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Lucifyre -> RE: Red Flag attitudes... (8/25/2012 10:27:54 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
I just want to respond to this:
quote:
Various reasons for not being willing to attend lifestyle events.
To extend what CP said above, that's those who are over zealous in their concern about being outed, the 'all lifestyle people are <insert complaint here>' issues, and related topics. You don't have to be the type who plays at public events, but if you can't go to a restaurant to a munch, there's a problem somewhere.
Honestly, LadyPact, I have zero interest in going to a munch here. All the people are half my age, and there is an awful lot of incestuous drama. I went to one. That was PAHLENTY. No thanks. They are perfectly fine people, but I have nothing in common with them. When I'm in the States (or other places) with people my own age, I'm delighted to go. For the most part, though, I would rather read a good book and drink a cup of tea at home.
I am also one who isn't fond of munches. The ones we went to when we lived up north were good stuf. There was usually a topic and a speaker and then a round table type discussion in the second half of the time frame then socializing later on...a typical munch was 3-5 hours depending on how long folks decided to stay and socialize. That's where you met folks, got party invites, hooked up with people, even found occassional dates.
The munches we have been to here are far less organized. Mostly they are just meet and greet, with no education or real discussion...not very group involved, more just eat something and introduce youself around and hope to find someone to talk to that seems interesting.
It seems they fall back on the local public dungeon for the everything else stuff. That kind of causes issues in itself since when people are paying gas money plus tolls plus entrance fee to go, less of the kinky public as a whole chooses to go AND you want to get your moneys worth when you do and you tend to stay involved in doing your own thing rather than worrying about meeting or talking to anyone else.
We have probably just gotten unlucky with the couple of groups we have tried with. Of course trying again is going to have to wait a few more weeks but whatever the munches aren't going anywhere.
I'm going to put a ps at the end of this discussing a very sensative topic. If you're feeling argumentive or snarky I suggest you don't read it.
Lucifyre
p.s. Another problem we have found here in the south is SO many people that obviously have "let themselves go" so to speak. I'm not talking only about 90% of the *out* kink populatin being extremely overwieght (mostly submissive women) either. For the record, it IS entirely possibe to be heavy and have it be apparent that you DO give a damn are are concious of yourself, so being "fat" is not really the only problem. Morbidly obese however is an entirely seperate subject and there's a metric ton (pun intended) of that going on down here as well. Not everyone can claim they have thyroid problems. (and yes the pendulum can swing the other way as well i.e. way too skinny, as in anorexic looking) But, I'm mainly talking about I can count on one hand the people we have met since we began going back out in public last April who look like they try to take care if themselves or how well they present themselves in public.
Hygene seems to escape quite a few folks as well regardless of thier place on the scale. Unwashed hair, unbrushed teeth, forgotten deodorant, unwashed or very sloppy clothing etc. It's quite shocking actually.
It seems to us that the only ones trying to make a decent impression happen to be the Pro Dommes that use the dungeon for thier clients every weekend OR the girls that are under age 25 (way too young for us) and <maybe> a very short list of select few tat attempt to make an effort. And I'm not talking about the crowd that's been there since 8 pm and it's now 3 am and they've been playing on and off for hours and just happen to have that "I've gotten a workout" look about them. I'm talking about people at 10 pm who just got there and already look like shit.
Now, Mr and I being poly with no "third" in the house right now that really presents a problem since the local *out* crowd just doesn't impress us in the least. I promise you I am not being overly picky either. That leaves us pretty much with seeking what we are looking for online...and that feels like either we get criticized for looking in the first place, or it's a crap shoot about who it is we might meet....MOST people aren't entirely honest about themselves before the first face to face. Very frustrating and a problem I have yet to figure out how to solve. While I don't expect to meet a unicorn, I had hoped before we came back out that we might just find it in the local scene...it's not looking like that's going to happen.
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