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Duskypearls -> RE: When things go south. (8/21/2012 10:13:06 AM)
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Oh Steven, I'm so glad you brought this up, as it's really disturbed me. FYI everybody, it was me it happened to, and I'm still trying to make heads or tails of it.
I've got to tell you, it was quite a shock to my entire system. I had only met the fellow (who took it upon himself to painfully insinuate himself into my scene without permission, and without knowing who or how I was or how I'd react, about an hour earlier). One of the few things I shared with him before arriving at the party, was how careful I am in explaining to my spank partners that too much pain can trip my trigger by awakening deeply stored abuse/shock body memories, and what I and my partner need to do to is to talk and use gentle touch to bring me back to the present, so I don't panic, shut down and disassociate. Mind you now, this fellow is supposed to have been experienced, and into the bdsm and spanking lifestyle for a looooong time.
I had brought a new friend with me, whom had never done any of this stuff and wanted to learn, to the spank party, and the host was being good enough to teach him how to spank me. It was a nice, easy, comfortable experience for me, and an instructional one for him. At the end of the spanking, I was laying there still in sub space, when out of the blue, the interloper starts thwacking me with a thick, wide, doubled belt leather, giving me the hardest hit I had ever received. I cannot begin to tell you how painful, and what a shock it was, and I was instantly knocked into panic mode, couldn't breath, was crying, and all I could say was, "No, that's too much, that's waaaay too much."
I don't know how the fool could say this, to justify his actions, but his words were, "I didn't hit you very hard at all." to which my body screamed, "LIAR," why would you say such a thing, especially after I had warned you I could only take moderate pain that must be tempered with comforting sensual touch to keep me from disassociating." I felt so nauseous and hateful towards him.
Unfortunately, my sub self kicked in after a moment or two to stabilize, told him, "It's OK, I'm alright, you had no way of knowing, I won't hold it against you." But the more I think about this, the more I think it a selfish, thoughless violation of me, on his part, and even tho' he's been playing a long time with a friend of mine, I don't know I would ever be willing to trust or play with him.
I think, in fact, it was bad form all around. I don't know what possessed him to do it, or think it was OK. Now that I think of it, he never offered an apology.
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