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Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/13/2012 8:34:24 PM   
focalss


Posts: 164
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I am wondering after most of my life in the closet how those who have been outed or whose friends, co workers, etc know you are a submissive slave have been affected by it or how your job has been affected by it.

If your dominant has shown you off or told other people has anything negative resulted or has your family found out and if so how did they react?
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RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/13/2012 8:39:44 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline 		I have the BDSM logo tattooed on my lower back. Sometimes people notice. I'm also out with my immediate family (which is kinda hard to avoid when you move across an ocean to move in with a 45 year old dude and his wife). I've always been out with certain colleagues. I don't consider somebody a friend unless they are at the very least kink friendly.

I've never had any problems, consequences, of negative results due to being out. My family wasn't really surprised when I was outed. They'd expect worse from me than that. My friends the same. Co-workers whom I outed myself to mostly tended to be extremely curious and fascinated. People who've recognized my tattoo either where already in the known, or just really curious.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

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RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/13/2012 8:42:23 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Being outed was never an issue since I don't share my personal life with strangers, co workers or my family. They know if I am dating someone, but the details are not necessary for them to know.


(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
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RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/13/2012 9:03:36 PM   
BambiBoi


Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline 		I was threatened with blackmail with pictures that may or may not actually exist. I walked away from that relationship instantly, leaving quite a few treasured toys behind. Because fuck that noise.

I've never seen negative implications the few times someone was outed at work or in school. The collective mindset was "well, that's unique, maybe even fun, it was terribly inappropriate for Fuckface over there to say something. Does that mean we should take lunch now?

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/13/2012 9:18:00 PM   
threadbare


Posts: 21
Joined: 6/25/2007
Status: offline 		Makes me wonder how I'd react in that situation? Of a dominant partner outting me/us with or without talking first? I'd gulp pretty damn hard were it family or work. I'd be pissed.

Friends are another story. I've been spotted. More than once conversations have turned darker corners. A wink-nudge from a friend of "..and I know you(me) know what <i>that's</i> like." Their "that's" has referenced a few things. (acts, dom or items that were relatively tame) But I'm coy at that point, let them keep talking. Anyway, it doesnt make me feel threatened. They're cool. Non-judgey. And apparently like minded. :)

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/13/2012 9:23:32 PM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		If someone's dumbassery outted me, there wouldn't be a hole deep enough.

SD

(in reply to threadbare)
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RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/13/2012 9:47:52 PM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline 		Not an issue. I have one of the best Taekwondo instructors in the World.

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Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
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(in reply to SacredDepravity)
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RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/13/2012 9:53:45 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		It hasn't affected anything at all in my life. Those who know I'm submissive were not surprised. It has never been a big deal. I don't go around shouting it from the rooftops but I don't hide it either and if someone happens to find out or ask, I tell them.

I've yet to have it be a problem yet and I don't see it causing one either. So I'm submissive to my man. So what? So I like to have kinky sex? So what?

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/13/2012 10:41:24 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		There are 3 people close to me who know I am submissive because I told them, they were concerned at first because they thought it meant abuse, but they grew to understand it meant nothing of the sort and we don't even talk about it anymore. It's just part of the scenery.

No one at work knows and will ever know.
My Dom would never put me in an awkward situation by discussing anything to do with our private life, he'd be horrified if I somehow paid a price for him having loose lips.
My family knows nothing and never will.

In short, I have a private life that is private and always will be. I have no need to advertise what I do in my relationship with a man. If things came out I'd never be ashamed or lie, but it's not going to happen.

(in reply to focalss)
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RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/14/2012 3:17:12 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		It has affected my life in what I thought were some pretty disastrous ways, but I've since realized that if people want to listen to someone else's spin on things and not my own, well ... are they going to listen when something really important happens? Probably not. Sad, but not the end of the world.

And by the way, if it were a DOM I was involved with, there wouldn't be a relationship anymore. I'd hope there wasn't one in the first place. I like to think I can spot dishonorable people pretty well.

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to lizi)
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RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/14/2012 6:43:34 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: focalss

I am wondering after most of my life in the closet how those who have been outed or whose friends, co workers, etc know you are a submissive slave have been affected by it or how your job has been affected by it.

If your dominant has shown you off or told other people has anything negative resulted or has your family found out and if so how did they react?

