RE: The Age difference factor

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Alecta -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 9:26:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4 The use of the singlar tense personal pronouns such as "you". Please explain what you are seeing as Projecting here? It is habitual in casual conversation to use the generic "you" rather than the formal "one". Projection happens when you take something that was meant to be generic or directed at something/one else and decide it was aimed pointedly at you for whatever myriad reason... when I first read that passage you're using as an example, I took her meaning to be directed at the prospect of a 19 year old mother. It's kindda just you here, buddy. Chill out.

littlewonder -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 9:28:08 PM)
sorry Whiplash but you're taking stuff personally. I think this is bothering you a lot more than even you have realized that you are now feeling as though others are being mean to you. Like others have said, you've been here long enough to know better.

Winterapple -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 9:32:03 PM)
There is such a thing as a universal you but it would have been politer to have written they. I did say I sounded a little harsh and for that I will apologize. But I wasn't being hostile and nothing I wrote came from hate. I'm sorry to if I struck a nerve but you did put it out there for people to comment on and offer their opinions. No one going through a midlife crisis is very rational. The issues and realities any identity crisis brings can make us prickly and thin skinned. I understand that and should have perhaps used the kid glove treatment instead of being so blunt. But it's a bit hysterical to declare candor is hatred.

JanahX -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 10:30:09 PM)
Fast Reply - Has anyone else noticed this thread has NADA to do with BDSM? Shit, every man I know that is a "certain age" has a midlife crisis - big whoopdee do.

CHF73 -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/16/2012 10:54:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xLaChienne I'm always a bit curious when men bring up the biological imperative to seek out the youngest, most fertile women to procreate with that it doesn't dawn on them that these women are also biologically driven to seek out the same. Why would a young woman want to procreate with a man with 1:7 odds compared to one with 1:526? That makes no logical, rational, or biological sense. I'm not saying that is an imperative to seek younger or youngest women, and i'm not saying that those women should chose an older men going against their odds to reproduce. Of course if just like men naturally try to find a matewho gives him the best chance to reproduce, the same happen to women. Many studies show that one of the factors in physical attraction (esepcially in the past) was to have certain body requirement that suggested an higher probability in being successful to reproduce (from a male point of view). In fact i said i've ben with an older women for years while i never said i'm now looking for a younger one: what i said is that a possible requisite is being able to have a child. What i said is that i understand that he feels he's missing an important part of his life. He thinks he has more chance to solve his problem with a younger woman? Biologically he is right, but that makes sense from his point of view but he has to overcome the problem of: 1) find a younger woman who is into an older man; 2) being able to make the relationship work despite the age difference; 3) be aware he probably won't be able to do all the things a younger father does with his child; 4) be aware he might die when his child is still very young with all the consequences this brings. Is it right to chose to have a kid when you're not so young anymore? I don't know. Is it right to look for someone much younger as a partner for a long time relationship when you're over 40? Probably not. Is it right to have a child when you might be forced to leave him alone when he's still not ready to face the world on his own? I don't think so. Is is right for him to try and make his wish of having a child come true? In general i would say yes, but in the specific case i'm not sure. Can i understand how he feels? Absolutely. This is the only thin i'm sure about. On everything else about this thread, i have doubts. I'm glad you seem to be sure about everything, but i usually don't trust people who never question themself, who never have a doubt.

chatterbox24 -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/17/2012 12:18:25 AM)
For heavens sake he is in his 40's not 60's thinking about kids, you all make it sound like he is ready to kick the bucket....lol. How is your gene pool Whip? How long did your parents live or your grandparents. Young people have kids all the time who have no business having them, and the grandparents raise them, or they are not mentally ready and the child pays. At any age we can get hit by a bus, etc. Mid to late 20's is a good age for your babys mama[:D] YOu want a baby have one, but have a financial back up plan, and a lady who can handle it alone if she has too. But get busy time is marching on! Kids are great, but they sure are alot of work, time, and patience. I havent had a relaxing vacation in years, just enough money for family vacations, so the indulgent ones hit the bricks for the most part! Your life is never your own again. MY mom told me that and I believe it!!!

