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RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 5:38:47 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hotencounters


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I'd expect him to "graciously" offer to meet half way at a hotel to "save money."

Ha! I don't recall her mentioning any offer like that from him but it certainly sounds possible if he even showed at all.... Especially after this business.

So...everyone...just to recap...are we absolutely sure he's not just a misunderstood victim of past trauma that needs more time and patience? ;)


To recap, chances are slim, Minuscule even that he isn't a lying wanker.
but honestly victims of past traumas who haven't worked out their issues have no business being Masters of anybody. Haven't you been paying attention? ;p

(in reply to Hotencounters)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 5:49:24 PM   
Hotencounters


Posts: 39
Joined: 8/12/2012
Status: offline 		Lmao! Ahhh a girl after my own heart! I think that pretty much sums it up rather nicely actually.

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Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 6:06:41 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hotencounters

Ha! I don't recall her mentioning any offer like that from him but it certainly sounds possible if he even showed at all.... Especially after this business.

So...everyone...just to recap...are we absolutely sure he's not just a misunderstood victim of past trauma that needs more time and patience? ;)


At this stage of the game, 4 weeks later, it is insulting to anyone's intelligence that asking for a name and number is so horrifyingly frightening that it's sending Mr Dimdom into a tizzy. If he needs that much time and patience I'd recommend getting him a pacifier and blankie because it sounds like she's signing up to be the stoic parent of a toddler. Screw that, I'd want a man. As Alecta pointed out, if he's that damaged then he needs to be in the care of a mental health professional or at least in the reduced section of the grocery store with the dented cans and such.

(in reply to Hotencounters)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 6:11:08 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		Hey Im not a newbie. Met a guy 6 months ago. He swore blind he was single. Obvious he wasn't. Last week he admitted he was married and thought that by at last admitting the truth, he'd cleared his guilt and I wouldn't mind, because he'd been honest!!!
He was most confused when I said get lost.







(in reply to Hotencounters)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 6:16:07 PM   
Hotencounters


Posts: 39
Joined: 8/12/2012
Status: offline 		Dented cans and such? Lmfao you are priceless! And I believe the dented can isle may be holding a special on dimdoms as we speak.
Seriously though I did find it rather insulting myself. Through the sarcasm and jokes its pretty clear that everyone agrees that it's just rediculous that it became such a huge deal when it was a realistic expectation at that stage in the "relationship". IMO the unrealistic expectation was that should feel wrong for asking when he got so upset.

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Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 6:22:47 PM   
Hotencounters


Posts: 39
Joined: 8/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

Hey Im not a newbie. Met a guy 6 months ago. He swore blind he was single. Obvious he wasn't. Last week he admitted he was married and thought that by at last admitting the truth, he'd cleared his guilt and I wouldn't mind, because he'd been honest!!!
He was most confused when I said get lost.








Funny how they don't see that honesty is important and a deal breaker. Good for you! No relationship can be real without trust. Especially here when so much depends on it.
Ps
Send him to the dented can foods in such isle...they are having a sale on dimdoms, maybe he will find another buyer for his bs. :)

(in reply to frazzle)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 6:24:47 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Upset her life? They havent even talked on the phone. lmfao. Give me a break. She needs to get off the net and go outside and meet real people.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hotencounters

I agree she should make no move to upset her life for him with things having happened as they have. I don't believe he is truly in live with her because I can't imagine NOT giving your name and number to someone you were truly in love with.



_____________________________

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The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to Hotencounters)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 6:26:23 PM   
kawaiikitten


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/24/2012
Status: offline 		Hi, I'm new here, and new to the lifestyle as well. What are some major DO NOTS here? Thank you all for your time!

(in reply to Hotencounters)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 6:35:25 PM   
Hotencounters


Posts: 39
Joined: 8/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kawaiikitten

Hi, I'm new here, and new to the lifestyle as well. What are some major DO NOTS here? Thank you all for your time!

Do NOT be a sucker! Be careful for the players, creeps, and weirdos! And for goodness sakes if you don't know his name after a few weeks it's time to move on! ;)

(in reply to kawaiikitten)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 6:43:11 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Hi, I'm new here, and new to the lifestyle as well. What are some major DO NOTS here? Thank you all for your time!


Do NOT hijack someone else's thread :)

Why don't you head over to the Introductions forum and start a thread introducing yourself?

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Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 6:46:41 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kawaiikitten

Hi, I'm new here, and new to the lifestyle as well. What are some major DO NOTS here? Thank you all for your time!
Don't act like the brain has fallen out of your head just because somebody calls something D/s, kinky, or the lifestyle. In other words, if something would be really stupid in vanilla land, there's a really good chance it's stupid in this one, too.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to kawaiikitten)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 6:57:47 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		What part of the next posters response didn't fit in with advice for new subs??
Oh that's right. A thread that's looking for advice and opinions for a new sub, only includes the original poster!!!

< Message edited by frazzle -- 9/25/2012 7:01:35 PM >

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 7:37:51 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		That was the title. The OP was very specific to a particular situation.

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Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/25/2012 8:27:33 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		He's a married man using cybersex to get some cyberbooty. Saying he's falling in love with her is just a bait line.

It will never go to offline. I would suggest your friend move on and don't jump so quickly.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 9/25/2012 8:28:49 PM >

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(in reply to Hotencounters)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/26/2012 5:10:56 AM   
Hotencounters


Posts: 39
Joined: 8/12/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks for all of your input everyone. Moving on wins...

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/26/2012 6:42:00 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		So what was your friend's reaction?

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Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/26/2012 7:01:01 AM   
Hotencounters


Posts: 39
Joined: 8/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

So what was your friend's reaction?

"I know, it's just hard to let go"
I know it is but sometimes we just do what needs to be done. He needs to deal with his trust issues. He actually feels like he opened up to her and let her in where he hasn't let others. Maybe he has. Maybe he is a really good hearted guy that has deep seeded fears and trust issues but the fact of the matter is he has some work to do within himself that until he does he won't be able to have a healthy relationship. She is in a different place. She wants to get to know someone and then move on to real life relationship status.
She's really broken up about it but always knew it was a risk when she saw his trust issues. As many of us do, she hoped she would be the one and so it would be different. Obviously it wasn't. He can keep his name and number and see how much those things comfort him. He could have had a dedicated woman to share his life with but now he has his name and number...hope they keep him warm and happy!

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/26/2012 9:30:46 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hotencounters

Hmmm now it seems like I've heard those words somewhere before!
How about this as a response..."he was really hurt in his past and has serious trust issues and needs me to be patient with him"?


He was probably really hurt the last time his wife found out he was in a cyber-relationship with another woman and threatened to divorce him.

(in reply to Hotencounters)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/26/2012 10:47:15 AM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		LOL ------> I always highly suspect when the OP has a "friend" - the "friend" is actually the reflection in the mirror.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to Hotencounters)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Advice and opinions for a new sub - 9/26/2012 11:03:48 AM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		There's a line that I use on friends going through this sort of "I know it's for the best, but... (I wish I could help him)" thing

"A relationship needs both people to work on it, it can't just be you all the way. I know he would have been the perfect guy for you if it weren't for (insert tragic flaw) but if you just keep forgiving him for it he will never be able to take responsibility for himself and get better and this is something only he can do for himself. You're not giving up, you're just stepping away to give him the space he needs to become the guy you need. I have no doubt that when he gets there he will call you and the two of you will live happily ever after."

I lie.

But sometimes, that's what gets us through the day.

(in reply to Hotencounters)
Profile   Post #: 80
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