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Duskypearls -> RE: When things go south. (8/21/2012 3:54:27 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Thank you, Steven, for trying to clear up the players for Me. I think I might still be confused.
If this was the new guy, it might be worthwhile to have a sit down with him and explain just exact what he did wrong. I'm not so sure I go with the ignorance is an excuse bit. If he's not aware, maybe that's not the person to choose to play with. I'm not really sure if there is choice involved if anybody attending the party can just walk up and spank any bottom that they see.
Dusky, you may also want to consider if this is the type of party (very low protocol/open invitation) that you want to attend. I mean no offense to the host or the other participants, but it's possible that you might do better at different types of venues.
Edited for typo.
LadyP, my friend I brought to the party, who had no previous experience/knowledge, etc., and had just finished doing a great first spank job on me, while being tutored by the host. Steven had been tickling my feet (yummy), and another gal was teasing/tickling my ear (again, yummy). All very easy, appropriate, and balanced, and as Steven stated in a PM to me, within similar/matched rhythm/intensity as the others.
All was over and done with, and I was laying face down for a couple of minutes, just basking in/finishing up my subspace, and would soon rise from the table, when out of the blue, the other fellow (a friend of a spanking friend whom I only met an hour before) came out of nowhere and laid a hit on my ass with that doubled thick belt that would have woke the bloody dead. It was completely out of balance, rhythm, severity and degree in comparison to what had gone one before it.
The fact was that just an hour earlier, when I had met said interloping fellow, I clearly, explicitly explained (several times) my inability to tolerate more than moderate pain, which I learned could trigger disassociation/shock in me, which I'd recently learned to temper by immediately having sensual, soothing touch replace the pain touch, and requiring tenderness and gentle talk, while I brought my owning breathing and shock under control coupled by mentally stabilizing and talking myself into the present. I clearly warned him about my tendency to go to ground if it was too painful, and that's exactly what happened...he went beyond the pale, and I went deep to ground.
The thing that irks me most was, instead of taking responsibility for what he had done, by clearly being careless, thoughtless and crossing a line that had been previously set, his reaction was not to apologize or own what he did or comfort me, but merely repeatedly state he had not hit me that hard, when in fact he had. How do you trust someone who isn't humble or human enough to own what they create? You don't!
I was lucky I had Steven and the host there to attend to me. I am lucky to have Steven now, to help me understand exactly what happend, and how to navigate. I am a bit of a raw nerve these days, and do not know whether I will or will not personally confront the culprit now, or wait until a later date, or never. It's my experience, and it's my lesson to learn from.
I would be eternally grateful, and would welcome, all responses and suggestions kind, supportive and instructive, but do not find helpful "You should have done this," or "The new spanker-friend should have done that." That only leaves me feeling shameful and guilt ridden. I will, one day soon, have a conversation with my new spanker friend, advising how what the culprit did was inappropriate, and he will learn, just like the rest of us did. I am new to this, and am learning as I go.
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