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Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 11:25:23 AM

CurvyLondonSub

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

I am wondering if any of the experienced Doms out there can help please?
I am an inexperienced sub and have a profile on another site and have been corresponding for a few days with someone who said he was an experienced Dom, from there. We were supposed to meet last night for the first time, but he cancelled with a reasonable excuse.
I have his mobile and home phone numbers, and he has told me where he works, and his e-mail has his surname on it, although obviously i have not been able to verify the last two items.
He has my mobile phone number. We were chatting on MSN tonight and he asked for my home phone number as well as my mobile. I was not happy to give this to him but explained that i would once i had met him and felt OK about this. I pointed out that in his line of work reverse number look up for my address would be easy.
He said it was an issue of trust, and that i did not trust him. I said i had been let down and lied to in the past and wanted to be more sure.
He then sent a text accusing me of being silly, messing him around, and that i was just making pathetic excuses and wasting his time. He also said i was never to contact him again without sending him my home phone number first.
I will of course respect this. However i am still curious and anxious about this situation. Am i reasonable to refuse to give this information? How should i deal with if it happens again?
Any comments would be welcome.

Post #: 1

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 11:47:14 AM

DelRey

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

Yes, you are reasonable to withhold at this point

feelings are never wrong, if you feel comfortable you will know when its time. If your getting that feeling of uncertainty than you are just to withhold anything you want.

if he don't like it ...... TUFF !

Being a sub does not mean you lay down your early intuitions, they are yours and I'll bet they work

Good luck

(in reply to CurvyLondonSub)

Post #: 2

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 11:47:43 AM

iliv2servher

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CurvyLondonSub

I am wondering if any of the experienced Doms out there can help please?
I am an inexperienced sub and have a profile on another site and have been corresponding for a few days with someone who said he was an experienced Dom, from there. We were supposed to meet last night for the first time, but he cancelled with a reasonable excuse.
I have his mobile and home phone numbers, and he has told me where he works, and his e-mail has his surname on it, although obviously i have not been able to verify the last two items.
He has my mobile phone number. We were chatting on MSN tonight and he asked for my home phone number as well as my mobile. I was not happy to give this to him but explained that i would once i had met him and felt OK about this. I pointed out that in his line of work reverse number look up for my address would be easy.
He said it was an issue of trust, and that i did not trust him. I said i had been let down and lied to in the past and wanted to be more sure.
He then sent a text accusing me of being silly, messing him around, and that i was just making pathetic excuses and wasting his time. He also said i was never to contact him again without sending him my home phone number first.
I will of course respect this. However i am still curious and anxious about this situation. Am i reasonable to refuse to give this information? How should i deal with if it happens again?
Any comments would be welcome.

I think you have cause for concern about giving out any personal information until you have met and have a sense of who this person is. It takes time to build trust, especially if you are a sub and female. I don't think you can be too careful these days. Think about whether or not this guy is trying to exert his influence too early in the relationship.
Good luck and take care.

(in reply to CurvyLondonSub)

Post #: 3

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 11:55:38 AM

wild1cfl

Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

Your instincts are right on the money. You should protect yourself and not give out personal information until you know this person can be trusted. He showed his hand when he said what he did about not contacting him unless you give him this information. Your safety is of the utmost concern here and you should not allow any Dominant to play you like this guy wants to. He should respect your choice and be happy that he is meeting a lady who is concerned about her safety, I know I would.

Wild

(in reply to CurvyLondonSub)

Post #: 4

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 12:04:51 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

IMO ..I think for the most part Dominants generally respect your hesitancy and caution in the beginning, those who do not are "suspect" to my way of thinking.The Dominants from what I have observed view it as protection of your property.So protect yourself..until "you" are comfortable..Tempting

(in reply to CurvyLondonSub)

Post #: 5

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 12:12:05 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I don't see anything wrong with giving out your phone number. Heck I give ours to people I dont know all the time. I fill it out on forms. It's in the phone book. I even put it on raffle tickets.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 6

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 1:15:31 PM

CurvyLondonSub

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

Many thanks for your replies. That was helpful. It is difficult being a newbie!!

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 7

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 1:30:41 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

Well as to where he works, before she came to meet me, Libby called Erdos & Morgan and talked to my secretary's assistant to confirm that I actually worked there.

His reaction does seem a bit unreasonable. Just because he's willing to part with information doesn't mandate any right for him to demand the same information from you. (Of course, had you asked for the information, it would be reasonable to expect reciprocation)

As I've said repeatedly, people really only get to know people when there is disagreement. I think you may have learned something about him. How seriously you take it is up to you.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to CurvyLondonSub)

Post #: 8

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 1:40:14 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

CurvyLondonSub,

Always go with your gut instincts. If you're not comfortable now, chances are you won't be comfortable later.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to CurvyLondonSub)

Post #: 9

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 1:49:38 PM

LokisBrat

Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline

quote:

Always go with your gut instincts. If you're not comfortable now, chances are you won't be comfortable later.

Very well stated. We all too often talk ourself out of our gut feelings.

_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 10

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 1:57:22 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

I think he got way over pissy and way over rude about it. You're right to wish to wait I think.

Any one who flies off the handle and acts so juvinally over a tele number is someone to be worried about.

(in reply to CurvyLondonSub)

Post #: 11

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 2:11:27 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I think he felt the pressure of a real time date and at the first sign of you taking a moment and thinking for yourself, he bolted- but not before trying to shame you and make it your fault.

