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RE: Connections - 8/9/2012 1:17:59 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Keep it together? Excellent advice, that. Because after all, his wife and family take precedence.

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[page 23 girl]



(in reply to ironpalmsnewkitt)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Connections - 8/9/2012 2:04:38 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Keep it together? Excellent advice, that. Because after all, his wife and family take precedence.



QFT

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Connections - 8/9/2012 4:12:01 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Honey, whatever supports you is a good thing. When I work out, sometimes I hear in my head the voice of my trainer (whom I adore, have known for years, and am frankly attracted to) "You can do it Sunshine." Then one day I was working out, and I was having a rough time with that particular workout (hills... damn hills). And I heard, "You can do it, Sunshine." It was the voice from a woman who used to lead a spinning class I attended many years ago. I told my trainer. He was happy for me. "Did you do it, Sunshine?" Yep. Good. "Her? Me? I don't care." Look, sometimes we hear the voices of our friends, our families, heck our ENEMIES in our heads. Whatever supports you in getting your stuff done. What concerns me is the idea that you have to force yourself to think about this dude. Wouldn't it be more natural to just ... you know create trust and let it happen organically?

Ok, that's not what all concerns me. Keep it together is his advice to you when you are falling apart? REALLY? Well, gosh, why hadn't you thought of that? (this is snark, btw). I'm sure you were just standing there dumb as a rail not having the first clue of how to keep it together, never in the past having had to "keep it together", with no strategies whatsoever. I'm sure that "Keep it together" is just chock full of support. Good heavens what a helpful fellow, that one!

Non-snark: Perhaps some strategies, coping mechanisms, direction might have helped.... like - next time, do some yoga, go for a walk, call a girlfriend, jog for 10 minutes, clean the kitchen, watch a movie, attend a 12 step meeting... "Keep it together" is so chuck full of NOT HELPFUL that I expect I would be wondering how this dude is actually my "master".

I don't often say things like that... However, if I"m seriously falling apart, even my FRIENDS will say to me "I can't talk now. Can I call you back in 2 hours/ 10 minutes / whatever? Are you gonna be ok?" And frankly, there have been several times in my life when people have totally dropped what they were doing to come to my aid. Why? Because that is what one does when one is in a relationship... any relationship.

Good luck,
sunshine

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Connections - 8/9/2012 5:36:26 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Keep it together? Excellent advice, that. Because after all, his wife and family take precedence.


Yup. As long as he's married, you are second fiddle dear. Get used to it.



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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Connections - 8/9/2012 6:08:52 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		When I want a nice, uncomplicated beating a married guy (in an open relationship) can be just the thing to scratch my itch. But never in a million years would I expect emotional availability or intimacy from one.

quote:

He is not alway available and I had texted him begging him to call me.
He say from now on I am to hold it together and wait until he gets to me be it by phone or text.


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(in reply to ironpalmsnewkitt)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Connections - 8/9/2012 7:08:14 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ironpalmsnewkitt

He is not alway available and I had texted him begging him to call me.
He say from now on I am to hold it together and wait until he gets to me be it by phone or text.

At this very moment, you should be grateful that My comments are restricted by TOS.

Now, I can understand missing a text. I do that rather regularly. I don't hoof My cell phone around in My house. I could be taking a shower or doing laundry and miss one.

That's not what this post implies. "Until he gets to you" isn't the same as not hearing the phone go off. To Me, that sounds like you are on your own until he decides to have time for you.

In the grand scheme of things, poly isn't always an either/or decision. The truth is that it is very infrequent that both males need Me to the same extent at the same time. It's usually pretty easy to tell which situation is the priority. My impression is that you don't have that. You are not a priority. You are merely an option.

In My opinion, you would benefit from thinking about that a great deal.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ironpalmsnewkitt)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Connections - 8/10/2012 5:46:54 AM   
ironpalmsnewkitt


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/1/2012
Status: offline 		I WAS NOT THINKING OF MY FORMER MASTER I WAS THINKING MASTER I NEED YOU. THAT IS ALL. DO NONE OF YOU KNOW WHAT A BOND IS AND HAVING A MENTAL LINK WITH SOMEONE.

