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AthenaSurrenders -> RE: What is your (your dominants) style of dominance ? (8/21/2012 2:36:29 AM)
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OP - On the off chance you are still reading, I will try to answer your questions. I actually think people have been a bit hard on you. It's true your questions are difficult to answer because they seem a bit unfocused, but I know it can be hard at the beginning to know where to start figuring things out.
My husband's style of dominance is quite relaxed. There's very little protocol and more expectations than rules. By that I mean he expects me to exercise regularly and eat well, as opposed to saying 'You must spend one hour per day on the treadmill'. The exact details are usually left to me, so long as I am following his general expectations. He doesn't tell me when to use the bathroom or what to wear. The understanding, however, is that if he decided today he was going to chose my clothes or have me ask permission to use the furniture, I would do so. He loves the hell out of me so he is very affectionate with lots of cuddles. He praises me for doing well. He often indulges me with treats and helps with housework just because he cares and he wants me to be happy in the relationship. We are, I think, in a minority here because we do include punishments - NOT because he thinks he can beat me into obedience or because I am too much of a child to obey without a deterrent, but because for us it is an effective ritual to reinforce our dynamic and it helps me to move on from any minor failures without beating myself up excessively. There is lots and lots of communication.
How does he get me to do as he wants? By being the type of person worth obeying. I know his rules have good reasons and aren't just there to make him look more badass. I know he makes decisions carefully and rationally and takes me into account. I know he doesn't act out of anger and that the family comes first. For these reasons when he asks/tells me to do something, I do it. That and I get a lot out of making people happy, and my obedience makes him happy, so it's a no brainer really. He gives me positive feedback which gives me the warm fuzzies. And sometimes, submitting turns me on, which is what drew me to look into this type of relationship in the first place. Sometimes I don't like the orders but I suck it up because overall we are incredibly happy with our dynamic, and that's what relationships are for - mutual happiness and fulfillment.
Of course different types of submissives go well with different types of dom. I know for a fact that I would be the wrong sub for JeffBC or LadyPact for example, even though I respect them both tremendously.
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