Whatever you feel about numbers is your business, although I don't think it's very reasonable to expect numbers and not give them to others- but hey, whatever works for you.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CurvyLondonSub)

Post #: 12

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 2:18:01 PM

awhisper

Posts: 39
Joined: 6/6/2006
Status: offline

i feel it is not just a right to be cautious, but also a good example to set for other subs. you have every right and responsibility to use caution when meeting Someone new, whether they be patrons of the lifestyle or are vanilla to the core. Anyone can be dangerous, and until you have met and confirmed, both/all involved, and feel comfortable moving forward, no one has the right to expect you to drop your safety net and proceed. you do have a safety net established before going to a meet don't you?

quote:

ORIGINAL: CurvyLondonSub

I am wondering if any of the experienced Doms out there can help please?
I am an inexperienced sub and have a profile on another site and have been corresponding for a few days with someone who said he was an experienced Dom, from there. We were supposed to meet last night for the first time, but he cancelled with a reasonable excuse.
I have his mobile and home phone numbers, and he has told me where he works, and his e-mail has his surname on it, although obviously i have not been able to verify the last two items.
He has my mobile phone number. We were chatting on MSN tonight and he asked for my home phone number as well as my mobile. I was not happy to give this to him but explained that i would once i had met him and felt OK about this. I pointed out that in his line of work reverse number look up for my address would be easy.
He said it was an issue of trust, and that i did not trust him. I said i had been let down and lied to in the past and wanted to be more sure.
He then sent a text accusing me of being silly, messing him around, and that i was just making pathetic excuses and wasting his time. He also said i was never to contact him again without sending him my home phone number first.
I will of course respect this. However i am still curious and anxious about this situation. Am i reasonable to refuse to give this information? How should i deal with if it happens again?
Any comments would be welcome.

_____________________________

awhisper ... in Your ear....

'believe in all possibilities'

(in reply to CurvyLondonSub)

Post #: 13

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 2:36:19 PM

mtumwawaBwana

Posts: 541
Status: offline

always go by your gut feelings....

trust is an earned thing.......not just handed to a so-called-self-imposed-Dom/Master

as a slave/sub......we have to be "always carefull".....after all "They" are the Ones who will exact power over us....

SSC at all times

(in reply to CurvyLondonSub)

Post #: 14

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 2:40:56 PM

MasterStoney442

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline

curvy,

It is of my opinion ,and just my opinion . You should Tell this person that you do not want anything to do with him . In what you have said on this post , it does sound to me that this person is just playing you . And the respect that he SHOULD have for you is not there .

Your hesitant to give this # out must be telling you something . So just follow what you feel in side .

_____________________________

when you look at life it looks back at you

(in reply to CurvyLondonSub)

Post #: 15

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 2:55:51 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

I agree with the "follow your gut" line of thinking. Even if your gut is wrong, well, you'll feel more at ease.

(in reply to MasterStoney442)

Post #: 16

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 3:39:24 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CurvyLondonSub

I am wondering if any of the experienced Doms out there can help please?
I am an inexperienced sub and have a profile on another site and have been corresponding for a few days with someone who said he was an experienced Dom, from there. We were supposed to meet last night for the first time, but he cancelled with a reasonable excuse.
I have his mobile and home phone numbers, and he has told me where he works, and his e-mail has his surname on it, although obviously i have not been able to verify the last two items.
He has my mobile phone number. We were chatting on MSN tonight and he asked for my home phone number as well as my mobile. I was not happy to give this to him but explained that i would once i had met him and felt OK about this. I pointed out that in his line of work reverse number look up for my address would be easy.
He said it was an issue of trust, and that i did not trust him. I said i had been let down and lied to in the past and wanted to be more sure.
He then sent a text accusing me of being silly, messing him around, and that i was just making pathetic excuses and wasting his time. He also said i was never to contact him again without sending him my home phone number first.
I will of course respect this. However i am still curious and anxious about this situation. Am i reasonable to refuse to give this information? How should i deal with if it happens again?
Any comments would be welcome.

This all seems kind of strange. He cancels at the last minute and acts that immature about phone numbers. I've had the same situation and frankly talked to the applicant until they felt comfortable with giving that information. Personally I like to have that information in hand and have spoken with them on the phone a few times before meeting. My personal experience is that newbies need more support and encouragement at making the leap to meeting.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to CurvyLondonSub)

Post #: 17

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 6:16:30 PM

babygirl005

Posts: 146
Joined: 5/3/2005
Status: offline

A big red flag has begun waving. Don't ignore it. Move on.

(in reply to CurvyLondonSub)

Post #: 18

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 6:28:03 PM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

I only give out my mobile number to people I've met online. People I've known for a while (at least 3 months) get my home number. Though it's pretty hard to get hold of us on it since we're online a lot of the time and we only have dial-up!

You knew this person for a few days, online only. He had your mobile number. In my book that is enough for that time frame. If it was me, until I'd met him in r/l and established some type of relationship with him, then he would get my home number and not before. Any Dominant worth his salt (note I did not mention "real"

) would be ok with that. Be glad you found out what he was really like before you met him

(in reply to CurvyLondonSub)

Post #: 19

RE: Telephone problem - 6/11/2006 6:40:24 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I'm the odd one out here, i just dont get whats wrong with giving your phone number to someone, youve already agreed to meet, have all their phone numbers etc...i must be looking at the world upside down today.

Like for example, if anyone here emailed me and said ..gime your number i wanna hear your voice, i would just laugh and say ok..i dont know what the big deal is. (Well after i checked with Master but I'm sure he would say ok).

< Message edited by slavejali -- 6/11/2006 6:44:05 PM >

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to Rayne58)

Post #: 20

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