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No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 3:26:35 PM   
lkb0503


Posts: 41
Joined: 8/28/2012
Status: offline 		In the process of finding a male Dominant, I have been subject to no shows and what I term the '"dropped call". This has happened when I have done the same kind of thing on dating sites. So i'm not pointing fingers at Doms. It will go like this: you make contact, or the
Dom contcacts you because they like your profile and picture from any internet source, web sites, personal ads ect.
So you chat over the next few days, a week, ect.
Then you decide to meet in person. Here is what I have experienced lately:
A date is set up a time and place to meet. I have had last minute cancels or no shows. You try to contact the person and you get no answer to emails, chat, text or voice. (Dropped call)

I'm thinking there is a good chance at least in my case when this happens the guy may alreaddy have a partner, thinks he can get free and he can't work it out. (I'm just guessing)
I do understand stuff comes up, but this No show/ dropped call stuff drives me crazy, I hate liars of any kind. and if this is what you do, you are a LIAR!! A COWARD!!

Along those lines I was 'dating' a guy for a few months (not recntly) then all of sudden, no contact. We had a casual relatioonship at the time.and here is the thing: sometimes things are not working, I get it. but be MAN enough, Dom enough to respect your prtner, no matter if its a play partner or more tell your partner when you decide it's not working, you want to move on tell your partner, PLEASE!!

I would rather be told you don't want to see me, it isn't working,, ect then be ignored because you don't have thhe decency to just be honest!!

< Message edited by lkb0503 -- 9/29/2012 3:29:44 PM >
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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 3:33:41 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Welcome to modern times. I have no idea when people became a disposable commodity, but it seems that we are.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 4:00:26 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I think it happened right about the same time as the anonymity of the internet, Hib.

OP, this time around, I'm right there with you. I don't blame you one bit for feeling the way you do about no shows. I've been really lucky in that area.

In My experience, I've found that more often, folks who are involved in the BDSM community have a better rate of following through. You get to skip the mess about them being too afraid to show up or whatever. Just something that might help.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 4:03:31 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		No matter how worked up you get about this it's not going to happen that people will globally start doing things in the best way possible. Don't you honestly think that by now you should be moving on from the bad experience you had? It really isn't healthy to keep dwelling on what you think people should do, since they're not going to conform to your idea of behavior. People do what they do. I have to say as well, maybe there is something about you that is scaring people away at some point, you seem extremely needy. I'm not sure that's not playing into what you are experiencing here with men backing out of meeting you at the last minute.

I've had no shows happen, but it's not a pattern in my life. Yes, it's frustrating. Yes, people shouldn't do it, but they do, so just let it slide off of you instead of harboring bad feelings for weeks. You are 55, time to grow up a bit and realize that people are not models of decency. That probably sounds a bit harsh but I think at this point it needs to be said.

< Message edited by Killerangel -- 9/29/2012 4:08:12 PM >

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 4:04:39 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		No shows for meets, no big deal. I have a ten minute rule, after which I go on with my day. The ones that evaporate after several meets? I shrug off as well. It's not possible for me to become more bitter, so I am less invested, instead! :)

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 4:05:47 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		When I was single, I had only one guy no show on me. His car had broken down and we met on a later date.

I'd like to owe that success to being extremely picky about whom I met, but the reality is that it was probably just pure luck.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 4:09:12 PM   
lkb0503


Posts: 41
Joined: 8/28/2012
Status: offline 		I'm just venting and it's not like I get in a crying jag or anything. It's not fair to say "Grow Up" if you haven't been in my shoes. I am moving on, and doing my best to go with the process.
Mostly I was venting.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 4:10:25 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		"Submissive" men are known for being no shows. It's a pattern of behaviour with some of them, there's a quasi blacklist here locally. When I was in the public scene, I made my life easier by saying what munch I was going to be at, and if they showed, they showed.



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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 4:12:14 PM   
lkb0503


Posts: 41
Joined: 8/28/2012
Status: offline 		I am not trying to be argumentive , but I never said I was " harboring bad feelings for weeks". again, I was venting.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 4:13:23 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lkb0503


I'm thinking there is a good chance at least in my case when this happens the guy may already have a partner, thinks he can get free and he can't work it out. (I'm just guessing)



I know how you feel. I dislike it, as well, when it happens. But I think that often the simplest explanation is the right one. He's just not that into you.