crazyml -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/17/2012 12:44:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xLaChienne Honestly, I think that the more this information gets out and women understand the risks that many will no longer be on board with having a child with an older man. Unless he is super rich. Ah - there's an exception, in your case it's "Unless he is super rich". Why that exception? I'm guessing it has to do with the fact that a super rich dude is going to provide her and her offspring with a great life? So... if it's about lifestyle or (if you believe in the "Biological imperative") finding a mate that will give your offspring the best chance then given the choice between a hapless, penniless, 19 year old, and a sorted, financially secure, man in his 40's, which would the smart move be? I guess there's not enough information to really make the call (how healthy is the man in his 40's etc) but... I can certainly see cases where a smart, rational, 19 y/o woman would pick the 40 y/o man over the 19 y/o. quote: A man with a 1:7 odds procreating with a woman with 1:526 odds doesn't better HIS odds. His odds are still 1:7. It doesn't work like that. The odds of the child being born with birth defects are a function of both partners. Your math is faulty. quote: I'm always a bit curious when men bring up the biological imperative to seek out the youngest, most fertile women to procreate with that it doesn't dawn on them that these women are also biologically driven to seek out the same. Why would a young woman want to procreate with a man with 1:7 odds compared to one with 1:526? That makes no logical, rational, or biological sense. Of course it makes rational and biological sense! The male is choosing the female because she offers him the best chances. The female is choosing the male for the same reason. You're picking one factor (the odds) and ignoring a host of others. It strikes me that picking a partner solely on the basis of the odds could be described as pretty fucking irrational.

smartsub10 -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/17/2012 2:03:54 AM)
quote: Father figure to 4 kids which were not my own. All of which I would not trade for the world. First of all, there was no hate in my messages. A little sarcasm, sure, but I'm not a hater. Anyway, helping to raise kids is not the same as having your own or legally adopting them. You could have walked away at any time and the mother could do nothing to get the courts to force you to do your part. It's that intense responsibility I think most of the posters here have in mind. That, once here, that kid is yours and no matter how difficult it gets and, trust me, it can get pretty damn difficult, you can't walk away.

MissKittyDeVine -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/17/2012 3:20:00 AM)
RS reports that his brother has no issues with the age of their dad. I was in my early 20s when my dad died. He was 60. I cherish those 20 years with my dad. Was he too old? Compared to my friends´ parents, mine were "old", but it never bothered me one iota. quote: ORIGINAL: smartsub10 quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist Setting aside the pitchfork and torches, I would say that in this day and age, you're not that old yet bro. Like your friend, my dad was 52 when he took a 19 yo and started his second family. My step mom is younger than I am. They kicked out a kid, my brother (1/2 brother) and he was in his 20s when my Dad died at 75. He left them a healthy legacy and all is well. My brother turned out to be a very nice and well balanced person. He leads a good life and is glad to have had the father he did. In short, go for it. There are more import family values than being able to outrun or play football with your children. He died leaving a young son and a young widow but, what the hell, he had sweet young pussy for the last lap of his life and that's all that matters, right? [:D]

xLaChienne -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/17/2012 4:13:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4 I'm not all about the youngest, but rather younger than I am. Hell, late 20's and even early to mid 30's I'm open to. I've just not set any cut off's on how young. I'm willing to go as low as the legal limit. So from there upwards to mid 30's. Which is a pretty wide range when you think about it. If I had to choose one set age from the range, 28 might be it! LOL.. Good lord I'm not looking for the youngest possible, however it's not off the table either. :P Yeah yeah, I'm a Dirty old man! Oh, those young hard bodies are so nice. I really hate when I'm ogling some hot, young strange from across the room only to have him come up to Me and say, "hey, you are XXXX's mom. We were in the same grade. Tell him XXXX said hi"! Instant skeevy feeling. Haha. Your range is your range. I wouldn't be comfortable with it but that's what makes people interesting. We are all different. I tend to like to stay within a 5 year gap. Much more than that and we cease to have much more than good sex in common. Honestly, I've never dated or been involved with a man older than 38. My last partner and I were the same age and we ended 2 years ago. I look around now and 40 something men... look like 40 something men. I've never been into the older man thing and it's kicking Me in the ass now. Occasionally I contemplate having more children. It's not off the table for Me and with the right partner I would be on board. Mostly I worry that even though I can comfortably afford a gaggle of more children that I won't have the same tolerance and enjoyment of those late night feedings, sticky messy stinky always somehow wet little people that constantly need, need, need something. My life is damned fun right now.

xLaChienne -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/17/2012 4:24:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CHF73 I'm glad you seem to be sure about everything, but i usually don't trust people who never question themself, who never have a doubt. I never stated or implied such. Actually the part you quoted wasn't specifically directed to you as much as Me thinking out loud. I appreciate that you relate to the subject of the thread. However, I think your reasons and the threadstarter's ponderings are not quite the same. Trust Me, I completely understand the points you mention and relate well with them. It is something that I've have thought about as well and have no solid advise to give. This isn't specifically a male issue. When I've thought of having more children I have also thought of it in relation to My age, the ideal age of My potential partner (who would be the primary care giver of any potential child), and whether or not it would be wise in the long run. Not many men in their 40's are geeked to be a stay at home dad. My career is such that were I to decide to have a child it would require My partner to do the heavy lifting when it came to the rearing of any child. Many men in My age range have their own career to contend with. I refuse to take into consideration a nanny or outside childcare, so unless I go much younger then odds are it's not going to be feasible.

