Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time.


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 3:05:24 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD

Yeah, that's pretty much what I thought you meant.

if i only had a nickel for each time you thought that

_____________________________

[Awaiting Approval]

If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

(in reply to DeviantlyD)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 3:13:40 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity

I think Jeff is referring to the term itself, not the attending to the needs of the partners in the aftermath of the scene. Why can't we just call it "clean up", or "snuggle time", or or or....

I think the more words imply harm, the longer it's going to take to ever get rid of the idea that being submissive, sadistic, masochistic, or having fetishes means we have some sort of diagnosable mental illness. I am on the fence on the word "aftercare" because I don't know really a word or phrase that properly identifies what goes on during that phase.

SD

i like your thoughts, perspective and attitude! you hit the nail on the head.

i like to think of it as an Oreo cookie. the creamy center is the gooey nasty stuff we do in between the TLC outer cookie shell.

i think a better word is simply TLC, tender loving care, in whatever form that is, even if it's respecting their desire to wind down alone. winding down!


_____________________________

[Awaiting Approval]

If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

(in reply to SacredDepravity)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 3:16:48 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity

I think Jeff is referring to the term itself, not the attending to the needs of the partners in the aftermath of the scene. Why can't we just call it "clean up", or "snuggle time", or or or....

I think the more words imply harm, the longer it's going to take to ever get rid of the idea that being submissive, sadistic, masochistic, or having fetishes means we have some sort of diagnosable mental illness. I am on the fence on the word "aftercare" because I don't know really a word or phrase that properly identifies what goes on during that phase.

SD

I guess I do not get how something with the word "care" in it has such a bad rap. Some need it and some don't. Some do it , and some don't.

Nothing I have ever seen implies harm, trauma or any such.

Shrugs.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to SacredDepravity)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 3:19:04 PM   
DeviantlyD


Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub


quote:

ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity

I think Jeff is referring to the term itself, not the attending to the needs of the partners in the aftermath of the scene. Why can't we just call it "clean up", or "snuggle time", or or or....

I think the more words imply harm, the longer it's going to take to ever get rid of the idea that being submissive, sadistic, masochistic, or having fetishes means we have some sort of diagnosable mental illness. I am on the fence on the word "aftercare" because I don't know really a word or phrase that properly identifies what goes on during that phase.

SD

I guess I do not get how something with the word "care" in it has such a bad rap. Some need it and some don't. Some do it , and some don't.

Nothing I have ever seen implies harm, trauma or any such.

Shrugs.


Ditto! I guess it could be the people who have "never" seen it that think about it that way? ;)

_____________________________

ExiledTyrant's groupie. Catering to his ego since May 26, 2007. :D

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 3:20:38 PM   
Shininglight23


Posts: 1336
Status: offline 		FR

I'm not a masochist, and I don't play really hard so I don't need much "aftercare". I do know that I don't do well when left alone afterwards.

In one experience the person I was with left, and it just didn't feel right. Although I was in a relationship with the person, and I knew he cared for me... his absence afterwards made me feel cheap and unwanted.

For me... aftercare is just a good..long snuggle. Throw in some nice chit chat and words of affirmation (if warranted) and I'm golden.

-Allie

_____________________________

Membership Co-ordinator, ProSubs"R"Us

Lead with love, live with love, leave with love.



(in reply to Karmastic)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 3:25:47 PM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		Oh, I have been administered aftercare and it is a wonderful, lovely, very intimate time in the play process for me. I understand it very well. I don't mind the term personally, but was just guessing what Jeff was meaning in his post. I receive aftercare instructions after surgery, getting a tooth pulled, having drops put in my eyes at an exam, after leaving the ER when being treated for an injury or an illness. Clearly the docs, nurses, and staff care about me. Like my post stated, I don't know what to call it and certainly don't mind continuing to call it aftercare.

SD

(in reply to DeviantlyD)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 3:28:35 PM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
i like your thoughts, perspective and attitude! you hit the nail on the head.

i like to think of it as an Oreo cookie. the creamy center is the gooey nasty stuff we do in between the TLC outer cookie shell.

i think a better word is simply TLC, tender loving care, in whatever form that is, even if it's respecting their desire to wind down alone. winding down!



