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RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 12:42:43 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Is it just me GT, or does that bikini bottom (what delightfully little there is) make anyone else think, "Gentlemen, start your engines?"

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"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
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(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 12:45:39 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD
Needless to say my response to him was met with anger...I dare not make that mistake again.

culare'd, if your goal in life is not to make dominant men angry, you are setting yourself up to be a long-term rape machine. Much better to live by your principles and attract men who are attracted to those principles.

I think putting Under Consideration on a profile is idiotic. Also, I've never changed an online profile when I was in a relationshp, and no partner of mine ever has either. I consider such things to be our private business, not the internet's business. Not saying that is the way you should think, just pointing out that not everyone in BDSM has the same appropach as ConsideringDom.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to culareD)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 12:47:32 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Is it just me GT, or does that bikini bottom (what delightfully little there is) make anyone else think, "Gentlemen (AND LADIES SO INCLINED!!), start your engines?"


no. not just you ;)

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 12:48:37 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD
Needless to say my response to him was met with anger...I dare not make that mistake again.

culare'd, if your goal in life is not to make dominant men angry, you are setting yourself up to be a long-term rape machine. Much better to live by your principles and attract men who are attracted to those principles.

I think putting Under Consideration on a profile is idiotic. Also, I've never changed an online profile when I was in a relationshp, and no partner of mine ever has either. I consider such things to be our private business, not the internet's business. Not saying that is the way you should think, just pointing out that not everyone in BDSM has the same appropach as ConsideringDom.



well said.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 2:39:00 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD


So, at the risk of chastisement, I need to confess...and then move on. The following is an excerpt of a letter I sent to the "potential Dom" in response to his request that I post "under consideration" on my profile...

"I am not ready quite yet to commit to you or anyone else, until I know more about D/s relationships, what I want, and what I can offer. I am very NEW. I can see where I have already made some mistakes, and for that I do apologize."

Needless to say my response to him was met with anger...I dare not make that mistake again. The bottom line is that I was about to agree to something I wasn't entirely comfortable with...yet.

Just for today, it really SUCKS to be so damn green ...culare'd


Well, if it makes you feel any better, you did just fine. You warded off someone who may have been an idiot, may have had anger issues, and was certainly not a Dom you could respect. Let's review what he did:

1. Asked you to agree to a relationship status that he didn't even explain to you.
2. Asked you to agree to something you obviously weren't ready for.
3. Got angry when told no, instead of listening and working it to his advantage.

Here is how I would have responded to the same letter.

"Good point. No need to apologize. Can I help you in your journey? Would you like to attend some local events with me?"

If a Dom introduces newbies into the lifestyle without taking advantage of them, he gets status points in the local community. If he loses his temper because of predictable responses to his actions, he loses points. Your prospective Dom has a crap reputation in the local community of he treats prospective subs like this.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to culareD)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: New with a question... - 8/22/2012 5:31:57 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD

Hello all,

I am a fairly new-to-the-scene sub with a question...

When a potential dom asks you to post on your profile "under consideration" what should one do? We have only been talking for a short time over CM...your thoughts are most welcome and appreciated.

Grateful to be here,

~ culare'd

“It's hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That's part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can't refuse anything and can't even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.”
― Cherise Sinclair, Dark Citadel


Depends.

If you're a hot chic...I'd ask for some green.

If not...I'd tell him I was a hot chic and ask for some green.

(I'm a big fan of asking for some green).

I'm thinking.....go for the green.

(It is my favorite color).

(in reply to culareD)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: New with a question... - 8/23/2012 9:31:24 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD

Hello all,

I am a fairly new-to-the-scene sub with a question...

When a potential dom asks you to post on your profile "under consideration" what should one do? We have only been talking for a short time over CM...your thoughts are most welcome and appreciated.

Grateful to be here,

~ culare'd

“It's hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That's part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can't refuse anything and can't even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.”
― Cherise Sinclair, Dark Citadel


Depends.

If you're a hot chic...I'd ask for some green.

If not...I'd tell him I was a hot chic and ask for some green.

(I'm a big fan of asking for some green).

I'm thinking.....go for the green.

(It is my favorite color).




Here's the green for you

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: New with a question... - 8/23/2012 11:35:25 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Or this...

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: New with a question... - 8/23/2012 4:10:35 PM   
sheisreeds


Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

What no one seems to understand is that this whole conversation should be had BY her mentor and protector!

A dominant should never negotiate with a potential submissive directly!


Reeds is being sarcastic.


edited to add-And I bet laughing that folk didn't catch it-that ebil switchy woman


110% correct and it gave me the laugh I needed last night, sorry I couldn't respond, that whole work thing just keeps happening to depressing proportions.

My point was just getting overly involved in all these titles is just usually not a good sign. I'm hoping my responses in other threads make it more than clear that I feel submissives should be independent, sure-footed, and confident in what they want.

