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Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 10:52:07 AM   
marsneedswomen


Posts: 98
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		Collaring ceremonies were once a strong presence in bdsm community, but I am getting the sense that the ceremonial collaring of submissives by dominants seems to be occurring less frequently if at all. Does anyone else notice a decline or is it just not being discussed?

mnw
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 10:56:34 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I think more and more, it's just a private thing. Not something you invite the world to see any more than you invite all your friends and family to watch you propose. It's more akin to an engagement than to a marriage for many of us.

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RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 10:58:09 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		We've had a couple in my area, but they've been private affairs, often connected with weddings.

Collaring means as much or as little as people want it to, with people being "owned" after the first online chat, I don't see why they'd bother to mark the occasion.

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RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 11:07:55 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		My collar was given to me quietly, at home, with very little ceremony.

He is a very private person and for us, just him and me was all we needed.

So no - I think collaring is still happening just maybe with less ceremony

Personally if/when we marry - it will be likely to be a small affair rather than banners streaming also :)



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RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 11:09:26 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline 		FR

I'm engaged to my Master and we are not public players and don't belong to a "community". The "collaring" will take place with a wedding ring in front of family and friends.

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No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


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RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 11:11:23 AM   
twonearvancouver


Posts: 5
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marsneedswomen

Collaring ceremonies were once a strong presence in bdsm community, but I am getting the sense that the ceremonial collaring of submissives by dominants seems to be occurring less frequently if at all. Does anyone else notice a decline or is it just not being discussed?

mnw

I see such a ritual/ceremony/whatever about as legit as 'Gor', which is to say, not at all. Total fluff and meaningless. I think anyone who feels a need to go through these motions or wear/make someone wear some kind of neck device as a complete phoney, and usually trying to prove something to others.

I see marriage as a failure of a relationship to develop properly and a sign the people involved shouldn't be together, so perhaps my opinion isn't exactly commonplace. That said, I've never met or seen anyone who wore a collar or had someone else do so, either online or off.

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 11:25:54 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Since the demise of Castlerealm public collaring ceremonies have become a rarity.

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RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 11:27:39 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Thank you for typing that out loud, OsideGirl.

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RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 11:38:28 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline
quote:

That said, I've never met or seen anyone who wore a collar or had someone else do so, either online or off


Nice to meet you! I am dia, I wear a collar 24/7 - it is a 4mm locked band.

Now you have ;)

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 11:40:57 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Due to My location, it's hard for Me to have a good handle on this question. Most of the D/s folks that I know here are long term. We don't have the velcro collar situation very much, so collars are still more the commitment type.

When I collared clip, we kept it just the three of us. We did have some symbolic and ceremonial overtones. I did rent one of the private dungeons in the club where we first met. Mostly because this allowed for us to play and it was the better option for Me to take My rights as an owner, since the main bedroom at home is considered off limits to anyone besides My husband and Myself.

That was November 3, 2007, so I don't know if you want to consider that recent or from times gone by.


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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 12:41:02 PM   
marsneedswomen


Posts: 98
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Due to My location, it's hard for Me to have a good handle on this question. Most of the D/s folks that I know here are long term. We don't have the velcro collar situation very much, so collars are still more the commitment type.

When I collared clip, we kept it just the three of us. We did have some symbolic and ceremonial overtones. I did rent one of the private dungeons in the club where we first met. Mostly because this allowed for us to play and it was the better option for Me to take My rights as an owner, since the main bedroom at home is considered off limits to anyone besides My husband and Myself.

That was November 3, 2007, so I don't know if you want to consider that recent or from times gone by.



I would not consider that to be recent but on the edge of recent. I do like the observation of CastleRealm; that was definitely a top answer. In the late 80's and 90's there seemed to be more expressions of collaring in posts and the such. Around 2000's the collaring discussions and postings seem to be slowing down until now, I hardly hear of a collaring ceremony. To me the ritual seems to have disappeared the more mainstream bdsm becomes. Collaring was more important when there were fewer people actively discussing bdsm. Now, I think kinky people see it as unnecessary or irrelevant. In a way, I kind of miss the ceremony and commitment that collaring evoked.

mnw


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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 12:50:42 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: twonearvancouver

That said, I've never met or seen anyone who wore a collar or had someone else do so, either online or off.