And I LOVE cookies.....and oreos...and TLC...and nails...and heads....and gooey stuff.................

(in reply to Karmastic)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 3:32:05 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD


quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub


quote:

ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity

I think Jeff is referring to the term itself, not the attending to the needs of the partners in the aftermath of the scene. Why can't we just call it "clean up", or "snuggle time", or or or....

I think the more words imply harm, the longer it's going to take to ever get rid of the idea that being submissive, sadistic, masochistic, or having fetishes means we have some sort of diagnosable mental illness. I am on the fence on the word "aftercare" because I don't know really a word or phrase that properly identifies what goes on during that phase.

SD

I guess I do not get how something with the word "care" in it has such a bad rap. Some need it and some don't. Some do it , and some don't.

Nothing I have ever seen implies harm, trauma or any such.

Shrugs.


Ditto! I guess it could be the people who have "never" seen it that think about it that way? ;)

i guess you're not familiar with the common usage of "care" as a suffix for medical or other trauma phrases, such as:

Urgent Care Unit
Trauma Care Unit
Intensive Care Unit

the list goes on. in the state i live in, everyone uses "Care" as a suffix for something "bad". and not to be confused with using the word alone, as in "i care".

you must live in a very weird state :)


< Message edited by Karmastic -- 8/12/2012 3:34:15 PM >

_____________________________

[Awaiting Approval]

If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

(in reply to DeviantlyD)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 3:36:36 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		All of those things aim to make something better though, so again, care is not a bad word.



_____________________________

yep

(in reply to Karmastic)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 3:38:09 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity

I think the more words imply harm, the longer it's going to take to ever get rid of the idea that being submissive, sadistic, masochistic, or having fetishes means we have some sort of diagnosable mental illness. I am on the fence on the word "aftercare" because I don't know really a word or phrase that properly identifies what goes on during that phase.


When we were done working our horses we would untack them, wash them down, brush them out and usually rinse the legs down with liniment. It was called "aftercare". We weren't harming them, just taking care after something strenuous.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SacredDepravity)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 3:43:26 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

All of those things aim to make something better though, so again, care is not a bad word.



agree, make something better. but doesn't that imply it needs that cus it's in bad shape from something bad?

edit: or let me steal another word...strenuous

< Message edited by Karmastic -- 8/12/2012 3:44:30 PM >

_____________________________

[Awaiting Approval]

If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 3:46:40 PM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity

I think the more words imply harm, the longer it's going to take to ever get rid of the idea that being submissive, sadistic, masochistic, or having fetishes means we have some sort of diagnosable mental illness. I am on the fence on the word "aftercare" because I don't know really a word or phrase that properly identifies what goes on during that phase.


When we were done working our horses we would untack them, wash them down, brush them out and usually rinse the legs down with liniment. It was called "aftercare". We weren't harming them, just taking care after something strenuous.


While that's generally how I view it, most of this particular debate really has been around Jeff's concerns. It is the same word used after hard workouts for athletes and such. I don't think it is a harmful word and I guess is accurate enough, but it is a tad sterile.

SD

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 3:50:44 PM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD
What I am most curious about is the mindset of those who don't want any aftercare, such as how LexVinco and CeriseNin mentioned it.

Well without going into specifics, aftercare kills my buzz. That said, if I need first-aid, my preference is irrelevant.

(in reply to DeviantlyD)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 3:53:55 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CeriseNin


quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD
What I am most curious about is the mindset of those who don't want any aftercare, such as how LexVinco and CeriseNin mentioned it.

Well without going into specifics, aftercare kills my buzz. That said, if I need first-aid, my preference is irrelevant.

There were times I was like that, just leave me alone. What is great is when you are with someone who just knows whether to do something, or just leave ya be.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to CeriseNin)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 3:59:05 PM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline 		Yes, absolutely.

