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RE: Does a sub have a right to demand exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 11:48:24 AM   
PlayWithMe911


Posts: 10
Joined: 5/2/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Let me amend that, please. She needs to can her profile, the user name sucks.




Yes ma'am!

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Does a sub have a right to claim exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 11:48:42 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

it's harder for a slave to lose her Master than a Master to lose a slave.

Men are human with emotions as well. Why would their heartbreak be anything less??????

Bah-Get rid of that sob sister sissy you're with and head on out with a One Twue Dom (Patent Pending) and you'll discover differently

GET THEE BEHIND US, SATAN(pending)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Does a sub have a right to claim exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 11:53:24 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

it's harder for a slave to lose her Master than a Master to lose a slave.

Men are human with emotions as well. Why would their heartbreak be anything less??????

Bah-Get rid of that sob sister sissy you're with and head on out with a One Twue Dom (Patent Pending) and you'll discover differently

GET THEE BEHIND US, SATAN(pending)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Rubs palms together vigorously. This is gonna be fun.

Fine by me gal. Since you asked and all- get up on tipppie-toes, keep that nose pressing the wall, don't mind these alligator nipple clamps or the garrotte, and spread those ass cheeks wide cuz its Satan Sodomy Time.
Hot sex indeed!


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Does a sub have a right to claim exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 11:57:59 AM   
Kat713


Posts: 134
Joined: 8/31/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

You know, your user name "playwithme911" does not suggest that you are looking for long term or exclusivity. It suggests you are looking for a fast beat in the ER. I'd think about that.


I don't think there is anything wrong with her username or that it suggests anything other than her being playful. Of course with many usernames, they do tend to advertise a bit of the user's desires, but I think that doesn't mean they are looking for a certain type of relationship.(Unless it was like "WantToBeCuckold" or "IHateMonogamy"). And even still, looking at the profile is the key to figuring out what a particular user is after. She specifically said in her profile that she was looking for LONG TERM, and that is what potential Doms or whoever should be paying attention to. A username is just a username. Now if I had a username like: "ILoveRacePlay_MakeMePickCotton89", and nothing to suggest otherwise in my profile, I could definitely understand why some people might be messaging me with derogatory names.(actually they do that sometimes anyway :/) But other than something like that, a username is just that... It's just a bit of a mask to hide your real name. I think that in general, people think of them on the spot and choose them for themselves(I just wanted something cute and simple), not "if I make this my username, will people think I'm a whore and not worth exclusivity?" So I don't really agree with that part of your post, to be honest.

As for the situation, it's as a lot of folks said: Every relationship is different, and you have the right to be in the kind of relationship YOU want to be in. It sounds like this guy was being very deceptive and just plain irritating. You're good to be rid of him. Keep your head up and your eyes peeled- your perfect MONOGAMOUS Dom could be just around the corner! :)







< Message edited by Kat713 -- 8/14/2012 11:58:42 AM >

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Does a sub have a right to claim exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 12:04:12 PM   
PlayWithMe911


Posts: 10
Joined: 5/2/2011
Status: offline 		I am about to hide the old profile and create a new one, but just for the record, Here's the fist line and last line of my profile.

"For me, sexual compatibility is an important part of a long term relationship. So, I'm hoping this site has some serious minded men who want the same things I do."
"Since I'm looking for something long term, please don't contact me if you're attached to someone else."

(in reply to Kat713)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Does a sub have a right to claim exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 12:05:47 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

spread those ass cheeks wide

\\yeah, ok., I'm good with that!


*cat sleepoing across my arms.. typingsuucks...*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Kat713)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Does a sub have a right to claim exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 12:06:29 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		That sounds fine, and my profile says similar things.

Just don't expect everyone to listen. They will try and change your mind. I always say, what part of me wanting a single only man do you not understand?

And then they apologize and say, sorry to have offended you but I really had to take a shot.

(in reply to PlayWithMe911)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Does a sub have a right to claim exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 12:07:38 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayWithMe911

I am about to hide the old profile and create a new one, but just for the record, Here's the fist line and last line of my profile.

"For me, sexual compatibility is an important part of a long term relationship. So, I'm hoping this site has some serious minded men who want the same things I do."
"Since I'm looking for something long term, please don't contact me if you're attached to someone else."



I think this is awesome! Include, IMO!

But yeah, different ID :) FInd something that speaks to you as YOU!!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to PlayWithMe911)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Does a sub have a right to demand exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 12:11:29 PM   
wittynamehere


Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayWithMe911
As a slave/sub, do I have a right to demand exclusivity?

Like every other person in existence, you have whatever rights you choose to have, and no more. Rights are not automatic, as much as some people like to think they are. You have to claim them, and then protect them.
So if you want exclusivity, find somebody who is exclusive. You don't automatically gain (or lose) rights by claiming a title such as dominant, submissive, slave, master, owner, pet, etc. Rights are independent of labels.

_____________________________

I almost never return to a thread, so if you saw my post and want me to hear your reply, please message it to me.

(in reply to PlayWithMe911)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Does a sub have a right to demand exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 12:15:30 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Using fast reply.

Mine don't. Even if I only currently have on s-type, I make no bones about them knowing that who I play with is completely up to My discretion. They don't hold that power over Me.

