RE: Why does this happen? (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> RE: Why does this happen? (8/14/2012 9:09:06 AM)

Kana, the "family" designation wasn't linked to the top. It was linked to the bottom. Meaning not the brain damaged person. To use your analogy, the family was linked to the person that got shot/unsuspecting public, not the person with the gun.

As for calling the ambulance, I'd have to go back and read the original thread, but I am unsure as to whether the member of the bottom's family knew about the damage the same night, next day, or what the time line was to when the extent of the injury was seen. For some reason, I'm thinking the after pictures were taken a couple of days later.




Kana -> RE: Why does this happen? (8/14/2012 9:20:44 AM)

quote:

Kana, the "family" designation wasn't linked to the top. It was linked to the bottom. Meaning not the brain damaged person. To use your analogy, the family was linked to the person that got shot/unsuspecting public, not the person with the gun.

Ahhhh, sorry didn't catch that. I thought the sub and the domme were both in the same fam.

quote:

As for calling the ambulance, I'd have to go back and read the original thread, but I am unsure as to whether the member of the bottom's family knew about the damage the same night, next day, or what the time line was to when the extent of the injury was seen. For some reason, I'm thinking the after pictures were taken a couple of days later.


On the scene, later that night, the next day, whatever-the timeline doesn't matter. Once they realized the extent of the injury, medical attention should have been demanded, not allowed as an option. That's the responsible humane thing to do. Anything less is callously negligent in my mind




sheisreeds -> RE: Why does this happen? (8/14/2012 6:11:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Now I dunno bout you LP, but if that same gal came to me (And this is as a solo dom, not even as family head where I've assumed responsibility for those underneath) and made me aware of her condition, I would utterly refuse to teach her a thing and strongly, as in vehemently, suggest that she throw away her dream of domming and find a more appropriate less potentially lethal hobby, like gardening.

Would you have taught her how to top?


The domme (until now!) has had no connection w/ the family, just for clarification. Though I agree the community needs to turn her away from topping before she hurts someone else. The gross lack of judgment was abhorrent.

I don't know if the "domme" had disclosed her condition prior to this incident, if there had been any suspicion or knowledge of it prior to these events it was grossly negligent of this venue to allow her to DM at the party.

While still stupid of those in attendance I'm sure it contributed to the lack of stepping in, people probably (dumbly) assumed she was a DM thus knew what she was doing.

The submissive and the domme probably both blew a lot of smoke up each others asses "I am from famous family X" from the submissive and the whole "I was on HBO" nonsense probably led to a lot of overconfidence. Overconfidence is the last thing I want in play, and forbidden with anyone new.

I'm less concerned about the submissive being allowed to attend the party w/ friends, and more concerned that there weren't check-ins w/ the mentor throughout the event. I don't know whether or not there was an expectation the mentor would be contacted prior to play , however, there should have been a protocol for this. We live in the information age, while phones often aren't allowed in play spaces, it's not hard to step outside and make a call.

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From what I understand the mentor was not at the party at all, however the mentor arranged for friend's of the submissive to be present. When the friend's left the submissive decided she was staying, and sometime after that this happened. The mentor had no idea this scene was intended, and was not asked or consulted before the scene was planned.

To quote ol Harry S-the buck stops here. You want the glamour and joy of heading a family, you also get the responsibility that goes with that. My boss gets days off. And sometimes shit goes wrong when he's not there, and guess who gets the blame from on high, takes the rap anyway?
You know it.
Why?
Because he's the man in charge. It happened on his watch...whether he was present or not he is still responsible for the actions taken in his bailiwick...and all those actions taken by a subordinate.


I agree the family's reputation is at stake, as well it should be. Based on the sound of it I would never have taught this girl, I would not want my name attached to her in anyway (and I'm talking about the submissive), she was quite negligent in her own way, and as I said I am concerned about the quite possible lack of protocol for her going out.

I also don't like to see a family point out to the sub all her responsibility for the situation, without clear training protocols being in place. It's like kicking the dog each time they pee in the house, when you never spent time teaching them how to go outside.

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They taught a brain damaged person that it was OK and safe to top...and it's quite clearly not.


As I said I don't know if the domme's condition was known beforehand, if so whoever did know is criminally negligent in my book.

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On the mentor calling an ambulance when the submissive refused, this can be tough. Unfortunately the submissive has the right to refuse medical care. However, I would have done it.

There would have been no option. I would have taken them to the hospital or called an ambulance-those would have been the options. And only those...
Anything else and I'm never talking to them again, they are completely cut out of my life forever.
(And trust me here, when I walk, I walk. I don't look back. I don't give redo's. There are no do-overs here. I'm gone and never coming back).
And I'm still calling the ambulance. Let the medics deal with the blithering moron.


Honestly? I agree. At work I've called 911 for less, without consent, and I am a health provider (HiPAA can kiss my ass when safety's an issue (FYI HIPAA don't give a shit when safety's an issue)). If it was a family member I'd make 'em go.

Also, I take back what I initially said, because I was thinking the mentor may not have seen the burns prior to the ER question. However, looking back on the thread the ER had not been involved until AFTER those pictures were posted. No way I'm wasting time putting pictures on Fl when someone is in medical crisis.

I'm in disbelief that those photos came before the emergency room, probably why my brain ignored it the first time, the whole bit just didn't compute.

[quote[As I also hold those above her in the hierarchy equally responsible.

