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The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 7:24:27 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

BDSM is a Lifestyle.

Is it?

I was under the impression it was an acronym - You know those 4 (or 6) little words that make your thighs squeeze together or your cock jump in your pants - those words thank make some people tingle head to toe and others feel more in control.

I am ranting.

Why do I have to be pushed into 'belonging'? Why do I have to be all chums with a specific group or certain set of values? I was always under the impression that BDSM meant consent and that was about it. It's not about force or sickness or negative abuse. Its about all those fun things that make us tick.... that discipline, that feel of leather on the flesh, oh - the humiliation - that glorious, beautiful humiliation. And the sense of power, the sense of release. That freedom to do what makes us - us.

Now - we have to contend that if we are polite - we are being 'Politically Correct'.

If we disagree and say so - then we aren't being supportive - or we are even sicker than the sickness of BDSM!

If we disagree and really want to sink our teeth in, we will start a witch hunt.

Yet, time and time again, people still have the need to call wiitwd a 'Lifestyle' - a 'Community'. That we are all 'brothers and sisters'. Lets all hold hands and sing kumbaya (awaits Level on that one cause He has a better voice than me).

Why do I have to be subjected to being pulled into something and grouped with people I don't always agree with and don't always like - and some I will never ever meet?

I said this before. BDSM is what I love and that makes me happy and smile and cringe and laugh and get mad about. It is what I am. But then again - I am also a woman. And that makes me happy and smile and cringe and laugh and get mad too. Does that mean I am in the 'Womans Lifestyle' to? Why - and there was me thinking I was a woman (I was going to say simply, but nope - nothing simple about being a woman).

So fine - BDSM is a Lifestyle for some people - great and kudos to you. But please - don't insist it is was BDSM is all about and that EVERYONE who practises is in it. Because that just isn't true.

*hands soapbox to next person*

Peace and Rapture.

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

Post #: 1

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 7:31:51 AM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

In some senses, we are a community. We are a group of people on the fringes of "the norm", and in that sense, we need to be able to work together when "the norm" tries to shut down our rights to participate in what we -choose- to do with our own minds, bodies, and spirits.

Other than that, BDSM, D/s, and M/s present differently, according to the dynamics of each individual, and different matchings of people will bring different dynamics to the forefront. Just because I do something doesn't mean that everyone should be doing it that way, and just because our household has X expectation doesn't mean that every other household has to have it or that a household that doesn't have it isn't M/s (which is what we see ourselves as generally falling under).

The point is that, just because we can mutually support one another in making sure our community doesn't continue to outlaw the free expression of our service or sexuality, doesn't mean that we should all have to agree on what those expressions have to be.

Da'Avatar ZWD

www.klashaan.org

_____________________________

"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 2

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 7:32:47 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Because this life like all others involves human beings---humans with prejudices, beliefs, learnings,--humans who feel that they cannot function unless they define, categorize and group other humans into neat little manageable or nonmanageable boxes---to think that things would change because it is our life--well does not acknowledge that we are after all humans--so the search in our life is no different---

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 3

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 7:34:13 AM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Lifestyle doesn't grate on me like "true" and "real" does but it does seem to most often be embraced by those I would least like to embrace.

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

Post #: 4

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 7:40:59 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

BDSM is a Lifestyle.
Is it?

I was under the impression it was an acronym - You know those 4 (or 6) little words that make your thighs squeeze together or your cock jump in your pants - those words thank make some people tingle head to toe and others feel more in control.

I am ranting.
Why do I have to be pushed into 'belonging'? Why do I have to be all chums with a specific group or certain set of values? I was always under the impression that BDSM meant consent and that was about it. It's not about force or sickness or negative abuse. Its about all those fun things that make us tick.... that discipline, that feel of leather on the flesh, oh - the humiliation - that glorious, beautiful humiliation. And the sense of power, the sense of release. That freedom to do what makes us - us.

Now - we have to contend that if we are polite - we are being 'Politically Correct'.
If we disagree and say so - then we aren't being supportive - or we are even sicker than the sickness of BDSM!
If we disagree and really want to sink our teeth in, we will start a witch hunt.

Yet, time and time again, people still have the need to call wiitwd a 'Lifestyle' - a 'Community'. That we are all 'brothers and sisters'. Lets all hold hands and sing kumbaya (awaits Level on that one cause He has a better voice than me).

Why do I have to be subjected to being pulled into something and grouped with people I don't always agree with and don't always like - and some I will never ever meet?

