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RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/16/2006 2:48:10 PM

MasterRobert1

Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline

Things that seem to good to be true ... usually are. Remember that. And something else to ponder is the one dimensional representations we get online. You're not in direct conact with the peron; only indirect and symbolic contact. I'd be very wary of any online relationship that blossoms so completely so quickly..

(in reply to subnesaa)

Post #: 61

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/16/2006 3:47:25 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear marieToo, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Should this chap have a mobile/cell phone, would not the device no matter where it was, carry it's "caller ID?"

This is a concern I have, as I go to different states, my phone's "ID" is the same, unlike a land-line phone which is fixed at a specific location/address.

Authorities can trace the number to establish if indeed if it is a land-line or cell/mobile phone.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 62

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/16/2006 6:19:57 PM

YoungBlondeSlave

Posts: 953
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

I have had that same situation happen to me. Only instead of after two weeks it was after two days. I was completely taken aback and bewildered. I had no idea how to react except to continue to talk with him and see if my feelings for him evolved the way that his did for me.

They didn't and unfortunately when I tried to talk to him about it and how I felt that he was taking things far too quickly he took it terribly. We continued to try and talk and see if we could start back at square one, that didn't happen either.

After I tried to cut off communication with him he started leaving awful phone messages and e-mails telling me how I'm a faker and not a true slave, that I had no intention of being his etc etc etc. My gut told me immediately to leave him alone and talk with others, but I didn't and I brought this behavior on myself it got to the point where I had to block his messages and e-mails and phone calls. Don't let it get this bad for you, if your gut tells you it's wrong it probably is.

(in reply to subnesaa)

Post #: 63

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/17/2006 11:59:22 AM

subnesaa

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/11/2006
From: Vancouver, Canada
Status: offline

Update:

In the last 48 hours I have received over 80 text messages also, voicemail and emails...among other things he has threatened "to destroy my life", told me he has a plane ticket, etc. The clincher came when he located my ex-husband's work place and began leaving messages there. I have contacted the RCMP and opened a case file. They are actively investigating him. I responded to him only once to provide him with the Police case file number. After this call he again messaged me and provided me with his son's telephone number, saying "my son's number, please tell him that I love him, I cannot live with this." I then contacted the officer working on my case and they will now be contacting the appropriate US state police detatchment and pursuing this further.

_____________________________

~nesaa

'There are no clear paths. Only pitfalls and tripwires and darkness.' -Robert Jordan

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)

Post #: 64

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/17/2006 2:56:29 PM

MistressTexas

Posts: 425
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline

Oh hun... You're going in the right direction. The RCMP knows about him and theyre going after him. The only advice I have now is nag the cops :). They have a lot going on, and usually a lot of cases. Make sure you don't fall through the cracks. I wish I could sak everything will be ok, but all I can say is youre doing everything right. You will eventually be ok though.

(in reply to subnesaa)

Post #: 65

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/17/2006 3:13:53 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear marieToo, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Should this chap have a mobile/cell phone, would not the device no matter where it was, carry it's "caller ID?"

This is a concern I have, as I go to different states, my phone's "ID" is the same, unlike a land-line phone which is fixed at a specific location/address.

Authorities can trace the number to establish if indeed if it is a land-line or cell/mobile phone.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

Lady Hugs:

If he is calling from a landline, and the receiving person has caller ID, it will show the #. If he calls from a cell phone, her caller ID will show the state in which the number is registered and the number itself, but it wont show his location.

If she knows his land line number and he calls from *that* line*, then she would know that he is phoning her from home (therefore not on his way to Canada). Im not clear what line he calls her from though.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 66

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/17/2006 7:28:46 PM

YoungBlondeSlave

Posts: 953
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

I can't believe this is happening to you. I do hope that everything works out and gets resolved. I hope that I can speak for everyone when I say you have all of our support and we wish you nothing but the best possible outcome in this horrendous situation.

(in reply to subnesaa)

Post #: 67

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/17/2006 11:13:46 PM

subnesaa

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/11/2006
From: Vancouver, Canada
Status: offline

I received one last message from him, he was contacted by Interpol. I hope this is good news, that the harassment will stop now. I just want to thank everyone for their wonderful advice, care and concern. It has meant a lot to me over the last week or so, I can not tell you how much it has meant to me. Thank you all... now lets just keep our fingers crossed and hope that this fellow is gone for good. I think I need a vacation now. :)

_____________________________

~nesaa

'There are no clear paths. Only pitfalls and tripwires and darkness.' -Robert Jordan

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)

Post #: 68

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/18/2006 2:02:18 AM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear marieToo, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Should this chap have a mobile/cell phone, would not the device no matter where it was, carry it's "caller ID?"

