MzMinx
Posts: 277
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline
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hello Curvy London sub
If you havent met him... why would he expect you to have developed trust beyond what you have already shared? And what is he really risking to meet you for coffee anyway? .. why does he need you to prove anything more all of a sudden, when all you are doing is meeting in, I assume, a safe space.
Trust is not singular thing ... its a complex many layered belief structure. It takes time, the correct focus, and the experiences to build all the layers, (or destroy them) and indeed it is a process not a single step.
Any one who expects you to trust them in all things because you trust them enough to meet them in a public space, is in my opinion a bit silly or lacks understanding or empathy at least.
I am female and a dominant, but have explored being submissive before, so have met people from online of all persuasions, dom sub and mixtures. I do not give out any traceable details before meeting for a coffee. I even ensure that my car isnt seen as number plates can be traced and my car is a unigue collectable so visually noticable. I even tend to not claryfy what suburb I live in beyond general area. I tend to also be the one who chooses the location, which is a public cafe (not a bar) that is open and well lit but is quiet .. in an area close to me but not one of my favorites, so I am aware of its layout and can make the actual meeting easier.
I have encountered the resistance of one's who assumed I was hideing things. I understand the concern, but I also think that most of us can create a safe scenario to meet for coffee.
Before meeting someone, they will have seen photos (more than one) of me and I will help them work out other safety issues like good places to meet, how to ensure I dont see there car etc etc and I will have generally directed them to chat rooms, where I am known in real (I know this can be faked .. but in australia the number of local chat rooms is small and I am resonable well known so there are many to chat with ) and encourage them to chat with people who know me. I do not ask them for their own information, but if its offered, do tell them if they share it that it will not be recipricated till after we meet
To me if with all the discussions and other things, they still cannot get past shareing the next level of trust untill a more concrete meeting, then that shows me that they either have serious trust/fear issues beyond the norm .... or they are not the right type of person for me.
The only time I would and have modified this, is when the person lives long distance and the decission to meet comes with greater costs and effort to actually arrange a meeting.
As far as what I share, I only have a mobile/cellular phone number .... no fixed lines at all .. even my internet is a mobile conection... I have encountered people who after they have gotten my mobile get suspiscious that they do not get a homeline and are hesitant to believe that I dont have one ... (this only happens if they haven't as yet been invited into my home) I believe it is my responsability, as a dominant, to help them through those mistrust issues, to not just say bad luck believe it or else. But, it is up to them, to decide to give me trust, to see and experience my behaviour and believe my words match my actions.
But from what you have shared, anyone who is trying to gain your trust who explains how easy it is to reverse your phone number to an address, to me sounds like he is trying to play with your emotions .. at the least raise a level of fear.. perhaps he thinks all submissives enjoy thrill games .... forgetting that they enjoy them within a framework of trust which must be created and proved first before it can be played with.
Or perhaps he himself is full of fear and is pushing that onto you, trying to control by threats .. do this or else I leave/remove contact, I dont think that this is a smart way to dominate. A dominant can and should set limits, this behaviour is allowed this is not and this is the consequence of breaking such limits.
But this doesn't seem to be an example of setting limits but one of useing threats. My question to you is would you want a dominant who used such technigues on you to get their own way?
MzMinx
(and yes australia seems to be full of minx's )
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RE: Telephone problem - 
Profile
Well I dont know about the ball bit but doesnt sound terribly cruel to me *grin*
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