I said this before. BDSM is what I love and that makes me happy and smile and cringe and laugh and get mad about. It is what I am. But then again - I am also a woman. And that makes me happy and smile and cringe and laugh and get mad too. Does that mean I am in the 'Womans Lifestyle' to? Why - and there was me thinking I was a woman (I was going to say simply, but nope - nothing simple about being a woman).

So fine - BDSM is a Lifestyle for some people - great and kudos to you. But please - don't insist it is was BDSM is all about and that EVERYONE who practises is in it. Because that just isn't true.

*hands soapbox to next person*
Peace and Rapture.

Wise and passionate and on target. We are what we are and it boggles the mind as to how that can ever fit into a neat little box.

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 5

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 7:43:32 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

I'm with you on this... BDSM is something that may or may not happen in my day to day life. It is not my 'lifestyle'.

I made a comment on that PC thread about these acronyms. I can't stand the buggy things. NONE OF THEM. Every time I am faced with these slogan chanting acronym slinging types I toss one of my own back at them.

WYDINNWID: what you do is not necessarily what I do

As to what my lifestyle is, I originally came into this & it was described to me as a leather lifestyle... most of us were already wearing the leather since most of us were already called bikers. The people that we learned from were classic Old Guard & they were happy to pass along their kinky ways to their heterosexual "brothers & sisters".

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 6/11/2006 7:44:21 AM >

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 6

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 7:45:16 AM

Brosco

Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline

great post darkinshadows,

I have been in this lifestyle for over 30 years ( i use the word l/s loosely and would never say community) and yes, I do belong to something.

I belong to a group that recognises or indulges in Domminance and Submission. That may be all we have in common. I can get into more fights here than I would in a political forum.

Belonging to a D and S group isn't even as binding as saying you're a Christian... the closer analogy whould be to say you believe in a God. So while the Muslims and Christians fight (and they share the same God), we have all the other religions of the world saying we have something in common. The truth is, we have a common topic to argue about.

Brosco

_____________________________

Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

Post #: 7

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 7:46:42 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

There are those that use the term to lend exclusivity to practitioners of BDSM. There are those that use the term to encompass anyone that enjoys any part of BDSM. It's a word that ties likeminded people together, as many people must have a sense of community about themselves. People need to feel that they belong, that they fit in. The term "lifestyle" helps them to achieve this. It is also used by some as an euphemism when open discussion about BDSM may not be appropriate. It does, as with anything else, have different meanings to different people. There are many people that are involved that I personally wish were not. There are many whom I simply do not agree with and never will.

It's just a term, it doesn't lock me in a box. I am what I am, who I am and I can't be anything else.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 8

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 8:02:40 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT LRODANDMASTER OWNS THE WORD FCUK....

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 9

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 8:09:55 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

Ach - LROD luvs me - He won't mind...

Besides... I think French Connection offically does....

*lix and love Ron

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 10

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 8:13:12 AM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
Status: offline

dark, you've hit the nail on the head with your post - I don't even particularly like getting lumped into the little boxes that people attempt to make out of terms like Submissive or Bottom, much less getting lumped into a "lifestyle" that isn't.

If this is about being who and what *I am - accepting myself, loving myself, enjoying life as myself - then why are you so intent on making me what YOU are? Why are you wasting time whining that I'm not what I "should" be because of some aspect of me you don't agree with, rather than being out there enjoying your "lifestyle"? (the "you" in that being Generic)

Feastie, BDSM activities are non conventional. If people are that bloody concerned with whether they BELONG, or Fit IN, perhaps they need to reexamine whether they Really want to be involved in something Unconventional and Alternative.

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 11

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 8:37:50 AM

ZenDragoness

Posts: 372
Joined: 1/21/2006
From: Berlin/Germany
Status: offline

Beautiful written, i agree wholeheartedly or as i put i a long time ago: Only because i share preferences with people does not mean, that i found a new *cough* family.

On the other hand i believe in living my life open and in support each other, but that begins and ends not with Sm.

_____________________________

aka Morgaine289

http://goldenerkern.blogspot.com/

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 12

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 8:40:59 AM

ZenDragoness

Posts: 372
Joined: 1/21/2006
From: Berlin/Germany
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Lifestyle doesn't grate on me like "true" and "real" does but it does seem to most often be embraced by those I would least like to embrace.

CrappyDom, thank you very much for a wonderful chuckle. .