Kind of something a person should know when they engage.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to wittynamehere)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Does a sub have a right to demand exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 12:15:36 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
It's the first thing the diminants say when they are caught cheating "I'm poly."

well ok... But I'm done playing nice on this particular issue. Look, I get it that BDSM redefines words like "rights", "honor", "integrity", and "trust" and pretty much the whole english language. I don't care. If you have crappy "honor detectors" and get baffled by the bullshit then you're screwed... in a bad way.

I say let the BDSM dom use whatever BDSM babble he wants. If some "slave's" pussy is so wet that she can't see straight then who am I to argue?

We all agree the guys an honorless asshole (assuming, of course, the story is as presented... the "honorless" thing doesn't just apply to men). But I'm calling a spade a spade sans all the BDSM pseudo-babble.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Does a sub have a right to demand exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 12:30:39 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Kind of something a person should know when they engage.


Which is the key here.
It's not the quasi poly acts, it's the lying about it.
Had she known in advance she wouldn't have gone in. And if she had known in advance and still gone in, that would be on her

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Does a sub have a right to demand exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 12:40:59 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayWithMe911

I met my first and only Master on this site and before we started. I specifically asked if he had a girlfriend/fiance/wife or seeing someone else. He SWORE he only dates one person at a time. Also, his packed work schedule would prevent him from having more than one, any way. We entered into a Master/sub relationship and after a long time, I was finally collared. Shortly after that, I found evidence on the internet that he was engaged. He claims that they are also old sites, that she is an old ex ad he never proposed. However, all the sites I found have recent timestamps and one had her confirming they were getting married. Aside from the hurt this has caused me, I need to know what is the norm in the BDSM world about exclusivity.

As a slave/sub, do I have a right to demand exclusivity? Or do I have to accept that this is the norm and the Master can have as many women/girlfriends/slaves in his life as he wants? If that's the case, maybe the BDSM life is not meant for me and I should leave this world completely. Or should I stick it out and find a better Master?

Thanks for any advice.


You have the right to choose someone according to whatever you like. BDSM doesn't mean you have to follow a pre-prescribed route, or that you have to accept things that you do not want. It's like anything else in life, you are allowed to keep and pursue your preferences while taking responsibility to make sure they are fulfilled. There aren't any rules here except for the one that says to make sure things are to your liking before engaging in them. If you are lied to, that's different, and it's never something someone sees coming. It's definitely a good reason to walk away, but why throw the baby out with the bathwater and assume that every man into BDSM will be a liar, therefore you should give up the whole thing?

I am in a D/s relationship, I am monogamous. If he lied to me about being monogamous and slept around I would move on. I make no excuses for wanting what I want and it's a deal breaker for me to be with someone who has physical contact with another person or is emotionally attached to them, and lies about it. That's who I am, I make that clear, if someone I was interested in didn't find that fits with them then they are free to move on from being with me.

(in reply to PlayWithMe911)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Does a sub have a right to demand exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 12:44:45 PM   
PlayWithMe911


Posts: 10
Joined: 5/2/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
assuming, of course, the story is as presented...


You don't have to believe anything I say. Just pull me out of it then, and lets just discuss the original topic of expectations, norms and rights in a D/s relationship.

Since it's over, I consider my self to be a "survivor" of an unfortunate event. The "victim" continues to be his fiance who is truly clueless about his activities.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Does a sub have a right to demand exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 1:01:42 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi
I am in a D/s relationship, I am monogamous. If he lied to me about being monogamous and slept around I would move on.


We are in a D/s relationship, we are not monogamous, we have a selectively open relationship. If he lied to me about his actions, I would move on.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Does a sub have a right to claim exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 1:04:44 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

it's harder for a slave to lose her Master than a Master to lose a slave.

Men are human with emotions as well. Why would their heartbreak be anything less??????

Bah-Get rid of that sob sister sissy you're with and head on out with a One Twue Dom (Patent Pending) and you'll discover differently



tries really hard not to laugh but falls to the ground laughing her ass off.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Does a sub have a right to demand exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 1:29:09 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		*nods* I wasn't call you a liar PlayWithMe.

But there's always the "two sides to every story" part and quite frequently on these boards there's more than a bit of spin on the questions we get. I included the caveat more for general readership than you in particular. You, of course, know exactly how accurate your statements are.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to PlayWithMe911)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Does a sub have a right to claim exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 2:33:48 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Just don't expect everyone to listen. They will try and change your mind. I always say, what part of me wanting a single only man do you not understand?

And then they apologize and say, sorry to have offended you but I really had to take a shot.


Oh, yes. Especially when I was in Florida, I got tired of typing "What part of local guys only was unclear?"

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Does a sub have a right to demand exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 2:35:07 PM   
Itsalwaysthere


Posts: 68
Joined: 8/8/2012
Status: offline 		I beg your pardon?

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Does a sub have a right to demand exclusivity? - 8/14/2012 2:54:41 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		That was you not playing nice? By all means, keep the gloves off in your responses to me, I far prefer it.

More than one person told her the real issue is his lying, not the exclusivity, or lack of it, and I agrees. I am sure in time she will understand that better than she does today, b/c she has JUST BROKEN UP WITH SOMEONE.

In any case, my answer was tailored to a person who was being giving some serious diminant bull shit about what slaves are "allowed," and I replied as such. My feelings went out to her, as I have seen this thing far too often before.

I did my best to deal with the expediency of the situation, as opposed to the philosophy.

_____________________________



(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 60
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