I have never worried about being 'outed'. I do not advertise my life, but if asked, I am completely honest with my answers. As I said once before, if a person has a problem with the answers, that's their issue, not mine.

While not a submissive or slave in the context that you are referring to, I generally, in personal relationships, prefer that someone else 'be in charge'. With that said, I work with men...there is not a singe woman on my team other than myself...what's more, I am the only woman in my whole dept. Most of them know about me simply because they asked, I answered. They have no problem with it, what's more, they have never tried to take advantage of it. That could be because they know I could take them out in a heartbeat, but mainly it's because they respect me, just as I respect them.

Being outed does not have to be the big clusterfuck that everyone assumes it will be. It's YOUR actions and reactions that determine the outcome, not theirs.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to focalss)
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RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/14/2012 6:48:19 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		That's not always true, IM. Someone destroys your home because of their prejudice, the house is still in ashes, and you have to rebuild or move.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/14/2012 7:01:17 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

That's not always true, IM. Someone destroys your home because of their prejudice, the house is still in ashes, and you have to rebuild or move.

You must know some pretty strange co-workers,friends and family if they are the kind to set your house on fire simply because you are a submissive or slave personality.



_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/14/2012 7:11:10 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, this sort of thing really is just so.................ERMYGERD.

You would treat it about the same way you treat being outted for eating scrambled eggs, or having diarrhea, it don't need much talkin, move on. 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/14/2012 7:30:42 AM   
focalss


Posts: 164
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me.

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/14/2012 7:56:21 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist


quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

That's not always true, IM. Someone destroys your home because of their prejudice, the house is still in ashes, and you have to rebuild or move.

You must know some pretty strange co-workers,friends and family if they are the kind to set your house on fire simply because you are a submissive or slave personality.




I am thinking that she means being involved in BDSM is NOT a happy happy for many families or congregations, and some folks are private for damn good reasons.


_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to IrishMist)
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RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/14/2012 8:16:46 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Being outed was never an issue since I don't share my personal life with strangers, co workers or my family. They know if I am dating someone, but the details are not necessary for them to know.




And the person I'm with knows that this is a non-negotiable point with me. If someone had attempted to out me, they'd be gone so fast they wouldn't know what hit them.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/14/2012 8:17:05 AM >

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/14/2012 8:22:45 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Being outed does not have to be the big clusterfuck that everyone assumes it will be. It's YOUR actions and reactions that determine the outcome, not theirs.


It can even be a bigger clusterfuck than you imagine it to be, and nope, it's not YOUR actions that determine the outcome, some of us might have family members who would react strongly, some might lose their jobs and their existence due to being outed (and "involvement in BDSM" is not something they give as a reason, all of a sudden things might just get a bit more difficult), depending where you live, you might not be able to move and your neighbors see fit to make your life miserable because you are one of those "freaks".

I seriously wouldn't take it too lightly, if you don't mind being out, that's your thing, but others circumstances can be dramatically different.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to IrishMist)
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RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/14/2012 8:29:13 AM   
SlipSlidingAway


Posts: 223
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline 		If someone 'outted'  me, I guess it would depend on what they outted.  I'm a submisssive woman, but not to everyone- not by a long shot.  Right now, not living in a D/s relationship.  But, when I was, it was pretty apparent that I did not wear the pants, if you know what I mean.  It was just our relationship dynamic, and it was pretty much always the same.  There was not much to "out" there.  I enjoyed taking good care of my man, I pampered him (at least my most standards), and if he asked for something I was on it.  It was just the way things were.  Friends and family might make comments, but they were good natured and a non-issue. End of story.

Now, as for outing the kinky bits?  I'd be pissed.  But, not really anymore so than I would be if the private part of any sexual relationship was inappropriately shared with others without my knowledge or agreement.  Sex, kinky or not, is a private matter to me.  I don't want what's going on behind closed vanilla doors broadcast anymore than I do the D/s bits.  To put it simply,  it's nobody else's business.


_____________________________

"...ethical behavior should be based...on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death. " —Albert Einstein

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave - 8/14/2012 10:02:18 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

It can even be a bigger clusterfuck than you imagine it to be, and nope, it's not YOUR actions that determine the outcome

We will have to agree to disagree

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 20
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