xLaChienne -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/17/2012 4:55:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml Ah - there's an exception, in your case it's "Unless he is super rich". Why that exception? I'm guessing it has to do with the fact that a super rich dude is going to provide her and her offspring with a great life? So... if it's about lifestyle or (if you believe in the "Biological imperative") finding a mate that will give your offspring the best chance then given the choice between a hapless, penniless, 19 year old, and a sorted, financially secure, man in his 40's, which would the smart move be? I guess there's not enough information to really make the call (how healthy is the man in his 40's etc) but... I can certainly see cases where a smart, rational, 19 y/o woman would pick the 40 y/o man over the 19 y/o. I said that as a joke. I didn't put haha after it but I didn't realize it would be required for it to come across as tongue in cheek. I can only speak as a woman who at 19 would have been grossed the fuck out even with the thought of a 40 year old touching Me sexually, let alone actually having sex with one. At 19 I was with a very stable, reliable, man of 20 who loved me, even though he wasn't financially secure yet and wouldn't be for many years. By 21 I had My first child with him. He supported Me, the child, the household, and My education. We struggled, we ate ramon, we had no social life because all spare money went to diapers and baby food. My child was never in daycare and had the love, energy, and most importantly, in My opinion, the time of both of his parents. I wouldn't trade that experience for the comfort of financially secure for anything in the world. quote: It doesn't work like that. The odds of the child being born with birth defects are a function of both partners. Your math is faulty. I can appreciate why you think so but truly, it is the function of the individuals in the partnership. Each bring their own ratio and paired create a different ratio which is based on their individual risk factors. Two different sets of numbers that are related but not the same. The individual ratio remains what that partner contributes. It doesn't get diluted if the other partner has a better ratio. While the individual ratio my be 1:7 and 1:526, when it comes to what the percentage is for a pair it is a different standard used. I apologize, I'm in a bit of a hurry or I would explain more in depth. quote: Of course it makes rational and biological sense! The male is choosing the female because she offers him the best chances. The female is choosing the male for the same reason. You're picking one factor (the odds) and ignoring a host of others. It strikes me that picking a partner solely on the basis of the odds could be described as pretty fucking irrational. I'm not picking any factors. I put the numbers out there for consideration as I do believe it is important to weigh the risk factors when those later in life contemplate having children. Realistically, how is the male choosing a younger woman giving him the best chance? An older female that is sorted, financially secure would have more to offer than a hapless, penniless 19 year old female, non? Where exactly does the standard deviate between men and women? Especially if you take into consideration that the risk factors are close enough that having a child with an older partner is less than desirable biologically.

