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behavior modification - 6/11/2006 1:42:24 PM   
futlik53


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/21/2006
Status: offline 		how do you all feel about a subs need to have his/her behavior modified by his/her domme. in other words, the sub knows that he/she has bad habits that he/she would like to eliminate. does it make sense to ask for help with these issues from his/her dom/domme and does it make sense that the dom/domme work with the sub to try to make him/her into a better person? there is an element of age regression here, no doubt since the dom/domme now takes on a paternal/maternal role.
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RE: behavior modification - 6/11/2006 2:10:04 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Why wouldn't you ask for help?  And why wouldn't the dom/me want to help?  I don't know about age regression.  I've helped friends with bad habits and I certainly didn't feel like anyone's mom.

(in reply to futlik53)
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RE: behavior modification - 6/11/2006 2:13:23 PM   
brattysub4


Posts: 189
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		interesting question i came upon this once with a Dom i was with well actually two i was with but thats not here nor there.i would say if you see something within yourself  you want changed and its only you that has an issue with it.i would honestly openly communicate this with the Dom/Domme and let it be discussed.otherwise how can one be aware of the issue or changes that need to take place.i did bring it up openly one agreed to take it one and help me change the other didnt feel it was an issue there for let it go and didnt address it with me.sometimes it depends on what you may feel needs to be changed if that makes any sense in wether they may feel the same way .

(in reply to futlik53)
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RE: behavior modification - 6/11/2006 2:18:30 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		futlik53,

It depends on what these habits are. I can support someone in their quest to be sober, for example, but I shouldn't be expected to be their personal drug/alcohol councellor. I can support them in their therapy, but I shouldn't be their sole source of positive enforcement. However, if they want to stop smoking or loose weight, I can play a big role in that.

In the end, with all had habits, you must have the real desire to change.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to futlik53)
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RE: behavior modification - 6/11/2006 2:27:09 PM   
brattysub4


Posts: 189
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		i came back and will come back to this from time to time as i see this is am important topic and i have to say i agree with Master Fire as well with his input and mine as well .but again the choice is ultimately ours to make if we want to change or not and wether we do have the desires within us to want to change.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: behavior modification - 6/11/2006 2:32:18 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: futlik53

how do you all feel about a subs need to have his/her behavior modified by his/her domme. in other words, the sub knows that he/she has bad habits that he/she would like to eliminate. does it make sense to ask for help with these issues from his/her dom/domme and does it make sense that the dom/domme work with the sub to try to make him/her into a better person? there is an element of age regression here, no doubt since the dom/domme now takes on a paternal/maternal role.



Frankly, for me, it depends on whether I already have a relationship with my submissive. I have been approached by many submissives that want me to cure them of their bad habits..."Mistress, punish me and make me stop..." It's hard for them to realize that it's simply another form of "do me."

** Edited for the Freudian slip

< Message edited by Misstoyou -- 6/11/2006 2:33:14 PM >

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


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RE: behavior modification - 6/11/2006 4:39:36 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I liked MasterFireMaams comments and Misstoyou's comments, both very valid aspects....well everyones comments are so far actually.

A person will only change if they really desire to change, no one can really do it for them. Changing a bad habit really comes down to the same thing as if you see a great big hole in the road and at the same time realising the repercussion of driving into it, so you just don't do it, you swerve.

Sometimes people need professional help in recognising potholes and understanding about the repercussion of continually driving into them.

Saying all that, if the submissive/slave was in a permanent relationship, it would be part of their duty to let their Owner know of something that needs correcting and handing over the decision as to what to do about it to them. The owner could handle it themselves if they felt they could deal with it, or refer their submissive to someone else who was better equipped to deal with the problem. Either way, the submissive has the responsibiility to share everything with their owner, the owner has the responsibility of deciding how to deal with the problem...thats the D/s dynamic.

