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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 5:18:18 AM

ARIES83

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

What no one seems to understand is that this whole conversation should be had BY her mentor and protector!

A dominant should never negotiate with a potential submissive directly!

Did I miss some conversation on another thread?

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 5:18:21 AM

pyschosubmission

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Ah, Psycho just likes the idea of you putting him behind bars for racketeering...or damn near anything else :-)

Dammzit Kana! ...back to the drawing board

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 5:35:15 AM

Killerangel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

What no one seems to understand is that this whole conversation should be had BY her mentor and protector!

A dominant should never negotiate with a potential submissive directly!

Huh? As far as we know, which is a multitude of threads and no further postings by the OP, she has no mentor and protector. She's talking to a potential Dom. No argument on the part where he should have made sure she knew what the hell under consideration meant.

And what's with saying that a Dominant should never negotiate with a potential submissive directly? That makes no sense to me either, I've always done any negotiating with anyone on my own, I wouldn't want anyone else to speak for me.
I'm with Aries, did I miss something?

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 5:37:58 AM

GreedyTop

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quote:

Ah, Psycho just likes the idea of you putting him behind bars for racketeering...or damn near anything else :-)

I like the idea of putting him behind bars/in restraints/etc for "damn near anything else".

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 7:09:47 AM

culareD

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Newbie "OP" here...First I would like to offer my apologies for cross-posting. It will NEVER happen again.

My question was sincere, and I have truly appreciated the comments and feedback. I am grateful for being "saved" from making some potentially terrible mistakes.

In my "short" time here, I have discovered that there are so many "sharks" out there that just want pics etc...and while I believe there is a place and time for pics, I agree that I should get to know and meet a potential partner BEFORE giving over the goods so-to-speak.

Again, thank you all for your words of wisdom and the benefit of your experiences. I looking forward to learning more in my journey.

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 7:20:37 AM

GreedyTop

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hon, here is a question for you to ask yourself in the future: "would I accept this in a NON kink setting/relationship?". If the answer is no, then there is no reason to accept it in a kink setting/relationship (until and unless you agree to it). Don't agree to something until and unless you are comfy.

Remember, d/s or kink based relationships ARE just relationships. The same ground rules apply.

YMMV.

(edited for a dropped word)

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 8/22/2012 7:21:38 AM >

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 8:49:12 AM

culareD

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So, at the risk of chastisement, I need to confess...and then move on. The following is an excerpt of a letter I sent to the "potential Dom" in response to his request that I post "under consideration" on my profile...

"I am not ready quite yet to commit to you or anyone else, until I know more about D/s relationships, what I want, and what I can offer. I am very NEW. I can see where I have already made some mistakes, and for that I do apologize."

Needless to say my response to him was met with anger...I dare not make that mistake again. The bottom line is that I was about to agree to something I wasn't entirely comfortable with...yet.

Just for today, it really SUCKS to be so damn green ...culare'd

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 9:00:12 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD

So, at the risk of chastisement, I need to confess...and then move on. The following is an excerpt of a letter I sent to the "potential Dom" in response to his request that I post "under consideration" on my profile...

"I am not ready quite yet to commit to you or anyone else, until I know more about D/s relationships, what I want, and what I can offer. I am very NEW. I can see where I have already made some mistakes, and for that I do apologize."

Needless to say my response to him was met with anger...I dare not make that mistake again. The bottom line is that I was about to agree to something I wasn't entirely comfortable with...yet.

Just for today, it really SUCKS to be so damn green ...culare'd

His anger wasn't because of any mistakes. It's because he was rejected. BDSM D/s websites and the like tend to be very sex driven, which means that a lot people think that boundaries don't matter. I have found that if you figure out where your boundaries are and be firm about them, the experience is much more pleasant.

This is why I would never submit at all before the first meeting. I didn't use honorifics, I wouldn't dress the way they requested and I wouldn't take direction from them. I found that if you did that, then met and didn't like him...it confused the issue. You've already submitted and now you're saying you won't. In his mind once you've submitted, even a little, he's already in.

I also didn't discuss details about sex, my fantasies, etc. I wanted to know if I actually liked the guy enough to even consider those items, so they waited until after the first meeting.

