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ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I know when I need aftercare I'm pretty zoned out. Glassy eyes, tremors, sore muscles, wobbly walk, and it used to be I would be freezing and need a blanket but these days with menopause hitting, I now need lots of cooling down with ice or a fan or something and I also need some protein to keep me from crashing from low blood sugar because of all the energy that has been spent on my body.

And this goes on for about two days with me as the levels of chemicals in my body start to crash. The loss serotonin and dopamine in my brain causes feelings of deep depression and doubt and every other kind of emotion to come to the forefront.

Then there's the mental problems of needing to be reassured, to know he still loves me, that he's not going anywhere and that he's not upset with me in any way and that we can talk about what went right and what went wrong.
And of course there's the cuts, bruises, messes that need to be cleaned up on the body if there are any that need to be tended to.

So yeah, just cuddling alone just doesn't always cut it.

Now if it was just some rough sex or light play then yeah, cuddling is about all the both of us needs.

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but it has to be given freely, not demanded.

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ORIGINAL: sexyred1

To me, this is so important and something I was lacking in my last relationship; he just never GOT the fact that I needed to be brought back to myself after an intense session. That lack of reassurance and just plain CARE, basically ruined any pleasure the previous activities provided.

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ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

Aftercare..your thoughts?

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ORIGINAL: Karmastic


EDIT & disclaimer: i'm obviously not into play that needs bactine or any type of medical attention or aftercare.

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ORIGINAL: JeffBC

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ORIGINAL: Karmastic
i never called it "aftercare", just cuddling. "aftercare" presumes there's some trauma that needs tending to, and i don't like that connotation.

But I DO like that line of reasoning. I might just be on a jag now with this culture of victimhood thing but your comment just made me perceive the word "aftercare" as one of the victimization tools. In this case one with undoubtedly benign intent and of minimal damage but still... your point remains. Why are we presuming some trauma? What message is that sending?

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ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

So anyway, regarding "Aftercare".

I think that people overthink this stuff too much sometimes, but mostly I think it hard sometimes for people to wrap their heads around what goes on during a BDSM scene. I mean, depending on your flavor, people do some really freaky stuff under the umbrella of BDSM.

There can be all kinds of intense emotions, high levels of endorphins and adrenaline pumping through the body, triggers hit, extreme highs often followed by exteme lows (for both Tops and bottoms.) You don't even have to be an edge or heavy player to get to those places either. One of the worst triggers I've ever faced during a scene was when I slapped the bottom (per our negotiations) across the face. He loved it, I became an emotional wreck. Point is, there's a lot going on and when all is said and done, the scene doesn't end when you set down the implements of torture. It ends when all parties involved have tended to the job of taking care of what needs tending. How they go about it, is aftercare.

I don't really get the concept that the word aftercare implies victimhood. While I do think there's a lot of bullshit victimization booho blather that goes on in the world in general, it doesn't mean that providing care after a BDSM scene implies the person needing care was victimized. That, in my opinion, is being very dismissive of the realities of both individual's (top's and bottom's) physical and emotional needs. Are we victims now, because we require care or attention or space?

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ORIGINAL: Kana

Aftercare is the calm after the hurricane passes, those rare moments where both parties, souls scorched wide by the depth of the play,open up totally and just share, clinging as tightly to each other as do the shell shocked survivors do when they emerge into the wrecked aftermath left by the storm.
It's wonderful.

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Kana, I'm getting really fucking tired of agreeing with you most of the time.