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RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 1:44:34 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hotencounters
Op? Is that original poster?
The fact is I like most people unless they give me reasons not to. Doesn't mean I deal with their dumb *hit all the time though. My friend and I are both new to the site and I hate to see anyone get screwed over. Since I can't tie her to a bed and whip sense into her this seemed like a good option. ;)

Yes. OP does stand for original poster or original post.

New to this site shouldn't mean new to common sense. My guess is the guy is getting his rocks off on the cam gig and is spewing whatever keeps him getting his jollies. Might be married, might not, but either way, he's just telling her whatever she'll believe to keep the pussy shots coming. Lots of guys get off on watching chicks on cam. The BDSM component doesn't change that.

For your friend's sake, I hope she didn't show her face while in any compromising positions. It will be plastered on the internet in no time.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Hotencounters)

Post #: 41

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 1:46:38 PM

Hotencounters

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/12/2012
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I think love at first site is completely different then this but I'm not sure I'd say it's impossible to love the person in that time. I just think it takes more time and interaction to fall deeply "in love" with someone.
It's not realistic to expect a person is exactly who they appear they are in person vs online. I mean you have no idea if what you may think of as a perfect male (if that exists lol) is really someone that does stuff you can't stand in real life. Does he leave the seat up all the time? Squeeze from the middle of the toothpaste? Talk with his mouth full? Pick his nose and fart at the table? Lol too many things to know for sure about the "keeper" kind of love IMO but I do think you can love someone you haven't met.

One of my best friends lives in Georgia and I loved her long before we ever met and hung out. However I have no desire to ever be more than friends with her. Point being I do believe you can love someone like that.

(in reply to Hotencounters)

Post #: 42

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 1:51:18 PM

Hotencounters

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/12/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

The number of times I've heard being a single dad as a genuine excuse for not talking to someone on the phone is ZERO.

It's just a phone conversation, not a sex hotline, geez.

Now, on the other hand, it is fairly common (and in my opinion a good thing) for a parent who does not have primary custody to suspend all other social interactions when they are with their kid. It is very sweet, but it is not the same as being a single dad.

I know a few single dads. One in particular is a cad with women but amazing with his kid. He's never had any trouble talking to women or subbies on the phone or having them over when his kid is around, he just remembers to keep it clean. He does have occasional issues making and keeping dates because of his kid, but it doesn't stop him from trying. And when he wants grown-up time, he sends the munchkin to a slumberparty. It's seriously less of a drag in the dating world being a single dad than a single mom. Women tend to be much more understanding of how you're a parent first.

I think you are right about single dads having it easier in this area for sure! I think women are definitely more understanding when it comes to the kids.

(in reply to Alecta)

Post #: 43

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 1:53:42 PM

Hotencounters

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Joined: 8/12/2012
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LP she thankfully didn't show her face so at least if her pictures did surface she wouldn't be identified by them.

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Post #: 44

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 1:57:06 PM

Alecta

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hotencounters

LP she thankfully didn't show her face so at least if her pictures did surface she wouldn't be identified by them.

She what??
Oy, I'm sure it'll have more weight coming from a man, but speaking from "the other side", I guarantee he's not actually interested in her for anything besides free porn if he jumped straight to the "unidentifiable pics". Men who're into specific chicks want to see their faces attached to the porn.

(in reply to Hotencounters)

Post #: 45

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 2:27:30 PM

Hotencounters

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/12/2012
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Oh no...I was replying to her post where she said she hoped my friend didn't show her face in any compromising pics cuz they could end up splattered around the Internet.

(in reply to Alecta)

Post #: 46

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 2:28:30 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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If they were talking about being in love, moving to each other or visiting each other, why on earth would they not show their faces? I wonder if she is lying because now she feels stupid.

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(in reply to Alecta)

Post #: 47

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 2:48:22 PM

fucktoyprincess

Posts: 2337
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hotencounters

I think love at first site is completely different then this but I'm not sure I'd say it's impossible to love the person in that time. I just think it takes more time and interaction to fall deeply "in love" with someone.
It's not realistic to expect a person is exactly who they appear they are in person vs online. I mean you have no idea if what you may think of as a perfect male (if that exists lol) is really someone that does stuff you can't stand in real life. Does he leave the seat up all the time? Squeeze from the middle of the toothpaste? Talk with his mouth full? Pick his nose and fart at the table? Lol too many things to know for sure about the "keeper" kind of love IMO but I do think you can love someone you haven't met.

One of my best friends lives in Georgia and I loved her long before we ever met and hung out. However I have no desire to ever be more than friends with her. Point being I do believe you can love someone like that.

I understand what you are saying.

However, I still think the notion of a man telling a woman he loves her within 4-6 weeks of doing no more than cyber sex to be a laughable proposition. I'm not disputing that he said it. I am disputing whether one should place any real value on this statement. And I would say your friend should do absolutely nothing based on this man's assertion that he "loves" her. This is not love as we would normally understand within the context of a male-female relationship. And if your friend disrupts her life in any major way in order to accommodate this man who "loves" her, she will be making a mistake.

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(in reply to Hotencounters)

Post #: 48

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 2:52:19 PM

Hotencounters

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/12/2012
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They have seen each others faces. They were also discussing her visiting him. He told her he was falling in love with her...she asked him his whole name and phone number. He refused. She got upset and told him she felt like he was only using her as a play toy and that wasn't enough since feelings were engaged. He got mad and thinks she isn't being patient and understanding enough about his trust issues. Now she is sexing guessing her initial decision to walk thinking maybe he's right.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 49

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 2:57:31 PM

kalikshama

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Have you shown her this thread?

