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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 4:44:16 PM   
DeviantlyD


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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

Well, she actually said "Aftercare, your thoughts?", in the OP, which kind of leaves things wide open for all types of opinions and thoughts.



I have to agree with her though in the sense of getting wrapped up in semantics rather than talking about the actual action(s). I read the question and totally got what the OP meant by aftercare. As I said before, I guess those who have never scened/played don't get it. ;)

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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 5:03:52 PM   
Lucifyre


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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

Well, she actually said "Aftercare, your thoughts?", in the OP, which kind of leaves things wide open for all types of opinions and thoughts.


Sure, absolutely. But my point was, don't ARGUE over what the words SHE used mean...describe what they mean to YOU. What is it that YOU do.

meh fuck it. Done with the derailment.

Lucifyre



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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 5:19:46 PM   
sheisreeds


Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline 		I few aftercare as something that is for both parties. With us whoever was more dominant often holds the other. Whoever is more injured or shut down psychologically gets help from the other. After immediate needs are dealt with though it's all about connecting.

However, I recognize as a Dom and Top at times I need some aftercare too.

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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 5:35:11 PM   
CeriseNin


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD


quote:

ORIGINAL: CeriseNin


quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD
What I am most curious about is the mindset of those who don't want any aftercare, such as how LexVinco and CeriseNin mentioned it.

Well without going into specifics, aftercare kills my buzz. That said, if I need first-aid, my preference is irrelevant.


If I were to guess...is the buzz all about the pain and physical domination? Whereas cuddly aftercare isn't? Would that be fair to say?

When I first read (a while back) how others didn't want aftercare, I was completely surprised. Personally I don't understand it other than from the realization that we're all different and our own life experiences will make these types of experiences different. A switch friend of mine finds playing cathartic. I don't. I just think it's fun. ;) We both seem to get the same high from playing, we both want the same kind of aftercare, and if we're both still floating after play, we get very giggly with each other. But...despite the similarities, we both approach play for different reasons.

I don't like being interrupted while I'm after glowing, so to speak. It would be like after having a mind-blowing orgasm and I'm still feeling it, trying to hold onto it and enjoy the experience, my SO began to talk to me about clipping coupons or something. It's not really about being cuddly; it's about leaving me the hell alone so I can enjoy my feelings.

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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 5:47:23 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		I think one of the biggest misconceptions about Aftercare is that it is something that only
submissives or bottoms need until they settle back into normal functioning capacity.
There was a thread quite awhile back which I found very informative, especially this post
by AQuietSimpleMan. http://www.collarchat.com/m_3288500/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#3288581

Sometimes aftercare really is just going to the kitchen and making him a sandwich.

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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 5:58:51 PM   
LexVinco


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Joined: 6/16/2012
Status: offline 		Exactly this.

As I stated earlier, my aftercare requirement is that I be left alone. But (horribly) it didn't occur to me that my Dom might need aftercare until we finish and he's shaking. He'd never shown anything but calm happiness after scening and it really shocked me. We'd tried a few new things that day and I think it was a little too much, too quickly for him.

Ever since then, I always make sure to talk about aftercare beforehand.

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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 6:00:25 PM   
littlewonder


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

I thought when clicking on the other thread I could learn something about everyone's idea and such. I also found out a few people shared My thoughts as well. So here is one we can actually comment on and learn from.

Aftercare..your thoughts?

Edited because a period goes after a sentence and I seemed to have forgotten that.



Aftercare here involves talking, keeping me hydrated and warm or cool, cuddling, giving him a massage, talking, intimacy. Aftercare is for both of us, not just me. He needs it just as much as I do.


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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 6:02:54 PM   
littlewonder


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quote:


i never called it "aftercare", just cuddling. "aftercare" presumes there's some trauma that needs tending to, and i don't like that connotation.


For us, lots of times, it does cause trauma....physically usually and sometimes even emotionally so aftercare for both of us is much more than just cuddling. Sometimes it involves bandages and bruises and sores that need to be tended and communication to make sure we both understand that we still love and care for one another despite what just happened.

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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 6:52:50 PM   
sheisreeds


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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Sometimes it involves bandages and bruises and sores that need to be tended and communication to make sure we both understand that we still love and care for one another despite what just happened.


This.

With edge play this is always the first and foremost thing we BOTH need. We had a pretty intense moment with me dominating last weekend, I needed this as much as he did. I needed validation too.

When I'm submissive, I need to feel the rest of the bond, I need to feel the love. When we're in full on switchy human tornado mode, we both need validation that we're not really in a fight.

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give me something to believe in


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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 7:14:25 PM   
TNDommeK


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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder


quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

I thought when clicking on the other thread I could learn something about everyone's idea and such. I also found out a few people shared My thoughts as well. So here is one we can actually comment on and learn from.

Aftercare..your thoughts?

Edited because a period goes after a sentence and I seemed to have forgotten that.



Aftercare here involves talking, keeping me hydrated and warm or cool, cuddling, giving him a massage, talking, intimacy. Aftercare is for both of us, not just me. He needs it just as much as I do.



This whole thing...perfect.

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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 7:21:51 PM   
RumpusParable


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

I thought when clicking on the other thread I could learn something about everyone's idea and such. I also found out a few people shared My thoughts as well. So here is one we can actually comment on and learn from.

Aftercare..your thoughts?

Edited because a period goes after a sentence and I seemed to have forgotten that.


I don't like it as a top or a bottom... End the scene and continue on with my day!

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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 8:58:14 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK
Aftercare..your thoughts?

Aftercare, if it's wanted, is for both people and it doesn't always have to be cuddles. Since I have both a submissive and a play partner(yes they do know about each other), I tailor it to what each one needs.