crazyml -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/17/2012 5:36:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xLaChienne quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml Ah - there's an exception, in your case it's "Unless he is super rich". Why that exception? I'm guessing it has to do with the fact that a super rich dude is going to provide her and her offspring with a great life? So... if it's about lifestyle or (if you believe in the "Biological imperative") finding a mate that will give your offspring the best chance then given the choice between a hapless, penniless, 19 year old, and a sorted, financially secure, man in his 40's, which would the smart move be? I guess there's not enough information to really make the call (how healthy is the man in his 40's etc) but... I can certainly see cases where a smart, rational, 19 y/o woman would pick the 40 y/o man over the 19 y/o. I said that as a joke. I didn't put haha after it but I didn't realize it would be required for it to come across as tongue in cheek. It may have been a joke, but it is a very valid reason to choose a partner. It may not be a reason you subscribe to, but it's not an irrational choice. quote: I can only speak as a woman who at 19 would have been grossed the fuck out even with the thought of a 40 year old touching Me sexually, let alone actually having sex with one. At 19 I was with a very stable, reliable, man of 20 who loved me, even though he wasn't financially secure yet and wouldn't be for many years. By 21 I had My first child with him. He supported Me, the child, the household, and My education. We struggled, we ate ramon, we had no social life because all spare money went to diapers and baby food. My child was never in daycare and had the love, energy, and most importantly, in My opinion, the time of both of his parents. I wouldn't trade that experience for the comfort of financially secure for anything in the world. quote: It doesn't work like that. The odds of the child being born with birth defects are a function of both partners. Your math is faulty. I can appreciate why you think so but truly, it is the function of the individuals in the partnership. Each bring their own ratio and paired create a different ratio which is based on their individual risk factors. Two different sets of numbers that are related but not the same. The individual ratio remains what that partner contributes. It doesn't get diluted if the other partner has a better ratio. While the individual ratio my be 1:7 and 1:526, when it comes to what the percentage is for a pair it is a different standard used. I apologize, I'm in a bit of a hurry or I would explain more in depth. Now, I think we might be vigorously agreeing. I was trying to point out that it is the function of the individuals in the partnership. I was trying to point out that each partner brings their own ratio and paired create a different ratio. It did rather seem to me that you were saying that a man with a 1 in 7 wasn't likely to benefit from picking a partner with a better ratio - As you clearly don't believe this, and can't have intended to suggest this, I can only apologise for misinterpreting you. quote: quote: Of course it makes rational and biological sense! The male is choosing the female because she offers him the best chances. The female is choosing the male for the same reason. You're picking one factor (the odds) and ignoring a host of others. It strikes me that picking a partner solely on the basis of the odds could be described as pretty fucking irrational. I'm not picking any factors. I put the numbers out there for consideration as I do believe it is important to weigh the risk factors when those later in life contemplate having children. Realistically, how is the male choosing a younger woman giving him the best chance? An older female that is sorted, financially secure would have more to offer than a hapless, penniless 19 year old female, non? Non. They don't have "more" to offer. They represent a different value proposition as a potential mate. My preferences happen to be for women close to my age - Because I value 'being able to have a conversation' and 'not having to put up with her shit music' but it is plain wrong to attempt to generalise, and it is perfectly rational for a 40 y/o chap to conclude that when it comes to breeding he wants a lissome young sex addict as a partner. Now, at the risk of repeating myself, I understand that choice, because I had a pop at it myself. I dated a hottie 15 years younger than me for 18 months - and fuck me, the sex was amazingsauce. But lordy... she was dull (and batshit crazy). So my preference is different, but if a dude can put up with that shit, I don't see a problem! quote: Where exactly does the standard deviate between men and women? Especially if you take into consideration that the risk factors are close enough that having a child with an older partner is less than desirable biologically. Again... what's with the "less than desirable biologically" business? The decision to breed is a biological one, sure, but it's made on the basis of a host of factors, not just the creakiness or otherwise of the dna in question. So... a 19 y/o choosing to breed with a well-kept, sane, stable, happy, wealthy dude vs a buff, penniless, drug-smoking surfer is making a choice that rates these factors over the age-related risks to the fetus. She's making the most desirable decision - biologically. And go her!

JanahX -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/17/2012 10:50:48 AM)
I found a pretty cool site on divorce rates - NOT SAYING THE OP IS GETTING MARRIED OR ANYTHING - but it has some great statistics on age factors, couples with children, how many relationships youve been through, and the success/failure rate percentages. http://www.divorcestatistics.org/

LaTigresse -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/17/2012 11:05:47 AM)
Janah, thank you for that link......it was actually quite interesting.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/17/2012 12:07:01 PM)
I am not even sure what to think about having kids but not getting married. Pondering what woman without sizable income would readily agree to that.

Alecta -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/17/2012 12:27:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I am not even sure what to think about having kids but not getting married. Pondering what woman without sizable income would readily agree to that. One who lives in a fucked up system that'll pay her to be a hapless penniless barely of age unwed mom. Am I a little bitter about it? Hell yea. Governments should know better.

LaTigresse -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/17/2012 1:02:44 PM)
In my next life I am sticking with dogs and horses...

alexander75310 -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/28/2012 9:53:36 PM)
The good news, and bad news. I was about your age and a "slut puppy" after my divorce, until I had a blind date wuth a girl who got drunk and passed-out on the living room floor. About 4AM guess who joined me in my bed without any cloths? A couple months later "whatever her name was" turns up pregnant and the DNA is mine. So, I get the privilege of paying $1,500.00 a month for 18 yrs. The up side? I have a health happy wounderful daughter.

Killerangel -> RE: The Age difference factor (9/29/2012 7:04:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: alexander75310 The good news, and bad news. I was about your age and a "slut puppy" after my divorce, until I had a blind date wuth a girl who got drunk and passed-out on the living room floor. About 4AM guess who joined me in my bed without any cloths? A couple months later "whatever her name was" turns up pregnant and the DNA is mine. So, I get the privilege of paying $1,500.00 a month for 18 yrs. The up side? I have a health happy wounderful daughter. If you didn't want the privilege of having a child then you should have put on a rubber or chosen not to have sex with the blind date who got drunk while spending time with you that evening. It was very manly how you tried to push off any responsibility on your part though while telling your story.

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