To the OP, it's good you're here! I did not mean my sarcastic remark towards you and thought at the time you were one of those disappearing posters who never comes back to their thread, so I had a little fun.

And OP you are right in your thinking and I hope you find this a good place for support, questions, and the like. I wish you luck in your search, and if it feels wrong it probably is wrong. That's the best advice I can give.


_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in


You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: New with a question... - 8/23/2012 4:22:03 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		In regards to "Under Protection" status... I refuse to even entertain the thoughts of responding to a profile with that RED FLAG all over it. The whole "Under Consideration" business, I respect it. However, It's stupid for anybody to quickly RUSH into "Under Consideration" business without having a sincere desire to stop talking to any other prospective people. I've seen Girls posting "Under Consideration" placed on their profiles within 24-48 hours of creating a profile on here (pathetic). Only later to remove it.

Personally, I rather much enjoy reading more honest things... such as "I'm talking to somebody amazing who's caught my interest and I'm not looking" <---- Plain English, Down to earth, Common sense sort of shit.






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Жизнь ума ебет.

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(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: New with a question... - 8/23/2012 5:22:03 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

If you do it - so should he!....................

Whats good for the goose is good for the gander...............

The dom can be just as much under consideration as a sub. Infact given the really big gap in the numbers of doms to subs, subs can consider a lot more doms than doms can subs.

THIS! i would expand on this idea - all the follow me shit comes way later, when you're collared.

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[Awaiting Approval]

If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: New with a question... - 8/24/2012 12:16:03 PM   
culareD


Posts: 762
Joined: 8/16/2012
Status: offline




[/quote]
THIS! i would expand on this idea - all the follow me shit comes way later, when you're collared.
[/quote]

This begs a whole NEW question for me...

What the flip is collared EXACTLY...I have done LOT'S of research with MIXED results, but I have come to identify (somewhat) with you all here, so please enlighten me...please (again).

_____________________________

Member-at-Large, ProSubs"R"Us

Life is like a box of chocolates. Savor every bite.

The Butterfly Story

(in reply to Karmastic)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: New with a question... - 8/24/2012 12:23:01 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Let me give my best shot, and others can correct me. A collaring is a formalization of a committed relationship. There are two kinds of collars: General, and special purpose.

Most folks referring to a collar, mean the general purpose one. That's somewhat analogous to marriage or engagement - a serious commitment between two people. A sub promises to abide by the Dominant's rules, and the Dominant promises to protect and use the sub.

That said, there are special purpose collars. Common ones include a collar of protection and a collar of consideration. Just a fancy way of saying that the sub is under protection or under consideration. Again, the collar simply formalizes a commitment.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to culareD)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: New with a question... - 8/24/2012 12:28:01 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD







THIS! i would expand on this idea - all the follow me shit comes way later, when you're collared.


This begs a whole NEW question for me...

What the flip is collared EXACTLY...I have done LOT'S of research with MIXED results, but I have come to identify (somewhat) with you all here, so please enlighten me...please (again).

A 'collaring' means different things to different people. First and foremost, it is normally an exclusive, one on one relationship. If you are poly, it gets complicated LOL.

A traditional old school (pre internet) collaring literally puts a steel or leather collar (or other material) around the submissive's neck to show ownership not unlike a beloved pet.

Along came the internet and BDSM chatrooms and a 'collar' was nothing more than a bunch of photons emerging from a computer screen as both participants in the relationship typed one-handed.

Another aspect of these 'internet collars' was that they tended to be fastened with velcro. As soon as one partner got bored, the 'collar' was removed and the drama began.

I oversimplify it but I think of a collar as a kinky wedding ring. It implies a deep commitment to the relationship as well as signifying who is in charge. It doesn't mean you don't discuss things and come to a consensus a lot of the time but the buck stops with the Dominant. When he or she comes to a decision, that is IT.
This could be why poly houses with more than one D type are so rare. There is noone with the final say. LOL.

There's a lot more but this is the nickel tour and I hope it was helpful.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to culareD)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: New with a question... - 8/24/2012 12:40:42 PM   
culareD


Posts: 762
Joined: 8/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD







THIS! i would expand on this idea - all the follow me shit comes way later, when you're collared.


This begs a whole NEW question for me...

What the flip is collared EXACTLY...I have done LOT'S of research with MIXED results, but I have come to identify (somewhat) with you all here, so please enlighten me...please (again).

A 'collaring' means different things to different people. First and foremost, it is normally an exclusive, one on one relationship. If you are poly, it gets complicated LOL.

A traditional old school (pre internet) collaring literally puts a steel or leather collar (or other material) around the submissive's neck to show ownership not unlike a beloved pet.

Along came the internet and BDSM chatrooms and a 'collar' was nothing more than a bunch of photons emerging from a computer screen as both participants in the relationship typed one-handed.

Another aspect of these 'internet collars' was that they tended to be fastened with velcro. As soon as one partner got bored, the 'collar' was removed and the drama began.