When I'm playing with my submissive, aftercare consists of cuddling under a blanket for a time & decompressing from the scene that just took place, also some light conversation. Possibly, there will be a beverage involved too, depending on how he feels after each particular session. When we play at my place, he needs to get out after a period of time, because he's allergic to my feline person that lives with me.

When I'm playing with my play partner, he is the one I get more sadistic with. He doesn't like a lot of cuddling. He likes to be in the altogether without being covered, so we just stay close by each other and talk about what just happened and how we felt about it. Then when he's all rested and ready to get up, we both take showers and I fix something for us to eat and drink.

NBMG

< Message edited by NiceButMeanGirl -- 8/12/2012 8:59:40 PM >

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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/12/2012 9:22:56 PM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK
Aftercare..your thoughts?

Aftercare, if it's wanted, is for both people and it doesn't always have to be cuddles. Since I have both a submissive and a play partner(yes they do know about each other), I tailor it to what each one needs.

When I'm playing with my submissive, aftercare consists of cuddling under a blanket for a time & decompressing from the scene that just took place, also some light conversation. Possibly, there will be a beverage involved too, depending on how he feels after each particular session. When we play at my place, he needs to get out after a period of time, because he's allergic to my feline person that lives with me.

When I'm playing with my play partner, he is the one I get more sadistic with. He doesn't like a lot of cuddling. He likes to be in the altogether without being covered, so we just stay close by each other and talk about what just happened and how we felt about it. Then when he's all rested and ready to get up, we both take showers and I fix something for us to eat and drink.

NBMG

Good point.

For some it is just about cuddles, for others it's nothing to do with cuddles at all. Different strokes...frankly, after I've 'come down' I just want food and to get on with whatever else is planned for the day/night. It was intense, our bond is intense, we both had amazing fun - - next!

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/13/2012 12:37:55 AM   
samdarella


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Joined: 8/23/2010
Status: offline 		Wow I think some are maybe getting hung up on a word. Call it what you want. The word aftercare works for me. I don't fall into the "victimized" category either. I'm responsible for my actions and was usually responsible for my own aftercare. I don't subspace deeply so am fully functional quite quickly. Give me a minute to catch my balance and I can help clean up if that's what's needed. I carry a robe, a blanket, water and chocolate as well as first aid In my bag. The only time I need help is if there is broken skin on my back where I can't reach it.

But just because I don't need aftercare doesn't mean I don't revel in it with the right person. Nothing feels as good as being curled up in Master's lap, my wet face pressed into his chest and his arms around me rocking me. Well okay maybe having Him....never mind that's more info than anyone really wants.

I also like to help provide the cuddling for another sub/slave. It's my nurturing side.

Sometimes the big, bad sadist needs some aftercare as well. Help them come down from all the adrenaline that's been dumped into their bloodstream. Also shows how much I appreciate the energy they put into the scene.

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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/13/2012 1:04:48 AM   
samdarella


Posts: 222
Joined: 8/23/2010
Status: offline 		Big, bad sadist comment was not about Master. Although He is a big, bad evil sadistic (wonder what all the flattery might get me.) man. Damn I loves me a sadist.

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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/13/2012 1:52:09 AM   
DeviantlyD


Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CeriseNin

I don't like being interrupted while I'm after glowing, so to speak. It would be like after having a mind-blowing orgasm and I'm still feeling it, trying to hold onto it and enjoy the experience, my SO began to talk to me about clipping coupons or something. It's not really about being cuddly; it's about leaving me the hell alone so I can enjoy my feelings.


Mea culpa! I didn't consider that viewpoint. It's surprising how differently wired people can be for these things. :)

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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/13/2012 2:06:12 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucifyre

quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

Well, she actually said "Aftercare, your thoughts?", in the OP, which kind of leaves things wide open for all types of opinions and thoughts.


Sure, absolutely. But my point was, don't ARGUE over what the words SHE used mean...describe what they mean to YOU. What is it that YOU do.

meh fuck it. Done with the derailment.

Lucifyre



Ahhhhh, I totally misunderstood your point. Sorry.

As I slept, it seems that LadyPact and Littlewonder have covered it very well though. They do that a lot!



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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/13/2012 2:26:06 AM   
CeriseNin


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Joined: 4/8/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD


quote:

ORIGINAL: CeriseNin

I don't like being interrupted while I'm after glowing, so to speak. It would be like after having a mind-blowing orgasm and I'm still feeling it, trying to hold onto it and enjoy the experience, my SO began to talk to me about clipping coupons or something. It's not really about being cuddly; it's about leaving me the hell alone so I can enjoy my feelings.


Mea culpa! I didn't consider that viewpoint. It's surprising how differently wired people can be for these things. :)

Indeed.

To be clear, I don't mean to imply that aftercare =s cuddling, but "cuddle" =s insert your brand of aftercare here.

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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/13/2012 7:44:40 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Aftercare is the calm after the hurricane passes, those rare moments where both parties, souls scorched wide by the depth of the play,open up totally and just share, clinging as tightly to each other as do the shell shocked survivors do when they emerge into the wrecked aftermath left by the storm.
It's wonderful.

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RE: The real aftercare thread...No jokes this time. - 8/13/2012 9:54:44 AM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		I am not quite sure how I became the one to whom to reply regarding aftercare being a term of "victimhood". Taken together, my posts say quite the opposite. I understood where Jeff was drawing that parallel and nothing more. I have both given and received wonderful aftercare. I'd love to find a less clinical name for it, but nonetheless have absolutely NO issue with the concept or practice whatsoever. I can claim I love all the rough, growly stuff the most, but the reality is that it is leading to this very point. It is the point where we both have release and draw closer to each other. I think I would have to have rocks in my head to see this as a bad thing.

SD

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