_____________________________

aka Morgaine289

http://goldenerkern.blogspot.com/

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 13

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 11:22:00 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

They used to have this show on called Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous. It showed how people with big bux indulged and spent their leisure time away from work and while not sleeping. BDSM is sort of like that to me. It's that in which I indulge when I'm not doing the things which are necessary in life. It's my fun, entertainment and way of life. I don't go to my own private island resort and sip champagne with Kings like the famous celebrities ... I go to the dark, dank dungeons with the king size racks and grab a bottle of water from a sweaty slave. ::chuckles:: Outside of the times of indulgence, the rich and famous spend their hours making their movies, their salad dressing, their millions etc.. I spend mine serving Himself. That's the M/s style of my life.. or, if you prefer, the M/s lifestyle. It doesn't bother me to use the term lifestyle at all. It's very accurate as a description and it is what it is. I don't know a whole lot of rich and famous folks, but the very few who I do know have no problem if someone terms 'their' lifestyle as the rich and famous lifestyle either. It only seems to be an embarrassment to some folks in BDSM. I've noticed a strong reaction from people about labels. I suppose lifestyle is also a 'label' or speaks to a community. Maybe I just look at it as a commonality rather than a community so it doesn't bother me.

Not 'all' rich and famous people go to their own private island resort.. and not 'all' kinky folk frequent dungeons. Rich & Famous have one thing in common with each other.. they are rich and famous. BDSM folk have one thing in common with one another.. they are BDSM folk. What you 'do' and 'how' you do it is as diverse as where the rich and famous go on vacation.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 14

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 11:26:59 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

BDSM, yep it's an acronym. Perhaps a lifestyle for some people, a hobby for others. But you'd be hard pressed to find people who agree on what the acronym means. Is it bondage domination sado masochism? Or is it pieces and parts? Like D/s (domination/submission), S/M (sado maso, slave/master) so much to be intolerant about, so little time.

spelling edit

< Message edited by KatyLied -- 6/11/2006 11:28:17 AM >

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 15

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 11:34:11 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

To someone with an income of $10,000 a year, I might be considered rich. To Donald Trump, I'm a pauper. ::chuckles:: It's all so subjective and based on perception.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 16

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 11:57:38 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

Welcome back Dark, I missed your thoughts/posts.
I understand that exclusivity in meaning/boxes make people feel trapped or excluded, but for folks like me who like a sense of direction (because controlling is psychologically unhealthy, lol), I like definitions, some boundaries, as much reading and understanding of what I am about and what it is that I seek in others within this lifestyle.
True, I can find a vanilla man and navigate the authority structure, trying not to step on his toes or do things which would make weaker men feel emasculated; but it's significantly easier when I can say to him "yes I expect you to be a gentleman/knightly while we are out, but at home, you're the obedient housewife, and I expect you to do as I say and put out when/how I say, take it or leave it." M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 17

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 12:57:50 PM

JassWolf

Posts: 59
Joined: 4/10/2006
Status: offline

Odd, isn't it, that one of the main reasons I would gather most of us identify with BDSM in the first place is because we don't fit in the "other" box everyone identifies as "normal."

So we're all in this together. Or, at least you and I are in this together. And I'm not so sure about you.

JW

_____________________________

The greater part of what my neighbors call good I believe in my soul to be bad, and if I repent of anything, it is very likely to be my good behavior. What demon possessed me that I behaved so well? -- Thoreau

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 18

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 1:04:09 PM

MsIncognito

Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

Lord luvaduck.Who is on the fringes? People who choose to be or who embrace that ethos. I certainly don't. BDSM is part of my life but by no means do I feel like I'm on the fringes. I can't say I agree with the feeling that "the norm" tries to shut down our rights. No one is, or can, stop me from getting my ass beaten. Maybe because I don't feel the need to shove BDSM in other people's faces I don't feel like my "rights" are being trod upon.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing
In some senses, we are a community. We are a group of people on the fringes of "the norm", and in that sense, we need to be able to work together when "the norm" tries to shut down our rights to participate in what we -choose- to do with our own minds, bodies, and spirits.

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

Post #: 19

RE: The BDSM Lifestyle - You can FCUK it. - 6/11/2006 1:05:33 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JassWolf
So we're all in this together. Or, at least you and I are in this together. And I'm not so sure about you.
JW

You just made me think of the song by BB King

quote:

Nobody loves me but my mother,
And she could be jivin' too

M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to JassWolf)

Post #: 20

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