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LadyPact -> RE: Red Flag attitudes... (8/25/2012 6:43:33 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MercTech
The topic on the culture of victim-hood discussion over on the General BDSM section got me thinking. There are some things that, to me, indicate a huge amount of trouble and have me walking carefully away from a submissive. I thought I'd toss out what gives me that kind of uneasy walk away reflex and ask what others see as an indication to vacate the vicinity.
Overly compliant, refusal to state an opinion when asked. Face it, no matter how submissive, a person has preferences. Expecting a dominant to be able to read minds is a sure fire recipe for problems. I once had dinner with a person that kept saying "what ever you want" when asked about preferences for a restaurant. You would think that would be a simple thing. And taking someone with a violent allergy to peanuts to a Thai restaurant, they never mentioned an allergy, was a total disaster. Any date that ends in a visit to an Emergency Room constitutes a disaster.
I will never figure out why some people tie up strange issues about who picks the restaurant. If nobody cares where we go, I'll pick but most of the time I honestly don't care. My standard answer: "It doesn't matter to Me. I'm allergic to onions but I can get chicken darn near anywhere." That's enough info not to take Me to anyplace overly exotic before I've investigated the menu. For most restaurants that are commonly known, I've got a good idea of what I can eat and what I can't. That's part of the responsibility for yourself when you know you have a food allergy.
quote:
I have no limits. Well, sorry, I DO have limits. And, I need to know where yours are to know if we are compatible for any sort of physical interaction. I may have some dark fantasies that I never plan to act on. But, what I am willing to actually do with a person includes some limits I impose on myself.
I pretty much discussed this in detail on the thread that IrishMist sprung from this one. Yep. If someone tells Me they have no limits, I'm not interested.
quote:
I have needs my significant other isn't filling and I'm secretly looking for someone to fulfill them. Nope, not going there. If everyone isn't on board and comfortable with the situation, it is staying platonic. Couldn't agree with you more on this one.
Some additions of My own........
Insta-Anythings
That's instant leather, instant poly, instant sub, or instant D. No good can come from this.
Various reasons for not being willing to attend lifestyle events.
To extend what CP said above, that's those who are over zealous in their concern about being outed, the 'all lifestyle people are <insert complaint here>' issues, and related topics. You don't have to be the type who plays at public events, but if you can't go to a restaurant to a munch, there's a problem somewhere.
People who have no investment in their education regarding BDSM.
I'm a RACK player. I expect bottoms to have enough concern for their own safety that they go about acquiring the knowledge they need about the types of play they that interest them. No, I don't want to mold you into what I want, have you be an empty vessel who is just waiting for My Dominance to come along to teach you everything. I see it as fantasy crap and there it definitely sets off warning bells to Me.
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