Also, the submissive has the responsibility of correcting things they can blatantly see need fixing, so they dont wear their poor owner out too much  Cant imagine any dominant wanting to be in a relationship where they are always having to correct things...so part of a submissives service can be in modifying themselves too.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to Misstoyou)
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RE: behavior modification - 6/11/2006 6:09:40 PM   
MasterHypnotist


Posts: 120
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline 		Sure, this is the first board I respond to. Go figure.

Opinion: A /s modifies behavior to please their D/ and either enrich, or devoid themselves, depending on the dynamics. That is part of the relationship. If there are problems that cannot be modified within the relationship, then outside help should be sought. Most D's/ aren't there to be the /s' counselor, but rather an anchor and resource for daily needs.

The /s must be honest with their self...

1) Is this a habit that can/should be changed, and if so, how can it be changed in this dynamic?

2) Would outside resource enable or enrich this change?

3) Is this habit simply something I use to jerk my D's/ chain? (Still correctable, but probably does require an outside resource.)

Can you share what the bad habit is?

Yes, I have a fun and playful side, too.

Be well.

< Message edited by MasterHypnotist -- 6/11/2006 6:12:49 PM >

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RE: behavior modification - 6/11/2006 10:40:00 PM   
cillydom


Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		I for one want to know the insignificant along with the significant because it gives me a better sense of the whole of her and to me what is significant or not is not a decision she should make.

My curiosity about what’s going on in her has no bounds.

Knowing all that is possible gives me more ability to take her where I want her to go and to me that is what d/s is all about, understanding and control. Some may see this as abuse of trust but I see it as fulfilling my reason for being there for her and her need to be made into someone/something more pleasing to me.


(in reply to slavejali)
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RE: behavior modification - 6/11/2006 11:22:15 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I would wonder why you feel you can't ask these sort of questions of the person you are with.  If you can't, behavior modification, other than castration for "excessive" masterbation, aint got a snowballs chance in hell.

(in reply to cillydom)
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RE: behavior modification - 6/12/2006 4:13:26 AM   
sapphirepleasure


Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline 		When I first started seeing my dom, I knew that he hated cigarette smoke with a passion, and even mentioned on his profile that he really didn't want to deal with a submissive/slave who smoked.  I was a smoker who needed a bit of motivation to quit.  We never really discussed it from there, other than for him to require me to brush my teeth before kissing him and me to offer not to smoke when I was around him, but I knew it was always going to be an issue until I did something about it. 

So eventually (after about a week), I gave him my cigarettes.  I told him that I knew he had not asked that of me, and that it was my decision, but as long as I was his, I wouldn't smoke.  (I couldn't go beyond that in my mind, and I know that some would say that's an unhealthy way to go about breaking an unhealthy habit but it's working so far.) 

This was 6 weeks ago and I have only slipped once, and for that he punished me by having me sleep on the floor beside him instead of on the bed with him.  An apt consequence, I would say, and one that keeps me motivated not to slip any further.

So in this case, I was the one who made the decision to quit, but once I 'gave my cigarettes to him', he enforced the decision and that's what's kept me motivated to stay quit. 

(in reply to futlik53)
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RE: behavior modification - 6/12/2006 5:41:37 AM   
gardenbluebird


Posts: 131
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		i had previously lost a lot of weight through weightwatchers.  i started to slip a little bit (still in healthy range) and asked my Master to monitor my on-line food and exercise diary.  Knowing that He is watching gives me a bit of extra motivation to stay on the straight and narrow.  It is always hard to change, but a gentle push from a trusted source never hurts.

i think something that is key is that the primary motivation has to come from the sub/slave.  A Dominant can help by providing motivation, but they can't do the actual work.

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)
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RE: behavior modification - 6/12/2006 6:27:56 AM   
SenseofBelonging


Posts: 69
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		i've met alot of Dom/mes who strive to improve their submissives. but the area of improvement is up to the Dom/me...not the submissive. if the submissive has a problem that doesnt bother the Dom/me, then the submissive should improve him/herself...it's not the Dom/mes concern.