By some bizzare coincidence I got connected to my First Master when i was not thinking of him at all but trying to reach out to my Current Master.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Connections - 8/10/2012 5:55:29 AM   
ironpalmsnewkitt


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/1/2012
Status: offline 		You are Very right Lady Pact.
I am an option and I feel i acted out of desperation. Even though I took several months to try to meet the right person. Everyone I met was in a relationship. No one was willing to work on my term until we got to know each other.

Yes it is about him getting time for me I will never be a priority in his life. I would look again if I thought I could find someone who would work with me. I don't ask a lot but what I do ask for Is important.
I know everyone has busy lives but also you have to make time for something or someone.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Connections - 8/10/2012 6:03:24 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Sweetie, all the shouting in the world is not going to change your situation. You are not feeling a great mental connection for a very good reason: there is none.

This man is NOT making you a priority. He is NOT being supportive. You are ONLY fun and games to him.

It has nothing to do with all the people who respond on this board not understanding how fantastically wonderful your "master" is. BTW: claiming none of us know what a bond is -- is quite insulting.

Not exactly the way to win friends and influence enemies on here.

I don't know how new you are to this lifestyle, I do know I think your "master" sucks big time. Yes, you will find that statement insulting, and I made it for a reason, so that down the road you remember it and me. At some point you will badly need a friend. Feel free to message me when you hit rock bottom.

CP


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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Connections - 8/10/2012 6:06:46 AM   
SlipSlidingAway


Posts: 223
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ironpalmsnewkitt

I WAS NOT THINKING OF MY FORMER MASTER I WAS THINKING MASTER I NEED YOU. THAT IS ALL. DO NONE OF YOU KNOW WHAT A BOND IS AND HAVING A MENTAL LINK WITH SOMEONE.

By some bizzare coincidence I got connected to my First Master when i was not thinking of him at all but trying to reach out to my Current Master.

NM, my apologies, I missed a post when I replied.  My bad...


< Message edited by SlipSlidingAway -- 8/10/2012 6:12:39 AM >

(in reply to ironpalmsnewkitt)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Connections - 8/10/2012 6:08:20 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ironpalmsnewkitt

I WAS NOT THINKING OF MY FORMER MASTER I WAS THINKING MASTER I NEED YOU.
THAT IS ALL. DO NONE OF YOU KNOW WHAT A BOND IS AND HAVING A MENTAL LINK WITH
SOMEONE.

By some bizzare coincidence I got connected to my First Master when i was not thinking
of him at all but trying to reach out to my Current Master.


I see a pattern here, and I hope you do as well.
You can't reach Current Master by phone or text, because he isn't making himself available to you.
You can't reach Current Master telepathically either, because, well, he isn't making himself available
to you.

You have a physical bond with your Current Master, and only when it's convenient for him,
so it's not really a bizarre coincidence that your thoughts went to your first master.
You found an emotional comfort with him that you don't feel with Current Master.
You aren't wrong for having these thoughts, but I'm at a loss as to how/why you even
mentioned this to Current Master, unless you were attempting to manipulate his emotions.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to ironpalmsnewkitt)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Connections - 8/10/2012 6:40:21 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ironpalmsnewkitt

You are Very right Lady Pact.
I am an option and I feel i acted out of desperation. Even though I took several months to try to meet the right person. Everyone I met was in a relationship. No one was willing to work on my term until we got to know each other.

Yes it is about him getting time for me I will never be a priority in his life. I would look again if I thought I could find someone who would work with me. I don't ask a lot but what I do ask for Is important.
I know everyone has busy lives but also you have to make time for something or someone.

I have to say it. The situation that you are in is not what poly has to be. The 'everyone is in a relationship' bit is pretty much an excuse from where I'm sitting. Not being first priority doesn't mean you can't ever be a priority.

Do you know what I'm hearing when I read your posts? They scream "I'm settling". All you're doing is taking what you can get and that's why you are accepting the situation as is. You'll have to do some soul searching on who is responsible for that and why it is happening.

