Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence

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Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 3:12:05 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

I came across a femsub profile that I found kind of disturbing. The profile was written in a very down-to-earth, inviting way, but it sought a partner who was extreme.

"If you are not capable of punching me in the face or anywhere for that matter i am probably not the one for you. It isn't just punching (and kicking) that i am in to. I like to be forced to endure things i know i wont like... At the time, i will want it to stop. (Please don't!) Brutal is one of my favorite words. I love being tied up, a pair of hands around my neck, tortured by any means, raped.... You get the picture. Could you squeeze my neck until i am unconscious at your feet - and have no intention of stopping just because of that? If my wrists aren't red raw and bleeding from rope burn, i haven't been struggling enough. "

"Permanent damage. Temporary damage is an absolute requirement!" --- This goes as long as the damage doesn't interfere with her holding her job. She indicated sustaining serious injuries in the past: perforated eardrum, broken ribs, black eyes, and a dislocated shoulder.

She goes on to say: "I don't think i deserve to be hurt. It hurts my head trying to understand why i like what i like, it is much easier for me to just accept that this is who i am."

I must say that this profile brought up issues. If you are the DOM, if you don't go far enough, she won't be satisfied. If you go as far as she suggests, you could be arrested for assault and battery or cause injuries that might fill you with remorse and conflict while also impairing her life. From her side of the equation, she wants someone who she can care about, but that person also might have to be part-lunatic.

I've been here about 8 years. Must say I've seen very few (as in no) threads where either DOMS or SUBS complain about things not being violent enough. In this particular case, I would hope the woman would meet a very self assured, experienced man who could convince her to have sensible limits and to be satisfied with them. I would hope that he could convince her that permanent injuries were a hard limit for him. But from what I read, she might not be attracted to such a person.

Anyway, I guess this was the first profile I had seen where putting one's well-being and health "at risk" was the goal. Have you ever known anyone like this? How does such a person keep in a relationship? Does an impulse or drive like this just lead to a really, really bad place in the end?

Post #: 1

RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 3:21:06 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
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Heck-I want her digits ;-)

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RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 3:31:08 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Wow - that woman knows what she wants!

and hopefully whoever she finds has superb self control, both mentally and physically.

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Post #: 3

RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 3:31:53 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I have a friend that was very much into this. I couldn't bear to watch her play out in public. She described herself as an adrenaline junkie.

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RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 3:32:12 PM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

Maybe she wants an assault and battery charge and a claim lol.

Im kidding, or about half kidding. That is disturbing. I never understand the really violent stuff.

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Post #: 5

RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 3:40:55 PM

fucktoyprincess

Posts: 2337
Status: offline

Personally, this sounds to me like someone who needs assistance, and not of the BDSM variety. I realize we are each free to choose our kinks and the level of our kinks, but this description sounds quite off to me. And I think people who would be willing to take her where she wants to go would be playing on the border of unsafe.

Again, I generally try to avoid judging. I enjoy a certain range of s&m, and sometimes have difficulty finding people who want to play at the level I enjoy (of the things that I enjoy doing). However, I would never put up a profile asking for something so severe that it put my health at risk.

To me, this profile begs the question of what type of Dominant would agree to this type of dynamic? I feel what she needs is someone to guide her to a therapist so she can sort out what is really going on. This doesn't sound like the regular s&m player to me (speaking as one).

And if many people play the way she does, and feel I shouldn't question or judge, that is fine. We are each entitled to our opinion. Even though I am someone who enjoys physical pain, this profile disturbs me. Just being honest.

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Post #: 6

RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 3:41:26 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

Heck-I want her digits ;-)

Would you for real be interested in someone who put it out there like this in her profile or would this give you pause?

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Post #: 7

RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 3:49:08 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I would take a step back, I guess, though on the surface, I would be shoving Kana aside... (dude... we have to hook up!) On the one hand, yay, fun challenge...but is it attached to thrill seeking, a deathwish, a desire to prosecute?

It's never a good day to be arrested.

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Post #: 8

RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 3:52:49 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Maybe IrishMist will chime in. I think she could speak to this.

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Post #: 9

RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 4:02:21 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

Well... I am not one to believe everything I read... Even when the person that wrote the words believes it. There is a big difference between the desire to want something and the reality of having what was desired. Some find out the reality is different than the fantasy. This profile that you describe would make me wonder If the fantasy is beyond the persons capacity to endure the reality of it.

That said I add this.....

Just because I question something on the face of it doesnt make it untrue. But it is a foolish person that believes everything without questioning the truth of it. Regardless if how extreme it may appear, it just might be true.... And sometimes one who reads it hopes it would be true because you stay up nights thinking of doing these things to a person that is willing and capable of enduring and enjoying them in some perverse way.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 9/18/2012 4:17:50 PM >

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 4:04:59 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Yes, I was thinking of IrishMist too. And other people that I know IRL who like serious mayhem. It's not unheard of.

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Post #: 11

RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 4:05:26 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I know in the case of my friend:

That it was that she already had seen the most extreme thing that can happen in life at a pretty young age.

I kind of warps your sense of what you consider extreme after that.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Post #: 12

RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 4:06:51 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I'm not an adrenaline junkie, but doing things for physical challenge? I understand that. That something has to leave a mark to feel *real*.

