Lifestyle subs who have seen Pro Dommes: + or -?

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Lifestyle subs who have seen Pro Dommes: + or -? - 8/10/2012 6:06:07 AM

JDee

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/10/2012
Status: offline

Hi everyone,

Basically my question is this: Is having played in the pro scene a plus or a minus in terms of a sub hoping to "make it" in the lifestyle scene?

I always used to think it could only ever be a plus, and looked on the money I spent on sessions as an investment that would one day pay off in the form of a hotter sex life. Once upon a time I used to be incredibly shy, even embarrassed, about my sexuality. I knew I was different, but could not articulate anything about how I was different. This was even so when I was negotiating my first professional session. As I did them I became more comfortable with who I was, got experience with negotiating a scene, and learned a little about all the different types of play that kinky people do (important for me because I don't watch porn and so had no idea what the popular fetishes were).

Doing a few sessions also confirmed what I already knew, which was that I would never be happy in a vanilla relationship. So I got into the lifestyle scene, met a lot of weird and wonderful people, went to some insane parties, plus had some great relationships that were a blast while they lasted.

I never made a secret of the fact that I had played in the pro scene, but never told anyone about it unless they asked me. Not really because I was ashamed of it or anything, but for the same reason as I don't dwell on previous relationships, flings or one night stands. So almost no-one knew / knows.

During that time though, I had one conversation that stands out in my memory. It was with a lifestyle sub who is now married to his Domme. He believed the total opposite of what I did about doing professional sessions. According to him, they "spoiled" subs by letting them develop bad habits that a Domme would not put up with in a lifestyle context, but that would be permitted in a professional context e.g. topping from the bottom, giving "scripts" for the Domme to follow, not thinking about what the Domme wants out of a session, developing a laundry list of limits, being able to dictate what clothes the Domme would wear, exactly what play would happen etc.

I thought about this, and went back over the ways that I had behaved with professional Dommes that I had seen. To be honest, I think for the very first few sessions that I ever did, I was kind of like that in some ways. But I quickly got sick of it and found that I liked giving very vague outlines of a session and then seeing what the Domme would come up with. I also realized that I didn't care at all what the Domme wore to the session. And I found myself thinking about what would make my Domme enjoy the session more.

But after that, I got a job as a receptionist at an SM parlor. During that time I got to read a lot of emails from clients and potential clients, as well as talk to the Dommes about their sessions. I got to see that there was a lot of this kind of "spoiled" behavior from clients, even regular ones.

Do people here think that professional sessions "corrupt" subs by letting them behave in ways that they couldn't if the Domme didn't have a financial incentive to keep the "relationship" going? Or is it just that the pro scene attracts this kind of sub?

This question has been on my mind a lot lately because I am just out of a relationship with a lifestyle Domme. I can't help wondering if the break up was partly because most of my first BDSM experiences were with Pro Dommes, and that I am now "spoiled" and too used to treating my Domme like an employee instead of a partner. I do like role-play but strongly prefer to do it with just one sentence character descriptions for each of us and just improvise the rest.

Also I am thinking of indulging in some Pro Domming now that I am newly single. I am definitely feeling more like some no strings fun than another relationship. But I'm holding back because I worry that professional play will turn me into a "spoiled" sub. Are my fears justified? Yes, no, or in some cases but not others? If the final option, then what does it depend on?

Thanks for reading such a long post and I'd be happy to hear everyone's thoughts on this :)