(in reply to futlik53)
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RE: behavior modification - 6/12/2006 6:50:22 AM   
cillydom


Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		If she wanted to change something about herself and it was not counter to anything I wanted of her, I see no problem in applying my domly authority to help her.

(in reply to SenseofBelonging)
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RE: behavior modification - 6/12/2006 7:02:52 AM   
SenseofBelonging


Posts: 69
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		that, Sir, is Your choice to make.  for myself, i would not impose my self-concerns on my Domme. i may inform Her of them, and if She chose to help, wonderful, if not...it remains my problem and not Hers.

(in reply to cillydom)
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RE: behavior modification - 6/12/2006 7:12:23 AM   
servicing


Posts: 18
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I wouldn't expect my Dominant partner to 'change' my behaviors, as only I can do that.  Reinforcement, motivation and support would be beneficial.  It doesn't have to be a paternal role and wouldn't be with me.

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RE: behavior modification - 6/12/2006 9:33:57 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Well i do not have many bad habits i am lucky that way the one i have (have had since i was a child) is biting my nails.  Master has not asked me to stop but if he did i would have to find some way to but it would be very very hard to.

Matt's littleone

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RE: behavior modification - 6/12/2006 1:35:38 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		I think the more interesting discussion involves how to modify behavior. I don't think it is as simple as merely exerting one's "domly authority" as if it were a magic wand; there are systematic methods that can be used.

For example, one of my friends many years ago worked in a veteran's psych ward. One of the patients was a bed wetter, so the psychologists decided to make him stop; after getting him to stop, they got him to wet the bed again just to prove they had control. I guess they were bored and were using him like a lab rat.

I think they were using operant conditioning as described in this wiki link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operant_conditioning

LuckyAlbatross knows the psychology way better than I do, so perhaps she'll chime in.

I haven't tried any behavior modification myself; I have dabbled a bit in what I'll call reprogramming. My girl used to be overly critical of herself to the point of beating herself up for events beyond her control; I don't see this as a problem of behavior so much as it was a problem of her perceptions.  It was something she wanted to change, so I told her to use the web to educate herself about  how therapists treat folks with low self-esteem. She did all the work; I merely pointed her in the right direction and added this:

1. Reporting -- every day she had to read one article and tell me what she read
2. Repitition -- she said some topics were really useful, so I told her to repeat those once per week. This is just like advertizing -- keep repeating the message until it sinks in.
3. Positive reinforcement relying on measurements of progress

Looks to me like that approach worked well, but a lot of it is because she has a pretty good BS filter so didn't soak up everything as gospel truth, but just picked those topics that were useful to her.

As others have mentioned, I'm don't enter a relationship intending or wanting to change somebody, but if there is an opportunity to help with something simple then I'll try.


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RE: behavior modification - 6/12/2006 4:16:50 PM   
angelface183


Posts: 688
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		I have a bad habit of interrupting and at times being a little more verbose than necessary.  Master is helping me work on it.  Sometimes, He lightly touches my shoulder to bring me into the moment and see what I am doing.  Other times He actually puts His hand over my mouth!  I pointed out to Him yesterday that doing so will not only make me a better slave, but will also make me a better daughter, sister, friend, and co-worker, etc...


_____________________________

"...... all that, a bag of chips AND a pickle!!!"

(in reply to happypervert)
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RE: behavior modification - 6/12/2006 8:13:45 PM   
goldenrose


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		If hypnotism is regarded as behavious modification, then many D/ and /s seem to wish to indulge.

In agreement with a Master/Mistress then I know I am personally interested in:
  • Hypnosis to "encourage" me to do something while retaining knowledge that I am doing it because of the hypnosis - eg be made into a bimbo.or a trigger to strip
  • Hypnosis to add realism to role play, visualising something which doesn't exist
  • Hypnosis to make me lactate
  • Hypnosis to restrict - for instance commands to aid bondage


(in reply to angelface183)
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