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 9:05:17 AM

GreedyTop

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quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD

So, at the risk of chastisement, I need to confess...and then move on. The following is an excerpt of a letter I sent to the "potential Dom" in response to his request that I post "under consideration" on my profile...

"I am not ready quite yet to commit to you or anyone else, until I know more about D/s relationships, what I want, and what I can offer. I am very NEW. I can see where I have already made some mistakes, and for that I do apologize."

Needless to say my response to him was met with anger...I dare not make that mistake again. The bottom line is that I was about to agree to something I wasn't entirely comfortable with...yet.

Just for today, it really SUCKS to be so damn green ...culare'd

Sweetie, you did just fine!! It's HIS issue (as Oside pointed out!!)

Stand firm for yourself, as you just did, and I think you'll be fine (this is NOT to say that mistakes won't be made, but what path to any relationship status ISN'T??)

I wish you well, kiddo :) seems like you have the brains and common sense (even if shaky this early into your journey into this thing that we do!)

(and OMG, I hope that didn't come off as annoyingly MOMMY/condescending as it sounded in my head when I re-read it!!!)

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 10:20:47 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

"I am not ready quite yet to commit to you or anyone else, until I know more about D/s relationships, what I want, and what I can offer. I am very NEW. I can see where I have already made some mistakes, and for that I do apologize."

Needless to say my response to him was met with anger...

This was a very good letter - good for you! Don't worry about this Desktop Diminant.

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 10:36:43 AM

searching4mysir

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quote:

A dominant should never negotiate with a potential submissive directly!

Bullshit. I never had a "mentor/protector" and never really needed one. I'm not a member of the "community" and I don't play publicly or casually. So who should my fiance/owner have spoken to? That's right. He should have (and did) spoken to me.

I'm an adult and I expect to be treated as one. I don't need anyone to speak or negotiate on my behalf.

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 10:45:38 AM

DesFIP

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If I can't be trusted with picking my own partner, I can't be trusted with picking a good mentor either. Just sayin'.

If he really thinks that you two would be fab together, and he wants to just concentrate on you while you just concentrate on him, then there's nothing wrong with that. If you prefer to date ten people at a time and not one at a time, while he's the opposite, you aren't compatible and better you find that out first.

But if he's going to ask you to put under consideration, then he ought to change his own profile to say he's seriously talking only with you as well.

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 10:46:18 AM

Buzzzz

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Make sure you copy and paste that letter. You will need it often on the other side :)

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 11:22:45 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

quote:

A dominant should never negotiate with a potential submissive directly!

Bullshit. I never had a "mentor/protector" and never really needed one. I'm not a member of the "community" and I don't play publicly or casually. So who should my fiance/owner have spoken to? That's right. He should have (and did) spoken to me.

I'm an adult and I expect to be treated as one. I don't need anyone to speak or negotiate on my behalf.

Exactly. I dislike the people that portray submissives as weak or unable to make decisions for themselves.

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 11:56:04 AM

culareD

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Exactly. I dislike the people that portray submissives as weak or unable to make decisions for themselves.

My take away thought for myself this afternoon...

Just because I want to become a submissive doesn't mean I have to make a decision right now, however

I AM CAPABLE!

~ culare'd
amateur and perfectly fine with it

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 12:06:18 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

A dominant should never negotiate with a potential submissive directly!

Huh? For reals?

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 12:10:12 PM

Hillwilliam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

A dominant should never negotiate with a potential submissive directly!

Bullshit.

ETA. Is that from Castlerealm?

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 12:17:56 PM

punisher440

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SWDesertDom

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Sub protection.
*sandwiches available when the smoke clears*

Since she's holding that thing without handguards over the barrel, her hands are probably going to be too burned for making sammiches.

It seems you are overlooking an important point.If even half the things making that barrel hot hit you,you won't be needing any sammiches.

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Post #: 58

RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 12:39:40 PM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

What no one seems to understand is that this whole conversation should be had BY her mentor and protector!

A dominant should never negotiate with a potential submissive directly!

Reeds is being sarcastic.

edited to add-And I bet laughing that folk didn't catch it-that ebil switchy woman

< Message edited by Kana -- 8/22/2012 12:40:47 PM >

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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 12:41:26 PM

GreedyTop

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*pokes Kana because I can... I am at a safe distance*

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