RE: The Age difference factor

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lizi -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 4:03:47 PM)
Looks might be deceptive, but our bodies age too, and that is harder to hold off and something to consider. You may look young, but biologically be exactly where you should be, which is starting to have issues. The sub acute floor I worked on this summer at the hospital was full of late forties, early fifties with their first major health problems. We can't stop that process really. We can try to stay as healthy as possible but there is no denying that things start breaking down. It's just a fact of life and one I take a bit more seriously than I did. Honestly, I look great. I also don't have a single medical condition, or take medication for anything at age 50, and I'm really the exception. I also know all that might change tomorrow. When I was younger it really wasn't in my near future, now I know that things are going to start giving me trouble at some point. My guy and I put a lot of emphasis on exercising and being active to try to carry that as far as we can, and he had triple bypass surgery 2 years ago. It sucked. The heart surgeon said he'd never seen a healthier heart, but my man couldn't escape his genetics and time. All that rambling to say not to forget to figure in the inevitable breakdown of our bodies into your mental machinations on this...

Kaliko -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 4:06:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Alternately, maybe you could adopt an older kid. Plenty of 'em out there. As far as practical suggestions go, I second this wholeheartedly. Adopt an older child with a woman closer to your age. It all may just "fit" better.

xLaChienne -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 4:13:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CHF73 as xLaChienne pointed out the older the father gets the higher is the probability of birth defects or spontaneous abortion. The research also said, if i remember right and cotrary to what xLaChienne said, that if both parents where old the probability of those events increased exponentially (hope i spelled it right) simply because not only the DNA in the sperm degenerates with age but also the DNA of the eggs. I don't think that it is contrary. It's all part of the whole. It doesn't increase exponentially but it does increase the odds of more and different birth defects coming into play. A man with a 1:7 odds procreating with a woman with 1:526 odds doesn't better HIS odds. His odds are still 1:7. Yes, as we age so do our reproductive parts. Eggs and sperm become less and less viable and the odds of birth defects climb higher. There isn't a gender divide. Yes, a man can have a child in his 70's while most women can't. Other than that, the risk is pretty much the same with the difference being what type of risk it is, ie. severe bone malformations vs. mental retardation. A 1:7 chance is still a 6:7 chance that the child will be perfectly normal. Honestly, I think that the more this information gets out and women understand the risks that many will no longer be on board with having a child with an older man. Unless he is super rich. I'm always a bit curious when men bring up the biological imperative to seek out the youngest, most fertile women to procreate with that it doesn't dawn on them that these women are also biologically driven to seek out the same. Why would a young woman want to procreate with a man with 1:7 odds compared to one with 1:526? That makes no logical, rational, or biological sense.

Baroana -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 4:15:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi Honestly, I look great. Yes you do. I would never guess your age from your photo.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 4:21:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JanahX What you're going on about is pretty standard/ normal. Older men leave / divorce their middle- aged wives ALL THE TIME for younger women. The reasons are mostly because younger women physically look better. Also - nature plays a part in this, where I think the brain is wired to seek out the healthiest looking people to have sex with, (to have offspring) - survival of the fittest kind of thing. - In my case THANK GOD for birth control. My first owner was 25 years older than me. It didn't work out. To big of an age difference - generation gap. We had a hard time relating to each other - on a plethora of different subjects. He was already 2 years out of college when I was born. As far as you looking young for your age - just remember, one day you won't. Give it ten years. I really don't have much in the way of generation gap on the cultural level. I'm not stuck in the past. Though it seems like so many people in my age are stuck in the 80's or early 90's. Those days were just days in my life. I really don't have a hard time relating with people younger nor older than myself. The exception is with those that are trapped or stuck like logs in the mudd. Life itself in my book is extremely dynamic and changing. It makes sense that our brains are wired to seek out the healthiest looking people to have sex with. I'm very Thankful for birth control. I've had my share of OMG WTF was I thinking moments in life. Cultural differences occur more than generational ones for me. Like... oh Hell...say "Country Music"... now, I do admit to being a keith Urban fan. But across the board, I'm not that big into country. I'm not into dressing up like a cowboy, driving a pick-up truck loaded up with a gun rack. I don't go hunting, but I've been known to go shoot shit up when the time and opportunity presents itself. However, it's not an activity to go off and do by myself. I don't have hanging deer heads on the walls...and etc. Somebody that collects Cows and cow stuff, will grate on my nerves in 2.5 seconds flat. Mainly, because I can't stand the sight of an over abundance of it all. It simply does not please me, nor do I find it pleasing. If they collected Dragons or Fairies, that would be a different story. The Generation gap issues, speaking of which. I do still collect some comic book stuff from time to time. I'll buy cool T-shirts and such.. along with Polo shirts. Still there's a part of me, that some would consider juvenile. My attitude towards this... is FUCK OFF. I'll buy things that I like and love. Hell, I even got into watching the New Battlestar Galactica series. I actually dealt with somebody making snarky remarks of some of the shit I love and enjoy. They are no longer part of my fucking world and life. Yes, and I'm very thankful to not have had a kid with her. She had this ideal notion of what her perfect Dom should be. Sorry, this shit won't fly with me. I'm all about living life, not becoming dead and Living a living death. In part these differences were cultural. However, they also were part of a generation gap. What's sad, is that she was about 10 years younger than I... yet had the mindset of somebody living life in the waiting room of the funeral home. I told her this shit straight up. It was not until I ended things that she started to get a clue. Since when does getting older mean we should shut ourselves off from the very things we love and enjoy? All for the sake of what? Pfffffffffffftttt... I'm anything but a conformist when it comes to certain things. I still have plenty of life in me...and I plan on living it like it has meaning! lol Even if parts of it appear to be juvenile to some. Leave my comic book collection the fuck alone. Regardless if it's a generation issue, cultural issue or what ever the fuck issue you are having with my stack of issues. I'm not a hardcore freak when it comes to comic books. I'm not off spending all my hard earned cash on it. I'll indulge myself from time to time. I play the guitar and enjoy making music too. Another area one needs to accept or not about me. I just played at a Music Festival yesterday...had a blast doing it. Clearly, not a complete sit at home kind of guy. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time at home to. It's a bit of a balance for me.