I hold the venue responsible for allowing her to DM, anyone in a monitoring position should have a slew of references, and a full background check. Even without the worry of a DM being a safety hazard it's important to know their areas of competency when judging safety of scenes.

quote:

Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. I can remember walking into parties in the early 80's where there was no vetting. Pay cash at the door and you're in. And from what I've heard of the wild swinging seventies, things were often even looser then at places like Hellfire...


It has seriously been going out of style recently. The issue has been too much demand without enough people in charge of events.

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Overtime we also got an increasing amount of flak for insisting on vetting for any kink friendly event at our house, which amazed me because it is OUR house.

You crazy wild ass woman, now you talking crazy talk, just babbling.
You mean, like respect you and yours? Damn Reeds, I always thought you were kinda rational for a chica [:-]


I know right? Like I'm so greedy and obsessive being all controlling of who is in my home.

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The number of people doing risky play in public spaces has increased, and the number of people who came from a close knit, supportive, and risk aware culture is diminishing.

Mirroring a trend that cuts across all society, not just the BDSM microcosm. Welcome to the information age. Ain't it grand?


Oh ain't it just, makes me want to lock my door and just stay home.




LookieNoNookie -> RE: Why does this happen? (8/14/2012 6:35:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

This thread is not for everybody. I'm putting this disclaimer here because if you, the reader, squick easily, this is not the thread for you.

The scenario that I want to discuss here has been widely publicized on Fet. Long story short, somebody got it in their head that it would be a good idea to do a needle scene, insert birthday candles into the hubs, and light them up. Oh, yeah. It looked really pretty on the pictures that were taken. I'm sure that lasted for five seconds or so.

The pictures that follow of the damage done are horrifying. Second degree burns all along this woman's back. I can only imagine the scars that this will leave.

When I was told this story at first, I kept asking, "Are you really sure?" This was some kind of mind fuck, right? They really traded out these unsafe candles for some kind of paraffin. There had to be something.... Anything.

Nope. This damage was really done. No urban legend. The harm really happened and there will be scars for life. I've seen the pictures. If they faked that.... Well...... It just wasn't right.

I am starting this thread for someone to explain this to Me. Why does this shit still happen? Why do people allow themselves to be uneducated and do this kind of thing?

It's probably more of a rant, rather than a question. I just can't see why things like this have to happen.


I generally tend towards Chucky Cheese. Pizza ain't all that bad and, they don't tend to insert burning things into your flesh.

(But that's just me).




OldRemi -> RE: Why does this happen? (8/17/2012 10:49:17 AM)

About all that we can hope for is that these people die before they pass their genes along.




OsideGirl -> RE: Why does this happen? (8/17/2012 11:41:46 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OldRemi

About all that we can hope for is that these people die before they pass their genes along.


It's so nice that you wish death on someone for something accidental. While I'll agree that it wasn't the brightest thing done, I don't think they deserve to "die before they pass their genes along".




mikeyOfGeorgia -> RE: Why does this happen? (11/13/2012 3:36:32 PM)

i saw this done on a new season of CSI (with Ted Danson) last night. it looked kinda cool, but i would do it.




theRose4U -> RE: Why does this happen? (11/13/2012 4:40:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Alltiedup57

Yeah well I'm paying the price , met Sat with a Master an still can't walk!
Been to doctor an if I got anything from this person I will release the name .
At least it hopefully won't happen to anyone else!!!!!


This makes me think of slogan I play by "if you break your toys they won't come back"




theRose4U -> RE: Why does this happen? (11/13/2012 5:34:56 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

What was the brain damage?
One of my best friends is a fantastic Domme but 7 years ago she was in a cycling accident and ended up in a coma and brain damage. Her recovery was slow and frustrating but as soon as she was able she was back to her old sadistic self. She still has brain damage but its not the sort of damage that would disrupt or endanger the way she plays.

The gal who topped the scene came on, put up a post, said she had brain damage and since then. had "blank spots" where she couldn't account for either her behavior during those times or anything that happened in them.
Now I dunno bout you, but I'm never ever letting a gal with that condition play with anyone I care about...and I don't know what kind of "family" would encourage or teach such a person to play.
It's akin to giving a 6 year old a gun and setting them loose on an unsuspecting public....

Medical term I believe would be dissociative fuge states...many times caused by psychiatric or anti seizure meds. None of them things I'd call ideal sub material. Not to say there aren't those with one or all in successful relationships...but easy, ideal or simple no!




theRose4U -> RE: Why does this happen? (11/13/2012 6:04:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

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ORIGINAL: JeffBC

~fast reply~
Well how apropos. I just came across THIS in my email.

The situation in this thread happens because "the community" does not behave like this.


Good link. I'm impressed that, among other things, five board members resigned over their mishandling of the harassment issue and the concom changed the offender's two year ban to the lifetime ban as specified in their guidelines.


Sadly this kind of stuff happens too often & the board does nothing or goes easy because its his friends vs hers. Dealing with this now, club I'm a member of won the national convention for a "family friendly hobby". Sadly one of the fund raisers is a charity auction where female members are encouraged if not bullied into doing table dances, lap dances & body shots to raise the amounts given. When complained to a friend on the convention board he was understanding & "oh princess leave this to me you're right"...um yeah that turned into men cross dressing & mr "let me handle it" being photographed receiving a flogging in a hotel ball room. This to show their "equality"
Board members of my group say I'm ruining their fun & in the next breath demanding don't tell their wives what they are up to. I'm pissed because encouraging families & single mothers to join was never in my mind meant to be pimp for out of town guests.

Hypocritical & ethically questionable behavior isn't reserved for WIITWD




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