This is a concern I have, as I go to different states, my phone's "ID" is the same, unlike a land-line phone which is fixed at a specific location/address.

Authorities can trace the number to establish if indeed if it is a land-line or cell/mobile phone.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

Lady Hugs:

If he is calling from a landline, and the receiving person has caller ID, it will show the #. If he calls from a cell phone, her caller ID will show the state in which the number is registered and the number itself, but it wont show his location.

If she knows his land line number and he calls from *that* line*, then she would know that he is phoning her from home (therefore not on his way to Canada). Im not clear what line he calls her from though.

If he dials *67 before the number, it will show as "Unidentified Caller" on the caller ID. Although, I'd bet that the Police can find out what the number called from was.

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 69

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/18/2006 8:39:35 AM

needtobetold

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/9/2006
Status: offline

I am very new at this as well, but I think true submission comes from a place of power. You posses that which he desires which is your control and that is one of the most precious gifts you can give someone. If you are concerned at all and he is not able to understand or allow you to explore these concerns than he does not deserve this incredible gift you have to present to him. If he does not believe that you and your submission are worth the time and effort you need to feel safe and secure with him than you should start looking for another Master.

(in reply to subnesaa)

Post #: 70

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/18/2006 8:48:39 AM

needtobetold

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/9/2006
Status: offline

I thought I had read the whole thread but obviously not I cant believe how crazy this got for you and I hope you are able to move on.

(in reply to needtobetold)

Post #: 71

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/18/2006 10:41:39 AM

MistressTexas

Posts: 425
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline

To Harryvanwinkle: Yes if he presses *67 it will block his number but subnesaa can call her provider and choose not to accept calls from blocked lines, or she can press *57, which alerts the police to a harrassing blovked number.

(in reply to needtobetold)

Post #: 72

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/18/2006 9:01:50 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subnesaa

I am now in need of even more advice...

This man would not accept anything I had to say... He told me that he would give me time and space, but he did not. I tried to end the relationship with him. I tried to be kind and honest. This got out of control, I saw a side of him that truely frightened me. Now he sends me text msg's every 5 minutes on my cell phone, leaves inappropriate and threatening messages on my office number, and he is now threatening to publish the photos I sent him over the internet. I am in Canada, he is in the States... what can I do? I am desperate. He told me that he can and will make my life a living hell... please help, I am listening in earnest.

This is exactly why we were telling you to go slow. He wants someone outside the US because it's harder to see he's acomplete nut job. First off change any numbers you gave him. This may mean the embarassment of telling your boss that you have a stalker (DO NOT SAY BOYFRIEND!!) tell them the truth it;s someone you rejected romantically (the truth) and they're stalking you. Contact the police where he lives (get help from the canadian embassy in the US if needed) and report this as stalking if changing phone numbers doesn't work. As for the pics this is why we tell newbies not to send neked pics of themselves.
To him this is a game that can be one through agressive behavior. The more "dom " he is the more likely you'll come to his point of view. In reality if you run that background check I bet you'll find domestic violence claims of some kind as part of his divorce.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to subnesaa)

Post #: 73

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/18/2006 9:14:19 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear marieToo, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Should this chap have a mobile/cell phone, would not the device no matter where it was, carry it's "caller ID?"

This is a concern I have, as I go to different states, my phone's "ID" is the same, unlike a land-line phone which is fixed at a specific location/address.

Authorities can trace the number to establish if indeed if it is a land-line or cell/mobile phone.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

Global Position information requires a warrent in the US. The mounties may be able to help with getting this information if necessary.
If he's calling you from the US the good news is that he's still here. It's free to talk to the police and at least in the US will expedite help in the event that you need it because you've already given them the who, the what, the why and the likely where. Here when you tell them that your stalker just showed up on your doorstep they take that very very seriously and come armed and loaded for bear.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 74

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/18/2006 9:20:40 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subnesaa

Update:

In the last 48 hours I have received over 80 text messages also, voicemail and emails...among other things he has threatened "to destroy my life", told me he has a plane ticket, etc. The clincher came when he located my ex-husband's work place and began leaving messages there. I have contacted the RCMP and opened a case file. They are actively investigating him. I responded to him only once to provide him with the Police case file number. After this call he again messaged me and provided me with his son's telephone number, saying "my son's number, please tell him that I love him, I cannot live with this." I then contacted the officer working on my case and they will now be contacting the appropriate US state police detatchment and pursuing this further.