txdiamond68 -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 4:27:31 PM)
As many previous posts have stated, you REALLY need to think about how old you are going to be when he/she graduates high school. My parents, in their mid-70's are raising their great granddaughter because the child's mother isn't able to handle it. (grrr) They say she "keeps them young" but when she graduates high school, they'll be in their 90's. I honestly don't think they'll make it, sadly. How devastating is it going to be for her to wake up one morning and try to get her nana or papa out of bed only to find that they won't wake up? I don't even want to imagine it. I have offered to take her, but they don't want me to. You also need to consider that your sperm is aging. Yes, aging. It may not work right... every year you get older, you increase the risk of having a handicapped child due to genetic "mishaps" during fertilization. You need to seriously consider having an amniocentesis (?sp) done if you DO find that lady and get her pregnant. Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do. blessed be, ~t EDIT: Collecting dragons is awesome. I have a fairly nice collection going on... lol sings I don't wanna grow up, I'm a ToysRUs kid..."

LadyHibiscus -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 4:37:05 PM)
I hope I haven't seemed like a pitchfork waver. I worked hard to stay child free, but I understand kids, and what a tremendous sacrifice raising them is. For all intents and purposes, I don't have a bio clock. Never wanted kids, and don't understand the desire to add to the population. I see far too many children that are produced from vanity, or family pressure, or some attempt to recapture youth. I won't even begin on the ones produced from sheer lack of responsibility. I have noticed there's a pretty distinct male v. Female divide in answers. Take that as you will. I'm glad that you're thinking before acting. You're not a flake, Whip, I know you're not going to do something stupid for the sake of it.

WVDomCouple -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 4:41:11 PM)
To the OP and the other older men seeking a younger mate-just make sure you're responsible about it. There is 20+ year age difference between my husband and me. We love each other very much and were blessed with a little one. My husband now in his 60's does have health issues and as our son is special needs it can be very difficult to balance things out. He is very aware of the fact that he may end up leaving us earlier than he would like. He has taken out life insurance and taken care of his funeral planning and it is paid for. Our home and cars are all paid for so that if something happens to him I can focus on helping our son instead of having to deal with planning and bills. We also have added a wonderful slave and it helps to know that I will not be totally alone when the time comes. Hope this helps and good luck! Mistress Cherri

chatterbox24 -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 4:43:31 PM)
Hello. I was 35 before I had my first baby and 37 for the second. The father is 13 yrs older then me. The children are 8 and 10, beautiful and healthy. You sound like your young at heart and a little boy would love to see your comic book collection, or even a daughter. ANd not everyone gets FAT having babies, IM starting to show my age some now, cause IM LAZY! BUt I had a tight body until 42 and now it still looks pretty good. THings can go wrong whether your young or old. CHances get higher as we age but worrying to much is not good. You sound like a guy who does alot of thinking through anyway. I know alot of people who have had children very late, women and men, the women as late as 45, and fortunately their babies were healthy. Best wishes on your decisions and future!