I oversimplify it but I think of a collar as a kinky wedding ring. It implies a deep commitment to the relationship as well as signifying who is in charge. It doesn't mean you don't discuss things and come to a consensus a lot of the time but the buck stops with the Dominant. When he or she comes to a decision, that is IT.
This could be why poly houses with more than one D type are so rare. There is noone with the final say. LOL.

There's a lot more but this is the nickel tour and I hope it was helpful.


I really like the analogy of "kinky wedding ring". It speaks...thank you!

_____________________________

Member-at-Large, ProSubs"R"Us

Life is like a box of chocolates. Savor every bite.

The Butterfly Story

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: New with a question... - 8/24/2012 12:58:08 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Let me give my best shot, and others can correct me. A collaring is a formalization of a committed relationship. There are two kinds of collars: General, and special purpose.

Most folks referring to a collar, mean the general purpose one. That's somewhat analogous to marriage or engagement - a serious commitment between two people. A sub promises to abide by the Dominant's rules, and the Dominant promises to protect and use the sub.

That said, there are special purpose collars. Common ones include a collar of protection and a collar of consideration. Just a fancy way of saying that the sub is under protection or under consideration. Again, the collar simply formalizes a commitment.


We've also collared someone for a specific purpose like someone has agreed to attend a play party as our bottom for an evening. It's temporary for set period of time.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: New with a question... - 8/24/2012 1:04:25 PM   
culareD


Posts: 762
Joined: 8/16/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks Dark Steven....

_____________________________

Member-at-Large, ProSubs"R"Us

Life is like a box of chocolates. Savor every bite.

The Butterfly Story

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: New with a question... - 8/24/2012 1:14:43 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD
"I am not ready quite yet to commit to you or anyone else, until I know more about D/s relationships, what I want, and what I can offer. I am very NEW. I can see where I have already made some mistakes, and for that I do apologize."

Needless to say my response to him was met with anger...I dare not make that mistake again. The bottom line is that I was about to agree to something I wasn't entirely comfortable with...yet.

No, it is not "needless to say". One possible reaction (and what mine would have been) would be something like, "Oh well, there's no rush. Let's just take things along your own pace then. How about if I just be your friend for now and we'll discuss commitment when such a thing becomes more important." You should not come to assume that "dominant" equals "asshat". Some of us dominant folks are level-headed, sensible people who are just trying to form a relationship with someone. For me this whole interaction would have been as simple as "Oh, I'm a bit ahead of the commitment curve than her." It would hardly be tragic.. or even particularly noteworthy.

Also, I absolutely think you DO dare to "make that mistake again" -- largely because it wasn't a mistake.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to culareD)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: New with a question... - 8/24/2012 1:36:38 PM   
culareD


Posts: 762
Joined: 8/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD
"I am not ready quite yet to commit to you or anyone else, until I know more about D/s relationships, what I want, and what I can offer. I am very NEW. I can see where I have already made some mistakes, and for that I do apologize."

Needless to say my response to him was met with anger...I dare not make that mistake again. The bottom line is that I was about to agree to something I wasn't entirely comfortable with...yet.

No, it is not "needless to say". One possible reaction (and what mine would have been) would be something like, "Oh well, there's no rush. Let's just take things along your own pace then. How about if I just be your friend for now and we'll discuss commitment when such a thing becomes more important." You should not come to assume that "dominant" equals "asshat". Some of us dominant folks are level-headed, sensible people who are just trying to form a relationship with someone. For me this whole interaction would have been as simple as "Oh, I'm a bit ahead of the commitment curve than her." It would hardly be tragic.. or even particularly noteworthy.

Also, I absolutely think you DO dare to "make that mistake again" -- largely because it wasn't a mistake.


Do you mean "healthy-respect-for-the-sub" kind of anger as not in terms of me not making that mistake again?

I don't believe after a few days of INTENSIVE research that he could even come up with the phrase "I'm a bit ahead of the commitment curve than her"...He is married...and hiding...no pics etc...not my cup of tea.

I just hope I don't come off as too much of a bitch that I turn every good person away...know what I mean?

_____________________________

Member-at-Large, ProSubs"R"Us

Life is like a box of chocolates. Savor every bite.

The Butterfly Story

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: New with a question... - 8/24/2012 2:32:59 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Well, if it helps you any, I don't read anything you've written as "too much of a bitch" and I get that feeling A LOT when i read profiles. I hear a person who's trying to sort out what the rules of the game are and, frankly, probably not being bitchy enough :)

What I meant by making that mistake again is that it wasn't a mistake. The guy was basically trying to say, "Let's say we're going steady" on the basis of a few emails. Seriously? I get it that some people move a lot faster than I do on these things but still that's sort of ridiculous. Your head is very clearly on real life and non-ridiculous sorts of arrangements so he was, at a bare minimum, a poor match for you.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to culareD)
Profile   Post #: 80
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