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 4:04:26 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
i never called it "aftercare", just cuddling. "aftercare" presumes there's some trauma that needs tending to, and i don't like that connotation.

But I DO like that line of reasoning. I might just be on a jag now with this culture of victimhood thing but your comment just made me perceive the word "aftercare" as one of the victimization tools. In this case one with undoubtedly benign intent and of minimal damage but still... your point remains. Why are we presuming some trauma? What message is that sending?


Jeff, I hesitate to give you advice because you
have a unique view and the fact your willing to
take the time to share it is an asset for the
to the disscussions here but consider this.

Your over complicating things by focusing on
the meaning behind peoples words. Sometimes
people arn't trying to imply anything and
sometimes accepting a statement at face value
regardless of it's flaws makes for a better
conversation.

I agree that if we can't say what me mean,
we can never mean what we say.
But I also believe in keeping it simple.
Intellectual complexity in thought but practical
simplicity in action.

I don't wanna use nitpicking to describe it, I
respect a lot of what your trying to do, but
yer, maybe take a break from the victimhood
debate.

-ARIES



_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 4:34:49 PM   
DeviantlyD


Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
i never called it "aftercare", just cuddling. "aftercare" presumes there's some trauma that needs tending to, and i don't like that connotation.

But I DO like that line of reasoning. I might just be on a jag now with this culture of victimhood thing but your comment just made me perceive the word "aftercare" as one of the victimization tools. In this case one with undoubtedly benign intent and of minimal damage but still... your point remains. Why are we presuming some trauma? What message is that sending?


Jeff, I hesitate to give you advice because you
have a unique view and the fact your willing to
take the time to share it is an asset for the
to the disscussions here but consider this.

Your over complicating things by focusing on
the meaning behind peoples words. Sometimes
people arn't trying to imply anything and
sometimes accepting a statement at face value
regardless of it's flaws makes for a better
conversation.

I agree that if we can't say what me mean,
we can never mean what we say.
But I also believe in keeping it simple.
Intellectual complexity in thought but practical
simplicity in action.

I don't wanna use nitpicking to describe it, I
respect a lot of what your trying to do, but
yer, maybe take a break from the victimhood
debate.

-ARIES





I agree with you. :) And I like the emboldened part above. :)

_____________________________

ExiledTyrant's groupie. Catering to his ego since May 26, 2007. :D

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 4:35:11 PM   
Lucifyre


Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline 		Here, let me put this simply so everyone can stop arguing over fucking semantics since that's not the original intent of the thread:


We are discussing what happens AFTER a scene in regards to the CARE and wellbeing of your submissive/significant other/life partner/wife/husband/whip fodder.

Can we just get back on point for a minute please?

Lucifyre
*not in the mood for much bullshit*

_____________________________

"Batteries? OMG, Bitch Please! My Shit plugs in!"
I do this because it fucking feels good.
I like girls who like girls
The thing about standards is: There are SO many to choose from.

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 4:40:11 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		Well, she actually said "Aftercare, your thoughts?", in the OP, which kind of leaves things wide open for all types of opinions and thoughts.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to Lucifyre)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 4:41:37 PM   
DeviantlyD


Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CeriseNin


quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD
What I am most curious about is the mindset of those who don't want any aftercare, such as how LexVinco and CeriseNin mentioned it.

Well without going into specifics, aftercare kills my buzz. That said, if I need first-aid, my preference is irrelevant.


If I were to guess...is the buzz all about the pain and physical domination? Whereas cuddly aftercare isn't? Would that be fair to say?

When I first read (a while back) how others didn't want aftercare, I was completely surprised. Personally I don't understand it other than from the realization that we're all different and our own life experiences will make these types of experiences different. A switch friend of mine finds playing cathartic. I don't. I just think it's fun. ;) We both seem to get the same high from playing, we both want the same kind of aftercare, and if we're both still floating after play, we get very giggly with each other. But...despite the similarities, we both approach play for different reasons.

_____________________________

ExiledTyrant's groupie. Catering to his ego since May 26, 2007. :D

(in reply to CeriseNin)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109