fucktoyprincess -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 5:17:26 PM)
I'm not sure exactly what your concern is. Plenty of men father children in their 40s. If you feel only someone much younger than you is the healthier choice then do that (understand, however, that current research shows that a father's age also matters for the health and well-being of the baby). I know plenty of men who when they approach 40 (that seems to be when it happens) focus on finding someone to settle down with. This is extremely common. As for pickiness, we are each entitled to whatever level of pickiness we feel entitled to. However, by that same token, we must also accept what happens if that pickiness affects our ability to find someone suitable to make a commitment to. If you really want kids, then find someone who meets your criteria (or as close as possible to your criteria), settle down and make some babies. Otherwise, make the decision now that you are not going to have kids, and focus on just finding someone to be with, whether for a short period of time, or longer. I know many men and women who have made the choice not to have children, but who are enjoying wonderful relationships with like-minded sorts. I am not sure what more to say, as I must admit to being confused as to what you are asking. Surely you don't need advice from the boards to encourage you to just do what you want to do? Regardless of what choice you make, be well. But I would encourage a choice at this point in your life - kids or no kids.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 5:22:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smartsub10 quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist Setting aside the pitchfork and torches, I would say that in this day and age, you're not that old yet bro. Like your friend, my dad was 52 when he took a 19 yo and started his second family. My step mom is younger than I am. They kicked out a kid, my brother (1/2 brother) and he was in his 20s when my Dad died at 75. He left them a healthy legacy and all is well. My brother turned out to be a very nice and well balanced person. He leads a good life and is glad to have had the father he did. In short, go for it. There are more import family values than being able to outrun or play football with your children. He died leaving a young son and a young widow but, what the hell, he had sweet young pussy for the last lap of his life and that's all that matters, right? [:D] The one word which RS mentioned in his post which hit home for me... was Legacy. There has been a lot going through my mind lately. The Legacy concept very much also part of it.

kiwisub12 -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 5:23:34 PM)
OP - i don't know how many women who have just had kids you have been around - but - you do realise that their priorities change once that little bundle of demanding joy hits their arms. It happened to me. I swore that his needs would come first, and i'd never become boring and staid, but the demands of raising a kid made me that way. When i had to do laundry and cook and clean every day, i got to the point where one more demand had me melting down. I was always tired. I never got everything done. There wasn't enough hours in the day for me, much less him. Parenthood isn't about mummy and daddy - then the kid. The order goes - kid, kid , kid , daddy then mummy. Obviously i never did figure out the balance, because i ended up divorcing him, and losing half the work load (well, that may be a bit of an over-statement). But the kids needs had to come first, and there really wasn't any way around that short of a nanny, and we couldn't afford that. The problem is as i see it , is that the stresses of parenthood are so much more than anticipated. And once you are there, you can't go back.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 5:25:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kaliko quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Alternately, maybe you could adopt an older kid. Plenty of 'em out there. As far as practical suggestions go, I second this wholeheartedly. Adopt an older child with a woman closer to your age. It all may just "fit" better. I already have four (Thank you very much). Not an official Adoption, just kids that I helped raise as if they were my own.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 5:30:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xLaChienne quote: ORIGINAL: CHF73 as xLaChienne pointed out the older the father gets the higher is the probability of birth defects or spontaneous abortion. The research also said, if i remember right and cotrary to what xLaChienne said, that if both parents where old the probability of those events increased exponentially (hope i spelled it right) simply because not only the DNA in the sperm degenerates with age but also the DNA of the eggs. I don't think that it is contrary. It's all part of the whole. It doesn't increase exponentially but it does increase the odds of more and different birth defects coming into play. A man with a 1:7 odds procreating with a woman with 1:526 odds doesn't better HIS odds. His odds are still 1:7. Yes, as we age so do our reproductive parts. Eggs and sperm become less and less viable and the odds of birth defects climb higher. There isn't a gender divide. Yes, a man can have a child in his 70's while most women can't. Other than that, the risk is pretty much the same with the difference being what type of risk it is, ie. severe bone malformations vs. mental retardation. A 1:7 chance is still a 6:7 chance that the child will be perfectly normal. Honestly, I think that the more this information gets out and women understand the risks that many will no longer be on board with having a child with an older man. Unless he is super rich. I'm always a bit curious when men bring up the biological imperative to seek out the youngest, most fertile women to procreate with that it doesn't dawn on them that these women are also biologically driven to seek out the same. Why would a young woman want to procreate with a man with 1:7 odds compared to one with 1:526? That makes no logical, rational, or biological sense. I'm not all about the youngest, but rather younger than I am. Hell, late 20's and even early to mid 30's I'm open to. I've just not set any cut off's on how young. I'm willing to go as low as the legal limit. So from there upwards to mid 30's. Which is a pretty wide range when you think about it. If I had to choose one set age from the range, 28 might be it! LOL.. Good lord I'm not looking for the youngest possible, however it's not off the table either. :P Yeah yeah, I'm a Dirty old man!

