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DarkSteven -> RE: New 'part time' sub seeks advice (8/28/2012 4:17:27 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lkb0503
I am a new part time sub. It is part time due to both 'partners' having family, job, ect obligations.
Um, yeah. That defines everyone's relationships, kinky or otherwise. quote:
I have been in this "relationship" since May 2012.
The word relationship is in quotes. That bodes ill. quote:
In the past 3 weeks my Dom has had to go out of state due to family issues. (that is what he tells me). These trips have become more frequent and longer stays. Dom always informs me before going and will always say "I'm going back to (city) will be there until (day). Don't be upset if I can't reply to text or email right away. I will be very busy and have to help mom".
When my Dom takes these tips there is very little communication and I end up feeling abandoned. Recently he went on this trip on a Tuesday, a week ago and informed me he would be there a week maybe longer. I text him about a health issue I was having and replied quickly. I asked him when he will return and he did not give me an answer. I would appreciate your feedback, opinions and advice.
I'm not going to definitely say he isn't cheating, but I'm getting non-cheating vibes from this. The big one is that he didn't need to leave until three weeks ago. So you've had him for two-three months before this happened. If there IS cheating, it's recent. And he's been straight with you about how long the trips last.
The three things that jump out at me are
1. You did not describe how his mother's doing. Either he's not sharing it with you, or you didn't describe it to us. It sounds like she may be very sick - if so, I'd expect her condition to dictate his actions.
2. He is with his mother, who is sick. He is with family members, many of whom he likely hasn't seen for years. It'd be natural for him to want to spend uninterrupted time with them. I find it telling that your natural response is to assume he's cheating.
3. "[He] informed me he would be there a week maybe longer... I asked him when he will return and he did not give me an answer." Of course not. He's with his sick mother and has told you he doesn't know how long he'll be there. You're still pestering him about wanting him back. Let me repeat that - he's with a sick mother in her 70s or 80s and doesn't know how much longer he'll have her, and your concern is when he'll return to you. That's telling.
You're screwing this up by being clingy and needy. You have a golden opportunity right now to get closer to him. You should be asking him about how his mother is doing (the uppermost thing in his mind), and asking him to tell you about the other people there, his family. Could he tell you stories about them from his younger days? If he IS cheating (and the more I think about this, the more I think he isn't), he'll get caught in a web of lies. If he's not cheating, you'll get closer to him.
Did you notice that he told you he might not be immediately available to you? And that you thought you had to mention it? He's with friends and family that he hasn't seen for years. OF COURSE he's not going to be at your beck and call. And he's dealing with a LOT right now and your neediness isn't high on his radar.
My suggestions are:
1. Tell him that you miss him. Would it be possible to speak with him every night when he gets some time to himself? Understand that he'll be worn out but you'd love to hear his voice, even for only five minutes. Also, you'd like to just know how he's doing - you know he's under a lot of stress and you're worried about him. DO NOT expect play over the phone - he may opt to do it but he's stretched out and may well not be up to it. Your goal is to be quietly supportive of HIS needs while he's going through a lot.
2. Therapy. You've likely been cheated on before and are dealing with your feelings now, and ignoring what he's going through. You're responding with clinginess and anger, and you're about to bitch up a good relationship. You've got issues and need to deal with them.
Best of luck.
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