|
lkb0503 -> RE: New 'part time' sub seeks advice (8/29/2012 1:22:14 AM)
|
quote:
1. You did not describe how his mother's doing. Either he's not sharing it with you, or you didn't describe it to us. It sounds like she may be very sick - if so, I'd expect her condition to dictate his actions.
Reply: I have asked if his Mom is ok, he tells me his mom is ok and he is busy helping her that "it's a long story, tell you later". Any time I text him when he is out of state at his mom's I always ask first"How is your mom? and I say be safe there and when traveling back.
2. He is with his mother, who is sick. He is with family members, many of whom he likely hasn't seen for years. It'd be natural for him to want to spend uninterrupted time with them. I find it telling that your natural response is to assume he's cheating.
Reply: He has not said his Mom is sick.
He visits his family often, it's only about a 5 hour drive. Since I met him in April this year he has made this trip 4 times, the las two were just 2 days apart, which makes me wonder, How does he manage to get that kind of time off from work?
3. "[He] informed me he would be there a week maybe longer... I asked him when he will return and he did not give me an answer." Of course not. He's with his sick mother and has told you he doesn't know how long he'll be there. You're still pestering him about wanting him back. Let me repeat that - he's with a sick mother in her 70s or 80s and doesn't know how much longer he'll have her, and your concern is when he'll return to you. That's telling.
Reply:He has not said his mother was sick, just that he is busy and it's a long story.
You're screwing this up by being clingy and needy. You have a golden opportunity right now to get closer to him. You should be asking him about how his mother is doing (the uppermost thing in his mind), and asking him to tell you about the other people there, his family. Could he tell you stories about them from his younger days? If he IS cheating (and the more I think about this, the more I think he isn't), he'll get caught in a web of lies. If he's not cheating, you'll get closer to him.
Reply: We do not have a girlfriend/ boyfriend type Dom/sub relationship. He has said he was ok if I have a "lover", just 1. Or if I date and I decide that continuing the Dom/sub relationship, I just inform him and he lets me go.
Did you notice that he told you he might not be immediately available to you? And that you thought you had to mention it? He's with friends and family that he hasn't seen for years. OF COURSE he's not going to be at your beck and call. And he's dealing with a LOT right now and your neediness isn't high on his radar.
reply: From what I can tell by the frequency of these rips He sees his family/ friends often. I don't want to be needy, clingy.
My suggestions are:
1. Tell him that you miss him. Would it be possible to speak with him every night when he gets some time to himself? Understand that he'll be worn out but you'd love to hear his voice, even for only five minutes. Also, you'd like to just know how he's doing - you know he's under a lot of stress and you're worried about him. DO NOT expect play over the phone - he may opt to do it but he's stretched out and may well not be up to it. Your goal is to be quietly supportive of HIS needs while he's going through a lot.
Reply: When he is out of state I do text him and ask how he and his mom are doing. sometimes I get an answer that day. Though on this trip it may be a day or more before he answers. We don't talk on the phone, we only text or email.
2. Therapy. You've likely been cheated on before and are dealing with your feelings now, and ignoring what he's going through. You're responding with clinginess and anger, and you're about to bitch up a good relationship. You've got issues and need to deal with them.
Best of luck.
Reply: that is true I have trust issues. My Dom has said many times he "won't mess with my head or play games".
|
|
|
|