LadyHibiscus -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 5:35:23 PM)
Legacy? Ego. That's all I'm saying.

angelikaJ -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 5:45:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4 quote: ORIGINAL: xLaChienne quote: ORIGINAL: CHF73 as xLaChienne pointed out the older the father gets the higher is the probability of birth defects or spontaneous abortion. The research also said, if i remember right and cotrary to what xLaChienne said, that if both parents where old the probability of those events increased exponentially (hope i spelled it right) simply because not only the DNA in the sperm degenerates with age but also the DNA of the eggs. I don't think that it is contrary. It's all part of the whole. It doesn't increase exponentially but it does increase the odds of more and different birth defects coming into play. A man with a 1:7 odds procreating with a woman with 1:526 odds doesn't better HIS odds. His odds are still 1:7. Yes, as we age so do our reproductive parts. Eggs and sperm become less and less viable and the odds of birth defects climb higher. There isn't a gender divide. Yes, a man can have a child in his 70's while most women can't. Other than that, the risk is pretty much the same with the difference being what type of risk it is, ie. severe bone malformations vs. mental retardation. A 1:7 chance is still a 6:7 chance that the child will be perfectly normal. Honestly, I think that the more this information gets out and women understand the risks that many will no longer be on board with having a child with an older man. Unless he is super rich. I'm always a bit curious when men bring up the biological imperative to seek out the youngest, most fertile women to procreate with that it doesn't dawn on them that these women are also biologically driven to seek out the same. Why would a young woman want to procreate with a man with 1:7 odds compared to one with 1:526? That makes no logical, rational, or biological sense. I'm not all about the youngest, but rather younger than I am. Hell, late 20's and even early to mid 30's I'm open to. I've just not set any cut off's on how young. I'm willing to go as low as the legal limit. So from there upwards to mid 30's. Which is a pretty wide range when you think about it. If I had to choose one set age from the range, 28 might be it! LOL.. Good lord I'm not looking for the youngest possible, however it's not off the table either. :P Yeah yeah, I'm a Dirty old man! The problem with young and much younger is that to have a great relationship one needs to be able to relate. And the part of relating that is connected to common experience is often absent. There is nothing wrong with sharing different experiences but being a part of the same generation does generally give one more shared interests. As for the age/ genetic damage issue goes, autism has not been mentioned. They used to think that there might be a higher rate of autism with older fathers at the time of conception; now they have data that is the case. http://news.discovery.com/human/older-fathers-autism-120822.html http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10000872396390444812704577605282821235136.html

smartsub10 -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 6:06:02 PM)
My mother was widowed at a young age and until I left home at age 18 she made it perfectly clear, either directly or indirectly, what a pain in the ass kids are. I should add that my father had a more than adequate life insurance policy so we weren't left destitute. Growing up with the idea that children are nothing but a "pain in the ass" I have never wanted to have children. Like Lady Hibiscus, I've seen too many wrong reasons that people have children. I have no regrets.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 6:09:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Legacy? Ego. That's all I'm saying. Legacy, is perhaps a part of the ego. I don't look at one having a bit of an ego as bad thing either. The EGO has gotten a bad rap over the years, to the point many people attempt to dismiss it completely. Legacy is simply a part of one self which they leave behind. It not like I'm looking to have stone monument or building created and named in my honor. It's not like I'm going to have some recreation park named after me or anything like that. What I'm looking for is a little more humble, realistic and down to earth. I don't look at the word Legacy under much of a negative light though. My name is not Bill Gates nor Steve Jobs. Now those two guys each have made one hell of a mark upon the world, leaving behind a real real big legacy. Not everybody that leaves a legacy behind is an extremely egotistical bastard either. Everybody has an Ego of some form or another. The truth is that children are what we leave behind, and they are the future of things to come. Mind you, they will make up their own minds and choose their own directions. There are some parents that leave their children without much of a Legacy. If anything their children might as well been raised by a pack of wild wolves. Children learn many things from their parents though, or in some cases they don't learn anything much different or better than what their parents knew. It's perfectly mixed up world with many different out comes and potentials. Things can go down many paths. I tell you what, if you can look at your own child and not not have a sense of Ego about the fact... that they are your own flesh and blood. That a part of you lives on in them... Legacy I find rather fitting to parts of this puzzle.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 6:18:53 PM)
Many of us don't have children, yet manage to touch lives anyway.

angelikaJ -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 6:25:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4 quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Legacy? Ego. That's all I'm saying. The truth is that children are what we leave behind, and they are the future of things to come. Mind you, they will make up their own minds and choose their own directions. Children are a small part of what we leave behind; if your objective on this planet is to leave it better than how you found it. We leave behind many legacies: a legacy of compassion, a legacy of greed, a legacy of kindness, a legacy of thoughts and ideas. Each of those has the potential to be as long-lived as a child and even her/his children's children. Do you skate along in this life, living by default or do you try to make your being here now matter?

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