I used to wear a Ring of Steel collar 24/7 for a about 2 years.
Now my husband ordered this one, though it hasn't shown up yet. I've known tons of people who wear collars offline, it's not as rare as you'd think. None of the times I've worn a collar, there has been ceremony around it though.






Attachment (1)

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 8/22/2012 12:52:22 PM >

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And your whore
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RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 12:50:51 PM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline 		When I collared david, in February of this year, it was a small, quiet affair.

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RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 1:00:59 PM   
marsneedswomen


Posts: 98
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		I wonder if there is a study out there dealing with collaring? I didn't think to take a look, but I am curious about the demographics. Time to do some google scholar searches.

Aside, nice collar.

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 1:05:16 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marsneedswomen
I wonder if there is a study out there dealing with collaring? I didn't think to take a look, but I am curious about the demographics. Time to do some google scholar searches.

There is notoriously little in the scholarly literature, because funding sex-related science is so politically dangerous in the United States, at least over the last 20 years. I'd suggest that as first steps you focus on the Australian sex survey project, and post a question on the History of the Lifestyle group in FetLife. The first might yield some hard numbers, and the second might provide rich anecdotes from which you could produce a reasonable thesis. The bottom line about all this stuff, though, is that nobody really knows right now, because the necessary research directions are not financially supported.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 1:12:05 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		When Master collared me, it was just the two of us and it was a simple act of fastening the collar around my neck. That was a leather collar that I wore at home, when possible.

A year or so later he bought me a necklace that I wear all day, every day. It only comes off when I exchange it for my leather collar.

Neither of us wanted a lot of drama or fuss - it was an intensely private moment that we wanted to share only with each other.

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 1:24:19 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline
quote:

Neither of us wanted a lot of drama or fuss - it was an intensely private moment that we wanted to share only with each other.


Same as us - no need for onlookers

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 1:25:57 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marsneedswomen
Collaring was more important when there were fewer people actively discussing bdsm. Now, I think kinky people see it as unnecessary or irrelevant. In a way, I kind of miss the ceremony and commitment that collaring evoked.

mnw




Actually, I thought if I was forced to go through another "Ceremony of the Roses", I was going to throw up. Especially since most D/s relationships seem to average about 3 months. You'd get to see the same submissive get collared 3 or 4 times a year.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/22/2012 1:30:02 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 1:28:15 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: twonearvancouver


quote:

ORIGINAL: marsneedswomen

Collaring ceremonies were once a strong presence in bdsm community, but I am getting the sense that the ceremonial collaring of submissives by dominants seems to be occurring less frequently if at all. Does anyone else notice a decline or is it just not being discussed?

mnw

I see such a ritual/ceremony/whatever about as legit as 'Gor', which is to say, not at all. Total fluff and meaningless. I think anyone who feels a need to go through these motions or wear/make someone wear some kind of neck device as a complete phoney, and usually trying to prove something to others.

I see marriage as a failure of a relationship to develop properly and a sign the people involved shouldn't be together, so perhaps my opinion isn't exactly commonplace. That said, I've never met or seen anyone who wore a collar or had someone else do so, either online or off.



Oh bless your heart! Don't know who ditched you, but it's time to get over it and grow up.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to twonearvancouver)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Is collaring disappearing? - 8/22/2012 1:32:47 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: twonearvancouver

That said, I've never met or seen anyone who wore a collar or had someone else do so, either online or off.


I used to wear a Ring of Steel collar 24/7 for a about 2 years.
Now my husband ordered this one, though it hasn't shown up yet. I've known tons of people who wear collars offline, it's not as rare as you'd think. None of the times I've worn a collar, there has been ceremony around it though.








I know quite a few people who wear collars that don't look like collars, a collar can be a work of art or a discrete ring...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 20
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