Lots of people here have more than one person in their life. From what I'm seeing, some of us may have a different way of doing things than your situation. Just more to think about.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ironpalmsnewkitt)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Connections - 8/10/2012 6:45:14 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		LP, you keep mentioning 'poly' here. Being the piece on the side does not equal poly. Cheating spouses are not poly. They're just doing their thang.

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[page 23 girl]



(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Connections - 8/10/2012 7:04:07 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I was under the impression that the wife was aware.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Connections - 8/10/2012 7:09:53 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ironpalmsnewkitt

You are Very right Lady Pact.
I am an option and I feel i acted out of desperation. Even though I took several months to try to meet the right person. Everyone I met was in a relationship. No one was willing to work on my term until we got to know each other.

Yes it is about him getting time for me I will never be a priority in his life. I would look again if I thought I could find someone who would work with me. I don't ask a lot but what I do ask for Is important.
I know everyone has busy lives but also you have to make time for something or someone.


Several months is nothing in terms of taking your time to find someone who is right for you.

For me, it took 18 months, from the time I joined until my One found me here.

I think you are making choices based upon feeling an impatience that is making it seem ok to settle.

Don't do that!

You deserve better!!

Waiting is worth it.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

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(in reply to ironpalmsnewkitt)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Connections - 8/10/2012 7:14:45 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I was under the impression that the wife was aware.




'Aware' and 'understands and is accepting of' are so very different. Yes, I am cynical.

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Connections - 8/10/2012 7:16:10 AM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I was under the impression that the wife was aware.



that seems to be what he told her but... how many cheatin' guys say that when its not true??? Unless she has had a direct verbal conversation with her (& seen her ID to know its really her and not some fake wifey stand-in), she only has his word for that.. for whatever that is worth..

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Connections - 8/10/2012 7:19:18 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ironpalmsnewkitt

You are Very right Lady Pact.
I am an option and I feel i acted out of desperation. Even though I took several months to try to meet the right person. Everyone I met was in a relationship. No one was willing to work on my term until we got to know each other.

Yes it is about him getting time for me I will never be a priority in his life. I would look again if I thought I could find someone who would work with me. I don't ask a lot but what I do ask for Is important.
I know everyone has busy lives but also you have to make time for something or someone.


Yet again we have an 180 degree turn around by the OP in the middle of the thread.

More advice, if you can take it:

When you are single, make yourself a priority in life, this ensure that *someone* will. Don't give that up for someone making you an option.

When it comes to relationships of all kinds, not just romantic ones, you get what you settle for. Don't settle !!

Being in no relationship is much better than being in the wrong one. If you are not positive I am right about this, you just haven't found the wrong one yet.

Poly is not about married and cheating, even if he claims the wife is aware. Many many wives are aware their man cheats. That doesn't mean they like it or approve of it. Maybe she feels she doesn't have a choice. Maybe she feels like she's just an option as well. Maybe he loves playing two females against each other, there are men who do. That's not poly.






< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 8/10/2012 7:22:43 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Connections - 8/10/2012 9:25:52 AM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		My girl and I have a similar bond. We have often being thinking of each other and tried to reach each other simultaneously; we also share thoughts on occasion. I refer to it as being in sync. We both enjoy it.

That said, OP, you've been given some good insights here. If you have needs to be met, discuss them first with your current owner - that goes for nonsexual needs as well, unless that's not part of your dynamic. Depending on how the issue was brought up, I can see why your current owner might be put off.

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There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.


(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Connections - 8/10/2012 9:36:55 AM   
Winterapple


Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline 		FR
I think when your mind cried out master and
you conjured your previous master over
your current one is because you had an
actual connection with the previous one.

You may not long for the actual person
from the past but you long for a connection
like that again. And it seems very doubtful
you will get it from this guy. It sounds
like you're just with him to be with
somebody. Anybody. And frankly I
don't think you mean any more to him.

Two people who are just making do with
one another aren't going to connect
on anything but a superficial level.
You're just an ass for him to swat and
he's just somebody to swat your ass.
Settle with the fact you're settling or
rally some courage and go out and look
for someone who meets your mental
and emotional needs as well.

_____________________________

A thousand dreams within me softly burn.
Rimbaud




(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 40
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