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RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 5:11:28 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am a sucking black hole of need, and incredibly high maintenance.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.


Love the imagery. :)

I am high maintenance about myself, but when it comes to what I expect from someone in a relationship, I do not classify that as needy. I just think that it is called mutual respect for what each person needs, and not to ignore something that is very important to me. I can pick my battles; I know how to do that, but the basic things about staying in touch, replying to texts and calls, being where you say you will be, showing up, being supportive, all of that is just something you should want to do, not have to be demanded to do.

I would rather be alone than be with someone disrespecting me and calling what I need at a basic level, needy.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 5:45:34 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Expecting another person in a relationship to follow through on what they say does not add up to needy. Hell no!

We should get married.

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RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 5:46:30 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		No it does not. However, expecting another person to make you happy DOES make you needy.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 5:49:54 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		That is so true. I know many people who are unhappy and expect to be fixed somehow if they find a boyfriend.

Recipe for disaster.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 5:54:07 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I've got happy all on my own, kthx.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 5:55:39 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Yes it is.

Also, I think expectations for things like, how often should we be in contact, how often will we see each other (in the dating phase), when can I reasonably expect to hear back from you should be discussed if they don't automatically sync. It's been my experience that they do sync when you are falling in love, b/c that does cause people to want to spend large quantities of time together.

In long term relationships, people with very different "maintenance" needs will have issues. Himself and I are both relatively low maintenance, unless something is going on, like guests or medical issues or something out of the ordinary.

But a high maintenance person (someone who needs to be in touch ten times a day) coupled with a low maintenance person, now that is another recipe for disaster.

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RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 5:57:29 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		See, that's why I call myself 'high maintenance', I am a total attention whore. I need contact at least once a day.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 6:00:03 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Once a day is an attention whore?

Okay, let me edit that.

Let's define "contact" please.





< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 8/10/2012 6:01:02 PM >

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RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 6:01:44 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Well, I NEED once a day. I WANT lots more. Sucking black hole, remember. Constant reassurance, fervent worship, all that.

Thank goodness my life partner is a grey parrot, eh?

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 6:10:13 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Ah okay. There is need and there is NEED. But that just means you should be paired with someone who is equally high maintenance.

A high maintenance person gets a three minute phone call and says: Biotch ! They only called me once today !! And for only three minutes !! They don't give a damn.

Low maintenance says: Gee, I was busy at work and they called and talked for THREE minutes.

To me that doesn't equate with neediness as much as mismatching, although some people mistake it for neediness.

For me the neediness thing is more expecting someone else to make you happy.



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RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 6:16:45 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Yes, while I would love to squawk 'pay attention to meeeee' we have lives and stuff. So it's not a crisis if I only get one text a day. Being a reasonable adult and all. :)

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 6:32:05 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		When I was still single, I used to have men who told me I was needy and high maintenance because I expected to be a priority and I would want to spend time with him as much as possible and for communication to be often and two way communication.

As for the having someone else make you happy, I admit I'm happier when with Master and not quite so happy when I'm not in a relationship. My life usually revolves around the man I am with. I admit I'm not all that happy when I'm single. I am content but I can't really say happy. For me there's always been something missing in my life when I'm single that just makes me feel there is a hole inside of me. And I'm ok with that.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 6:38:21 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Throw out the word needy and substitute compatible. Do you folks want the same amount of contact? If so, then you're compatible. If not, then you aren't.

Years ago on b.com, there was a woman who talked to her dominant for ten minutes on Thursday to see if they could get together that weekend. If they couldn't, they didn't talk again till the following Thursday.

At the same time, The Man and I were emailing twice minimum daily, while also trying to fit in chat nightly and the occasional phone call.

Now you can look at the amount of contact I want and announce I'm needy or you could look at the amount she wanted and announce she's a cold fish, but neither was correct. What it meant is that I was with someone who has the same contact requirements I did and she was with someone who had the same requirements she did. That we both had found people we could be happily in a relationship with.

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RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 7:08:48 PM   
FrankAr


Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

See, that's why I call myself 'high maintenance',


To weigh into this matter, EVERY female is high maintenance....for it either be a free female or a sub or a slave. Anyone whom thinks that keeping a sub or a slave is easy and not costing anything, is either a fucken rich person and does not think of the money or just an idiot.

A person has to think of the costs of...shampoo, condintioner, hair cuts, keeping to a good diet and so the food costs, exercise...and this means machines for indoor use when it rains, clothing...you never want a sub or slave to go in rags and if you go out at least once a month have her wear something nice, dentist, physio, supperanuation, the list goes on....

Just my two cents.


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I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 7:12:21 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Men, of course, have no such requirements?

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 7:16:17 PM   
FrankAr


Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Men, of course, have no such requirements?


But I thought that when the man has the female he should have already be in that position of having his life in order.....slaps the forehead lightly.....but then that could be a myth....LOL. He should already be in a routine of paying for his way already, so the extra cost of having a female in his life would have his expenses go vertical...ROFL.


_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 7:32:05 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
There's a grace to "missing someone," "not having your needs met," "being emotionally vulnerable" -- i.e. wanting more out of someone than you are getting -- and not killing the relationship b/c of it. Grace usually involves: not getting angry, nagging, projecting guilt, sulking, withdrawing, and other assorted behaviors.

Grace is patience, confidence, balance, emotional agility, and constructive inter-personal problem solving. A partner likes to know that his other can handle herself/himself during the trying moments of an intimate relationship.

(in reply to ohsobroken)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 7:35:06 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

See, that's why I call myself 'high maintenance',


To weigh into this matter, EVERY female is high maintenance....for it either be a free female or a sub or a slave. Anyone whom thinks that keeping a sub or a slave is easy and not costing anything, is either a fucken rich person and does not think of the money or just an idiot.

A person has to think of the costs of...shampoo, condintioner, hair cuts, keeping to a good diet and so the food costs, exercise...and this means machines for indoor use when it rains, clothing...you never want a sub or slave to go in rags and if you go out at least once a month have her wear something nice, dentist, physio, supperanuation, the list goes on....

Just my two cents.




huh....and all this time I've been doing it all wrong with paying my own expenses. Sigh.
I wish someone would have told me that Master should pay for everything in my life. I could have been saving a lot of money!

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 7:48:47 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
huh....and all this time I've been doing it all wrong with paying my own expenses. Sigh.
I wish someone would have told me that Master should pay for everything in my life. I could have been saving a lot of money!

For the record, I see it much like Frank. Even right now when Carol is the only income stream it makes no difference. Ultimately, it is my responsibility to ensure there is money until she dies. I would not take a second into the marriage unless I could do the same. The only way that would not be true is if she came with some guaranteed inheritance or something which was so large that the whole question of supporting her was ridiculous to think about at all. I would not add a second slave who was earning a 200k salary in a rock solid job. If I was into such things, maybe something more casual than "property" I'd do. But the moment we're talking "property" then I need to be in a position to make it all work in the event that something goes wrong with that 200k job and I need to be able to make it work for both her's and Carol's life span.


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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Being needy... - 8/10/2012 7:52:29 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		For us, I think we see things differently because in this day and age of the economy, it takes two usually to be able to even live comfortably and for both to be able to pay their bills. Most relationships do not work on only one income right now. Why should we both suffer when we both know it would be easier with two incomes?


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 40
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