Kana
Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:
In the end the entire thing, no matter what interpretation was correct, was a tempest in a teapot. Carol and I both agree that it IS possible for us to adjust our dynamic. But really the available interval is between 98% and 100%. There just isn't that much "give" in the system. That's what I learned from the last time(s) that she or I tried to "call it quits" for whatever reasons. Technically, it was always me "calling it quits" but sometimes it was on queues from her I found troubling and sometimes for my own reasons. I learned that was a stupid play... akin to declaring that I should sprout wings and fly.
OK. Now it's time to be serious.
You ain't alone here. Our dynamic is always shifting. Sometimes it's internal stuff with one or both of us. Often, external stuff crashes in and in dealing with the disaster or crisis or whatever, the wheels kinda slip off the tracks, the motors aren't firing on all cylinders and next thing ya know, we both aren't too happy.
So we sit down, or more properly, I sit and she kneels, and discuss it. Generally during these discussions the rules are she can say anything with no fear of reciprocity. I want open honest discussion. It's also understood that the final decision is mine and mine alone.
And we've had these on big things, ideas that have shifted our entire relationship.
Example-a few years back she was going through a whole lotta life changes and just couldn't take hard pain play. It started slow and then crept in, growing as it went until it was affecting what we did together.
At which point we talked.
And the result was that we shifted to a much more mental/emotional/spiritual groove of BDSM than physical. I shifted from pure physical sadism to hard mind fucks,tightened my grip some and established stronger control of some non-BDSm areas of her life that she had hitherto enjoyed autonomy in, and, most of all, really started doing heavy D/S.
We do much more extensive depersonalization, owner/property, Master/meat sort of stuff than we ever did. My controls have been much tighter, I give less latitude than I did a few years ago. Accountability levels and expectations have gone up. We do the "it" thing a whole lot more often. She spends more time bound now, also gagged, and wears her collar a whole lot more.
All sorts of little things-all arranged to keep that level of control in place, that bubble of slavery that travels with her wherever she goes...because in the end servitude is a mental thing far more than physical.
I found new ways to get in her head. I've found new fears and also new desires. I've found ways to make our relationship immensely stronger and for the two of us to entwine deeper around each other.
All of which started with that one conversation.
So yeah, relationships are living things. They are born, they blossom, they bloom, and they go through seasons of triumph and tragedy, ebb and flow, and need room to grow organically in response to the shifting dynamics.
And that's a good thing.
A wise man told me long ago, "The only constant in life is change."
< Message edited by Kana -- 8/30/2012 10:52:43 AM >
_____________________________
"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST
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RE: Well damn. Carol slipped her collar again. - 
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