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(in reply to Hotencounters)

Post #: 50

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 2:57:45 PM

Hotencounters

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/12/2012
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I agree she should make no move to upset her life for him with things having happened as they have. I don't believe he is truly in live with her because I can't imagine NOT giving your name and number to someone you were truly in love with.

(in reply to Hotencounters)

Post #: 51

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 3:01:23 PM

Hotencounters

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/12/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hotencounters

I agree she should make no move to upset her life for him with things having happened as they have. I don't believe he is truly in live with her because I can't imagine NOT giving your name and number to someone you were truly in love with.

I will as soon as she gets home tonight. I think having everything laid out there with so many people saying the same thing will really help her see how crazy the situation is. At least I hope so because this IS 50 shades of *ucked up! Lol

(in reply to Hotencounters)

Post #: 52

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 3:10:02 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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So if she waited patiently lets see what the prize here would be...a phone number and name of someone with "trust issues". Wow. I'm a bit underwhelmed. If I were to wait this long for a simple thing like a name and number, I'd hope I'd really be getting something worthwhile for my own trust and patience like maybe a new car, cute puppy, or hey....a healthy partner falling in love with me that respected me enough to let me know who he was. Seems a normal thing, giving someone you are emotionally attached to your NAME.

I find it completely ridiculous that your friend values herself so little so as to think getting something she should already have is a gift. It was said before, but if the guy is this damaged why the hell does she want to keep him?

Oh, I was a single parent. If I could get an adult moment in the day talking to someone that flipped my buttons I'd have been thrilled. If he were deeply interested in her he'd have found a way to keep her around by showing her he's invested in things. He's not. I'm guessing married and I kind of hope that's right, if he's not he's truly broken if he can't muster up enough trust to give out his name to someone he says he cares for.

She needs to get far away from this situation. It's absurd. There's nothing waiting for her in the end that's worth anything. She should go find someone who will work at keeping her around and want her happy instead of hiding.

(in reply to Hotencounters)

Post #: 53

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 3:51:55 PM

Alecta

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

Sorry... Are we sure she is 40+ and not just adding 25 years to her age to seem cooler? Because that's what they're both acting like.

(in reply to Hotencounters)

Post #: 54

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 4:03:00 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hotencounters

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hotencounters

I agree she should make no move to upset her life for him with things having happened as they have. I don't believe he is truly in live with her because I can't imagine NOT giving your name and number to someone you were truly in love with.

I will as soon as she gets home tonight. I think having everything laid out there with so many people saying the same thing will really help her see how crazy the situation is. At least I hope so because this IS 50 shades of *ucked up! Lol

Does she have a daughter? What would she say if her daughter, niece, cousin, friend, were telling her that they were waiting on a man that they thought cared for them to cough up a name and number after 4-6 weeks and he needed more time? Does that sound insane to her? I honestly hope so because it sounds ridiculous to me.

Who is paying for her to go visit? I wonder if he's offered or if it's all on her. My guess is if they ever made real plans for that he'd disappear before it came to fruition. You can only keep a fantasy going for so long.

Why should he give up the information on himself? She's giving him what he wants as it is. He's got no reason to do anything for her since obviously she's willing to do insane things for him. Pretty sweet situation for him. I'd probably not do anything either if the other person was bending over backwards for me. It's always a guilty tactic too to push the focus onto the other person like he's doing with getting mad at her for asking. Classic ploy on his part to cover things up so she won't push anymore in asking.

(in reply to Hotencounters)

Post #: 55

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 4:16:10 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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I'd expect him to "graciously" offer to meet half way at a hotel to "save money."

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(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 56

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 4:27:42 PM

Hotencounters

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/12/2012
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Lmao you guys are on it!!! All thoughts I've had myself!
I thoroughly enjoyed the new car comment and nearly choked on my water when reading. (sorry, it's true...she's funny admit it.)
I believe she will hold onto her first reaction as she reads as sees how crazy it sounds once it's spoken plainly and having so many people having mostly the same opinions. I guess we will see later.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 57

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 4:30:23 PM

Hotencounters

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/12/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

Sorry... Are we sure she is 40+ and not just adding 25 years to her age to seem cooler? Because that's what they're both acting like.

Yes, but it does seem really high school...then again even in hs we got names and numbers! So what if it also included a request to get 20 foot phone cords so we could have privacy. Lol

(in reply to Alecta)

Post #: 58

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 4:37:15 PM

Hotencounters

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/12/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I'd expect him to "graciously" offer to meet half way at a hotel to "save money."

Ha! I don't recall her mentioning any offer like that from him but it certainly sounds possible if he even showed at all.... Especially after this business.

So...everyone...just to recap...are we absolutely sure he's not just a misunderstood victim of past trauma that needs more time and patience? ;)

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 59

RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 5:37:38 PM

DomDaddy155

Posts: 25
Joined: 4/9/2006
Status: offline

Reminds me of subs who can't do voice chat on Yahoo Messenger because they "broke their microphone" or "lost their headset". Usually means they're guys, not girls. This sounds like the Dom is married, or he's underage, or he just has no intention of meeting her, ever. Tell her to dump him if he doesn't get real.

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"Wise men talk because they have something to say, fools talk because they have to say something"
~Plato

(in reply to Alecta)

Post #: 60

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