These are huge red flags that need to be passed to the police. To me this reads I'm coming for you and don't care if I live...this is escalation and reads very badly. Ever hear of something called death by cop? You might bug the mounties to flag his info and make sure that he's flagged at the borders IMMEDIATELY. You want him stopped coming across before he has any opportunity to get near you. Change phone numbers first thing in the morning. If he has the time and inclination to find your family this reads as he's very dangerous. Have to nag did you ever run that background check??

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to subnesaa)

Post #: 75

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/18/2006 9:27:23 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subnesaa

I received one last message from him, he was contacted by Interpol. I hope this is good news, that the harassment will stop now. I just want to thank everyone for their wonderful advice, care and concern. It has meant a lot to me over the last week or so, I can not tell you how much it has meant to me. Thank you all... now lets just keep our fingers crossed and hope that this fellow is gone for good. I think I need a vacation now. :)

I would say that he's caught but not done. Whatever mental illness lead to this isn't likely to be over this easy, he knows he scared you. Take precautions and change all numbers...including bank information if he could get the ex's office number you need to put a fraud alert on crdit cards, change bank and phone numbers (everything you would if you lost your purse with id's, bills and phone) and get a post office box for mail for a little while. Send ALL your mail there...make it look like you moved.
You passed this to the MOD's here too correct? You want to make sure that they tag his IP address to attempt to keep this from happening again to someone else.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to subnesaa)

Post #: 76

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/19/2006 10:35:24 PM

GhostBear

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/3/2004
Status: offline

subnesaa
I really feel for you having to endure such an ordeal, and I hope that you be able to put it behind you and move on with your life. The only advice that I have for you is that you don't have to do this on your own, your friends are always there for you (at least they should be). Cheers

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 77

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/20/2006 5:55:21 PM

subnesaa

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/11/2006
From: Vancouver, Canada
Status: offline

Wow! Honestly, I am completely overwealmed by all the support here. Thank you all.

Things are progressing well for me now. As normal as possible, considering. I have taken steps as mentioned above with the local police and have gone about changing all of my telephone numbers. I know that he was contacted at least once by Interpol and though I don't know the extent of it, it did manage to encourage him to change his tune a little. The text messages in particular racked up to well over 100 in less than four days, but now that my number has changed I no longer have to endure them.

As for me personally, I guess I feel very humbled by the situation and perhaps a bit wiser. Being that this experience was my first exposure to a D/s relationship, I now know that it is important to take things slowly and really use your common sense like you would in any relationship. Emotionally I feel that it will take me some time to move on from this, but I am confident that eventually things will work out. And most of all, I was not physically damaged or jeopardized by this situation. Things could have been much worse if I hadn't followed all of the wonderful advice laid before me here. So I go on, continuing in self development and my search for what I truely crave in life... just like every other human being on the planet.

I offer my humble thanks to all of you, and assure you that your advice has made all the difference.

_____________________________

~nesaa

'There are no clear paths. Only pitfalls and tripwires and darkness.' -Robert Jordan

(in reply to GhostBear)

Post #: 78

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/20/2006 6:28:25 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subnesaa
This morning we had an extensive conversation about the subject, and although I could sense that he was dissappointed or even perhaps slightly hurt, he has agreed to give me the time that I need. I have been clear that I wish to continue to pursue this relationship, but that for me, it will take longer to make the adjustment and learn to trust implicitely.

Very smart idea, and one that you need to stand firm on. His insistence that you won't want him to leave sounds pretty pushy to me, and i just wanted to urge you not to let him pressure you by using D/s as a reason to ignore your gut instinct and your own wishes.

BTW, if you need someone to talk to, who is local, and knows the Vancouver kink community, just message me on the other side, sweetie. I believe we've spoken before.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to subnesaa)

Post #: 79

RE: Questions about a very new relationship - 6/20/2006 6:30:32 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subnesaa
Things are progressing well for me now. As normal as possible, considering. I have taken steps as mentioned above with the local police and have gone about changing all of my telephone numbers.

Well, DAMN...one of the few times I answer a post without reading it all the way through. Ignore that last post , and feel free to message me on the other side if you want to chat.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to subnesaa)

Post #: 80

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