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Post #: 13

RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 4:15:24 PM

DNAHelicase

Posts: 115
Joined: 7/5/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Anyway, I guess this was the first profile I had seen where putting one's well-being and health "at risk" was the goal. Have you ever known anyone like this? How does such a person keep in a relationship? Does an impulse or drive like this just lead to a really, really bad place in the end?

Yes, I've personally known somebody like this and I'm aware of a profile in my area that sounds similar to this. Both of them are very young and I don't think either of them have been in any kind of serious relationship.

The one I actually knew wanted more and more and more. She was pretty much a walking bruise at one point, because she was scheduling heavy play on a nearly daily basis. She had a higher pain tolerance than any Insex star I ever saw, and she wouldn't even bat an eye at most of the things people did to her; on the contrary, she would beg people to go as hard as they possibly could and that was usually not enough for her. She wound up taking a break and doing some soul searching and decided that she was addicted to being beaten (or the adrenaline or endorphins or whatever you want to pinpoint the addiction on). As far as I know, she's still trying to grapple with that now, because she doesn't want to stop playing entirely but she's realized that her behavior was not healthy for her physically or mentally.

The other one I don't know at all, I've just seen her profile and seen her posting in a local group. She describes wanting similar rough treatment to the one in the OP. She's 18 and hasn't experienced any kind of BDSM before, iirc. I'm not entirely sure that the profile is real, honestly. She got a lot of concerned but overall polite advice when she posted an ad seeking somebody to brutalize her, but she said she knew what she wanted and wouldn't be dissuaded. If it is a real profile and she really is 18 and brand new and looking for somebody to treat her the way she describes, I think it'll be a miracle if it ends well.

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 14

RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 4:16:28 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

Taking reality and health concerns and possible
Legal problems and putting them aside for a sec,

That. Sounds. Like. A. Fun. Night!
I couldn't see her as a keeper though... I take care
of my partners, so to actually try and break her up
leaves me with the problem of not wanting a broken
toy...

So I wouldn't been seen with her in public because I
wouldn't want people to think I'm a domestic violence
dude.
I definitely wouldn't want my family to see her with
black eyes and stuff so I can't really see how I could
make it work for more than a one night abuse fest.

And anyhoo... It's probably fake.

-Aries

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530 DAYS

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RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 4:20:14 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I believe things like this and a penchant for rape play should not be put on one's profile but saved until one has developed trust for the potential administrator of such.

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RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 4:23:23 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I believe things like this and a penchant for rape play should not be put on one's profile but saved until one has developed trust for the potential administrator of such.

I don't know if I agree... But yet when I see it out there to public domain.. I am more doubtful of its validity

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 17

RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 4:29:14 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

I relate to some, but not all, of the profile. I have enjoyed punching and even some kicking in play, but insist it be with someone trained properly in doing it safely. I not only don't want to sustain inury - rather permanant or temporary (and the truth is, old bodies don't always know the difference. I have artheritis. a substantial 'temporary' injury is going to invite artheritis into a new area), I also don't want to be looked at with pity, explain visable inuries or field inquiries from adult protective services. A classical limit for me is, 'no marks outside the lines of my one piece bathing suit'.
Kicking and punching can be done safely, just like slapping can. with my last Dom, we even took a class together on it at a convention. I like slapping a lot, but I don't want my ears ringing, because I'm hearing damaged enough already.
I like breath play, but have to have all kinds of safety measures, a feeling that someone is competent to do this safely, to play with someone in that. I don't want my lyrnx crushed. IMO, chocking is the most dangerous form of breath play, because of that. And to use any form of breath play on someone till they pass out doesn't sound like a good idea - but to go beyond that, you have only a short time till death. How good is the Dom at keeping track of time? Does he really want to be facing a murder charge, trying to explain how it was all consensual?
I enjoy playing with things I don't enjoy. There are so few of them (in that zone between 'I don't enjoy it' and 'No way no how'), that they are fun to play with from time to time. So that part I totally got.
I don't overall understand her. We can all have some dark fantasies, sure, but you don't have to get every last thing you want, in order to be satisfied. I don't need any pain play - though I definatly want it - I need a relationship that works. That's more important than how 'extreme' he is willing to go.

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Post #: 18

RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 5:05:11 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

Anyway, I guess this was the first profile I had seen where putting one's well-being and health "at risk" was the goal. Have you ever known anyone like this? How does such a person keep in a relationship? Does an impulse or drive like this just lead to a really, really bad place in the end?

yeah, his name is Kana aka Master.

Seriously, I'm not seeing the problem with what she wants. It's her body and mind and the person who gets involved with her is an adult.

There are things that Master would do to me that would make some think that I'm similar to the op. I mean, I love when he is brutal. I love when he leaves marks or hurts me in some way that may possibly become permanent. It's my body and I gave him free reign over it a long time ago. The only reason Master doesn't cause me black eyes or other marks that are obvious and may cause others to feel I'm being abused, is because of jobs and the public. If others knew the stuff that goes through his mind on a daily basis I think they would be saying the same things you are. lol

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Everything has changed

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RE: Profile Analyis -- Needing Violence - 9/18/2012 5:16:11 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Seriously, I'm not seeing the problem with what she wants.

I don't have a problem with what she wants but with her lack of discretion in expressing it in her profile.

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Post #: 20

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