard it's important to know their areas of competency when judging safety of scenes.
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Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. I can remember walking into parties in the early 80's where there was no vetting. Pay cash at the door and you're in. And from what I've heard of the wild swinging seventies, things were often even looser then at places like Hellfire...
It has seriously been going out of style recently. The issue has been too much demand without enough people in charge of events.
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Overtime we also got an increasing amount of flak for insisting on vetting for any kink friendly event at our house, which amazed me because it is OUR house.
You crazy wild ass woman, now you talking crazy talk, just babbling.
You mean, like respect you and yours? Damn Reeds, I always thought you were kinda rational for a chica 
I know right? Like I'm so greedy and obsessive being all controlling of who is in my home.
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The number of people doing risky play in public spaces has increased, and the number of people who came from a close knit, supportive, and risk aware culture is diminishing.
Mirroring a trend that cuts across all society, not just the BDSM microcosm. Welcome to the information age. Ain't it grand?
Oh ain't it just, makes me want to lock my door and just stay home.
_____________________________
~ s.
Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in
You need a spankin' baby!
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RE: Why does this happen? - 
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