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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 4:15:09 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

"Submissive" men are known for being no shows. It's a pattern of behaviour with some of them, there's a quasi blacklist here locally. When I was in the public scene, I made my life easier by saying what munch I was going to be at, and if they showed, they showed.
As you know, that's been My policy for a lot of years. Frankly, it does work. If it doesn't (and it's been three or four years since that happened) I figure I'm at a munch having fun anyway.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 4:15:12 PM   
lkb0503


Posts: 41
Joined: 8/28/2012
Status: offline 		That's fine but if that is the case then that person shouldn't even agree to a first meeting,

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 4:21:16 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lkb0503

I'm just venting and it's not like I get in a crying jag or anything. It's not fair to say "Grow Up" if you haven't been in my shoes. I am moving on, and doing my best to go with the process.
Mostly I was venting.



I'm sure that was directed at me and not LadyHib. When you're not venting and are a bit calmer read what I said again please.

"I've had no shows happen, but it's not a pattern in my life. Yes, it's frustrating. Yes, people shouldn't do it, but they do, so just let it slide off of you instead of harboring bad feelings for weeks. You are 55, time to grow up a bit and realize that people are not models of decency. That probably sounds a bit harsh but I think at this point it needs to be said. "

What I said to you wasn't just "grow up", it was softer, and I acknowledged it sounded a bit harsh. Is there some truth in what I said in that maybe it's time to let go of something that isn't doing you much good, since it seems that you're still clinging to the guy who dumped you a while ago...? No I don't know your life, I will bet my house though that your life isn't any more sad than the ones I'm intimately familiar with, everyone has their baggage- and it isn't in your best interest to carry it around.

You've started how many threads on this guy now...? And he wasn't someone you'd been with for years. I'll just state simply that to me it seems as though you would do yourself a service by not letting him have any more of your emotions, and it would be good for you to move on, while also realizing that not everyone out in the world will do the right thing by you. I wasn't being mean when I pointed out that it wasn't healthy for you to keep dwelling on your baggage rather than move forward and let this stuff slide off.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 4:30:53 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lkb0503

I am not trying to be argumentive , but I never said I was " harboring bad feelings for weeks". again, I was venting.



You are correct, you did not say that in this thread. The first thread you made on the Dominant who dropped out of touch with you, which is the same theme of this thread, was 3 1/2 weeks ago. I connected that first thread with this one, and others in between, and said you were harboring bad feelings for weeks, since it seems to me that this new thread wouldn't exist without that first betrayal.

Look, I'm not after you to hurt your feelings. I'm not trying to antagonize you, I am sorry if what I wrote seemed that way. To me it seemed that you might find peace of mind if you:
A. Let go of your hurt feelings over being dumped by the Dominant 3 1/2 weeks ago. Hard to do, I fully acknowledge that, but that peace of mind is in your control.
B. Stopped expecting that other men will do exactly the right thing by you.

It would be nice if you weren't so hurt anymore, it seems like you might succeed better at that if you had more realistic expectations. I'm sorry you're going through this and wish you well...

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 4:35:52 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		I always meet somewhere I want to go anyhow, like at a bar with a band I love. Then if they do not show, I still have a great time.

Some have refused to meet because they want to talk and not listen to music. While I understand that, seeing how someone reacts to the music I love is a big part of what I want to know, so even then, I figure it just aint meant to be.

Hell, I assume they are all no show lying pricks-lmfao. Who am I kidding here?

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 4:41:21 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		You said it, MissNoJelly! Men are full of talk.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 4:47:20 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		It seems as though women are also guilty of this, I'm not sure it's a gender thing.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 4:54:26 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I'm sure it's not, Lizi, but I can only speak from my own experience. Flakiness and assorted asshattery are certainly not gender-specific.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 4:57:32 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lkb0503

I'm just venting and it's not like I get in a crying jag or anything. It's not fair to say "Grow Up" if you haven't been in my shoes. I am moving on, and doing my best to go with the process.
Mostly I was venting.
If you're talking about the past break-up, I'm sorry, but everybody's been in your shoes at one time or another. If you mean the no-shows, probably darn near everybody has had that experience, too.

This is not meant as an offense, but you have crafted multiple "venting" type posts. That's in the course of a month. Everybody vents once in a while, but can you see why people are thinking it's a pattern? When people point that out to you, I honestly think they are trying to help you.

Is it irritating when folks don't follow through? Sure. Most chicks I know, Myself included, tend to do that prep stuff regarding clothes, hair, maybe nails. That stuff is time consuming and it sucks if you feel that time was wasted, so don't let it be. A number of folks here have talked about the "go where you would have liked to go anyway" theory. Maybe just something to think about.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 5:03:57 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

You said it, MissNoJelly! Men are full of talk.

Full of sumthing fer shure!!!

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