ownedgirlie
Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
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ORIGINAL: BreakMeShakeMe
Sets about setting up flame resistance armor..... because I've got something to say..and I just know..some are not going to like this.
*Gets out my blow torch...lol* You're going to make me think today. Don't you know I took the day off so I could rest??? :)
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What I'm doing is trying to understand why... or how... is it... that most on here seem to think...that in order to have a sub/slave.... they have to be stupid. Maybe stupid is the wrong word... so let's try..a child... they have to be taught this...taught that....trained to do this... trained to do that....if they do not do this... they don't get this.. they do not get that.....they will get this... they will get that. So it makes me wonder... when does the sub/slave become the adult you want to spend your life with?
No, not stupid. But if I want to serve Master to the best of his liking, I am going to learn what that liking is. In order to learn what it takes to please him, I must be taught, or trained, however you want to put it. If he did not see me as an adult, he would not have wanted me.
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Because it sure seems most not all doms....are not interested in the sub/slave for who they already are. Most want to change the person they sought out to make their own. If there are so many flaws... why bother? Sure there might be 1 or 2 that can be over looked... talked about... removed or corrected even. But when there's a handful... hell.. let's just remodel them and make them what I want. And then when the remodeling doesn't go fast enough.... or right.... here goes the velcro collars.
LOL I like your word - remodeling. Maybe in some cases you are right. Here I can only speak for my own relationship. It is not so much he wanted to change me - he wanted to bring out the best in me. Yes, I was flawed. But he saw through those flaws and right into my potential and capability. He saw through my baggage and knew I could be a happier, healthier, better servant. So he fine tuned what was already there. This was no easy task, for either of us. It took a lot of patience on his part and a lot of trust on mine. Those who knew me before I became his, say they see such differences in me - all good. I am happier. I am at peace. I have even keeled in a crisis. I can handle myself and not become overly stressed. I can serve him better if I am in tune with myself. We are both more pleased as a result. So yes, he did change me. He did help me to eliminate some major flaws. As a result, I am what we both want. Maybe this is different than what you were talking about, but I believe it is what the intention tends to be out there.
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Then you got the "punishment". When my slave does this... doesn't do that.. I punish them. Forget the fact that everyday life might of stepped in. Forget the fact that sometimes... just sometimes.. things are forgotten.... side tracked.... unable to do for whatever reason. So let's just punish them and make sure it doesn't happen again. Treat them like a child because they're acting like a child because the so called adult didn't get what they wanted, the way they wanted, when they wanted. So the dom is going to "teach them a lesson". Pfffttttt.....
Personally, I need to know there is a consequence. I need to be pushed hard. Yes life steps in. Yes I forget. But I need that kind of discipline. Not because I am a child, but because when I blow it, I am so hard on myself that if he doesn't take control of that, I will beat myself to an emotional pulp. And with the way I am wired, if he didn't help cleanse and absolve me of self inflicted punishment - if he merely said "It's okay, learn from it and don't worry about it." I would think he didn't give a shit.
Now...to clarify. If I have blatantly disobeyed because I simply felt like doing something different (um, I did that ONCE), I will pay for it, with a severity such that I will remember the next time I get such a notion. If it is a life circumstance issue, then it depends what it is. For example, when my Dad spent a week in the hospital, Master was sure to tell me all assignments were put on hold until further notice. He knew I would have brought my laptop to the hospital and worked through the night, otherwise. You know some of the things going on in my life, True. At times it is overwhelming. At times I have missed assignments as a result. He knows and understands, but in his effort to teach me to rise above my own mood and don't give into my own sadness, he has given me consequences for a missed project. The consequences are much less severe than if I were to blatantly disobey. I recognize this, and it strengthens my bond to him even more, because I can see the difference, and as a result, I feel his love and care for me.
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And I got to wonder... the sub/slaves... that forget that they are people too. That feel that if they do not do everything totally perfect the first time each and everytime... they deserve to be punished... treated like a child... ridiculed to feel less than who they are. (If this is your kink.. kewl.. this is not about individuals personal kinks).
I tend to be a perfectionist with him. I am often harder on myself than he is. He reminds me that he does not expect perfection. Maybe it is my Catholic upbringing, but I do need to pay penance for my errors. He knows this, but adjusts severity according to the circumstance. He always reminds me he does not expect perfection, but he expects my best.
I don't think what you describe is so much needing to be treated as a child, as it is needing to be recognized. I was with a Dom once who excused me for every disobedient act, and as a result I felt he didn't care all that much. So I went off and did what I wanted. The relationship was quite unfulfilling and ineffective as a result.
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Same thing with sub/slaves as with the doms. There's 1 or 2 things as far as flaws goes that can be worked with. But a handful... why bother? I can understand about wanting to learn..explore limits... expand ones experiences.... but when you know... and stand firm... why be pressured? Threated to be punished if you do not let go of your limits? Who you allow your previous boyfriend and or husband to threaten you for refusing the same thing? If so.. why leave them? Just submit to them.
I can't speak to this, as this has never applied to me.
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So the bottom line is.... when does one actually become adults? Sometimes people come on here and act like (according to post) that this is nothing but a game. Not a life. One can live the life they have chosen and make a game out of it at certain times. ( There are places...get togethers... parties....etc...for such times) But according to some...hell...alot of the postings going in lately... the whole thing.. thoughts.. ideas... are nothing but parts of a game.
As you know, my servitude to my Master is not a game. Hopefully my replies to you have shed some light on your comments as I see them.
As for the rest of your post, all I can say is be true to yourself, and communicate with your Dom. ("you" is universal here). If something he requests feels downright wrong to you, or causes you concern, express such concerns to him/her. A wise Dom will explore such thoughts and concerns, and will lead rather than push.
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RE: Question for A/all - 
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